My Older Sister has Issues
By Vnyard
@Vnyard (286)
Philippines
November 20, 2012 6:53pm CST
Ok, I am very close with my siblings and parents. Since I came home to the Philippines 4 years ago though, I noticed something that is bothering me until now. It is about my older sister, she lives in the house where we grew up. Technically, it is my grandparents house but my parents built an extension from the house and now my sister and her family lives in it.
The house is still my parents' right? Being that I am single, it is technically my house as well =P
Well, my older sister and her family lives in it but she treats me like I'm renting or something. My parents sent me home to review for my licensing exam so they could save. So I would not have to pay bills and rent and all those stuff. But here she is taking advantage of that.
One minute she's ok and she is the sister I used to know. Someone I could talk to and would have my back. The next minute she's this other person who cares only about herself.
My mom and bestfriend have adviced me to try to have a heart to heart talk with her. I did several times but it always comes back to the way it was. She's so indifferent, selfish and arrogant at times. Whenever she needs something though, she approaches me like this angel and treats me very well but when she does not need favors, she's just plain rude.
I try to ignore these mood swings of hers and all these offensive comments and actions from her because I already tried confronting her and it works for awhile. I'm getting really tired of the cycle so I'm letting it be. Anyway, I won't be here for long and will not have to deal with this soon. Maybe then she'll be nice to me again when I'm million miles away from her just like she used to when my parents didn't send me home yet!
3 people like this
18 responses
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
21 Nov 12
That is sad. But I do hope you could patch things ups and be like the way you used to be.
My sister and I are 10 years apart. So, when i got married, she was just 12 years old. We never had the chance to bond like sisters do although we do not have the gap. But looking back, I think she misses me too coz while she was growing up, me and my brother were no longer with them as I moved in with my husband's family and my brother went to China to work then eventually got married. so she was practically alone.
1 person likes this
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
21 Nov 12
I guess, there is always an "odd man" among siblings. I don't know how we can make them change, but I think what can help to make the relationship better is to show love even more than become defiant.
@41CombedaleRoad (5952)
• Greece
21 Nov 12
It sounds as though your sister has a problem that she cannot discuss with you and I suspect she may be jealous. If you want to keep a good relationship with her then it is better to tread carefully and give her time to get over whatever the problem is.
Consider that you are free, she is tied down. You can move away but maybe that house is the only home she will ever have. Being generous hearted always has its reward and it sounds to me as though you are the one who is most blessed.
1 person likes this
@perfectstranger (727)
• Indonesia
21 Nov 12
Maybe you and your sister should keep a distance first, your sister like that probably because the pressure inside the household. Different is the situation when we were still single and when we're married. Many needs that must be met as well as economic problems sometimes it affects a person's mindset. Maybe you can do is try to tell to her about how you feel, even though she'll be back is selfish, at least you've told her how you feel. Do not be too hard too to her, however, she is your sister
@Vnyard (286)
• Philippines
21 Nov 12
I already told her many times but she never really keeps it into mind. Maybe she does but her actions still presents who she really is...her character and her routines. Maybe she just got used to being like that.
I remember my brother telling me that even if we don't agree on her decisions and the things that are happening to her, it is really not up to us because it still comes back to the point that she chose that kind of life. Nobody forced her into it. She had so many choices and so many people supporting her, even now...she just has to choose. Everyday is a choice and if one day you choose to be rude to a family, don't expect so much in return.
@beamer88 (4259)
• Philippines
21 Nov 12
You're right, your sister really has some issues. Being the older one, she should be more understanding. Older siblings after all are supposed to look after their younger siblings. I guess what you can do now is just patiently wait for her to realize the unsisterlike things that she's doing. You've had done your part by talking with her about this. Obviously there's something bothering her. Maybe it's about her own family or financial, but whatever it is, maybe she's just not ready to really open up about it. If you're religious, a little prayer for her might help.
1 person likes this
@Vnyard (286)
• Philippines
21 Nov 12
Yes, a lot of patience and a lot of prayer will one day help her see things clearly. I know something is bothering her and I never left her hanging especially when I can do something to help her. Once the problem is done though, it's like nothing happened. Not even a thank you...Is it really that hard to say those words.
@Raine38 (12250)
• United States
21 Nov 12
Maybe she's just got a lot of things on her plate right now, on the verge of being burnt out with all the stuff going on for her and her family? LIke, money problems, perhaps? I know these shouldn't be an excuse for someone to be rotten or nasty especially to their own siblings, but then not all of us can understand. I am the oldest sister and I always make sure to look after my younger siblings even though they are already starting to work on their chosen careers. But sometimes, understanding doesn't come with the order of birth, you may be younger but you may know better than her. Right now, there's nothing much you can do but try to be more patient with her and try to make her feel that you are someone she can trust and she can confide in you. Also, while you are reviewing, do your best so you can finally get a place of your own and be out of her hair. Sometimes, it is better to be far from our loved ones and love them from afar, then be with them all the time and hate each other.
1 person likes this
@Vnyard (286)
• Philippines
21 Nov 12
I agree, most of the time even if you are younger, with experience and everything that happened to you, you mature. I am the third sibling but I had to take care of my younger sibling because the older ones went back to our country by choice. So I had to take care not only of my younger sibling, even my parents.
I do love my sister but I can't live with her in the same house. I actually moved myself into my grandparents extra room upstairs just so I don't have to deal with her moods everytime.
When I got home this evening, she was ok. She talks to me and tells me things again but I am bracing myself for tomorrow. I will never know what mood I'd wake up to in the morning.
Great about being me most of the time is that when I hear nasty comments and what not, I laugh it off. Just to clear the air.
1 person likes this
@sunshinefame (287)
• Philippines
21 Nov 12
Sad to hear that from you, anyway she's still your sister, being young to her just give maximum tolerance to her tantrums maybe lots of financial problems and she had a family that's why she change... or maybe she wanted your helping hands in the household... or so many maybe but one thing for sure, a sister is a sister just don't make it a big issue to your family just hold on the way what she is before, sweet and loving sister as you said you will not live there long so just be patient for the meantime. It's hard but its the best thing to do if you want to have harmonious strong family relationship.Just don't share that experience to your parents, they are old enough to worry for their children.. In your part make yourself successful , am sure everybody will be nice and sweet t o you.. Good luck and God bless.
1 person likes this
@Vnyard (286)
• Philippines
21 Nov 12
As for the households, she does not even have to ask once, I'm all over it. With the kids, no problem...I babysit them most of them time except when I'm reviewing. They even sleep in my room during weekends.
You're right, I just have to keep on holding on to the way she was before but also learn that she has changed and accept the fact that she may never be aware of it even if I tell her many times.
We only have our Dad now and I never tell him anything. I used to talk to my brother about it but I had to learn to deal with it on my own as well.
God Bless you too :)
@therealmaryyy (3162)
• Philippines
21 Nov 12
I feel ya i feel ya! most of the time, i ignore her. i don't want to waste my time. she is mostly stubborn to me.
@miyazaki12 (429)
• Philippines
21 Nov 12
I really don't have the right to judge your older sister. However if you think you have really tried your best to talk to her, then just let things be. There's nothing we can't do anymore. Some people are really quite hard headed.
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
21 Nov 12
I'm so sorry you are feeling this way about your sister. You must feel so alone at times. I think you could nip this in the bud by saying NO when she wants something. When she is all sweet and nice wanting something, just tell her ... I'm sorry.. but NO, I cannot do that for you. You have no use for me when you don't want anything, so I have nothing for you when you need something from me. This will certainly make her take notice. Tell her NO every time.
@NailTech (6874)
• United States
21 Nov 12
It will only grow worse if you stay there forever so I'm glad you plan to move away eventually. I know this cause you described my brother exactly several years ago and now I'm about to string him up at times cause of all of his bad habits and not just those he had back then. I just think people like that suck the life out of you and it isn't healthy to be around them. It's not right she treats you that way for the house is yours also.
@watchamacallitz (1171)
• Philippines
21 Nov 12
It really is sad when the person who used to be nice to you will just change especially if that's a family! Now, with your sister, you should talk to her about it. It is better that you settle it sooner than later. You two are still sisters and nothing should ever change that.
@keithyen (13)
• Australia
21 Nov 12
obviously she didnt like you to live with them probably she thinks that u are a burden to her like foods and other might increasing coz u live with them..but it good to her why she treated u like that shes ur sister anyway...maybe she had a problem at the moment
@Vnyard (286)
• Philippines
21 Nov 12
She had no choice because she actually lives in my parents' house for free. When she needs something financially or whatever she asks my dad for it. Even if she already has a family, my dad still supports her so I think she does not have anything to complain about because she actually gets help from my dad because I live with her.
Family rules is if married and has his/her own family, our parents won't give support anymore. It's the husband's duty to put food on the table. Right now, this rule does not apply because I am here.
She even asked my dad to buy her a new expensive washing machine for Christmas. I never complained even when I can barely have my turn to do my laundry.
@bennscale (1)
• Indonesia
21 Nov 12
trying to survive in these condition and try to improve it, how ever she is still yor sister, you were in the same womb while still a fetus. i am sure that deep in her heart, you still her dear sister. maybe she is a litlle bit awkward coz both of you has sparated for a long time, so believe me she will not abused you
@heartycindy (4)
• Philippines
21 Nov 12
I think it is best to settle issues with her, This will never end if that is not settled.
Glad you are from the Philippines because I am too.
@Cutie18f (9551)
• Philippines
21 Nov 12
I think the best thing you can do is to try to understand her, why she is behaving that way. Maybe she is jealous of you because again, maybe she feels that your parents love you more. I think that is normal among siblings but I hope this doesn't get worst. Your sister needs to grow up. She has to prove and show to your parents that she is also as lovable as you. I think her real issue is insecurity so you just have to be understanding and stretch your patience a little bit more.
@mariaperalta (19073)
• Mexico
21 Nov 12
I had the same thing with me for awhile in the usa. I lived a few months with my dad and sister there. my sister always acted like it was her house.
•
21 Nov 12
It is very difficult to handle such kind of issue but i think u should try to discuss it with ur parents
