I need your advice on a very serious matter?

As a mother and an adult, it is easy to come to the conclusion that you should kick him out. However, it is your daughter which should make that decision, as you are only a third party to it. And I assume that he slept with the 13 year old before meeting your daughter. As for the law, it is entirely a matter for the law. While a 21 year old is an adult, he still has the brain of a teenager. Someone was saying on television the other day Women are not adult until 25 And depending on the man, it can be anything between 30 and 80. lol Responsability comes with maturity. And you cannot expect someone of 21 to act mature. Laws are artificial and do not take people circonstances in consideration. The judges and magistrates are left to clean the law's mess. That is why people cannot understand why the judges are lenient. Everybody makes mistakes. And you cannot jail everybody for making mistakes. I am sure he was not a predator looking to sleep with a 13 year old. It just happenned because she played her part into it. And while the law says that it is his responsability to say no, his hormones were saying yes. Just like teenagers speed on the roads while fully knowing that they are breaking the law.

I would rather kick this guy out of your home, He lies to you and your daughter what's the point of keeping that guy when you cannot trust him . He just using you and your daughter. Sue him if you can about sleeping with a under age kids. Period!

Personally there is NO WAY I would have even had to consider asking this Question if it was me. How can you feel concerned if he has lied to you and your daughter and stolen from you? Personally no 21 yr. old should be sleeping with a 13 yr. old. To me that is Sick, and I personally would want him in Jail if it was me. Hopefully by now you have made the decision to make him leave, and in time your daughter will become a better person from this. And if the 13 yr. old keeps on making harassment issues see what you can do to press charges on her as well before it becomes something even more.

Yeah, you bet I'd ask him to leave. he sounds like bad news...

I live in India , and here it is illegal to sleep with a girl under 18, the girl should be 18 + ..but leave that , thats in india, and as you are saying in your area it is illegal for under 16 only , then 100% he will have jail for doing this crime , and you should never keep a criminal in your home . Your daughter will surely get a good boyfriend than him , so tell him to leave now and keep your daughter away from him .

Snobbery is very dangerous thing ,clearly that guy is taking advantage of your generosity, Ask him to find shelter elsewhere

well, if i were in your position, i will definitely kick him out from my house straight away and prohibit my daughter to have anything to do with him anymore in the future... no questions asked... he had taken your kindness for granted and make use of you and your daughter... what's the point of letting him still staying in your house??? take care and have a nice day...

suehan1, I felt compelled to add a few comments after reading through most of the posts which is advocating that he be kicked out of your house. I always believe in hearing both sides of the story and I have not seen one post actually advocating hearing the story from your daughter's boyfriend. I hope that the both of you will not be victims to some courtroom antics from your daughter's assailant who is trying every trick in the book to get away with as little legal repercussion as possible and that the relationship be strained at your end. Every perpetrator will say that they are not guilty or find some excuse to get away with murder. So what will a 13 year old know? I can tell you straight here - a lot and with a lawyer defending the case for her...expect more. No one is guilty lest proven and sleeping with a minor even if it is consensual is still considered rape - statutory rape and if the other party plays out, we may be looking at a pedophile charge. Surely, every adult will know it and the severity of it to actually flout it - we are talking about a whole life's future here. In view of such seriousness, I think it would be better for all of you to sit down together and hear the truth from the alleged party. It could have taken place prior to him going together with your daughter or never at all. I believe that every human has to live with one's conscience and that the clearer it is the better it will be. I do not doubt or think that you are a poor judge of character to offer your home to shelter him in the beginning and since you've trusted yourself, to have seen something in this person for you to make such a decision. Then I believe the other party is obligated to come clean with whatever had been said in court and that you should give your instinct a chance as well. Hear him out. So, I will not be casting the stone here and ask him to leave until I have heard everything from him. P.S. Even if he did sleep with that girl, I would also have to check the exact circumstance, time and his behavior so far, to this very day. I will also try to find out more about it before deciding on his fate.

I would say forsure if the incident (relations w/ this 13 yo) happened under your roof & before he moved in with you. Either way, it's still cheating and if he has stolen from you that's another strike. It's up to you what you want to do as far as kicking him out. But I think it would probably be the right thing to do.

I would ask him to leave, I am assuming that your daughter no longer wants him to be her boyfriend, therefore you have no responsibility to look after him (not as though you did before since he is 21 and should be living on his own two feet). Also the fact that he slept with someone 3 years under the legal limit with a 7 year age difference is disgusting.

Please Suehan, when you ask him to leave be gentle because we don't know if that boy will do something that we didn't expect when you harsh him to leave your home, please be careful, but you can ask some guidance to the police for this matter. That boy cheat to both of you and your daughter and maybe next time he will do it again so better to keep that boy away from your daughter.

Yes, I will ask him to leave. He has hurt your daughter so much. He doesn't worth staying under the same roof with you and your daughter anymore. Besides, if it happens that someone sues him and wants to bring him to jail. The policemen will go to your house to find him, and it will cause another problems again. So, just kick him out of your house before he causes another problems.

Trust is the base of all relationships. Now at 21 if he lies to you and your teen daughter how would you trust him to take care of your daughter in future. He will only give her pain and nothing else. So i would advise you is ask him politely to leave the place. if i was you i would ask him to leave the day he broke the trust.

YES. Because he contributes to the problem and its not helping for both of you, especially to her. Don't feed a snake that bites you. I can not imagine, he still have the guts to stay at your place after what he did. Didn't he realize or notice that he is a liability to you.

Yes absolutely I would TELL him to go chase after girls somewhere else besides my neighbouhood. Your daughter deserves so much better and face it if he's doing this now what else and for how long will you be put in this position?

Ask the young man to get out. If he refuses tell him you will call the police and have him removed and at you or your attorneys convenience you can have him charged with unlawful entry he should he resist moving out. You've been nice to him unmutually and it's now time for him to get his stuff together and get the heck out of your house.

It is sad. I believe most people here will say yes (including me) as this guy simply doesn't deserve what he has now. However, we aren't you. We don't know in full your concerns such as your daughter's feelings and behaviors. In the end, it is your own decision and thus do not simply listen to us as if it is a vote. Above all, we are just nobody.

HI Sue, If I were in your shoes I would sit down with him and tell him to leave, calmly, without raising my voice, without any threat. I'll tell him why I've come up with such decision, which is very obvious. If he refuses, I'd call the police to escort him out of my house. I know this is also very difficult for your daughter, so it would also help to talk to her and let her know the dangers of keeping her boyfriend at home (if she insists to stay with him). Anyway, this guy will serve jailtime for sure, so hopefully moving on will not be as hard. Take care of yourselves coz you don't know what this guy is capable of doing.

Yes. It's for your daughter's sake anyway. Besides, if he really loves your daughter, he should haven't lied or should have talked to the girl. He shouldn't have made things worse. But what's done is done. All of you should learn something from it... :)

Is that a question you really need to ask? If my own child had acted that way I would kick them to the curb, much less my daughters boyfriend. What if it was your boyfriend? Would you be hesitant in kicking him out. I'm sure it is difficult and uncomfortable to kick out someone I assume you care about, but consider what it would say about your character if you allowed this to continue in your house and if the consequences are not severe it will continue. I don't mean to sound ugly but you should disregard what you know is right because of your personal feeling about the boy.