How could I not be offended?

Yikes he is really very nosy and sounds as if he is pushy as well. God forbid, but he sounds like one of the SIL types that would push the MIL down the stairs to get to her fortune.... (Sorry that thought just ran through my head as soon as I read your post). I would be very careful around this young man. I think you handled the situation very well but I would be on the fast track finding out all I can about him and his family. My 21 year old has a gf and they are living together. Her Mama works in the medical field and really has done lots for them financially (buys them groceries, got her daughter a car, helped get utilities in their new apartment, bought them lots of things for their apartment, turned on the internet/tv/phone at the apartment for them and is paying the first three months). Well the young lady is constantly calling me complaining about my son's spending habits and about what all her mom has done and what all she continues to do.... I know she is wanting me to contribute something to the pot here, but I cannot. I don't work and we have a hard time making it ourselves. If they lived closer I could see helping them with groceries and such but they are in Texas and I am in NC. The only thing I can do is talk to my son about his spending habits for her. Her Mama and I have become friends on Facebook and she has even edged the idea that I help them out. I let her know right away that I did not work that my hubby had just lost his job (thankfully he was only on UE for 2 weeks before getting a new job) and that I have 3 small children at home to look after. I am all for emotional support and buying them something or sending them gift cards when I earn them etc but I am not paying their bills for them. They are grown up enough to move in together then they need to buck up and live like the rest of the hardworking people do... sacrifice until you can do better. The last time my future DIL said something about her mom paying for the internet I told her "well honey I guess if you two can't afford it you are just gonna have to let it go". She started back tracking then and said well we will figure it out somehow. They sure will figure it out, they will let her Mama pay for it for as long as she will. I wish I were financially stable and that I could help them out in that nature but its not happening anytime soon. My son is talking about moving back here with her next year and I just don't see them making it together here as they are there because I am not going to be the financial support net that her Mama is. (Not to mention jobs here are way harder to find than they are there and future DIL wants to go to college instead of work, yada yada). Jen I wish you luck with your daughter and new grandbaby but do be careful of this young man.

I would have told him exactly what you told him,and I would have told him "Why don't you buy her Dodge Charger then" Young people are nuts now a day

You have all the reason to be offended. He does not seem to have good manners at all. But I commend you for you have controlled yourself from saying anything that could turn his face into red. Holding one's peace in this kind of situation is quite hard but you did. I hope this guy would know how to behave and how to talk with respect with elders. I wonder how his parents raised this guy.

Wow, is he normal?

I don't really get that whole exchange, but clearly this guy is still a boy. God my daughter is never dating.

If I were you,I would have felt offended.You too have solid reasons to feel so.Evidently the guy does not have manners.But the good thing in all that you have stated here is that you managed to maintain your calm.It would perhaps be very difficult for me to remain quiet or keep my cool.The guy deserved a befitting reply.

I can perfectly understand why you would be offended. I know people have different values about certain things. Some people just don't see money as a private thing but he was obviously fishing, tying to get you to pay for something expensive. I'd have told him that he should get a better job and save money so he could buy your daughter what she needs.

You are not wrong, nope! Your daughter's boyfriend must have the biggest set of ballz on any man I know! How DARE he intimate that you should buy your daughter a Dodge Charger! Good lord!!! If she wants that particular car, HE should buy it for her. I think your response was right on target. You said enough to let him know that you wouldn't be guilted into buying your daughter something you wouldn't buy for yourself even if you could afford it without punching him square in the nose which is something I'd have definitely thought of doing. The unbelievable nerve of him!!! From what you've said, it seems quite obvious that he wanted you to buy your daughter this car, most likely because HE wanted it. Just how much has he bought for his new daughter? How much money does HE make? Nope, you didn't overreact. You weren't too sensitive. He was being totally insensitive. Good grief.

It's a pity she picked such a one. He definitely sounds as though he's all set to dig for any gold he can detect. It's nice that you can help your daughter with stuff, but I'd say definitely tighten the purse strings until this guy is either out of the picture or a changed man. My money is on the former happening.

Hello JenIn I understand your feeling. As for me, it is hard to give any idea on what you stated about how your would be son in law said to you. I guess it all depends on how was the talker deliberate his statements. It is like reading a text message or reading a letter. It sounds arguing if you read it the way it is as well as a simple calm sentence turns into a harsh one if you would add some punctuation or read it in a harsh way. In your case, I guess you were just maybe tired at that time and you just got irritated the way your would-be-son-in-law asked you. I would not say you're sensitive because anyone can be like this...just stay beautiful, don't think it too much because this could ruin your mind and your beauty..especially now that you're already a grandma... Mobhomeir here 070612 2152hrs

Uh yeah, that's incredibly insensitive! I would say, "Ummm, excuse me, none of your business!". That's private information, of course. Plus your daughter would be extremely spoiled if you bought her a $30,000 car (+). (Although I have to admit, I want a Charger too! Ha ha). But what that kid asked you is similar, in my opinion, to asking "How old ARE you?" or something equally disrespectful. Okay, mom-in-law, time to put your foot down and teach this kid some decent manners!!!

Yes , he doesnt have good manners in fact , he looks intersting in your money , hahah sorry , You answered very good, dont let him pick in you privacy. Ask him to respect you for being the mother of his girlfriend. Good luck with that guy.

he is just leaving in dreams.i am sure he will definitely realize his mistake and would also feel guilty and disgusted by himself.the moment he'll passout from school and get into college or a job, he will realize how childish he was back then. everyone goes through this phase. you did the right thing jenIn TN

It really depends on how you were raised. In this economy, it's not an uncommon question for someone to inquire about your income, especially if they see you doing something that may not be in the norm for the average income. Some may ask so they can get a better idea of what kind of career they'd like to follow, others do it for curiosity, and others are just doing it for conversation. Myself, personally, would never be offended by the question.

I agree that asking someone how much they make a year is generally considered 'rude'. He definitely overstepped that invisible and indefinable line of 'propriety' and you were only right to answer as you did. As to 'taking offence', I think that if you dwell on that sort of mistake too long and take offence too deeply, it will do more harm to you than to anyone else. People are sometimes rude when they don't really mean to be and voice questions which they don't think of as 'intrusive'. They generally learn, eventually, by finding that the answers they get are short ( sometimes to the point of 'rudeness') in return. It's OK to be irritated and angry but it's also best not to let it color your perception of the guy too much. He is young and he will learn!

Young people today are NOT being taught manners! I'm only 40, but I would have NEVER dreamed of asking an adult 'How much money do you make?'-heck, I don't like discussing money NOW! When I was pregnant, I worked as did my husband, but it didn't stop my mom from buying us things we needed. And at that time, my mom was working only part time in retail, but my baby was going to be her first grandchild and it was a big deal. My husband was a bit frustrated, but even he would have never asked my parents how much money they made! Your daughter's b/f is young, immature and spoiled. I only hope that she sees this before she does anything rash, like marry him. If I was in your place, I'd have just looked at him and said, "So would I, but it's not in my budget right now, so if I ain't getting one, neither is she!" and walked away. You handled it just fine though. My congratulations on your new grandbaby and I'm sending prayers that Kimber makes the right decision regarding her b/f-he sounds like he's got a LOT of growing up to do!

That was really immature of him and it was really good you haven't stayed longer for more "words of wisdom from the mom-in-law". I don't know what I would have done in your place but I have a feeling that I would have given him a piece of my mind, but I also doubt that because knowing myself, I usually try to stay calm most of the time. I would definitely feel offended though.

Hi JenInTN Well, unaware of how the culture is there at your place, but I still believe that asking anyone of earnings is not only um-mannerly but also rude - unless that is for professional or legal reasons. I wont say that all people are this way today, but yes, many of the newer generation people tend to take things for granted. Maybe the b/f was considering you would get anything for the daughter and he might save some for his PS2 or xbox. Before commenting on the b/f I think it would be better to know about his background - financial and also family, and if you provide me with that, I would say, it is something too personal a matter for me to comment upon. But yes, going by what I read, the behavior was uncalled for on his part and you did the right thing - walk away silently... that is what maturity is all about.

i do not think you are out of line at all. he was very rude and all of that info was none of his business in the 1st place. i think that if that is the kind of car that your daughter wants then since they are a family he should be the 1 to buy it for her. i know they are not married but it sounds to me they are working up to that. have you tought about talking to your daughter about this? i mean if you are trying to like him maybe by talking to her she can explain it to him and he can learn the right way to act because with him being so young maybe he was just never taught and in that case i guess he needs a chance to be shown the rigth and wrong things to do and say. i am proud of you for acting so mature because i think i would have said a lot more than that to him lol. i will also say that young people can be responsible to. my husband was becoming a 1st time dad at 18 and i was 20 so we were young but we also knew that is was time to straighten up and change the way we did things. now of course it took my husband longer to grow up and even now there are times that he is a little childish but he knows where the lines are and he has a lot of respect for people.

you should be offended