. saying no to your child

i see way to many kids like this. i dont have any kids yet but i raised my sister from when she was 2 months till she was 3 years because her mom had severe PTSD and my dad always worked. not once did i ever have a problem like this or any problem at all really. she always listened to me and was a great child. i moved out when she was 3, she is now 5 and whenever i go over to their house or any where with them i am shocked to see the way she behaves. -she screams and crys over everything from not liking what they made for diner to not getting what she wants -she wont eat or drink anything unless it is out of a green cup or plate. -if she cant watch what she wants or if someone is sitting where she wants to sit. ect everytime i see this my jaw drops. but i have to admit it is not her fault. her mother and father give her whatever she wants to stop her from screaming. they scream and yell and swear at her when she doesnt listen then they get mad when she throws a fit. the worst thing i have seen her do was trap her 12 year old sister under the table and kick her in the face repeatedly until she was crying. when stopped and asked why she was doing it her answer was "because i felt like it" i said ok but why? "because she wouldnt give me her toy." i was like WTF? and thats when my father walked in and started screaming and swearing at her. anyway it just amazes me that such a good child can change that much just because of her parents. what im saying is that its not really the childs fault it is often the people she/he is surrounded by. i am glad you have taught her so well. we need more people who teach their children like this. it drives me nuts to hear little kids screaming in the store

wow! lucky parents! well, yes i hate spoiled kids squirming in the malls! what's worst is when they are in the church. there are a lot of them in the church who would cry at the top of their voices just to get the parents attention and unfortunately other's attention too. when i would have a kid i would also do what you say to your kids Simplyd. it's better that way. i think kids won't really be so stubborn if they were taught and explained calmly. thumbs up to you and my parents. i think they have raised me that way because my mother would always tell me that when we were still kids we barely have tantrums just like the kids we see in churches and malls and that is also because we were disciplined well.

Some of that is on the parents. Two of my girls would try that crying thing to get their way. The oldest one learned quickly on that the tantrum not only did not work but it also would not get budgeted in any time soon. One of them was more stubborn and it continued way longer than I care to re-live. Regardless, I never once gave in to her just to shut her up and make my life easier. I knew that by doing so, it may make my life more pleasant in that moment but I'd pay dearly the next time because then she would know I had limits. Except for one occasion that I can recall, I took her and all the kids out of the store, library or wherever we were each and everytime any one of them acted out. And even on that occasion, I did not give in to her fit. I had no choice but to deal with it as well as the comments and glares from other shoppers. I fail to see what is so important in a mall that you can't remove your child from the premises for acting out.

I agree with you. I always told to my kid that not everything that he wanted he should always get. Especially when he want something that he didn't need. Because what he wants, not always safe for him. So far my child understand what i told to him. sometimes i like to give surprise to him, when he was being nice or when get an achievement.

I understand that very well, although my children never fell to the floor and rolled around and cried and whined. They would fuss, but thats as far as they went. Also most children think that money grows on trees. I wish it did and I also wish I could be able to buy them whatever they wanted. But that is not possible. Like this Halloween, my son wanted a specific costume, I looked online and they were extremely expensive. So I decided to make it for him at a fraction of the cost. He is fine with that.

It seems to me that you had effective methods in instructing you daughter.In fact,parents who grant whatever their children request don't love their children but do them great harm.This way ,children won't know how hard the life is when they grow up.They may spend without restraint and once they have no money, maybe they commit offences against law and discipline.I don't exaggerate things to scare somebody,believe me.

My 4 year old disabled son finds 'no' a harsh word so I use different language to say this. I try to distract his attention to something else that is more positive. I say to my kids we are looking at toys in order to make a Christmas wish list. I bought one of my son's first Christmas presents today: a rocket. It looked to me like the shop might run out of them. He will be getting the rocket on Christmas morning.

I used to be the person who raised her eyebrows to parents with kids like this. i'd think to myself "how can parents let their children grow up like this?", "didn't they teach their children manners?". Now i have kids of my own, I understand how the parents must have felt when their child/ren threw a tantrum. I totally understand and sympathize with them. It might be a bit late but to all the parents I'm sorry if I thought that way. With my kids now, there are times when I give in (if it's a little thing) and there are times when I really am very strict and no means NO.

I saw something similar recently. A woman had 3 children with her, and one was pestering for some crisps that she knew the mother had in her bag. The mother refused, then the child began to have a tantrum. Instead of ignoring the child's negative response, the mother gave in and allowed the screaming child to have the crisps. Consequently, that child was 'rewarded' for bad behaviour rather than disciplined for it...was not taught the value of waiting for something, plus the other two children, seeing their sister get a treat for behaving badly, immediately did the same. Those kids are quite likely treated the same way over other issues, and probably will grow up with the fixed idea in their head that all they have to do to get what they want, is to behave as badly as they can. I can appreciate how difficult it is to enforce discipline, especially in a crowded public place, but it's so important for children to learn that they can't always have instant gratification, and that there are firm behavioural boundaries to stick within if they want an easy and successful life. It sounds as though what you do works, and if only other parents would do the same, we'd have far better behaved kids in our world.

My child, I rarely take to the mall. Because, I am afraid, my child will ask, something that was expensive. I also do not want, my son addicted to the mall.

It's really good in setting up limit to our child. They must know that they will not get whatever they want and they should know there boundaries. As a mother, it is our responsibility to discipline our child. Like you, I often saw such child in the malls, stores, etc. They would beg their parents to buy this one but if the parents opted not to buy they would scream and lay down on the floor. As a parent of course you wanted to give everything to your child but it has a limit because what if they get use to it and you don't have money to buy the things they would ask? Your lucky to raise your child very well.

I feel happy for you that you could raise your children in a proper way, for me have being very difficult to raise my only son, he always wanted the things on his way,it doesn't matter what I did or say he wanted the things on his time not in my butget time,so he always had problems with me because whenever he behaved like that I gave him his punishment but it was like he didn't understand the message because next time he did it again.

I am very happy and proud with my kids, because they are so good, the same way You did , since very little I talked to them in a way that they could understand that not everytime we go out is for buying toys, when we are at the supermarket or any mall , I say very clear: NO, WE DIDNT COME TO BUY TOYS TODAY , WE ARE BUYING FOOD, I love when they say: OK MOM. thats it they dont say no more.

I think that's the more proper way to raise a child. You can't give them everything they want. You shouldn't spoil them. Sometimes, you have to learn to say no to their requests. But it's only right to give the child a reward if she has done something good so she would continue to do good things.

well, i don't have a child yet at the moment... but i had been raised by my parents to learn to listen to their authority and accept it when they say no to me... i just have to be patient... and i had been taught to earn to get what i want... they just don't serve it on a silver plate for me... there is no free lunch on this world... that is what i had been taught since i was a child... :-) take care and have a nice day...

I have seen some kids act that way in the mall and glad my kids never did! Before leaving the house, i would always tell them what we are going to do there and what are we going to buy. I would tell them before hand that we do not have enough money for others things such as buying their toys..and glad that they do understand and like you they would also say" pag may money na kayo" sometimes me and hubby would laugh about it because at their young age, 7 and 4 they do understand and they know the value of money. So like you when we have extra money we would then buy them what they want or often times we would just treat them to Jollibee! My daughter never had a tantrum in the mall and glad that they know what the money is for

I'd like to think that I haven't raised my children like that, not to throw embarassing tantrums if they don't get what they want. Once in a while, we do get into an argument, but as long as I can reason with them (even with the 5-year old), they understand why somethings are just not bought. I do try and make it up with them. As long as they deserve it, and they are responsible enough for it, I always try to give it to them.

my hats off to you and your daughter for having more than just the ordinary mother-child relationship. it is quite admirable at a young age to realize such situation and the importance of understanding your financial situation, and most of all, i admire you're psychological approach to explain things of importance.

That was a very kind child, reminds me of what my child used to be. LOLz. If you really train your son or daughter at an early age, they have the tendency to become a better and responsible young adults. My daughter used to say an almost similar line when we told her that we don't have money to buy her stuff, "Sa sweldo mo na lang po" (if it's your payday already). But lately, I notice that she is behaving a little naughtier, although not to the point of throwing tantrums inside the mall. Great training you've done! Kudos!

hi, I'm also a mother ,i have a 7 years old daughter.. What i do is,before going to malls or market i would talk to her and tell her " we will not go there to buy toys if you will ask me to buy you toys ill send you home right away..I'll tell her what are the things that we need to buy and sometimes give her the list so she'll know that the budget we have is only for the things or items listed in our list.. and if i did not have problem with us in the mall,ill tell her ill buy her a toy but she needs to choose one in the amount i have,say,ok i have here 50 pesos,you can look for a toy in this amount and we'll buy it.. sometimes she'll ask me,"why 50 only??". but when you explain why,she'll see reason and obey..