I'm sorry, but I don't want children!
By Eden Goldie
@WillowHolmes (46)
August 23, 2015 11:27pm CST
If you don't find babies cute, a child's laughter harmonious or find an infants curiosity charming then you are quite often deemed to be strange or even unkind, hence the embarrassment I felt for a very long time.
The first time I confessed my dislike for children I was branded a "child hater", and made to feel cruel and almost evil, because everyone loves babies, don't they? As a woman, you would assume I can't wait to start populating the earth with mini me's, and whenever I tell someone I don't want children they tell me I will change my mind or assume it's because of my career...but the truth couldn't be more simple. I just don't want any.
I don't want sleepless nights, I don't want to tolerate noise, clean up someone else's mess or spend my money on nappies, clothes they'll grow out of in a few months and to replace stuff they've broken.
I can't tell whether other people's children annoying me is something everyone feels, or part of my character, but I DO know it doesn't make me a bad person. I DO know it further proves I'm not meant to have children...and I know that's okay.
Not everyone has to love your little ones, and don't be offended if they don't. I don't go around pushing them over, I regularly babysit because I am good with them, I just don't love everything that they do or get broody when they're around.
Yes, I do have a good career that I want to put time and effort in to building up and know having a child would compromise it, but that's not an issue. Plenty of women balance their professional and private lives as a Mother. No, my partner doesn't want children, but I haven't been forced in to developing an opinion against my natural desires as a female, it is something we have discussed and agreed on multiple times...and will probably continue to do so.
We are all different, and knowing what you truly want in life is a blessing. I don't believe we were all put on this earth to repopulate, but to experience and enjoy ourselves, and that comes under different brackets for each person. We have but one life, and are lucky because of it, so make it YOUR life and live it how you choose!
19 people like this
24 responses
@kaka135 (14931)
• Malaysia
24 Aug 15
I have friends who decided not to get married or not to have children too. I think it's good to choose what we want in our life. When someone is forced to do something, in this case, perhaps many people are suffering. I think some women don't like to take care of children, especially babies, but if they are forced to do so, babies will not be happy as well.
@WillowHolmes (46)
•
24 Aug 15
Amazing to hear, i'm afraid some people have them because they're under the impression they should.
@kaka135 (14931)
• Malaysia
24 Aug 15
I read a quote lately, and I just love it - "Do what you feel in your heart to be RIGHT as you will be criticized anyway." (by Eleanor Roosevelt)
Yes, no matter how, whether we follow the trend or not, we'll still be criticized by some people. Some people just can't accept the indifference. So, I always think it's good to just do what we want to do (as long as it's not harmful to everyone). 
4 people like this
@rusty2rusty (6763)
• Defiance, Ohio
24 Aug 15
When I was younger I never wanted children. I ended up being a stay at home mom and have three children. I don't regret the decision of having children. However, having a children has caused me to make some bad choices in life.
2 people like this
@WillowHolmes (46)
•
24 Aug 15
Life isn't always how we planned, and because of that things turn out very differently to how we may have thought. We come across obstacles we didn't expect and have to find ways of dealing with new stuff. Everyone makes bad decisions :)
@inkyuboz (1392)
• Mandaluyong City, Philippines
24 Aug 15
Some people can be just too judgmental when you don't share a similar opinion that they deem "popular" and/or "universally accepted". Those types of people need to have an open-mind but we really can't force them to, can we?
Me? I want to have children of my own someday but I wouldn't go and judge you as evil or child-hating just because we don't have the same plans.
Chin up. You're OK in my book.
4 people like this
@WillowHolmes (46)
•
24 Aug 15
Thanks for your comment, I'm not at all down about the situation but definitely feel it's one not as publicly expressed as it could be. I'm happy to hear my topic had the impression it was meant to, especially from the point of view of someone that wants children. I wish you and any future little ones well :)
3 people like this
@kaka135 (14931)
• Malaysia
24 Aug 15
I think I have made some choices that are not so "popular", so I am always being judged or some people are just too concern and always give me "good advice". After a few years, I have learned to be just smile, and move on (do what I want to do). I used to try to explain, but some people just don't listen at all, they still think what they think is right, so I think it's good to just respect them, and leave myself some peace too. 
1 person likes this
@kevin1877uk (36988)
•
24 Aug 15
Everyone is different from each other, we all can't be the same. I known a few ladies who don't want children.
2 people like this
@Cristi_Ichim (3743)
• Bucharest, Romania
24 Aug 15
It's ok. I accept you as well even though you don't like children.
2 people like this
@dlr297 (5409)
• United States
24 Aug 15
i commend you on your honesty... I personally have 8 children.. they are all grown up now..It is not easy having children, they start out cute and cuddly...but that soon turns into a 24 hour job...7 days a week. My oldest will be 42 this month... and my baby is 26..... and even though it is not the same thing as when they were growing up...they all still consume most of my day...every day.....but it is a good thing that me and my husband have a lot of time to spend together now doing things that we could not before....
1 person likes this
@kaka135 (14931)
• Malaysia
24 Aug 15
@WillowHolmes Yes, we really need lots of patience to be a parent, much more than I expected.
@WillowHolmes (46)
•
24 Aug 15
Yes, it's a lot more than changing nappies and kissing ouchies...I commend the patience you must have. :)
1 person likes this
@TLChimes (4822)
• United States
24 Aug 15
I would think worse of you if you went ahead and had a child KNOWING how you feel about them. I think a person who is self aware enough to avoid something, even parenthood, that isn't right for them, is admirable.
You do what's best for you and never mind anyone who tries to judge you.
PS I am MOM and I still understand that not everyone wants to deal with my mess... I mean kids.
1 person likes this
@WillowHolmes (46)
•
24 Aug 15
Thank you for your kind words, the overall reception of this topic has been more positive than I could ever have imagined. It's calming to know so many people in majorly different situations can all accept and appreciate other people's opinions :)
1 person likes this
@allknowing (136481)
• India
24 Aug 15
I like your honesty.It is better to make it clear than have children forced on you and those children having a miserable time in your company.
1 person likes this
@kaka135 (14931)
• Malaysia
24 Aug 15
I agree with you. I've seen some people having children, but not treating the children well, and I always wonder why these people want to have children. If everyone is as clear and brave as @WillowHolmes , I guess the world will be more beautiful.
1 person likes this
@WillowHolmes (46)
•
24 Aug 15
I'm definitely too selfish to give a child everything it wants and needs :)
2 people like this
@WillowHolmes (46)
•
24 Aug 15
You can have the same ideas, just make sure they're your own and try not to be ashamed of them (while remaining diplomatic) :)
1 person likes this
@superkarlie (44)
• Netherlands
24 Aug 15
Every one has the freedom to choose what they want and no one has the right to judge it.
2 people like this
@ro6yn88 (6)
• London, England
24 Aug 15
Ahh I feel sad that your title is "I'm sorry, but I don't want children!" You shouldn't be sorry for choosing to live YOUR life YOUR way!
I have completely different views to yours, but it's so refreshing to see that somebody is speaking so openly about this almost taboo subject.
You've acknowledged something that thousands of irresponsible parents have failed to acknowledge...you just don't want to put someones needs before your own. And as you don't have any dependents, good on you!
I just wish more people would have the sense to see the world through your eyes, before they have children they can't or won't provide for.
I do feel that when you're older you may feel that there is something missing, but then I may be wrong and you'll find joy in other aspects of your life!
Whatever you choose, just be happy.
@WillowHolmes (46)
•
24 Aug 15
You have captured exactly what I feel and put it in to your own words, and the word taboo couldn't be more applicable. You're right, none of us know what is around the corner, I wish you happiness also.
@kaka135 (14931)
• Malaysia
24 Aug 15
I think it's totally fine to not love children and not wanting to have children. I really think you are doing good, especially you know what you want and don't want, but not just follow anyone else. I have seen some people don't really like children, but just have children (for whatever reasons), at the end, perhaps the children are the one who are suffering. I really think you are doing the right thing, just do what you want to do.
I have friends who choose not to have marriage and be single, and I think they are totally fine too. They enjoy their life with what they believe. I agree that we are all different, and I salute those who know what they want and respect what they want too. We choose our life!! 
@WillowHolmes (46)
•
24 Aug 15
Thank you, I do agree that there is almost a pressure on women to feel maternal resulting in those that may not have wanted children having them. :)
1 person likes this
@scarlet_woman (23463)
• United States
24 Aug 15
my kids have tails...and don't ask for $600 shoes or $300 iphones..
i can't have kids,but i'm really not that maternal anyway.
my neighbor has a baby that shrieks constantly just cause he can and it drives me up the wall.he'll look right at you and smile,so he knows what he's doing..:(
@WillowHolmes (46)
•
24 Aug 15
Haha I know exactly what you mean, I'm not patient enough for that...but would happily have 1000 cats hahaha
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
25 Aug 15
If you don't like or want children, then thank you thank you thank you for not having them.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
24 Aug 15
I don't like kids either.. but that's cause I've had 5 of my own.
LOL
I'm sure the species won't come to an end just because a few women choose not to procreate.. there are those of us out there that procreate enough for 2-3 women so you're off the hook! 
LOL
I'm sure the species won't come to an end just because a few women choose not to procreate.. there are those of us out there that procreate enough for 2-3 women so you're off the hook! 
@Concordia (32)
• India
4 Sep 15
It's not unusual or out of the norm to not want children.*grins* The other day me and my friend were discussing how annoying our cousins are and still how cute.
Her - "I like babies as long as they are not crying"
Me - " I like them as long as they are not mine"
Suffice to say though i ADORE my cousins having kids is not a priority for me.
@ihasaquestion (8275)
•
12 Jul 18
Wait till you hear of labels like feminism or the likes for having an opinion like this. Or worse, you will be blocked because they don't like forthcoming answers or discussions. I respect your honest take on this and I always tell myself, "different strokes for different folks". Just because your idea might fall off the norm does not make you a bad person. In fact, you are way more honest than some care to admit. I love kids too, but I'm never going to judge you ever.
