When couples fight over money----

Kala this is the most disgusting aspect of marriage! Its better not to see marriages at close quarters! I know of families that waste a lot on traveling, or learning something for the sake of learning even when they have problems of making two ends meet! And then fighting it over. I also think it is wrong of daughter in laws not sparing anything for the parents of their husbands. While there is law regarding it, it should come voluntarily! You are a sweet person Kala, you look after your in-laws. Others I know have been so selfish - they've not spared 2000 from their husbands 25000 per month for their in-laws! And such a girl wanted to look after me! lol. Showed her the door!

Hi Kala, Another spicy discussion on a very drab and wet Monday morning (yes, the rains have finally hit Calcutta and I’m already hating all that slush on dirty streets LOL) Yes, money….they ultimate necessary evil invented by man. Many couples I know, have joint accounts in bank for practical purpose…its not that they don’t trust each other with their money, its much more convenient when money is required in the absence of the husband (usually)… The other case is where both the spouses are earning and they pool in some amount for joint household expenses and keep the manage the rest of it, themselves. They have separate accounts and separate expenditure and none interferes with the other…I like this second option and follow it in my marriage. Never ever have I asked my husband for extra money apart from what he gives at the beginning of the month (it’s the major part)…all other minor expenses are borne by me by mutual agreement. Similarly, I pay (voluntarily and with pride) for my son’s schooling…in that way, we both have our own savings! Well, sometimes I do nag for that unplanned dinner (food being my only weakness) and he does give in (grudgingly though LOL) but then he’s very sweet and I don’t mind nagging him and listening to all that ‘No, no…I cant spend more this month’ and all that coz ultimately I know he will give in! Of course it goes without saying that if either of us should need money for any serious issue, its there in the bank without asking …so ‘touchwood’ till now, we’ve not had any monetary issues.

The success of a happy marriage is the understanding and adjustments between the two without any doubt on any issue.It should be true in money matter too. As far as I am concerned I am the only earning member in my family.I give how much ever money my wife asks for the expenses and she knows how much to ask.That makes my life very happy without any hassles over money matters.

Hi Kala! I think, working couples fighting over money matters, has become a common problem. And the main reason for it I find is lack of trust. When both are working, it gets difficult to decide, who will run the show. I mean, it would always be in the fitness of things, if either of the two, manages the financial affairs of the family and the other one help him/her indirectly. Both cannot do it simultaneously and maintain the accounts/or separate accounts. They need to have full faith in each other. If they open a joint bank account and invest in other products jointly, it would help them grow mutual trust. They need to work as a one unit, rather separately running the show, in my view. As far as am concerned, I am the Finance Manager of my home and I run the show and I remain on tenterhooks managing finances and fulfilling every need, desire and requirement of the family members (it is not an easy task to fulfill everyone's desire (including mine) and then on the top of it, save some money, every month and take a decision about investment). Good discussion, hope new couples are listening to you..........lol! Have a great day! Deepak

i agree absolutely... that's why in our 25 years together -- my wife and his husband, me -- we never had any tussle about money... or when there's no money...

In my case, since I am still not married to my boyfriend, we are taking this time to familiarize ourselves with the issues that will someday affect our married life. Regarding finances, my boyfriend knows that when we get married he will become the provider and as such he should have more savings than I do. Right now though we are preparing everything first before we settle down. Our parents taught us that before we get married we should prepare first our finances. Right now, we have common understanding on how we manage our own finances and there's transparency between us on how much we are saving and how much we are spending. This is how we prepare for our future life together so we don't get rattled about money conflicts in the future since both have noticed that most couples even our parents always quarrel about it. Money is just about figures and it also helps that my bf and I are both engineers and we understand clearly what theses figures mean. Transparency is one key to solve financial difficulties. I think it is a must that couples know where they are coming from, how much money they have, how much money comes in and how much money comes out, and this information will dictate about the way they are spending their money. Trust also is very vital in all aspects of any relationship. Couples should not fight over money. I think that is just very shallow. If you both have appreciated basic Math when you were younger then that could have greatly helped on how you've managed your finances. Sometimes the most basic of things is the solution to the most complex problems.

You are right I guess about that. Women are getting a much better opportunities than men are nowadays. Sometimes it hurts but what can we do. I think when we talk about relationship we do not talk about who earns more and who earns less but we work for our loved ones and whatever we can give to the relationship matters no matter how big or small that is. I think money matters can be discussed but then it should not be the root cause of a partners to be dissolved because they could not financially provide for each other. For me, if you love a person you would not look at his financial capability but his ability to love you despite the material things lacks in his/her life.

I think this should be very clear that once we are in a couple we have to contribute to the needs of the home and then it comes to the self needs which can be fulfilled by our own money itself of always depending on the other partner, this is not good to fight over money like this.

A relationship can suffer greatly when couples fight over money. They can be married or single. it is the same. It usually starts with something small and escalates inro a heated argument. When it comes to money and couples, they need to work together towards a common goal. respect for each other is a good place to start.

A very good discussion and yes it is the truth money is the real culprit. I would agree with your solution of each partner depending on their own earning but WHAT IF of them is not earning what happens then is it that easy that money will not be the problem? I am a homemaker infact just turned one 5 years back and yes we do have our ifs over money so it was decided mutually that he would give me a sum of money to run the house for the whole month and I would not ask any money during the whole month and at the month he pays me if I have spent anything extra (has to be justified though). He also gives me some money as pocket money every month and does not ask what I do with it. Anything other then daily household expenses is his headache and yes till now this arrangement is going fine.

hello.... A very good discussion and yes it is the truth money is the real culprit. I would agree with your solution. Have a good day... Thanks Laratri

ProblemsMoney can destroy marriages. I remember one time when we had a fight with my husband with money, since that time I was earning more than him. But after that, we tried to talk over it. And I realized that even if I had a lot of money, but I am loveless or loss my partner, I think I will not be happy. Money could be found or searched or earned, but love couldnt just be searched in a span of minutes or hours

It is so true that the LOVE of money is the root of all kinds of evil (1 Timothy 6:10). When a couple should be sharing a common property, they fight because have forgotten their vows nor did take serious what they said to each other that they'll be together for better or for WORSE. The love they have cherished the first time did not include the commitment and sacrifice that ought to be expected in a lasting marriage. Handling money also involve team work. Both should share the same decision in using the funds they have.

I'm not the first who thinks that way, but cliches are cliches because they're true, aren they so you know that money are the root of all evil. Noonee is secured for this and it's really hard to keep money out of conversations, be it arguing. If you think about it being opposed the two maximums- a filthy rich guy and a poor girl or the opposite. It's really frustrating when there's fight over money and if that's the case it's really easy for the two to separate because of it. You know how rich people are nice when it gets to money talks and how poor ones are shy in these kind of conversations. So it can escalate to a very dangerous level where it all comes to a period of time when not any of the couple is having their maximum, so their frustrated about it and get with it to their personal feelings and let money ruin it. I think it's a momentous problem to get money talk before you and someone should make the compromise, it's good when the rich one does that. It's dramatic when the poor one does.

Money is the root of many arguments in married couples(others too). But one can't really keep it away from discussion. If both partners are open to discussion and have figured out a way which both are comfortable with, then everything's fine. But discussions and arguments arise when this has not been done initially. It also happens when both of them have different view points on how the money is to be used and there's no middle ground or compromise in the picture. How many relationships can you find where the man and woman are self-respecting and mature in their conversations (let alone money related ones). They are a minority.

Kala, when a marriage is going well, is healthy and strong nothing matters.Even when there are minor problems with enough presence of mind partners can sort out issues and money need not become an important factor.But when things go wrong money us always an issue esp if the wife is non working with no income of her own...I have known couple haggling over money all the time, it happens with most couple, believe me -enjoy your evening kala not seen on MyP5 ?

No the reverse is the solution. The main reason people fight over money is because the two people involved are not in agreement over how the money should be handled. By simply not talking about money at all, you will never get in agreement, and eventually the problem will come up. I just listened to a radio program today in which a lady was having fights with her husband over money, and he filed for divorce. She then said the reason they were fighting was because he sold some property without her knowing, one or two months ago, and then spent the money without paying off the debt they had. Well of course when your spouse is making massive sales, and massive purchases, without paying the bills you have, and not telling you anything, that would make you upset wouldn't it? The other problem is with the fighting. Arguing is normal. People have disagreements. The problem is it shouldn't be a fight. This woman was dealing with it by screaming and yelling. Well of course if you scream and yell, that's why her husband never told her anything. But no the answer is not to just not talk about money. It's not possible. Money involves every aspect of our lives. You might avoid it a little while, but eventually you'll have to deal with it.

Not all couples have their own separate incomes. Most of the time, the man is the only one working for the family and sometimes, the woman is the one providing for the needs of the family. But either way, money should not be an issue between couples. They can talk over it but not to the point that they will fight over money. Whoever is earning, should understand that he/she should provide. And for the one who is dependent should know how to save money. There should be respect and understanding between the two.

We have an arrangement in our house and share bills out of our earnings, them the rest of money earned is up to us on what we save or spend

i think both should have a shared account and both should use the money. if we are with someone is bcs we and that person are one now so couples must share their money and dont argue about who wins more who spends more. just i think that if we are with someone the money belongs to both. argue bcs of money doesnt make any sense. and is something that can be avoided^^