i shouldn't be here

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Sniffling, aching, cracking, popping, hurting, sleeping, coughing ... This has been my world for the last two days. I'm currently curled up in bed with a sleeping cat snuggling up to me. The last two days have seen me venture into the dark world, spreading my horrible germs amongst bus passengers, students and friends, and this morning I thought, No! Not again! I shan't drag myself into work feeling so poorly. I deserve a day in which I can relax and recover. So I prepped myself, took a deep breath and rang up the administration office at work, leaving a message. To be on the safe side I also emailed my line manager, the teaching staff I work with and a friend in my department. Then I tootled off to bed, sleeping for four solid hours and dreaming of the most daft things. My absence record, when compared to other people's, is virtually unblemished. I {perhaps stupidly} have a fear of being off work. I don't like missing the gossip, the chatter, the students I work with, the lessons I'll have to catch up on, etc. Deep down I think this stems from many moons ago when I was teaching and had a lot of sick days, which eventually culminated in me being signed off work for four months with depression. Now, even when I'm genuinely poorly, I feel guilt for taking time off; it makes me think I'm going to go through the whole rigmarole of those teaching days. I sometimes wish I had never grown up. And the boiler is broken. The pilot light keeps going out. I need to contact British Gas and get them out to look at it, but I just don't want to. Not right now. I think I should sleep right now. *small smile*