The Hardest time in a Woman's Life
By 41Combedale
@41CombedaleRoad (5952)
Greece
January 13, 2016 9:31am CST
The hardest time in a woman’s life is not when she has the responsibility of caring for a young family, nor is it when she is passing through the menopause. I have observed that women are under the most pressure during the years from their late fifties to mid sixties.
This is not true of all woman but it is becoming the experience of an increasing number of us.
I have visited a friend today who is an example of what I mean. She is in her mid 60s now and has a daughter and a four year old granddaughter. Her daughter works so my friend looks after the child regularly. Her daughter has had a number of personal problems this year all of which have been off loaded onto my friend.
My friend’s mother lives with her, she is now in her late eighties and is almost completely reliant on my friend to look after her.
So with her mother still alive, her daughter needing support and her granddaughter needing care my friend hardly has a moment to herself.
Care and sympathy is extended to mothers and to women going through the mid life crisis, but I have read nothing about the older ones who, although past their prime themselves, are sandwiched between the difficulties facing both the younger and the older generations.
My friend looked tired today and was rather tearful. I can quite understand why.
30 people like this
25 responses
@ElizabethWallace (12074)
• United States
13 Jan 16
Actually I have read articles on what is called the "sandwich generation". But they focus on the couple, not the woman. Often, however, single women older women are the ones doing double and triple duty. AARP has some helpful suggestions. Look them up online.
3 people like this
@41CombedaleRoad (5952)
• Greece
13 Jan 16
Longevity has contributed to the problem, people live long enough to see three or four living generations. Sandwich generation is a new term to me but very fitting.
1 person likes this
@ElizabethWallace (12074)
• United States
13 Jan 16
@41CombedaleRoad Maybe so, but looking way back, people lived in multiple generational units all the time. It is only in the recent past that people have taken to moving out young and living without parents and grandparents.
@kaka135 (14931)
• Malaysia
13 Jan 16
Sorry to hear that. I always thought people who are living in Western countries do not have the habit of letting the parents take care of the children.
I am not sure about this, but I just know many Chinese or Asians grandparents are taking care of the grandchildren while the parents go to work. Hence, the grandparents do not really have time for their own. Of course, some grandparents are different, they would prefer to have their personal time and hence the children are usually taken care by other people.
I have read on the Internet, people who are living in Western countries do not usually do this, which I think is pretty good. I always think as a parent, I have the responsibility to take care of my children, and my parents should be retired and enjoy their life since we are already grown up.
I think in your friend's situation, she is really tough. Moreover, it's really not easy to do so much when we are at the older age. I am 37 now, and I already feel like I am not as energetic as I was a few years ago, taking care of young children becomes more challenging to me now.
2 people like this
@kaka135 (14931)
• Malaysia
16 Jan 16
@41CombedaleRoad Hope her daughter will be able to help, and perhaps her granddaughter can help a little bit since she's 4.
@41CombedaleRoad (5952)
• Greece
15 Jan 16
My friend is 65 and she is already feeling pains in her joints. No wonder really as she is having to bathe her mother and help her in lots of physical ways.
1 person likes this
@Raine38 (12250)
• United States
13 Jan 16
That is unfair. And sad that she has to take care of everyone else but nobody is there to take care of her or even ask her if she's okay. She is family, she is "available" so everyone just expects her to be there for them. There is nothing wrong with helping with family by all means. But I believe that in order to help others, one must be able to help his or herself first.
I wish your friend gets a breaks from it all soon. A break she definitely deserves.
1 person likes this
@41CombedaleRoad (5952)
• Greece
15 Jan 16
She soes have fam ily but they are the ones needing her help, they do not seem to be aware of tiring her out.
@TiarasOceanView (70022)
• United States
13 Jan 16
Yes it is very sad and a lot of pressure on women of that age.
Too many family issues thrust upon a woman that she can little cope with though she has the wisdom to do so, physically she is under great strain. I can relate to this.
1 person likes this
@41CombedaleRoad (5952)
• Greece
13 Jan 16
They have already coped with their own personal pressures and may have very little stamina left for any more.
1 person likes this
@TiarasOceanView (70022)
• United States
13 Jan 16
@41CombedaleRoad Yes and suffer without other support.
1 person likes this
@ElizabethWallace (12074)
• United States
13 Jan 16
@TiarasOceanView On the other hand, many women live alone with no family nearby.
1 person likes this
@crazyhorseladycx (39509)
• United States
13 Jan 16
oh, i surely feel fer yer friend! sometimes folks jest take advantage 'n refuse to see the burdens they toss'n somebody else's lap. not sayin' that'cher friend don't love bein' with her grand, but i can somewhat relate the task'f bein' e'erythin' to e'erybody. went through that myself 're i fell so ill. funny thingy is, when ya could use some assistance from those folks, they've run screamin' like their hair's on fire. ya know, coz they can't use ya any longer. perhaps ya can figure a way to get her a wee break't least? perhaps'n afternoon that somebody can tend her momma 'n that grand long 'nough fer her to jest be?
1 person likes this
@crazyhorseladycx (39509)
• United States
15 Jan 16
@41CombedaleRoad most sad indeed 'n sometimes jest how it works out fer some odd reason :( hugs!!
@salonga (27775)
• Philippines
14 Jan 16
It is sad that women even men who are in their senior years have to suffer such difficulties when they are supposed to be just more relaxed and enjoying their retirement. I am still in my late 50's but have opted for early retirement so that I can be more relaxed and thank God that things are going well according to my heart's desire.
@41CombedaleRoad (5952)
• Greece
15 Jan 16
I am pleased that you have not been affected by too much pressure.
1 person likes this
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
15 Jan 16
Oh she is pitiful. Can't the daughter help her to unload some of the works she gave to her considering that she is old already ? 
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
18 Jan 16
@41CombedaleRoad I think the mother should tell her so her misery will end .
@41CombedaleRoad (5952)
• Greece
15 Jan 16
She does not appear to be aware so much of her mother's plight.
1 person likes this
@changjiangzhibin89 (16764)
• China
14 Jan 16
I agree with you ,but must include men this age .My wife and I are in this age bracket.My 94 year old mum lived with us,who passed away just 35 days ago;my granddaughter is 10,we have took care of her since she was born .Suffice it to say that we have no time to ourselves .
@41CombedaleRoad (5952)
• Greece
15 Jan 16
I'm sorry I did not mention men, that is because my experience has been with women who are left to carry the burdens. You mum had a good son and you will have no regrets. I hope you and your wife will be able to relax and spoil yourselves now.
@41CombedaleRoad (5952)
• Greece
15 Jan 16
What a lovely man you are. If you have a wife she is a lucky woman!
@41CombedaleRoad (5952)
• Greece
15 Jan 16
Yes you fit the bill - I just hope you are not being sandwiched yourself.
1 person likes this
@LadyDuck (471589)
• Switzerland
15 Jan 16
@41CombedaleRoad I still have my Mom who is 94, I do not have children, but I have a niece, I am not sure if she wants to get married and have children.
@41CombedaleRoad (5952)
• Greece
15 Jan 16
Only if she pays them it appears. she has a daughter but her daughter is on the receiving end.
@JudyEv (340511)
• Rockingham, Australia
14 Jan 16
This would be such hard work, not just the physical side but coping with all the emotional stress as well. I'd be tearful too.
@41CombedaleRoad (5952)
• Greece
15 Jan 16
The problem is that we all live so long that our parents see us grow old but tend to see us still as young and healthy, which is not always the case.
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (340511)
• Rockingham, Australia
16 Jan 16
@41CombedaleRoad That's very true. Some of us are ageing quite rapidly but are expected to be the same young daughter or son as a decade or two ago.
@scheng1 (24649)
• Singapore
14 Jan 16
Your friend is really in the sandwich class with a generation on top, and two generations below, and all need more money than they had.
I think when we live even longer in the future, we have to work right up to our 80s or 90s, especially when our parents are still living in their 120s or 130s.
@LovingMyBabies (85288)
• Valdosta, Georgia
13 Jan 16
I agree with you-not that I am there yet because I'm not. However, we went to visit my husband's cousin yesterday. She is almost 60 and is raising her 2 granddaughters who are 10 & 12 years old. Her daughter is in and out of jail and cannot raise them-which I think is very unfair. Carol should not have to raise more children-she already raised hers! It is tough.
@41CombedaleRoad (5952)
• Greece
15 Jan 16
I am sure she appreciated aving a visit from someone like you who understood the problems she has to deal with, all so undeserved.
@garymarsh6 (23405)
• United Kingdom
14 Jan 16
OH dear what a shame for your friend. I can understand the awkward situation she is in. Thinking back many years ago families were bigger and lived near to each other so some of this burden was shared. Now with smaller families it seems to be more intense and quite sad for some people. Treat your friend to a coffee one day without the mum or granddaughter present. It would give her a boost even if it were for half an hour!
@HanVanMeegerin (1161)
• United States
14 Jan 16
@41CombedaleRoad This. can definitely be a hard time in someone's life.
@Singhmani (8)
•
14 Jan 16
As I have seen the worst period for a women is when she need a person to care her when she need in his life,when she is taking the responsibility of family and she has no one to share his feelings,problems because everyone is busy in his busy lifetime.
