what would you do if bf/gf DID cheat?
By geonelynn
@geonelynn (369)
Philippines
January 9, 2011 2:55pm CST
what would you do if your boyfriend/girlfriend did have another relationship while you are still together?
my friend's boyfriend did have a short-term relationship with some girl while they are still in a relationship.
my friend did found out about it but bf said it was nothing and admitted he was wrong that was why he did not pursue it. she felt hurt and betrayed. my friend's consolation was that at least he ended that relationship and still chose to be with her..
my thoughts?... why would the boyfriend even do it? if he really loves my friend, then he wouldn't have done anyting that would hurt her in the first place.
why are some men like that? why are they not contented of who they have? why won't they see that someboy loves them and should not hurt that person?
2 people like this
16 responses
@maean_19 (4655)
• Philippines
10 Jan 11
This is something that I am not comfortable to deal right now because that happened to me. It was still fresh. I broke up with my bf because he did cheat on me. What made me realize it is because he did it for the second time. That's the hurting part. I gave him the chance to resolve the first one, but he screwed up again. So, what's the worth of giving him another chance when he broke the chance you gave. I do not deserve to be treated like that, right?
Same as you, I am wondering why he has to cheat and uncontented when you already give him everything. Why he has to lie, when you already caught him cheating? Why stay on a relationship when they cannot see your worth in them? It is a waste. Loving should be unconditional or unselfish, but what's the worth fighting for that love when it is causing you more pain? It is unhealthy.
@geonelynn (369)
• Philippines
10 Jan 11
i am so sorry to hear about your situation.. i could not imagine myself being on one. i do hope you meet the right guy who treasures you. :)
@gaiza12 (4884)
• Philippines
10 Jan 11
I feel sorry for you friend. If i were your friend, i will really be in pain and will not be friends with the bf anymore. The mark that the guy has done was really painful. Maybe in time i can forgive the guy but not in a few months. I will talk to the guy first and hear his explanation but I will never buy it. I know after what he did i will never be able to trust him and a relationship without trust is really not a healthy relationship anymore. I also ask myself my men are not contented with there wives and gf's. Maybe the answer is it's how they show the world that they are men and are more tough if they have many relationships in one time.
@eLsMarie (4346)
• Philippines
11 Jan 11
Loving a cheater is a very challenging task. If he did love your friend right from the start, why would he fall for somebody else? As a friend, I know what you're feeling.
I have friend once too who's like your friend. They were together for almost two years then she decided to break up with the guy because she can no longer hold on. If the accusations about you're friend's guy are true, she should better think things twice. If she's up for a guy who'd loved her honestly, go for someone who's not good at lying.
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@angeleyes2217 (85)
• United States
11 Jan 11
Men cheat for all kinds of reasons. Unfortunately women will never know the REAL reason why they do it, and some men might not even know for sure. In my personal opinion here are a good examples of reasons they might cheat... Feeling tied down with the one they are with, not ready to settle down, not having self control, having doubts about the relationship their in, and possibly confused with what they really want and I think the first and last two are the most common ones. Having that feeling that your husband or boyfriend is cheating is one of the worst feelings when it comes to relationships. Its even harder to break it off once you find out the truth. Your head is saying move on and kick him to the curb, but your heart is saying forgive and work it out. Honestly,if my man ever cheated I would hope he could tell me so I wasn't standing around with friends thinking everything was okay when it wasn't. Your friends boyfriend said it was nothing (which most men say that once they have been caught), and he also said that he was in the wrong and did not pursue it.. which tells me that he thought about it which in my eyes is just as bad as actually going through with it. I am sure your friend does feel hurt and betrayed because she probably trusted him and thought it could never happen to her. Let her know that it gets better but she should really think about the relationship now that she knows hes capable of cheating any time he feels like. Now that it "almost" happen, shes going to have a hard time not only trusting him, but any man for that matter, especially if she was head over hills for this one. Hope all works out for her though. Hope this all helps and sorry that its so long :)
@titchy1231 (732)
•
10 Jan 11
i agree with you but its not just men, women can be just as bad too. if your not happy with someone then you should end it before being with someone else. also your friend should realise that her bf would do it again if he had the chance so i would tell her to be careful.
@mythociate (21435)
• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
10 Jan 11
I'm not living in a storybook romance. Maybe I was (before she cheated) and maybe I will again someday, but not before she renews my faith in her.
You recall in the Old Testament, God's reaction to unfaithfulness (when Israelites worshipped idols instead of Him): He hired followers to KILL them. (and--in that prehistoric state--'the people of God' were more like 'His girlfriend' than "the bride of Christ" that Christians are today!)
If I were a sinless man (to the world), I would 'disown' (deny any knowledge of or -any possible relationship to) her; but as I am a WORLDLY man, I would soon forgive the little beast for going temporarily astray (as long as she 'learned her lesson')---though I might need to keep her on-leash for a few months to make sure! :-D
@cutepenguin (6431)
• Canada
10 Jan 11
The thing is, it would depend on so many things. On the one hand, everyone makes mistakes. On the other hand, it's a major betrayal of trust. I think my initial reaction would be to not forgive.
Sometimes people just do stupid things though.
@moondancer (7433)
• United States
9 Jan 11
I agree with you. If he cared for her and respected her he never would have cheated on her. It was another relationship for goodness sake it was not a one night stand or a mistake. The other relationship did not work out for whatever reason or he would still be seeing her. He may even leave your friend the next time he cheats on her and he probably will. They usually do.
She needs to find out why he cheated in the first place. She also needs to know that she did nothing wrong to cause it. He is a cheater, that is that.
I wish her loads of luck....I've been there before myself and I left him the minute I found out.
@sender621 (14894)
• United States
10 Jan 11
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@jennbart (1330)
• Philippines
10 Jan 11
I would leave the guy, and that is what I am going to do and that's exactly what I did with my ex bf!:) if in our relationship as boyfriends girlfriends he already cheated on me, he will cheat on me when we get married! Do not expect he will change when the guy and your friend gets married. Girl, your friend deserves someone better! ditch the guy asap!
@toniganzon (72277)
• Philippines
10 Jan 11
Although I am a woman, i would like to say that it's not only the men who are cheating on women but women do it too. But the men are labeled to be the most to cheat than women.
If it happened to me, i could never forgive because the most important thing for me in a relationship is trust. Once trust is broken, i don't think i could ever bring it back like the way it used to be. I would forever be doubtful and would never have a peace of mind. So better let it go and move on to another new life.
@elevencaesar (44)
• Australia
10 Jan 11
I don't think your friend is her boyfriend's true love.maybe she is his prey in this game.maybe he also do the same thing with other girls. her boyfriend pretend himself deeply,so your friend is difficult to discover his trick.i think when they have a intimate relationship,the girl will sacrafice more than the boy.so i think your friend love her bf very much and that is why she forgive his fault.
@yumcookie (146)
• United States
10 Jan 11
I say she should leave him. I don't care how short the relationship was with this other girl, the fact was that he was with another girl while he was with her. That just ain't right. He should have been only with that one girl and no one else. The simple truth why anyone cheats is because they aren't satisfied with the relationship that they are in. If they don't like the relationship than they should just end it instead of binding themselves to two people who won't be happy in the long run.
@lazette (216)
• Philippines
10 Jan 11
For me, offenses within a relationship such as cheating are enough grounds for a break-up... I know it's harsh on my part, but for me, having hurt me so much by having the guts to cheat on me with another girl says a lot about how you really feel about me.
@_sketch_ (5742)
• United States
9 Jan 11
It's hard to say why people do the things they do. I don't think that those who cheat and stuff really intend on hurting people, though I'm not saying that excuses anything.
I think it's hard to really say what you would do in a hypothetical situation like this. These things are often much easier said than done. I think that a lot of different factors come into play and so this kind of question is very complicated.
@Suggar (3606)
• Bulgaria
9 Jan 11
Sometimes we make decisions without thinking so much. We get drunk, make mistake, or we stay alone, become sad and act like silly people. If it happened once - o.k. but if it happened to be relationship, it means longer than once and that's more painful. May be there were feelings your friend doesn't know about, but still cheating is not the way something to be understood.
Do you know that situations where you stay in some junction - crossed road and you don't know which way to follow? I've felt that way before, looking for my own personality. I felt so lost with one guy, just couldn't realize what happens to me and needed some break, but didn't tell him, because i didn't want to hurt him. It was years ago, but i still know that i was wrong. Had to talk to him and to explain how i feel and that i need change, i just needed to try something new with new person to see if i'll be still the same or the past relationship changed me so much that i couldn't recognize my personality.
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