Do you believe in engaged couples having a set store for wedding gifts?
By jennybianca
@jennybianca (12912)
Australia
October 30, 2011 9:00pm CST
By this I mean that if a couple is engaged to be married, and have set a date and sent out invitations, the issue of gifts comes up.
What some couples do, is go a a big department store, usually the expensive ones, such as Myers, and leave a list with them of all the gifts they want. Often they are expenisive gifts, and even the cheaper gifts, are more expensive than at a discount store.
Now I don't have problem with a couple writing out a list of items they need, but specifying the store and leaving a lsit with the store , is someting I don't approve of. In fact, I strongly object to it.
Lots of people can't afford these expensive Myers gifts. If an invited person had an idea of what gift they wanted to buy, they can look in a discount store, or wait for a big sale. But with this idea of a list at a store, invited couples are restricted to expensive items.
I refuse to cooperate with this idea. If I am invited to a wedding, I go buy whatever I want at a discount store. Obviously I try to get something nice that they may want.
I just think the whole idea is a rip off. My brothers stepdaughter in law had written out a list at an expensive store for baby gifts too. I didn't cooperate with that. I jst bought something on sale elswhere.
I dont care if this is tradition, to list gifts at a store, it's just a rip off and bludging.
5 people like this
19 responses
@GardenGerty (160779)
• United States
31 Oct 11
Many people register for gifts. Here it is not always the expensive stores, sometimes it is Wal Mart or Target. That still does not mean I will buy what is on their list. I often will look to see the kind of things they want and buy what I want where I want. The advantage to registering is that the store computers keep track of what has been purchased and that prevents duplicates. I think the joy of gift giving is damped down by registries, but people do not seem able to think up new things for themselves now.
3 people like this
@jennybianca (12912)
• Australia
31 Oct 11
I wouldn't mind so much if people used the cheaper stores such as target, or big W, but I haven't ssen that here. It is a good idea for the store to keep a registery of what gift has been bought and thus avoid duplicates.
With my first wedding, I wrote a list out on one of the raffle dockets. People looked at and tore out the page of the gift they wanted to buy. so there were no duplicates and peole could buy the gift whereever they wanted.
1 person likes this
@jennybianca (12912)
• Australia
31 Oct 11
Is your walmart similar to ur Kmart? ie, a cheaper store?
2 people like this
@anne25penn (3305)
• Philippines
31 Oct 11
Some people find it practical for wedding lists in a particular store, especially those who don't have the time to do their shopping. The problem is that these stores, knowing that it is for a wedding places a mark up in the regular prices. I think some people think it's bad taste to just present a list of gifts they wants to recieve. But giving out a list eliminates the chance of getting two of the same item.
I recall my friends' weddings where they would get two or more of the same item such as rice cookers, electric fans and even flat irons. I guess the department store list also eliminates this from happening.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
31 Oct 11
Luckily the gift giving culture and specifying the shop where to get the gifts have not been adopted here. People here are more happy to receive 'red packets' as gifts on their wedding day. And it has become sort of tradition to give money as gifts when invited to any celebrations like wedding, birthdays etc..Gifts are still acceptable but most people are doing away with that. I think people should not be too demanding and expecting expensive gifts is only creating a heavy burden on the giver. Especially when we get many wedding invitations, it is going to burn a big hole in our pockets if people start to list what they want as presents. Afterall it is the thoughts that count and our attendance.
1 person likes this
@zralte (4178)
• India
31 Oct 11
I agree totally. It is a huge rip off.
A better suggestion would be if to make a list online so that whoever buys something ticked off, so there is no duplicate. If they can spend time to make a list and have the trouble of going to the store to give them the list, I would think they have time to make a little website for that kind of thing. (I am not really sure if you can have a software for this kind of thing, but I am assuming that it would not be difficult). I am sure there are some websites already offering this kind of service. Makes more sense to me anyway.
I know that they do it for the baby as well, saw it on Motherscare website and some other stores before when I was having my first baby. I was tempted to make it, but didn't do it. I had all I need and the gifts were just that....a gift.
I do think that most people would think what the couple would need, before buying gifts. And those who don't, would probably ask what they want. Just my opinion.
1 person likes this
@bagarad (14283)
• Paso Robles, California
31 Oct 11
This is meant to be a convenience for the bride and the shoppers who have no idea what the couple wants. It used to be these were just used for things like glassware and China and silver that only the larger stores had. That way, shoppers who wanted to get something like this could know what had aleady been purchased and the couple would not wind up with 50 plates and no soup bowls.
Today, with so many couples setting up housekeeping before they are married, it seems irrelevant. it would seem in such a case the couple probably already has a lot of what they need and most of them would probably rather have a check or gift card. Of course, I have no problem with a couple who has not lived together first and who really are setting up their first home, registering. I would just as soon get them something they really need and not the third toaster or set of stainless flatwear. But for the others, I think something smaller is sufficient. And it certainly would not have to be from a ritzy department store instead of Costco.
2 people like this
@jennybianca (12912)
• Australia
31 Oct 11
This all makes sense. The idea comes from tradition where couples did not live together first, and in fact, did not ever leave home prior to marriage.
Hardly anyone that I know marries from home now.
With my first wedding, I had a list written on raffle tickets, and people just tore off the bit they wanted, thus there were no dupicates of gifts.
I'm amazed that baby gifts are regisatered with stores now (and in the case I wrote about, an expensive store).
1 person likes this
@estherlou (5015)
• United States
2 Nov 11
I think it is like a wish list. They would like to get what they want from this particular store, but they can't make us buy from there! I mean, really! They are asking for a gift after all, so they have to be thankful for whatever they get! Off my soapbox now.
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
10 Nov 11
It's traditional to give a couple a wedding gift when they tie the knot. I can understand that people don't want to end up with 6 toasters and towels in the wrong colour. I also understand that people don't want junk from Crazy Clarke's or Sam's Warehouse. I always buy crystal candle holders for about $10 - $20 from a jewellers or a nice gift store. You can never have too many candle holders and they are a romantic idea too.
My nephew recently married a doctor. Both of them owned their own apartments and had all the household stuff they needed so they set it up so people could pay for their honeymoon (if they wanted to). I thought that was a bit of cheek as they are both on great salaries but then I saw a visit to a monkey park for $40 so I grabbed it, mainly because I was going to go to the wedding but in fact I was not able to attend. I would have liked some more info about their visit to the park but I just got a Thank you card saying little.
Wedding traditions are mostly becoming obsolete in my opinion. Most of the weddings I see are just for show, just a chance for a party and to spend up big and show off... they are not really about making sacred vows to each other in front of beloved family and friends
@skysuccess (8858)
• Singapore
1 Nov 11
jennybianca,
I am sorry but I feel out of touch with your post here.
For one, I thought these gift lists may come from the most exquisite and extravagant store but the couple may or rather could not hold ANYONE to buy from the store. They are suppose to convey this and seek that guests inform them when an item is being bought - so that they can strike it off at their "recommended" retailer.
I do not know if the couple had an oversight - first timer, inexperience or whatever and led to this misunderstanding. Just do a mention and I am sure everything will be back in order or fine.
However, if it is not meant to be so, then forgive me - I would really be outdated here.
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
3 Nov 11
I agree with you Jenny! I think that people should mention what they want if they are asked and to me it feels somewhat rude to dictate not only what guests should buy but how much they should pay for it as well! We cannot all afford expensive stores like Myers and it is convenient to find something nice on sale sometimes. I don’t adhere to this habit either, don’t like it...
@RawBill1 (8531)
• Gold Coast, Australia
31 Oct 11
I am with you on this one. It is a sad state of affairs when you are forced into buying something overpriced. I would rather give them cash or a gift voucher for similar money in a cheaper department store than pay for overpriced stuff from Myer or David Jones.
@cerebellum (3863)
• United States
1 Nov 11
You are right in feeling forced to get something expensive. It can be helpful in some ways. You can see what the couple wants and if anyone else has bought it. The thing to do if you have the time, is go see what is on the list that hasn't been bought and then go to another store and buy the same item. You are still taking the chance that there will be duplicates though and I can think of no way around that. Here in the States you can register at some discount stores. I think that is a very good idea.
@thesids (22180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
31 Oct 11
Hi jennybianca 
Well you mention "expensive" and from this I think the people you speak about are the right and busy guys... They dont have time to "waste".
For me and more general "common" people, I think we all would love to go to the shop, spend hours finding and selecting gifts for at least those who are close and that would add the "personal touch". Personally I would never be satisfied unless I got those gifts selected by me.
Well you mention "expensive" and from this I think the people you speak about are the right and busy guys... They dont have time to "waste".
For me and more general "common" people, I think we all would love to go to the shop, spend hours finding and selecting gifts for at least those who are close and that would add the "personal touch". Personally I would never be satisfied unless I got those gifts selected by me.1 person likes this
@reizende (16)
• United States
31 Oct 11
In a few ways I find this to be unfair to the gift givers. A lot of people, myself included, feel that gift giving is expected of us. I have no problems whatsoever giving gifts, but most times it always ends up happening at a time in my life where I can't afford to be giving out presents. As for the gift registries, this is a good example of how I would not be able to meet up to the couples expectations. Every registry I have had to peruse for items to give end up being very expensive stores that I can't afford even with an average income. I find that giving monetary gifts works in some instances and shows that I do care even if its not a large dollar amount. Registries can be handy, I agree. How many times have you seen a couple receive 4 toasters at a wedding reception? Giving cash gifts or even gift cards helps a whole lot more in both situations. On the one hand I could give what I could afford, and the couple can buy the things they need the most with it.
@mimpi1911 (25464)
• India
31 Oct 11
That's just not on for me. Jenny, I would rather decide on the gift I want to buy and on the store as well. It would be more a matter of emotional inconvenience for me. A gift is an expression of love and what and how feel about the occasion and the people involved. I would rather not be dictated. 
@whiteheather39 (24403)
• United States
31 Oct 11
Here in the States you can open Wedding and Baby Registries at regular not too expensive stores such as Target, Macy, etc. I believe you can also register online at Amazon. I really do not think people with the economy being so bad register at the very expensive, exclusive stores any more unless they are members of the rich elite upper classes.
@pergammano (7682)
• Canada
31 Oct 11
Let the chips fall where they may! So you get duplicates...that is half the fun and hilarity, when opening the gifts! Sorry, I am really adamant about this...DO NOT tell me, WHAT I am going to spend my hard-earned money on! YOUR LIST--could be a very embarassing situation, for me or others whom don't have the money to throw around on your high expectations! YOU will get what I feel comfortable giving...Wedding/Baby Shower..whatever!
Cheers!
@Rosa26 (2618)
• United States
31 Oct 11
i agree with I hate when the people tell me what to buy and where to buy it.
I think that nobody have to obligate anybody to purchase a gift I buy what I want and where I want.
I prefer in order no to receive that I don't need or that is repeated, to open a bank account and then whatever you will expend buying me a gift you deposit in the account so you don't have to stress out going out and buying something that I will throw to the garbage.
So in this case I am happy and you are happy too,I can use thjat money to buy what I really need, personaly I feel I am not lucky on that because of this I don't like the people buy me things because most of the times they don't know my likes.
What do you think?
@fantabulus (4000)
• India
31 Oct 11
Fanta doesn't like show off she is living in reality and not like costly gift for anyone. Because she know money is most important part of life. Without it no value in the eyes of any family members. Fanta feel gift is not important than meeting. Feel happy after meeting
