With A Friend Like That Who Needs An Enemy!!
By Sherry Smith
@morgoodie (2645)
United States
June 12, 2018 5:41pm CST
I let my daughter use Facebook Messenger to video chat and text her friend. This way I can keep an eye on their discussions when they are texting. Her and her friend have group chats with other friends from their schools. So last night, we were out having dinner and I noticed that her friend was sending her messages. I would just glance at them every once in a while and then I noticed that the boy my daughter thinks she "likes" was on there.
So their conversation turned to the topic of my daughter and I started paying more attention to what they were saying. Her "best friend" was saying to this boy that my daughter wanted her to make him jealous so that my daughter could get him back. But he said that she wasn't going to get him back. This "friend" proceeded to tell him that if my daughter were to rape him, she could get him back.
I was thinking did I just read that?!?! My blood started to boil. Then she went on to say how my daughter doesn't have eyebrows and no wonder the boy didn't want her back.
This was the last straw for me. She has been saying things that I feel are mean to my daughter and I have talked with her and asked her if these bother her. My daughter is not very open to discussing her feelings and she would tell me they don't bother her.
I don't usually bother with my phone while eating, but I made an exception in this case. I told my daughter I am sorry, but I can't let this go. I then got on Messenger and told her "friend" that if she is going to talk about my daughter then she should do it where her or I can't see it. I said what she said was totally inappropriate and wrong.
Of course, she blames another girl for saying these things, but I told her that even if this other girl said these things she should stick up for my daughter if she is going to be her friend not hurt her by repeating these nasty comments.
I ended by telling the girl that she needed to apologize to my daughter when she got home. I kept telling my daughter that I was sorry and I thought maybe she might lose her as a friend as a result. I also told my daughter that I was bullied all through school and I wasn't going to stand by and let her go through the same thing. We were practically in tears at the restaurant.
While my son cheered me on for standing up for her, my daughter completely astonished me by saying "thank you" and "I am glad you did that." In time, I think she will come to realize this girl is not her friend. I told her this boy is not a good friend either if he is going to talk about her behind her back as well. I know in my mind that this is part of growing up and something that we all need to go through to learn valuable lessons, but my heart breaks to watch my daughter go through it.
Have you had situations like this with your daughter or son? What did you do?
13 people like this
15 responses
@ScribbledAdNauseum (104628)
• United States
12 Jun 18
I do not have children as you know. However, I can think back and remember my own school days and trouble with friends. I had a few that were nothing more than jealous, back stabbing and callous. I remember being friends with them because I thought they were in the "cool" crowd etc but secretly hating their guts.
I am so sorry your daughter has had to go through this and honestly I do hope she stops being friends with that girl. School age is so hard because of all the social pressures. I wish more parents would be more proactive like you are, you essentially saved your daughter from the bullying type.
2 people like this
@morgoodie (2645)
• United States
13 Jun 18
Thank you. She will be 13 in November so she is starting to go through all the teen things. She is going through puberty and noticing boys in a different way. All these new feelings can become overwhelming. She can be a little over zealous sometimes but just because she feels things stronger than some people. I tell my kids that being cool is being yourself and not being like everyone else. I tell them they don't have to cave in to peer pressure. I have a feeling that one day she will realize that this girl isn't really a true friend. She is mean and a brat in my opinion. What she said was so uncalled for and not a topic that you joke about at any age but especially at 12. I figure I have to be proactive when it comes to my kids being bullied because I wasn't strong enough to be proactive for myself when I was bullied. I want her to stand up to them and show them that they are not stronger than her.
@ScribbledAdNauseum (104628)
• United States
13 Jun 18
@morgoodie Things are so different from when I was a teenager.
Kids are so much more vested in pop culture and it's hard to get them to realize that they don't necessarily have to like the same things their friends do or do the same as their friends do either.
I was never strong enough either, my best friend (and she is my best friend even now) was always the one to stick up for me. I have to say I probably didn't "grow a backbone" until I was in my 20's.
I would worry about the girl who was your daughter's friend, you are right joking about that is not called for in the least. It makes me wonder about what she thinks is right and wrong.
1 person likes this
@morgoodie (2645)
• United States
13 Jun 18
@ScribbledAdNauseum Yes it is very different from when I was in school although kids are just as mean if not meaner now. I am finding out that as I get older my "backbone" is getting stronger. People can do or say what they want about me, but if it has to do with my kids then they better back off. I do worry about this girl and if there are any more problems, I will be contacting her mother. However, I have a feeling her mother won't do anything about it. My son said if he had seen it, he would have said something. He even tells his sister that her friend is crap. I love how protective of his big sister he is. Makes me proud.
@Anaeu92 (138)
• Castlebar, Ireland
13 Jun 18
I have been bullied throughout my childhood too, and am teriffied of some kids, they can be evil. I don't have kids, but I have a 9 yr old sister, and I am so worried because she is sensitive and gets picked on by other kids which makes my blood boil. Your daughter is beautiful and smart. She doesn't need friends like these.
2 people like this
@nela13 (58710)
• Portugal
13 Jun 18
@morgoodie she is a beautiful girl and she has a great mother 
Being bullied is not easy especially when we are teens and when it comes from "friends" we trust. I think she learned an important lesson after this.
Being bullied is not easy especially when we are teens and when it comes from "friends" we trust. I think she learned an important lesson after this.1 person likes this
@morgoodie (2645)
• United States
13 Jun 18
Thank you. Yes it is very hard. I just want to wrap her in my arms and protect her. I don't want her to get hurt, but I know I can't protect her all her life and she has to learn to stand up for herself. You may be right as fake friends are very prevalent in adulthood.
1 person likes this
@sprite1950 (30452)
• Corsham, England
16 Jun 18
It's so difficult when they are going through stuff like this as children because their problems are ours too and it can really hurt just as much as if we were going through it. I think you did right to stand up for your daughter and hopefully it will teach her that not everyone who smiles at us is our friend, My daughter used to come home from school in floods of tears sometimes but in the end she weeded out the false friends. Give her a hug from me across the pond 
By the way, she's really cute
By the way, she's really cute 1 person likes this
@sprite1950 (30452)
• Corsham, England
17 Jun 18
@morgoodie I think we all have to go through these traumatic times, it seems it is part of growing up but at least she has your support. Imagine what it would be like for a child whose parents don't care.
1 person likes this
@morgoodie (2645)
• United States
16 Jun 18
Thank you so much. I told her that when I was her age I didn't have the guts to stand up for myself and I wish I would have had. I told her I am not going to let her go through what I went through. I will stand up for her until she is capable of standing up for herself. I am hoping one day she is going to come to the same conclusion as me about this girl and I will be there for her to cry on. Thanks for the hug. I think she's cute too, but I am a little biased.
1 person likes this
@morgoodie (2645)
• United States
17 Jun 18
@sprite1950 I believe we do too. It's why I am not cutting her off from her "friend" because she needs to make that decision herself. How else is she going to learn so that when she gets older she doesn't have to be around toxic people. I can't imagine what kids go through when their parents don't care. I count myself lucky that my parents cared about their children. I know there are many out there that don't
1 person likes this
@Hannihar (130213)
• Israel
15 Jun 18
@morgoodie
You handled it very well and good for you for doing that. I have no daughter or son so I think what you did was good. The girl is not her friend for the things she said and the boy is not worth it either. The girl and the boy deserve each other.
1 person likes this
@Hannihar (130213)
• Israel
17 Jun 18
@morgoodie
I also believe one day she will see the truth and will be better off without them.
1 person likes this
@morgoodie (2645)
• United States
15 Jun 18
You're right they do deserve each other. I don't think either are very good friends and she would be better off without them, but she doesn't see it that way yet. I am sure one day she will.1 person likes this
@morgoodie (2645)
• United States
17 Jun 18
@Hannihar I have my fingers crossed.
1 person likes this
@mlgen1037 (29886)
• Manila, Philippines
13 Jun 18
Hi Sherry. I dont have children yet but if the time come this happens, I will remember you and what you did for your daughter. I would want my children to always remember that no one can ever put them down and teach them not to let anyone bully them.
1 person likes this
@mlgen1037 (29886)
• Manila, Philippines
13 Jun 18
@morgoodie You are most welcome, Sherry. You raised them well. Teaching children also makes them compassionate. Awareness and values start in the house and if parents will not teach their children, the children will be the one to suffer the consequences.
1 person likes this
@morgoodie (2645)
• United States
13 Jun 18
Thank you. I try to teach my kids to stand up for themselves and for others if they see them being bullied. No one should make you feel less than you are worth. My son does stick up for himself and he sticks up for his big sister too. If he sees someone try to hurt her or being mean to her, he will step in.
1 person likes this
@morgoodie (2645)
• United States
13 Jun 18
@mlgen1037 I highly believe in parents teaching their children right from wrong and having consequences for inappropriate behavior. Too many children don't have the respect they should have for other people.
1 person likes this
@Jessabuma (31700)
• Baguio, Philippines
13 Jun 18
I have never encountered such situations but at least your daughter understood you.
As a parent, you did the right thing..
1 person likes this
@Jessabuma (31700)
• Baguio, Philippines
14 Jun 18
@morgoodie you're welcome.
Parents should raise their children well and teach them what is right and what is wrong, and that's what you are doing so I know she will understands you..
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Parents should raise their children well and teach them what is right and what is wrong, and that's what you are doing so I know she will understands you..1 person likes this
@morgoodie (2645)
• United States
14 Jun 18
@Jessabuma Thank you. I am trying to raise them right. It's not always easy.
1 person likes this
@morgoodie (2645)
• United States
13 Jun 18
Thank you. My worst fear was that I was going to make her extremely mad at me, but at that point I was beyond caring and knew that it needed to be done.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (160978)
• United States
13 Jun 18
I did not have these issues, cause my kids were kids long before cell phones and facebook, but each of them was bullied in other ways, starting as young as third grade. Why do kids think they have to be mean? I remember when I was a teen, cut downs or put downs were the style of relationships and friendships, and I remember when I outgrew that.
1 person likes this
@morgoodie (2645)
• United States
13 Jun 18
There is just no getting away from bullies. They are everywhere. I don't understand why they feel the need to be bullies other than they have issues that they don't know how to handle so they take it out on others to make themselves feel better. Some do grow out of being bullies, but others are bullies their whole lives. This is why I don't let her have her own account and probably won't until she is much older. With her being on my account, I can monitor it.
@toniganzon (72532)
• Philippines
13 Jun 18
Thank goodness for mothers like you. I have no such experience with my son at all. He's 14 and he has a lot of friends. On his 14th birthday last March, I asked him what he planned to do with on his birthday. He said he had to celebrate his birthday twice. I asked why. He said, he has two sets of friends. Told him he should then just have one celebration and invite all of his friends. But he said that not all of them get along well.
My son doesn't have a single enemy in his school. He is well liked by both male and female friends and I'm glad about that. I would learn about that from his friends' parents.
1 person likes this
@toniganzon (72532)
• Philippines
14 Jun 18
@morgoodie Yeah, I think that's why he is well liked by everybody. Including his friends's parents.
1 person likes this
@morgoodie (2645)
• United States
13 Jun 18
I am glad that you haven't had to deal with a situation like this. I never expected it either and especially from her best friend. I am glad that your son is well liked at his school. It was very thoughtful of him to separate his friends so there wouldn't be any issues between the two groups.
1 person likes this
@morgoodie (2645)
• United States
15 Jun 18
@toniganzon You have definitely raised him right.
1 person likes this
@rakski (126114)
• Philippines
13 Jun 18
Thank God I haven't and I hope not in the future. What you did was right. Sometimes we still need to explain things to our kids in adult perspective so they will understand the bigger picture. She do not need to be friend with that girl. She is mean and is not sensitive to her friend's feelings
1 person likes this
@morgoodie (2645)
• United States
13 Jun 18
I hope you don't have this problem either. I believe one day she will come to the realization that she doesn't need this person in her life. I have told her that this girl will turn everyone against her one day because that is the kind of person she is.
@morgoodie (2645)
• United States
13 Jun 18
Thank you. I am also glad that my daughter understood and was grateful that I did what I did. I did it out of love for her and not with the intention of making her life more difficult.
@Plethos (13581)
• United States
13 Jun 18
not with a daughter but with a friends daughter. a couple of kids were teasing her, she asked for my advice, i told her to tell them to fk off and walk away, dont acknowledge their existance. well, she did just that and has been happier ever since. her mom was surprised that it worked.
its all growing pains. to know whos a friend you have to have some stab you in the back.
1 person likes this
@Plethos (13581)
• United States
13 Jun 18
@morgoodie - bullies only understand a bigger bully.
also, as long as they keep getting a reaction that is entertaining to them, they will persist. when theres no fun in it anymore, they get bored and move on.
1 person likes this
@morgoodie (2645)
• United States
13 Jun 18
This is true. I told her if she stands up for herself with bullies they will leave her alone and find someone else who will be scared of them. Bullies thrive on fear and reactions from other kids and if they don't get it from one they will from another.
1 person likes this
@sw8sincere (5204)
• Philippines
13 Jun 18
Your daughter is beautiful,. She may have fine eyebrows but that doesn't make her ugly. I hate how her friend judge her as unattractive just by that,,.but you did the right thing my friend.
1 person likes this
@morgoodie (2645)
• United States
13 Jun 18
Thank you! You can't help how your eyebrows are. Of course, she could use an eyebrow pencil, but I feel she is too young for makeup.
1 person likes this
@morgoodie (2645)
• United States
15 Jun 18
You got that right. I definitely monitor it and she knows it too. She knows better than to say things of that nature and she sure wasn't happy when she found out what her friend had said. Kids these days. I can't imagine ever saying anything like that at that age. I know if I did and my parents found out, I wouldn't have been able to sit for a week at least.
1 person likes this
@Starmaiden (9311)
• Canada
13 Jun 18
My daughter was bullied by many kids she considered "friends". There was one girl who she called her "best friend" that did a complete 180 on her. For a few years this girl talked dirt about my daughter, accusing her of being racist among other things. (I did not raise my daughter that way)
This girl would get together with her older cousin and gang up on my daughter. I always told my daughter to stand up for herself.
One day I received a call from this girl's mother claiming that my daughter punched her daughter. I didn't believe it because my daughter was never the violent type. If she did punch this girl she had a good reason for doing so. I tracked my daughter down to another friends house and called her. I asked her if she had punched Debra. She slowly and cautiously told me she did. "GOOD SHOW!!" I told her! I have never been more proud.
Even today my daughter tells me that she was afraid I would be angry. After she told me why she punched this girl I was even more proud.
Even today my daughter tells me that she was afraid I would be angry. After she told me why she punched this girl I was even more proud. 1 person likes this
@morgoodie (2645)
• United States
13 Jun 18
It is a shame that sometimes the only way bullies learn is through violence. I can understand how your daughter would have been scared to tell you. One never knows how a parent is going to react when you tell them something like that. I am glad that she stood up for herself even if she did have to punch the girl.
1 person likes this
@LovingMyBabies (85288)
• Valdosta, Georgia
12 Jun 18
My daughter has gone through something similar with a boy she liked in our old neighborhood and a "friend". The girl liked the boy and would say anything to get on his good side, especially when my daughter and the boy broke up. I told my daughter the same thing that this is going to happen but I also told the girl she isn't allowed to spend time with my daughter if she's going to be mean to her.
It's very heart breaking to see that and it was just as hard for me seeing my daughter's heart broken too. =(
1 person likes this
@morgoodie (2645)
• United States
13 Jun 18
This boy supposedly likes my daughter's friend even though they only know each other through group chat as they go to different schools. My daughter isn't old enough to date which I have told her many times that this boy or any boy is just her friend and nothing more. If he doesn't want to be around her then he should tell my daughter instead of continuing to hang out with her at school and talk to her on Messenger. Her feelings she has are all so new to her and it can be a confusing time, so I just want her to know that she doesn't have to take this treatment from people especially someone who claims to be your friend.
