Telling your friend the person they love is a cheater
By silverfox09
@silverfox09 (4708)
United States
October 24, 2012 12:50am CST
I had a friend in high school , she loved her boy friend and here is nothing you can say wrong about him that she will believe . At that time I never had anything bad to say about him until 11 grade , I went to a party with his cousin that is when I met him in person .
At the time he didnt know I was friend with his girlfriend so he was not afraid to be himself with the other girls at the party. I saw him making out,grabbing up a girl . I was so shocked and I know they leave together . His cousin was also unaware that I know his girlfriend .
I wanted to tell my friend but until now I never told her , I couldn't believe she would go get pregnant for him !! I though she wanted to go to college also since we had the same passes . Even then I keep it private because now she is pregnant and to my surprise when I call her she say they are no longer together after the baby born he just break up with her.
I sometimes wonder if I should have told her , what would you have done ?. Everyone else I ask say its best I mind my own business unless I wanted her to stop talking to me. I have heard from others that they have told her that he was a big cheater so I though maybe she know and turn a blind eye .
What would you have done , if your friend seems to be in denial . Have you ever been place with a decision like that ? What was the out come ?
5 people like this
16 responses
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
25 Oct 12
I don't agree in meddling into other people's affairs. If she told her friend he was cheating on her, she would likely ask her boyfriend and he would deny it and she would believe him, and then she would be mad at her friend for saying that to her. It's not her story to tell. Her friend was with this guy and as the poster implied, she would not believe anything bad said about her boyfriend.
I would mind my own business unless he came on to me, and then I would confront both of them at the same time... and whatever happens happens.
@silverfox09 (4708)
• United States
26 Oct 12
We warned her and that is the most important thing , If I was warned I would start to check myself . My friend would not take our word over the guy she love . As Pointlessquestion said he would deny it and I cannot prove to her .
Julyteen we were some what close but he know her longer , and a love relationship is stronger than any friendship . I have only seen him once and I dindt wanted to hurt her feelings so I warned her and it wasn't me alone . She just ignore what we have to say .
@sharksfin (1091)
• Philippines
24 Oct 12
The situation was really tough. As a friend, of course, you don't wanna hurt feelings. And, in that particular situation, it's really about what kind of relationship/friendship you have with your friend. If I were in your shoes, I would tell my friend even if it will cost our friendship. Because that's what friends do. They try to keep friends away from falling into a pit. If my friend listens, then, I save him/her from a total destruction. It's always like that, anyway. We often don't see things or we allow ourselves be blind to certain things we don't want to admit at the present. But, once back to our senses, we understand completely and our view totally changes. Am sure, friendship will remain and that is just one test whether it will stay strong or break.
1 person likes this
@silverfox09 (4708)
• United States
24 Oct 12
When I know her she was already in love with him and even though I find it odd because she was older than him , you could not say anything wrong about him . I do think you are right though I should have probably told her straight up what I saw .
Yes sometimes its hard to think what is right for another person , but after you see the result we then though maybe it could have been avoided if only we had say something sooner .
@annavi23 (6522)
• Philippines
25 Oct 12
Hello silverfox! :)
I find it funny cause it feels like a coincidence I just finished talking to my highschool friend who was somehow in the same situation.
She had a boyfriend who was our batchmate in highschool but then the guy was just fooling around. He was a chickboy. My friend doesn't really know how many girls he have. Well, they broke up too late she was pregnant. The guy keep on denying he is the father of the child.
Well, in your situation, I guess it would be better to tell your friend maybe the guy isn't worth it at all. Cause it's better to know things first before troubles occur.
Maybe things won't get worst if you have warned her.
My friend also learned her lesson. She instantly fall for the guy who we thought was gentleman and sincere. But then, he has changed and became like an irresponsible man...Too bad she didn't realized it before the damage happened...
@silverfox09 (4708)
• United States
26 Oct 12
I think when your in high school and in love its hard to see the truth even if the signs are all there . It is funny that your friend is in the same situation now , I think this happen more often than we think .
We warned her but only her best fried maybe could have really let her believe , because her best friend was really close to the guy as well, she would always be saying she want a boyfriend like him . I was her new friend that was the reason I dindt know much about her boyfriend until we meet by accident and I didnt tell him who I was because I wanted to see who he was for myself.
So I warned her the next day after what I have saw . She dindt listen she just chose to ignore it .
My friend also learn and is now more mature , she is working to take care of her daughter and to my surprise she ask me to be the God Mother lol .
@annavi23 (6522)
• Philippines
26 Oct 12
Hello again, silverfox! :)
Oh, my friend was in love with guy after she graduated from college and after such jobs as well. We all thought the guy was a gentleman since this is what we knew of him back in our high school days.
But then, things and people changed, she never realized it until she knew him through time. He was a chickboy, he just have talent in keeping such secrets.
Only him knows how many girls he had...
Well, my friend broke up with him then after few days, she realized she was pregnant already. Still, she keep her baby. ANd she really looks like her mom.
A good thing and a blessing of course.
Most of the time, we learn to love more the child not because of the father.
Whatever the father did, the child has nothing to do with it.
Oh well, she learned her lesson that's why she made her mind to pick you as one of the God Mothers...
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
25 Oct 12
I think you did the right thing without getting involved. If you had told, you would have been the bad guy, because she would have confronted him and he would have lied to her and she would believe him. Then you would have lost your friend. All things come to light at their right time. You couldn’t have prevented her from getting pregnant. She would not have listened to you, because she never has before.
@silverfox09 (4708)
• United States
26 Oct 12
I also thing that would have been how everything played out , I would look like the bad person / jealous because I could not prove it . Yes she believe everything he say , if he had told her the sky was red she would have believed .
I agree after warning her and she ignore me , I came to the same realization that whatever is in the darkness will come to light . She would have probably think I am trying to control her life .
Have a good day
@ARIES1973 (11426)
• Legaspi, Philippines
24 Oct 12
If I am on that situation, I will definitely tell my friend about the thing that I know. No buts no ifs. Actually, I had a very recent experience of this kind. The girl is my office mate and when we had a party I have known from the other people that the man she is going out with is married already. But I just wonder why he told my friend that he is single. And worst, nobody reacted when he said that thing.
So when we go home, I told my office mate to stop seeing the man because he has a family. What is important is that I've done my part, if ever she will follow me or not, at least my conscience is clear with regards to that matter.
Have a nice day!
@silverfox09 (4708)
• United States
24 Oct 12
I think thats how it goes most times , we sometime rather not want to get into a person life because they may get hurt and even hate you for telling them and say you are a liar .
Well you did the right thing , I cannot believe the man is married and the people in the office know except for the girl he is dating . That is the same as my friend I really wonder if they also know , it almost impossible not to hear certain gossip .
@franseman (516)
• Philippines
25 Oct 12
My sentiments exactly. True friends can tell each other about these things. No, SHOULD! I know some people might think you're making up a story because you envie them. But true friends know better. Tell them you're really worried. Tell them about your concerns because you don't want to see them hurt in the end.
@else22 (4317)
• India
24 Oct 12
I would say,yes,you should have told your friend that she was loving a guy who doesn't deserve it.He did not love your friend.Instead,he was flirting her.Such affairs are false and don't culminate in marriage.They don't last long.The guy exploits his girlfriend,enjoys her and then leaves her to fend for herself.Girls are always at the receiving end in such affairs.That's why I think,you should have told your friend what you had seen.She's your friend after all.
1 person likes this
@silverfox09 (4708)
• United States
24 Oct 12
At that time all I was hearing was how good her boyfriend was and she didnt even listen to others when they were telling her , and even though I try to get her to think about her future , she would say he dont want her to go . She was hook so I think maybe it was just a one time thing .
1 person likes this
@GemmaR (8517)
•
24 Oct 12
It is always going to be hard when you're in a situation like this, but the thing that you have to remember is that if it was you who was being cheated on, then I am sure that you would want to know about it. You should talk to the person who is doing the cheating first as there is a chance that there would be an explanation for it which would mean that you wouldn't have to worry anymore, but if there is no uncertainty then you should tell your friend because it is not fair that she is being made a fool of by this guy.
@silverfox09 (4708)
• United States
24 Oct 12
We all tried warning her but thats how she is . I just have to think that was just a mistake she had to figure out on her own . I dont know the guy I have only seen him that one time so I would not have talk to him. You are right if it was me I would want to know the truth .
I agree with you its unfair that she is the one taken for a fool but there is only so much you can do when it comes to a couple relationship . You can warn them but they might have to figure the rest out .
@thesids (22180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
24 Oct 12
Hi silverfox
You have the right answer on the third paragraph of your discussion - mind own business. Though sounds rude, but the fact is that Love is Blind. The in-love lovers will never see the right or wrong and would never appreciate anyone's interference or judgement. That is how it goes.
Personally, yes, there was once a situation so similar as you mention, between me and my dearest cousin. I did tell her, she stopped talking to me and it took us 8 long years to get back to what our relation was. Though her bf was a cheat, but she would not see any of it until it was too late for her. Luckily, we all stood by her and today, she is happy. I have forgotten the entire episode and do hope that she too has moved on to good things in her life
You have the right answer on the third paragraph of your discussion - mind own business. Though sounds rude, but the fact is that Love is Blind. The in-love lovers will never see the right or wrong and would never appreciate anyone's interference or judgement. That is how it goes.
Personally, yes, there was once a situation so similar as you mention, between me and my dearest cousin. I did tell her, she stopped talking to me and it took us 8 long years to get back to what our relation was. Though her bf was a cheat, but she would not see any of it until it was too late for her. Luckily, we all stood by her and today, she is happy. I have forgotten the entire episode and do hope that she too has moved on to good things in her life@silverfox09 (4708)
• United States
24 Oct 12
Lol thank you
Thats how she was if you try telling her she think your ganging up on her and she would not come to school for days because of that. So everyone I ask tell me to mind my own business .
Wow 8 years is a real long time for her to be upset with you, but its good to hear the relationship is on good terms again .
Yes most people wont see even when everyone else can see but maybe that was just her learning experience and there was nothing I could have done to stop it from going that way. I am happy she is no longer with him .
@bhabycatch013 (9150)
• Philippines
24 Oct 12
hi silver,
You are caught between telling your friends the truth and hurting her by I think as a friends you should tell her whether it will hurt it or not someday one person gonna tell her about this so as her friend she better know it from you so she will know what she gonna do.
happy mylotting
@silverfox09 (4708)
• United States
24 Oct 12
Our other friends have tried telling her but she dindt listen and when I saw for myself , I told her I dont think he was good for her but not exactly what I saw . I think all the signs was there for her to see he never even take her anywhere .
@kyrararen (601)
• Indonesia
24 Oct 12
my best friend has been in that situation too. it was such a hard time for me because I didn't want to ruin her happiness that she doesn't get so often.
but as best friend of her, I knew that the result wouldn't have been any better if I had postponed to tell her that she was dealing with wrong person. someone that didn't deserve her. she tends to be devoted person so I really felt the need to tell her the truth so she could start to limit her feelings to him. Thus, the wound would be still bearable and manageable. at first, my best friend didn't believe it. but I opened her eyes, talked to her and tell her why. there were gestures, some sort of uncommon behaviour that comes from her (now ex)lover that actually really suspicious. long story short, I made it to knock some sense into her head. she broke up with him and I am still helping her get over it. I hope the best for your friend for she had a baby from such a guy.
@silverfox09 (4708)
• United States
24 Oct 12
I am happy that you were able to get to your friend before it was too late at least she listen to you.
My friend would have never take my word over the guy because she knew him long before we became friend . Even though we try telling her that she need to be careful she would say she know him for a long time now. If you push harder she will just avoid coming to school all together .
She dindt even attend school event because the guy dont feel like coming . Now she have a baby and he is with someone else . Even though that happen I think she will be ok , she has her family and friend close by . I am far away from her now but I still try to call her whenever I can .
@911Ricki (13588)
• Canada
25 Oct 12
IU think if it's bothering you that much that you should tell her. But again she probably wouldnt believe you. I know mys ister is this way with her boyfriend. She believes he can do no wrong, and I know and see how he acts elsewhere. I told her and she turned a shoulder on me. But shows what she will do to family, and will do for the lack of a man she is dating. I think with time whether you say anything or not the relationship will fall apart.
@silverfox09 (4708)
• United States
25 Oct 12
Yes some people are like that if you tell them are warned them they will not believe you . I try warning her before but she ignore my warning and others have also tried and fail . I guess seeing is believing .
Its not really bothering me now because its over between them and I wasn't even living close by anymore its just that when I talk to her I heard the news and I was kinda please because that what was in the dark has came to light.
@vidhyaprakash_2 (7116)
• India
24 Oct 12
Hi friend, sad to hear about your friend's stage. There is nothing wrong in your activity, you kept this information secret because you was worried about your friendship, as well as this information will affect your friend a lot, so only you hide it from her. Anyway past is past and she come to know about his real face now
@silverfox09 (4708)
• United States
24 Oct 12
Yes we cannot dwell in the pass and I guess he could hide forever . I am taken that is why they break up . Sometimes people just have to experience certain thing to know what you were talking about .
Thanks for your respond .
@mariaperalta (19073)
• Mexico
24 Oct 12
If she is a true friend of yours, you need to sit her down and tell her. She needs to know this. I think youd appreciate it, if you were in her shoes. Have a great day there.
@silverfox09 (4708)
• United States
24 Oct 12
Maybe I should have tell her exactly what I see instead of giving her hints , I told her what I felt about him but she is not a person you can reason with . Many have tried telling her and many have fail so I think maybe she know but she dont care much for herself .
Have a great day also
@ungu89 (1999)
• Malaysia
25 Oct 12
sometime is so hard to tell our friend that the person they love is a cheater...
when u love that person. it hard to know that they cheat u tell by your own friend
so u need to show the prove..o make your friend accidently bumb to that person when they ar cheating...
@silverfox09 (4708)
• United States
26 Oct 12
I think seeing is believing also but I dont know him , I only saw him once . She lived next door him so I find it hard that she cant tell he was cheating even after all the warning .
@silverfox09 (4708)
• United States
24 Oct 12
I tell her that he is not good but I dindt mention what I saw for myself since she will never listen when it comes onto him . He manipulate her so much already , he can tell her to hate certain people and she do it .
@Raine38 (12250)
• United States
24 Oct 12
It is my moral obligation as a person and my duty as a friend to be loyal to her and to care for her well being if I am given a chance to do sol that situation is a good opportunity for us to know who and what are friendship really is like. Even though I know that my friend will not believe, at least I have warned her and said something. It might be enough at least for her to think twice or even to investigate on her own, or she can even dismiss it and do nothing but it's okay because I have done my part as a friend, I wouldn't spend the rest of my life wondering what if. And worse, if she learns that I know something about it and I didn't say anything, she might feel betrayed. And worst, she have the right to feel that way.
@silverfox09 (4708)
• United States
24 Oct 12
I try warning her by telling her I dont think he is right for her but she wouldn't have it, I dindt tell he what I see because everyone I ask say that would hurt her feelings and she wont listen to me .
I will not spend my life wondering what if because sometimes things were meant to be exactly the way they go . Just wish she could have seen what others have tried telling her .
