Envy has disadvantage and advantages
@triplejazzm51 (1373)
Philippines
July 7, 2012 9:33am CST
I have an officemate whom i dislike because she always imitates my style and my way of dressing, and she does it very obviously. She is assigned in a different department but we need to coordinate with each other most of the time because our department needs support from hers. We're of the same level in our respective department and whenever i request supplies and other resources we offically need to carry out our work they always give us difficult time. Because of this i am not close to her, i am not even her friend. I hear her say bad things about me, gossips about me, but i just ignore her because most of those are not true and we don't really know each other very well. I don't really know what her motives are, but she is one who has a "crab mentality", the disadvantage of envy.
Lately, i have observed that she imitates my style and way of dressing. When i wear new blouse, she also buys one with the same color. I usually wear high heeled shoes now she also wear high heels a thing she does not do before(by the way i am taller than her even without high heels). Actually, i have not observed this before until it became so obvious. When i wear lavender blouse, the following day she also wears the same color, when i wear white the following day she will wear white too. Last week i wore a light blue shirt and beige slacks, a color i really like and the following day she also wore the same color combination. Oftentimes, i catch her looking at me and staring at my attire. Well if this is the result of envy, it is good because she has transpired from an old fashioned woman to a more fashionable one though most of what she wear does not suit her. Sometimes i feel happy for her though sometimes i feel annoyed.
2 people like this
16 responses
@cheerfulnuts (604)
• Philippines
8 Jul 12
She talks behind your back but imitates your style? What kind of person is that, trying to imitate someone she clearly dislikes? Sounds like a loser to me LOL. I think what you've been doing is right. Your maturity only makes her immaturity more obvious.
For some reasons, this colleague wants to be better than you on everything. My guess is someone had told her that he/she likes your sense of style that's why she starts imitating you. If you've reached a point where you can't take it anymore, why don't you wear something you know that would really look bad on her. Let her imitate your clothes and let's just hope that someone would tell her how bad she looks. Maybe that would make her stop. It's kind of flattering though that someone envies you.
@triplejazzm51 (1373)
• Philippines
9 Jul 12
Thanks cheerfulnuts, i will do what you said. She is really trying hard to impress the management but we have different roles in the organization. Yes sometimes i felt flattered but most of the time i am annoyed, because she comes near me and look at what i wear when i am not looking and after a few days i could see her wear the same color combination and same style. She is stout, about 4'10" while i am 5'4",of medium built, i wear high heels, she also wear high heels. Sometimes i tell myself to just ignore her and let her imitate me. I don't also understand her behavior maybe because i have more friends in the office and i am more favored by the management because i bring in revenue to the organization. That i think is the reason for her having a crab mentality.
@cheerfulnuts (604)
• Philippines
11 Jul 12
Triplejazzm51, try wearing a blouse with horizontal stripes (that is, if it doesn't make you look heavier), and wait for her to wear the same style the next few days. Since she's stout, it would make her appear stouter than she is. Hihihi.
@sk66rc (4250)
• United States
7 Jul 12
Envy is no different than any other feelings we have... It's a natural part of human emotion... It's How we use it & apply it in our everyday life that makes a difference... Any & all emotions have advantages & disadvantages... You can be focused on being happy so much that you can lose track of what's going on around you... In that sense, being happy can be a bad thing... Emotions can be a very powerful reminder... If something bad happens & it angers you, you can always remember that feeling to remind you the next time so you can avoid getting into same situation...
@sk66rc (4250)
• United States
16 Jul 12
Wow, wisdom... Thank you for the compliment, lol... I've always believed in saying, "Don't live your life based on somebody else's standards, values & beliefs!"... My father taught me that & I found it to be very true... I also find it amusing when I came across a saying, "Imitation is one of the highest form of compliments"... If someone is imitating you, I would take it as a compliment, apparently you have personality worth imitating & others find it good enough to copy... Seems to me, you're a better person for it...
@triplejazzm51 (1373)
• Philippines
8 Jul 12
I believe so too sk66rc, i always pray that if she likes me and my ways why not just copy, it is okay with me but talking behind my back is a different thing. Anyway, i will try my best not to get affected. I will just stay as i am, hard worker and minding my own life. Thanks for your wisdom.
1 person likes this
@doryvien (2284)
• United States
13 Jul 12
Hi Triplejazz,
Good to see you here again, although I'm a bit surprised and intrigued with your topic now 
. Anyways, envy is evil. But this particular workmate, whoever she is
, maybe you just have the same taste and style, and it just happened that you get to wear first what she will be wearing the next day? Couldn't it be just pure coincidence? Anyways, I'd take it as a compliment if someone imitates me coz I'd think that I must look really good to be able to get that enough attention and be imitated. About the gossiping, I would confront her (in a very diplomatic way maybe?) to clarify and straighten out everything. You know, unless you hear it straight from the horse's mouth you can never really tell if what you know is really what's been said, as gossip have wings and they multiply as they travel. Miss you guys in the office, and I'm happy that we have myLot to still get connected.
. Anyways, envy is evil. But this particular workmate, whoever she is, maybe you just have the same taste and style, and it just happened that you get to wear first what she will be wearing the next day? Couldn't it be just pure coincidence? Anyways, I'd take it as a compliment if someone imitates me coz I'd think that I must look really good to be able to get that enough attention and be imitated. About the gossiping, I would confront her (in a very diplomatic way maybe?) to clarify and straighten out everything. You know, unless you hear it straight from the horse's mouth you can never really tell if what you know is really what's been said, as gossip have wings and they multiply as they travel. Miss you guys in the office, and I'm happy that we have myLot to still get connected.@triplejazzm51 (1373)
• Philippines
16 Jul 12
Hi doryvien, so glad to see you here again too, how are you and your family especially the kids? Your position is still vacant up to now and the office really miss you.
With regards my post, i have decided to just go on with my day to day work at the office and not waste my time with this kind of people. Gossips without basis just die down and people will find out that it was not true afterall. Only, it is disappointing to know that some of us are unprofessional in dealing with work related matters. They don't realize that what we do is for the benefit of everyone and the whole organization.
Well, hope to see you more here from now on. Take care.
@yansky23 (404)
• Philippines
9 Jul 12
Envy somehow is evil, but i think you can also convert it as a motivator. Because when you envy someone, you also want to achieve the things they've achieve and that will bring out the best in you as well as your competitive spirit. So I think, envy can also be used constructively.
@triplejazzm51 (1373)
• Philippines
9 Jul 12
That is true yansky, because i have felt envy too, but i can turn it into positive feelings. I hate the feeling of envy, so when i am envious with somebody i know or i dont know, i tell myself to accept the fact that each of us differs from the others and that if we want to be like the others, we should work harder or imitate them if appropriate. I hope this discussion teach us good morals. Thank you so much.
@taura2p (349)
• Romania
9 Jul 12
Yes, I think that envy has advantages and disadvantages, too. If a person is envious, he/ she will try to do better, so that they could have the things they envy. But envy is also bad, because it may destroy a friendship or any kind of relationship. Unfortunately, some people just don't know where to stop with their envy, so that everyone is happy.
@triplejazzm51 (1373)
• Philippines
9 Jul 12
Exactly, and i would add that we have the capability to control our envy and turn it into positive one. In that way, it can also help us grow, right. Thank you taura.
@vidhyaprakash_2 (7116)
• India
13 Jul 12
Hi friend, good to hear that you are a role model for her, as you mentioned she is following you a lot, i think she consider you as her role model and following your ways to get popularity in your concern, don't care more about this kind of copy cats, they don't have individuality and always follow other persons act.
@triplejazzm51 (1373)
• Philippines
16 Jul 12
Its funny really, i am not a fashion model i just dress simply, but you are right. I will just be myself and continue doing my work without getting anoyyed by people like her. Thanks for your advice.
@maharlikah (1045)
• Philippines
8 Jul 12
She's funny but, her enviousness could not be that obvious if she will try to imitate another fashion not yours. :-) Or well, maybe she just like your style in a lot of ways. :-)
@triplejazzm51 (1373)
• Philippines
8 Jul 12
Well, it is just okay, but she should make it not too obvious. What's bad is makes negative comments to something that she imitates. She also wants to hinder or delay some of our activities in our department by not giving us what we need to carry out our activities until i go to her and follow-up in a demanding way, because i am already angry.
@shylade (3132)
• Philippines
7 Jul 12
Envy is negative feeling although it produces positive results like what you've said, still it's not good to feel. It is much better to transform that feeling to a positive one. Instead of being envious with a person's achievement, why not use it as inspiration for you to work hard too so you'll succeed.
@triplejazzm51 (1373)
• Philippines
8 Jul 12
Yes, it is okay to imitate because we learn from others but if we want to destroy other's image because we envy them, is not good. I also admire other people in my job but i want to learn from them not to destroy them. Envy is a deadly sin, it is similar to jealousy, and an envious person is capable of destroying the other person because of that bad feeling. I hope we at mylot don't feel that way to others,it is a bad feeling to nurture. Thanks a lot!
@natliegleb (5175)
• India
8 Jul 12
if at all,
you say that envy has advantages what is that,you mean to say that we can be inspired and work hard.i dont think so because it could have some serious sideeffects too since it can disrupt their mind and avoid the focus and make them lose the track or path in which they travel ultimately leading to disaster
you say that envy has advantages what is that,you mean to say that we can be inspired and work hard.i dont think so because it could have some serious sideeffects too since it can disrupt their mind and avoid the focus and make them lose the track or path in which they travel ultimately leading to disaster@triplejazzm51 (1373)
• Philippines
8 Jul 12
Hi natlie, yes for me i think there are also advantages in some cases, say when you become motivated to strive harder to be able to reach the level of someone whom you envy. It depends on how a person take the feeling. But envy can be very destructive too, i admit. Thanks your so much for your view.
@timetravel (1425)
• United States
7 Jul 12
It sounds almost like the elements of a love-hate relationship...lol. She disses you on one hand yet imitates you on the other...perhaps her saying bad things about you and gossiping is so you won't notice that she actually admires your style and tries to emulate it..? You could confront her and say something like, "Listen, I understand you've been saying some not so nice things about me, and I'm wondering what your reasons are for doing this." It would be interesting to hear what she says!
@triplejazzm51 (1373)
• Philippines
16 Jul 12
I don't think she will admit it if i confront her. She is so self righteous. Besides, i might not be able to control myself and raise my voice in front of others and later on feel ashamed of myself. I will just think that she admires my way of dressing though i just dress simply.
though i just dress simply.@triplejazzm51 (1373)
• Philippines
8 Jul 12
You are right devi, we could not be happy if we harbor envy in our heart, it could even develop to illness and bad moods. So why just be ourselves right, admire others instead of being envious.
@triplejazzm51 (1373)
• Philippines
8 Jul 12
Yes, sometimes i think that way, maybe i am her idol. But i can see that she hates me because she talk against me and make my work difficult. Though when i confront her civilly with work related matters, she give in immediately maybe because she does not want me to bring the matter to the management. Thanks dorofee for your insight.
@mikyung (2232)
• Philippines
7 Jul 12
Envy can be a good thing if we apply it to it's advantage- by doing our best to achieve or get that something. If we really work hard for that. Good incentive is what they say. Anything that is in excess can be bad. It can destroy us. Backfire is the word, I believe.
Just ignore your officemate's ways. Just feel good about yourself. Focus more on the things that matter. Thanks
@triplejazzm51 (1373)
• Philippines
8 Jul 12
Yes, i am trying so hard to do that, my table is facing her table you, know and to avoid seeing her i transferred my computer to my right side table. Thanks for the advice.
@meumeu25 (917)
• United Arab Emirates
7 Jul 12
Hi,
Basing on your post the other person actually made me laugh, it is very obvious that she envy you and like you at the same time or else she wouldn't be copying your style. She wanted to compete with you which only made her laughable, if what she wears doesn't suit her. If I were you I would be flattered and amused, you obviously have a fan. Well, actually the crab mentallity, will surely annoy me. :))
@triplejazzm51 (1373)
• Philippines
8 Jul 12
You are really right, its really annoying, even my staff, they don't know the real motives. Maybe she wants to impress the management but usually it backfires to her. I think she has some insecurities. She is stout about 4'10" i am 5'4", some styles i wear that she also wears make her look shorter. Sometimes i pity her but oftentimes i am irritated. Anyway, i kept on telling myself to just be what i am and just ignore her. Thanks a lot meumeu, it feels good to share to all of you.
@roshigo58 (4859)
• Pune, India
20 Aug 12
It depends very much on how you take it. It is good if you think that it is for doing good in your life instead of showing a jealousy. Actually i admire the envy because one will go to get or achieve something because of its existence. But if you go for a comparison then it is not fare as well as disadvantageous.
