Single parent issues
By ellie333
@ellie333 (21016)
May 30, 2010 6:56am CST
Having for the majority of my childrens childhood been a single parent with the two girls I could do all the girly things with them but now I have a son some things I have a problem with. Today for instance he wanted to go fishing, fine but I haven't the first clue how to thread a line and would scream if he managed to catch a fish (if I got round to being able to do the rod in the first place) I know this for a fact because I took the girls crabbing once and was fine knocking the crabs off into a bucket but only I could manage to catch a fish with a crab line and some little lads on the quay had to help me get it off a I couldn't touch it. My sons father is recovering form a motorcycle accident at present and there is no way he will be able to be active to help with him for months. Any tips on how to overcome this problem would be appreciated. I have thought about just going down to the quay and acting helpless and seeing if someone there could help. I do not want to disappoint my son but I may have to and make him wait until someone suitable visits to be able to take him fishing. Please share what you would do? Huggles. Ellie :D
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15 responses
@cyberfluf (4996)
• Netherlands
30 May 10
Hi Ellie,
Being a single mom takes a lot of time, effort and love and I admire you for doing such a good job with your children. There is no way you can do everything you would like to do for your children; for me personally, if I ever get children, I wouldn't be able to teach them to swim or ride a bike because I can't do that myself. My balance disorder and big motor skills aren't well enough to do so. If I would become a single parent I'd had to find someone else to help me with that too. Friends, family and sometimes even volunteers can be a good option. Sometimes children can also tag along with friends and their parents. Good luck!
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@ellie333 (21016)
•
30 May 10
Hi Cyberfluff, What I did in the end was take an older lad and my son down to the docks to fish for an hour, the older boy was able to help like you suggested. They never caught any fish though although we did see some massive ones swimming beneath us. I will take him again but only with someone else as this really isn't my sort of thing. Huggles. Ellie :D
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@cyberfluf (4996)
• Netherlands
31 May 10
I'm glad things worked out for you and your son, even though he didn't manage to catch any fish. I guess that's not the most important thing though, the fact he could go and have fun with you and the older lad (the proces is more important than the result). Have a wonderful day!
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@ronaldinu (12422)
• Malta
5 Jun 10
Your posting has triggered an idea inside my mind but I am sure somebody might have thought about it already. What about WRent a Father". It's stupid! Absurd! But we are living in an absurd world.
I do belief that two adults can lead their own life separate from each other despite giving their vows of eternal marriage in case it does not work out. But I also belief that one must never abdicate from his or her responsibilities of being a father or a mother. ( I am not referring to your case in particular)
Do you have a close brother, uncle, a friend where you can go out with and thus your son can do boyish things with him? Your idea of going to the quay is a very good idea! Are there any fishing clubs in your area?
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@ellie333 (21016)
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5 Jun 10
Hi Ronaldino, I think that is an excellent idea! Well done as there are so many people who have lost their husbands leaving very young children behind too, I am referring here about the soldiers deatsh recently so a step in dad would really help as mostly the wives live near where the husband is usually based rather than near family.I have no family locally, most live abroad.
I did in fact borrow (with parents permission of course) an older lad from down the road to come fishing with us so that in the event we caught a fish he could get it off the hook lol.
Think your idea is really excellent and once CRB checks etc on the volunteers are done would trust my son to go with a rent a dad. Huggles. Ellie :D
@SViswan (12051)
• India
5 Jun 10
I can't really help there. I'm a single parent most of the times too and I have 2 boys!
It's not as tough with the older one because his interests are very similar to mine..even the physical stuff outside...like...playing and cycling.
But the younger one...is a typical boy and it's hard for me to keep up with him. I'm wondering what I can do...and can't seem to be enjoy my time with him in areas which I have no clue of.
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@ellie333 (21016)
•
5 Jun 10
Hi SViswan, Yes it is difficult when you don't share the same interests with them but I did take him fishing but borrowed an older lad with hisparents permission to come with us who knew how to fish, that was my compromise as if he caught a fish the other lad could get off the hook lol. Huggles. Ellie :D
@Opal26 (17679)
• United States
31 May 10
Hi ellie~ I'm not sure I have the right to respond to this
discussion, since I am not or ever have been a parent at
all! But, since it does involve my "favorite nephew" I will
have to put in my 2 cents (or 1/2 cent lately)lol I think that
you should take Jake to the quay (is that beach or ocean?)
and I am sure if you "play the damsel in distress) that some
gentlemen wil help your bait the hook! Ewwwww! I couldn't do
that either! I hate fish, fishing and I don't even like them
in a tank! And even if he didn't go fishing, he loves his Mum
and whatever you do with him will be alright! My love to
you both! Love and Hugs, Auntie Opal
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21016)
•
31 May 10
Hi Opal, I have sent you a private message also. Of course you have every right to respond especially as concerning your nephew lol. I did in fact take him to the qwuay/docks which is at the estuary bit as the river reaches the sea but tok an older lad from across the road with me so if he did catch anything he could help reather than me, as it was got a couple of bites but no fish although we saw many. My son was happy that he had got to use his rod and go fishing and I felt that as a mum I have at least tried eh! Huggles. Ellie :D
@savypat (20216)
• United States
31 May 10
If it was me, I would wait until he's in school and take myself down to the nearest fishing store, explain the situation and see if you can get some advice.
If you have to talk to a male, shake out your helpless female suit and wear that, if you can find a female put on the Momie wants to handle this herself but needs some help suit. Most of my fishing experience with children was spent straightening out line, once you get the line right and the bait on you can let them do the rest if they have any experience at all they can get it in the water
If he has caught fish before he'll know how to get it off the line and your training will tell you what to do next. Good luck.
@ellie333 (21016)
•
31 May 10
Well Savypat, I solved the first trip to a degree by borrowing an older lad from across the road with his parents permision who can fish to come with us so w spent some time on the docks yesterday. We never caught any fish although saw many but it put a smile on my sons face a he did actually get to go fishing. I am going to go down to see if there are lessons o some sort that he can go on. Huggles. Ellie :D
@cicisnana (772)
• United States
3 Jun 10
LOL, I was quite the opposite, I had 4 boys and a daughter. My boys ALL loved to fish and taught one another the basics, thank goodness, since I am not the outdoorsman (or woman, I guess I should say). I've tried going with my husband and the kids but just do not appreciate what they do I suppose. Good luck with your 6 year old, I'm sure he'll catch his big one and then really have "fishing fever."
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@ellie333 (21016)
•
3 Jun 10
Hi Cisinana, I really do not like fishing either but I did borrow an older child with his parents permission to come down with us so if we did catch a fish he could deal with it rather than me. Its great that your boysall help teach each other though, bet the sister gets looked out for by them. Huggles. Ellie :D
@moondancer (7431)
• United States
30 May 10
Ellie, I have 2 boys and 1 girl. I also have many grandchildren both boys and girls. We have been fishing and I like you can not stand to touch the fish or worm or anything like that. eewwww.
May I suggest that you use some gloves that fit your hands and that will help you to be able to do what you need to. It may look weird but you'll be able to do it. Therefore not disappointing your son and you being able to do some bonding with him.
Who knows he may have some stories to tell his children one day about the days that his mom took him fishing. lol
I'm sorry to hear about his dad and I do hope he is well soon.
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@ellie333 (21016)
•
30 May 10
Hi Moondancer, I did in fact go down to the docks with him but took one of the older boys from near where we live as I just know that I couldn't unhook the fish if he caught one, we got a couple of bites but caught no fish but he enjoyed himself which was the main thing. We did see some really big fish though. Huggles. Ellie :D
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
30 May 10
hi elle if you could handle crabs why would it bother you to take a fish off the line? I sp;ent years of my growing up going trout fishing in the Black Hill of S.D. with my parents . I had no problem putting a worm on a hook and the thrill of landing a real trout you can have for supper was every so much fun.Was your mom squeamish about taking fish off hooks or the whole fishing experience? we usually learn how to like things from how our parents act. so many womenthink fishing is yuckky but these same women will go hunting and blow the brains out of a deer. to me thats so awful and stomach churning. I would never kill a deer or elk, they are beautiful in nature,leave them there. But even God and Christ thought it
good to catch and eat fish. hi ellethink how impressed yourson would be wre he to see you handling a rod and fishing without being sick or squeamish.
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@ellie333 (21016)
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31 May 10
Hi Hatley, Can't remeber my parents ever taking me fishing but when we were children I rather than my brother used to go fishing on the canal with my grandfather and I really enjoyed it, so I don't know what it is now. I did veture out with him though but got an older boy who lives in the next road to come also, we didn't catch anything, saw lots of fish though but my son enjoyed his experience, so yes well done mum as a lot wouldn't bother thesedays. Oh no I would never go hunting either, not my thing at all and I agree these creatures are indeed beautiful. Huggles. Ellie :D
@maxilimian (3099)
• Indonesia
31 May 10
Hi ellie!
Umm ... did you have a neighbour or cousin or nephew that can accompany you with your son go fishing? i guess fishing with experience person is more helping you out from your fishing problem, and it feels more better and fun fishing with more than two people 
I think you must have to search the person
I think you must have to search the person 1 person likes this
@catdla1 (6005)
• United States
31 May 10
Hi Ellie! I, too, raised my son as a single parent. It's not easy once you hit those interests that sons develop that you don't happen to share. It can be anything...fishing if you don't fish, cooking if you don't enjoy it, painting if you aren't an artist. Children develop their own interests, often not shared by parents.
For the outdoorsy interests, here in the U.S. there are organizations that kids can join that help them satisfy those areas of learning. Boy/Girl Scouts, Boys/Girls Clubs, etc. Many churches and school also have clubs that kids can join on a local level. There are also Big Brother and Big Sister organizations. Is there anything like that there? That would be a huge help, at least until his dad is recovered.
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@ellie333 (21016)
•
31 May 10
Hi Catdla, He already belongs to our church youth club for 5-11 years old but they do art and craft activities rather than outdoor, I will have to look up to see if there are are Boy Scout groups, don't know whether 6 too young at moment but will check. I have never heard of Big Brother sister organizations but will do a search. I did in fact borow an older lad from accross the road to come down with us and took him to the docks to fish. We saw loads of really large ones, got a couple of bites but didn't catch anything. The bigger lad would have got it off the hook for him if he had of caught anything. He had great fun and I felt that I hadn't let him down. I had tried. I am not a good cook either but always used to bake with the girls and do woth my son as he enjoys. On Saturday we made chocolate cornflake cakes simple, messy but fun lol. Thanks for all these ideas Catdla, appreciated. I try to get him to do as many activities in different groups as possible to help with social skills also as each time it is a different groups of friends. Huggles. Ellie :D
@vavhing123 (13)
• Philippines
31 May 10
do not hesitate to help your son what he wants
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@yumanal (143)
• China
31 May 10
For the future of your son,I suggest that you should learn fishing,it isn't diffcult to learn,you can search in the web site such as "how to go fishing?" Of course if someone can teach your son to fish,but don't hope others,hope yourself is better.
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@rosie230 (1704)
•
30 May 10
What about if there was some kind of person who could teach him, sometimes you can find teachers that only charge a small amount... if you could it might be worth looking into until his Dad is better. Other than that you could just go with him, and see if maybe he might know a little bit that he could maybe teach you... it would make it fun... either way just let him have a little bit of fun and assure him that as soon as his Dad is better, he will be able to learn with him to fish
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@ellie333 (21016)
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30 May 10
Hi Rosie, There was an older lad in our close that showed him what to do and in fact came down with us for an hour to the docks to fish. We didn't catch anything but at least he has now got to try and yes once his dad is mobile again he could continue taking him. There may be lessons available, I will look into it. Huggles. Ellie :D
@walking2010 (1009)
• United States
31 May 10
Hello ellie333,
I was a single mother for a while i had 2 girls now im having baby girl #3 and I do girly things with them, like go get their nails done and all that, but what you do when you go fishing find a pier to where you can be out their with a group of people and let someone know that you dont know how to fish, when i was growing up I learned how to fish early, but as I got older I did forget how to but one day I went by myself and people would come out to you and ask if you need help or what you need or what are you fishinf with, but go to a public pier nothing secluded, you don't want anyone to know you are alone or live by your self. then if you go to a fish store than can show you how to fix your line, when you go these are the things you ask for, 1. leads, weights, hooks, fishing string. and floaters thats only if you go freshwater fishing. I don't know what date you live in but you do need a fishing license, in some areas get fresh and salt water license.
@ellie333 (21016)
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31 May 10
Hi Walking, I did in fact take him and took an older lad from accross the road who knew how to fish and he had a great time, we could see lots of fish but other than a couple of bites didn't catch anything so I will feel more confident in taking him again alone and asking for help if needed. Thank you, I will be fishing from the sea wall and that is allowed without a liscence here but will need one for a river or lake. I will do as you suggest and get the fishing shop to help also. Huggles. Ellie :D
@zralte (4178)
• India
30 May 10
Hi elle333, first pat yourself on the back for being such a good mom.
I envy you for having a son. I have two small daughters and I would love to have one son. I can see the problem I would have, from what you said though.
How old is your son? If he wants to go fishing, I guess he must be more than 4 or 5? may be a bit older? You can try distracting him and make him forget about fishing. Or you can explain to him that his father will take him once he is better.
I am not sure if any of that will work. But at least it's worth a try. I know my daughter can be made to forget, at least for a short time by distracting her with something she loves. Explaining to her does not work very well though. Then again, she is only 2 and half, so it is still fairly easy.
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