20 Plus years should guarantee forever...

There are alot of reasons why some people get divorced after 20 years. People fall out of love. Some woman finally get fed up with a lousey marriage,like my sister did. Cheating is not the only reason. Careers,retirement,a spouse going through an illness like cancer,losing a child,religion, beliefs and abuse can break marriages. I even have heard of a few couples married for years and the husband finally comes out of the closet! Nothing is a guarentee anymore and that includes marriage.

It's a weird thing but it does happen. ALOT. Men and women both go thruough 'the change' and when this happens some act like teenagers and are finding marriage boring and want to be single again. It's as if they wake up one day and can't stand their mates any more. Its weird but it does happen.

Hi LMB! You are right that after spending 20 odd years or so it comes as a shock if we hear that couple has gone for divorce or has parted ways. They should have been in a position to accommodate each other after spending so many years together. May be in some of the cases they stay together out of compulsion and when they see the opportunity, either of them part his/her way. In my view, it is unfair basically to go for separation after living with a partners for years together on the ground that they do not gel with each other. One of the partners, who initiates separation might have found a new partner to live with but what about the other one, who is left behind? Good discussion.

It's very common nowadays. Before, our forefathers time, haven't heard similar situations. The reason why, it's because our patience and trust lost. Movies and television programs encourage us to do extra marital affair and also encourage us to divorce our partner if they felt not comfortable and feeling burden with the relationships

Maybe I used to wonder, but I understand more now. People grow and change and often grow apart. Sometimes couples can manage even though they've grown apart, other times they can't because they need different things from their spouse. Sometimes it's just those little problems that in the beginning you're willing to ignore because you see so much good in your spouse.. but after 5 years the little problems get bigger and bigger. After 10 years you're at counselling because of those little problems. After 15 the problem is so huge you can't see yourself spending another moment with that person. Then you meet someone, become their friend. See things in them you like, wish that you'd met them before your spouse. All marriages have rough spots, and I think it would take a really strong and really dedicated person not to cheat during a rough spot, especially if they find someone else they connect with. Though I am not speaking from experience. I do have problems in my marriage but neither of us have cheated and we don't plan to. But we are going through rough times, I have considered divorce (we've been married almost 10 years), and if I got the right kind of attention from a guy friend (which I don't have) I could see how it could be tempting because there are times I feel alone and neglected.

Most people I know who are in this type of situation, their kids have grown up and made their own life. They then realize that they have nothing, but these kids. My sister always says when all of us kids pack up and leave, my parents will split. It's hard to say but they are always arguing, they have always stuck together because of us kids. I told her we will wait and see.

I share your amazement at this factor because I would also consider the likelihood to be virtually zero. Too many people choose to get married during an early portion of their relationship, so the chance of the novelty wearing off and one of them deciding that it was not such a good idea is always prevalent. However, after a period of 20 years together it is reasonable to assume that both of them are wholeheartedly committed to the relationship. Nevertheless, we do hear of people splitting up after such a long period together. Not only would you expect that 20 years represented a stable and happy marriage, but even if one partner had simply found it satisfactory and convenient then you would expect that same opinion to continue.

My parents split up after 21.5 years, and for a very good reason. My mother said that Dad was perfect until they had kids, then he started getting controlling. They had my sister 7 years in, and they had me 11 years in. They both really wanted and loved us, but they didn't really act loving towards eachother. He was very controlling, and she allowed it, because she wanted to keep the peace. Finally when my sister's terrible teens forced their different coping methods to the surface, Mom realized what a horrible mistake she made staying in the marriage. Sis was acting out to get AWAY from the conflict at home, and would have likely wound up in a really bad situation outside of the home, if Mom didn't step in and do something. Mom was the first to speak and break up the marriage, and Dad moved out. That was 20 years ago. Sis came around real fast, Mom and Dad each found new partners with whom they are very compatible, and everything is GREAT! We now have four wonderful parents, and two new step-siblings. Sometimes people do the wrong thing and stay together just for the sake of the kids. That never ends well! If parents can't be in love, they should move on, and stop torturing the kids by staying together. Sometimes it takes a couple of decades for them to figure this out.

no it is not sudden, normally what happens is that there are issues in the relationship that have never been resolved over the years. One classic one is staying together for the kids.

I'm with you. And it surprises me even more when I hear people divorcing after that long, and it ISN'T because of infidelity. I mean you've invested that long and it's something so horrid you can't get past it after so many years of marriage? I'd feel like man, I have to start over again? It seems better to try to work it out than throwing in the towel. Of course if we're talking abuse then that's a different story. But you and I aren't talking about that.

my parents divorced after 34 years of marriage. I think that they should have divorced earlier as they were fighting like a dog/cat pair. They stayed together because my mother wanted to make ure, we the kids have a home to go to, henever needed. Once all of us were outside the house, married, she divorced.

hi, i could say that 20 years being in a relationship is not a guarantee for a couple because there are still story who have living and married for almost how many years but suddenly they will get divorce,and to happen this there are many factor that can affect the life of a couple.

It's something really worth wondering I mean at all. A person decided to live a large part of his/her life with another person then after being so strong for so many years they will give up on each other I mean that's something not correct for me. I think people should realize how important marriage is and not take it for granted. It is a very sacred ceremony and as well as a celebration of the union of two hearts. I mean it is that important ya'll know what I'm saying it is supposed to be treasured not to be trashed just like that.

Firstly I agree with you,if the marriage last long enough,I mean more than 10 years,then they must conquer so many difficulty in their lives,so this marriage should last forever. But from another point of view,may be people had enough for their marriage and can not stand that any more after more than 10 years tolerance they are enough. In a word,people are all different.

I don't really know. I wasn't married that long (11 1/2 or so years), but I also knew that I didn't want to be married to him anyway. I was involved with Ed for seven years. We broke up in early October of 2010-it broke my heart. To a certain extent, I am still in love with him. We were so different, but I was willing to do anything he wanted. I think it was because we were also good friends, and the friendship is what began it all. I don't know when I'll STOP loving him either. Once Ed made his choice, I decided to move on and try to find a new relationship. Jim (my current boyfriend) and I are still working on our friendship and relationship; it's a daily process. But I really don't think that I'd ever cheat on him either; I'd probably just leave outright if I was upset enough or done with the relationship.

My brother was married for over 20 years then got divorced. He has been married to his second wife for almost as long. The first marriage ended on crappy terms....his career grew....she didn't want to go along with the responsibilities that came with it...they grew apart....plain and simple. I have even heard of people divorcing after 50 years....my best friends parents just did that....she finally couldn't take it anymore and decided that the rest of her life should be happy.

I have always wondered the same thing. I mean yea pretty much like you said after all those years you think you are pretty much set and then that happens. Your significant other cheats on you or no longer wants to be with you any more. Maybe they are wanting someone else or who know the reason. My mom and my step dad where together for 20 plus years and then one day my dad just decided to start cheating on my mom. My mom wanted to stay in the relationship and make things work despite him cheating on her, but he did not want to make things work and wanted to leave the marriage. I am like this okay why didn't you just tell her that instead of cheating on her. So since you can't make no one stay with you if they don't want to be with you so eventually they divorced. Which in the end I think was for the best, she didn't deserve a man like that anyway. But I agree why wait all those years to finally decide you'd rather be single or you don't know what you want why wait?

It's hard to tell what could be the real reason why couples get tired after 20, 30 or more years of marriage. But for sure there is one good reason why it happened- though it's really hard to understand for the others. I have been married for 12 years when I decided to call it quits after my ex keeps cheating me for _th times. It's too tiring to forgive and he keep doing the same thing again and again.

Yeah I understand what you are saying. I agree with you. I think something like that is crazy. It doesn't make sense to me either. I would feel like my husband and I have made it through so much after that many years that it would be foolish to do something like that. It is pretty crazy to me that things like this happen.

your right.. I have an uncle and aunt her who divorced last year after 33 years. So you never ever know. They both said they just got tired of each other. Go figure. Take care there.