Reality Bites Oneself?
By Shavkat
@Shavkat (139152)
Philippines
October 3, 2012 12:32am CST
For some reasons, I felt awkward telling the truth to someone about how is he going to change for a better person. Take note, it was done in a constructive way. But still, they take it negatively. This is one of my buddy's egoistic behaviour. We may have this kind of defence mechanism, in denial stage. Perhaps, it is really our nature to feel hurt, but not to the extent he will turn himself against you. I guess, he is not open for change. I had made my piece of advise, he can take it or leave it that way.
1 person likes this
12 responses
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
3 Oct 12
That's true. Not every person that you would give advice to would take it in. Some would take it real bad. Don't you just get annoyed getting that attitude after you have given that person some advice on how to make things better?
@muzicman_17 (58)
• United States
3 Oct 12
Blessings Shavkat. You did what a friend who loves must do. Sometimes we know a person is struggling with something for a long time before we confront them in love with something. Which is proof of our love. It is wise to take that time to slow down and try to see all the angles, to pray, for guidance in what to say and HOW to say it(IMPORTANT). To many people see a problem and simply confront..and not confront IN LOVE. There is a difference. Both are speaking the truth but one is throwing more fire on a fire and loving confrontation throws water on a fire. We must be people who speak the truth in love. If I struggle with something and someone comes to me with my struggle, I'm a little embarrassed about it,ashamed and full of fear and guilt. You have the power in that moment to be antiseptic to my wound or a hatchet. The bible says in Proverbs 'the wounds of a friend are precious'because a friend loves at ALL times and always seeks to be medicine to my wound and not a hatchet when I am hurting others or myself.
You are a hero for being this way. God Bless you doing the hard thing..the right thing..the loving thing.
@muzicman_17 (58)
• United States
3 Oct 12
The toughest thing to deal with when confrontation becomes necessary, is that even if we do everything right..we prayed, considered our own faults and are dealing with them we confront in an inviting and non combative tone and are ready to forgive.., that some will still refuse to accept it. Continue to pray. You may need to leave that person alone for a while because what they once thought was private has now been seen and brought to light by you. Thats not easy because when we struggle with an addiction it becomes our friend and tries to convince us that those who want us free from it are our enemies. The bible calls these 'strongholds.' The stronghold wants to keep you but God wants you set free and you are a friend like God who wants someone who is being destructive set free.
Takes a hero.
@celticeagle (165620)
• Boise, Idaho
3 Oct 12
I remember telling my friend something she really needed to know. She just got mad and didn't take well to it. That is until she also heard it from someone else. Then she believed it. Our egos do sometimes get in the way and make it difficult for us to see the truth.
@celticeagle (165620)
• Boise, Idaho
4 Oct 12
I hope your friend listens and doesn't have to hear it else where.
@marguicha (222142)
• Chile
3 Oct 12
Most people are not interested in recieving advise. If they ask, they might be a little more open to see another perspective. But if the person hasn`t asked for it, there`s no way you can give it in a constructive way and you only hurt the other person.
@Shavkat (139152)
• Philippines
4 Oct 12
I do agree with that, some of our common friends are starting to pushed him away. As a concern friend, I tried to get his attention about it. If he takes it personally, I will give him more time to think about it. Thanks for sharing. Have a great day!
@sarah77yuan (81)
• Sweden
3 Oct 12
i always have the same feeling like yours. the time i told my friend that he had a bit of blundering,he angered at me and even did not have a talk with me for several days. i did not mean it,i just want to be a friend indeed. i did not mock him,but to hope him be better.
@muzicman_17 (58)
• United States
3 Oct 12
A stronghold becomes a vicious cycle of loneliness, desire for that thing, thoughts about it, rationalization, do it, guilt for doing it, depression, shame, trying to be better for a while, feel good..thoughts reoccur,depression and loneliness, struggling with why I'm not over my thoughts about it, giving up and giving in again, then the act again and the cycle repeats itself over and over. It has become my private friend and at the same time the bane of my existence..but letting it go now seems harded to do than keeping it. So we protect it and try to hide it and get defensive when people who see it, try to ask us to remove it. Strongholds are often of our own making but we all have a sin that is hard to get rid of than other sins in our lives.
Dealing with strongholds take courage to face what makes us afraid. Thats why its hard but it takes a friend with the courage to stand with that person realizing that resistance may come but its because that sin wants to stay and wants YOU to leave it alone. Thats why our friend struggling lashes out and we are shocked by their reaction. Its the stronghold, the addiction,the sin talking.
Dont stop being a friend but until they are over their pride you may need to be a friend from a distance but let them know you love them and want the relationship to continue and be stronger and that you miss it and you stand ready to battle with them when they are ready.
@meowchie (992)
• Philippines
3 Oct 12
For Christians, we have this verse in the Bible that says "Open rebuke is better than secret love".. :) So i agree with what you have done. You can't prove your concern for someone if you don't tell something that might be a negative point for him/her. You can't just watch your friend.. don't keep your love and concern, instead tell him/her honestly.
That's what true friendship is, telling the truth whether bad or good point about each other, but at the end of the conversation - both of you still consider each other as friends! :)
thanks for sharing :D ;)
@titomeong (70)
• Philippines
4 Oct 12
i agree with you, we just do our part which is to give advices or telling what is the truth, or to become a good person. but remember there is God in our lives, let's not forget about what the Lord God has done to us in our life. through Him we may not be a better person or maybe we are not here today. is it?. and also let's not forget that God has a better plan for us than what we are planing to do.
...good day!...
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
20 Oct 12
I would not volunteer the information on how he should better himself. He should ask what he is doing wrong and should let you know that people do not like him, he is not invited, and people run away from him. It is not that he is a jerk, but that he resents you pointing out. His faults. Let him ask for your advise and be tactful when you tell him.for instance say "why don't you? That would help.
@gitfiddleplayer (10362)
• United States
4 Oct 12
I know that most people don't like to hear the truth or worse, be given a chance to change the way they react or interact with somebody. You can call it constructive criticism but most people take it as a personal attack. Its too bad that he couldn't be more open, its called communication and I think people have forgotten how to do it.
@bestboy19 (5478)
• United States
3 Oct 12
If he is a reasoning person, perhaps he will weigh what you've said and come to the same conclusion.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
5 Oct 12
I think that there are times in our lives that we have to mask the truth to a certain extent. What I mean is that when we are dealing with friends of ours, we sometimes have to walk very gently in what we are saying to someone. The reason for this is because we don't want to hurt our friend's feelings. Only when someone asks me to be completely blunt with them will I be blunt about telling the truth to someone without worrying about whether or not their feelings would be hurt.
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
3 Oct 12
People who don't want to be corrected , even if it is for their own good are arrogant people. But i think they know that you are right, however they cannot accept that someone have told them about it. 
But at least you have done what a friend should have done, so it's his call to heed the change.
That's what reality is, it bites.
But at least you have done what a friend should have done, so it's his call to heed the change.
That's what reality is, it bites. 
@mangtony7451 (479)
•
3 Oct 12
Hello Shavkat greetings. I would not be surprised if your buddy turnout to be negative in spite of your constructive criticism. Especially when the one criticizing them are those of their peers or younger. Different people have different personality, just don't take it seriously.
