I need some serious help/advice...

That's a long story you got there but I read all of it. Anyway, I have experienced something similar in my life like what you are experiencing now. Here's how it goes. Two years ago (2008), me and my boyfriend of almost 6 years broke up. We both dated different people after the break-up. It was only after 8 months when we saw each other again that made us realize that we were still in love with each other no matter how much pain we felt in the past. I broke up with the new guy I dated so that me and my ex could get back together. It was not the nicest feeling to break somebody's heart. Everything felt right. But that was only the beginning. After 3 months of that "love is sweeter the second time around" relationship (Feb 2009), we broke up again and that is finally the E.N.D. It was the final curtain of what could have been the best relationship I had but we just both decided that even though we still love each other, its just not the same anymore. Our stories are similar in a sense that even though we got our man back after missing them for so long; But it won't take away the fact that there is already that "GAP" in the relationship. For the months that I was away from him, did I know what he was doing? did I know how many girls he dated or slept with? did I know what happened in his life after me? NO. And I certainly think that he doesn't know mine as well. I know you two could catch up with each others lives. But when you realize all that's happened, you both have separate lives now. It was different before because all you think about was how much you love him, about how much you wanted to marry him, etc. It was all about love no matter how painful it was. It was love. But after being hurt and all, it just changes your perspective about it. Even though you still love that person, there will always come a point in the relationship where you can actually question yourself if he really is the one for you? Or if there is still that fire, that spark in the relationship as to how it was before.. I understand what you are going through right now. But you really have to decide what makes you happy. Its your happiness at stake. Quote: "They were all that we wanted......back when we didn't know any better" Love does not disappear in two days. In fact I believe love doesn't disappear at all. You still love that person but you just don't want him in your life anymore (romantically). It may seem as if your love is fading right before your eyes but I do believe its your interest in that person that is. Even though you have feelings for him, that feeling gradually fades away or your motivation to continue the relationship. That is because of the fact that you two broke up once already and when you lived separately, without each other... its a realization that you can still live your life alone without him or your life is better without him at all. I hope you make the right decision. P.S: I really got carried away with this discussion that is why my post is probably even longer than yours. Best of luck to you.

ohh sorry for what is happening :( i guess you feel that way bcs the time you were away from him you had to learn to live without him around. so feelings changed a bit. but when you saw him back your feelings came back like it never changed. and now maybe in your head you are afraid to be with him again. you were already having a new life and he came suddenly and changed it so is normal your emotions now are confused. sure your love for him didnt go away. you just have to allow your heart commands you and not your head^^ dont be afraid and be with him like nefore^^ talk with him and tell him how you feel. sure he will understand and share new sweet moments that will make your love be better than ever^^

My boyfriend and I broke up once, but since it was for one day it really doesn't count. I went to him when I realized how stupid I was being to take everyone's advice and not follow my own. He has changed a lot since we first met, and his is actually coming out of his shell. When we first met he was so shy, but now he does talk to people and he has more of a back bone when it comes to certain things. You aren't the only one who has done this. There are so many people out there who have been in your situation or who have done the same thing that you are doing. You are no different from anyone else. People get back together with the person the broke for numerous reason, but the main reasons are that they miss them, they were always madly in love them, and they just can't see life without them.

You are not so sure with yourself and feelings towards him or you are not aware of what is happening around. Then question is in your mind behind your back is a doubt not only for him but also in yourself. Try to analyze yourself study carefully. Then if you really feel the hundred percent sure the love for him with no doubt then go for the decision you have made. What you feel strongly then go for it. For as long as it was for good. Have a happy days!

...the reason why god put mind over heart is for the mind to think what's best for the heart....you can't feel anything but you don't want to break up with him....the fact that you don't want to break up with him is a strong decision made by your mind..but what you have to think of, is why you don't want to break up with him..you said you know you love him, correct? but the problem is that you just can't find the feelings anymore...just think of this, so long as you are happy with him, so long as everything is doing well and you still have the thought of not letting him go, that is a more valuable reason to stay....sometimes, people get bored for no certain reasons...however sooner or later, the feeling will suddenly come back again..so long as you are happy with him around, you don't have to think of anything...:)

Well it sounds like to me that you have been over him a long time ago but you just feel sorry for him. Just because you love a person doesn't mean that you have to be with them. I'm sure you have had some guy friends that you have loved but didn't have the desire to be with them. If a relationship starts off as a friendship then it should end as a friendship. Unless the relationship ended very negatively and traumatically. Then you either forgive, forget and continue to have a friendship or you just forgive, forget and move on with your life. It's hard to stop loving a person once you start and have developed so many good times and memories together. But it's also hard to continue to be with a person who has caused you so much pain and bad memories. The most important things is to know who you are and what you want in a man and out of life. Don't settle for no less. Weigh your options. Does the good out weigh the bad or vice versa? What's more important, being with someone you love or being with someone you love who loves you just as much in return? Every relationship goes through ups and downs but you have to know your limits and boundaries. You have to know what it is that you will and will not accept. Know your worth. It's understandable that you still love him even though you are over him. There's nothing wrong with loving him. We actually need more love in this world. But I believe from what I am reading is that the intimacy that you shared with him was your natural way of fulfilling your desire to be loved. It just so happened that it happened with him because he was around and you already have some type of a relationship and comfort with him. It didn't happen because you want to be with him because obviously you don't. Don't be confused. Know what you want. You are still young so you have so much time to figure it out. I always believed that if it was meant to be then it will be. If he truly is yours for a life time then he will come back to you if you let him go. You say that you've been with him for over 4 years which means that you were with him when you were a teen. I know that it's hard to see yourself being with someone other then him, especially if he was your first love, but if you are supposed to experience another relationship then trust me it is necessary and something that needs to be accomplished. Maybe its preparing you to be a good wife for him or someone else. I take everything that I go through in life as a life lesson. There is something to be learned from everything. I don't wanna get too deep into my personal life but I am speaking from experience. I was with my first love and high school sweetheart for 7 years. We have a 10 year old daughter together. For years I put up with his disrespect, abuse, lies, and disloyalty to me. I thought that we would be together forever and that if I just hung in there long enough and continue to be loyal and faithful to him that one day he would be the man that I needed him to be. I was completely wrong. I soon decided to let go and be with someone who truly loves me the way that I need to be loved, not how they choose to love me. I deserve the best and I made sure that I got the best. Now I am with a wonderful man with whom I've been with for over 4 years and have been engaged to for almost a year. We also have 2 beautiful children together and he claims my oldest as his own. So basically it boils down to you knowing exactly what it is that you want and having enough strength to go after what you want. I definitely suggest taking some time to yourself to figure out who you are and what you want. Then take a little time to see what it is that is out there for you. And have fun!

Hmmm... I think you were actually over him after several months or because of the cause of the break up in the first place. But your mind just couldn't accept it and hoped that you'd feel something, after all you've been together for 4 and a half year. But after the incident, perhaps you realized that you no longer love him in the same intensity. Love is indeed something we can't really figure out. But perhaps what you could do is to just be his friend and no longer do things with him that is for people in a real relationship. Be honest with him. But know when to break it to him, he's in mourning now for his mother, I don't think it's great to be told that someone no longer loves you in one week.

Wow you sure do have a major problem in your hands. And having a boyfriend for that long time is sure as great as it is difficult when it comes to breakup. First of all i think you should be expressive to your boyfriend and let him know that he should always be there for you no matter what happens and you should probably do the same. If he can instill that faith and confidence in you then i am sure you won't get those feelings. Since you are lonely you get such feelings and its quite natural because for a girl like you who has been close to a guy for so long its not easy to let things go and after breakup again its not easy to believe him again. It must be really a trying time for you. You would need someone who can understand you almost as good as you or maybe better than you. You could also consider talking to your best mate and maybe also your parents. Now being a guy i know how lecturing some parents can be at times but there's nothing like talking of your troubles to your best friend probably someone who knows you for so long. Take one step at a time. There's really no rush. In some weak moments you may feel like those old days are back but when you are by yourself then you would think again of something bad about yourself or him. Distract yourself with something. That's the best thing you can do. I also loved a girl and we were together for a couple of years but when i proposed her she said no. I was devastated for 4 months but later learned that life moved on and so should I. Your boyfriend should know your importance of life and if you have the faith that he won't leave you again then i suggest that you love him forever. However that would be very hard to come by for now. Just do what your heart tells you to do. I hope whatever you do it's for the best and once you made your choice never look back. Cheers!