how should i say this...?
@jstrjnjimenez (192)
Philippines
February 22, 2011 9:46am CST
i really hate to bring this up on this site, but it has been troubling me since me and my girlfriend came to be. my problem is that i cannot say the things that i wanted to at times because i'm afraid she would always take it against her. although i sometimes manage to control my feelings, i know in the long run, my way towards her attitude will be beneficial for our relationship. how do i say those things, like when there's a favor that she asks of me, and i know she really want that, but i can't tell her that i don't want to do it for some reason because she'd be disappointed and hate me for the entire day?!
7 responses
@lingli_78 (12822)
• Australia
23 Feb 11
well, i used to live like that as well in the past... i live for other people and i always try to please everybody in my life except myself... that's why i can hardly say the word NO in the past when people asked me of favor... but guess what??? my life had been so unhappy and i put myself into so much pressure because of that... so i decided that i have to stop doing it and try to live my life for myself... i try to be honest and say the word NO whenever i need to even though i know that i might upset few people... but guess what??? i become a much happier person and i can achieve more in life because of that... also, i live a less stressful life which i like it very much... to me, honesty is always the best policy... take care and have a nice day...
@jstrjnjimenez (192)
• Philippines
23 Feb 11
i never thought that it would be this difficult. because we already have a 1 year old son, and that alone will change how you'll have to go on in your life. there are also a lot of things i should consider, such as the joy our son brings with their in-laws and other relatives, and other important factors.. it's really hard to get with it everyday. nice thing you got in your current situation. hope it gets better for men too. . .
@Cherish14 (2693)
• Philippines
22 Feb 11
awww i think you need to talk to her about being open with each other so you would know each other better. because if you know each other, you would know what will make her mad or not. i think you need to talk to her. communication is very important in every relationship. i hope you guys can work it out.
@dreamnishu (1247)
• China
23 Feb 11
hello friend!
if you doing this with your girlfriend then i think you are not love her.if you love her then why you think you are in trouble and why you did not share everything with your girlfriend.if you told her i think she will understand your point.try it then your relation will be very good.you both feel so happy.
thanks a lot.
@dreamsharmin (2281)
• China
22 Feb 11
Sometime it also happen with me. I love my partner so much that's why can't refuse always. But something really impossible to do. Then maybe my partner get angry but later i explain the matter and my partner understand the matter and love me more for that reason.So you should also do the same otherwise your love will decrease and compromise will come in your love which is not good at all. So you should explain everything to your girlfriend and make her convince if she loves you then she will understand.All the best!
@jstrjnjimenez (192)
• Philippines
22 Feb 11
i understand what you're saying dreamsharmin. i do explain to my g/f after a moment when i disagree with what she's trying to do or what she've already did. yes, you're right about understanding each other to keep a healthy relationship. but sometimes, we really are opposing sides to an argument, and after arguing for some time with nothing being resolved, i tend to give it up and just let go of the topic just to keep away from any quarreling. and this is hard for me, because i feel like making her feel right all the time, and that i leave nothing for myself. can't really explain the exact way i feel. i'm a very patient person, but i'm worried that as i keep my feelings to myself, there may come a time that i'm just gonna blow up and cannot control my feelings. i'm trying to do whatever it takes to keep a healthy relationship, especially since we have a 1 year old son..
@cmang83 (285)
• Malaysia
23 Feb 11
Communication is very important to maintain a relationship. I know my girlfriend will feel not happy when i reject her. But i will let her know the reason and the condition become good after my explaination.
May be you will do your best and give her everything to make her happy. But if one day, she request for something that you can't give her, i believe the condition is more worst. May be you should not pamper her too over. I am practising this and hope it can help you too.
@sunshine37 (450)
• United States
22 Feb 11
Communication is the foundation of every relationship, you don't' have that, you will not have a relationship in the future. You must feel like you can tell her everything, and visa verse, and then be able to talk it out if a problem comes out of it.
Me not wanting to do something my husband ask me to do is different than you feeling like you can't tell her anything at all because your scared of hurting her feelings or her getting mad with you .
Put it this way, would you want her to be honest with you about her feelings, EVEN if it hurt or made you mad. Or would you rather her keep it bottled inside. Of course you wouldn't, you would want her to talk to you. So, you must talk with her.
Good luck !
