"She Drives Me Crazy, I Can't Help Myself"

By Faye
@FayeHazel (40243)
United States
December 7, 2021 1:36pm CST
What was your first thought when you read the title? If you're my age you probably had a flashback to being a kid in the 80s and hearing the "Fine Young Cannibals" on the radio. However the aforementioned song gives one the idea that "she" drives him crazy in a good way, like a crush. My topic is about a different type of crazy - alas. I have this newish friend who I came into contact with a few months ago. She lives states away, so we are just online friends who email or talk via phone. She's smart and good company. However she's also very needy. She claims to be very sensitive to needs of others but in my experience she isn't. Drama follows her, and she doesn't see her connection to it. She'll contact me with lengthy emails, sometimes detailing stories that I don't have all the information on and want my advice. If I ask for more information, she snaps at me. Usually she is quite worked up, and starts yelling and crying. I know she isn't mad at me, instead is mad at her situation. But all the same it's hard to take and takes energy that I sometimes don't have and time that I don't have. So I do what it is I do, and wait to contact her until I have enough energy to answer her because after all, it would feel rude to me to just go "hey that bites, have a nice day" after she's written me a pages long email. If I write to her, I usually hear from here within minutes, sometimes hours. It's like she's just sitting there waiting until I write to her. I usually write to her a couple times a week but it's starting to feel like I HAVE to instead of something I WANT to do. If I don't answer right away I get more and more messages like * Are you ok? * I notice you put up a picture on social media, but you didn't answer my 12 paragraph message, uh..... * You aren't answering me! * I don't know if you're ok, because you have stopped replying to me And by right away I mean if she hasn't heard from me in 2-3 days. So, I tried telling her briefly that I'm busy and that I like to give her messages both the time and attention that they deserve. And she kept it up. So I wrote a lengthy message detailing how I have work, my mom, my own energy levels, commitments, etc. We will see if that works. Have you had a situation like this? How did you handle it? I want to be her friend. I feel bad for her. She can be nice. But I can't put up with the constant neediness , clinginess and expecting me to drop everything and talk or write to her for hours every day. What would you do?
Taken from the album “The Raw and the Cooked” released in 1989Graphics by Ste McGregorListen to “She Drives Me Crazy”: https://FineYoungCannibals.lnk.to/SheD...
9 people like this
9 responses
@nela13 (57324)
• Portugal
7 Dec 21
You're in a toxic friendship, if she is taking your energy then it isn't good for you. I thought about the music as soon as I read your title.
2 people like this
@nela13 (57324)
• Portugal
15 Dec 21
@FayeHazel hope you can find a way to keep her away from you. Yes, it is a great song
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40243)
• United States
15 Dec 21
Yes, I think you just called it as it is.... Great song, wasn't it?
2 people like this
@FayeHazel (40243)
• United States
17 Dec 21
@nela13 So far she's starting back up with emails, texts. I can almost feel her sitting there, waiting... sad. I wish she had more a life of her own. Right now I'm reminding myself that I don't need to reply right away, hoping to create some distance that way
1 person likes this
@Courtlynn (67094)
• United States
10 Dec 21
Sorry she is like that
2 people like this
@FayeHazel (40243)
• United States
15 Dec 21
Thanks, it's frustrating
2 people like this
@snowy22315 (177308)
• United States
7 Dec 21
I had a similar thing one time, but this was with a woman who had terrible judgment. She was stuck on her ex who was with someone else and she was still paying his cell and things like that. Also, rather than just making a clean break she was continuing this back and forth...and meeting him on the side and stuff like that. Her kids were a wreck not surprisingly. Plus she was always not in touch if I needed something. I just ghosted her the only person I ever did that too. She deserved it honestly.
2 people like this
@FayeHazel (40243)
• United States
15 Dec 21
I don't blame you. She sounds like a user and , even though I know it's hard she was creating her own misery with her ex there. She wasn't there for you
1 person likes this
@Orson_Kart (6600)
• United Kingdom
8 Dec 21
I’m going to answer in Fine Young Cannibals style: “ You spurn my natural emotions You make me feel like dirt and i'm hurt And if i cause a commotion I only end up losing you and that's worse” Those are lyrics from another song they covered and seems so true. You shouldn’t feel pressured to be what she wants you to be and not your true self. Too needy and if she won’t back off I’d drop her like a hot potato.
2 people like this
@FayeHazel (40243)
• United States
15 Dec 21
Points to you OK for staying on theme :-) She's been some better though the more I get to know her, the more I see that this is how she is with other friends and family no wonder she has issues....
2 people like this
@RebeccasFarm (88735)
• Arvada, Colorado
7 Dec 21
Firstly, I am sorry she has put you in this place. It is not nice and not fair to your kind heart Faye. I would be more abrupt than you. Because I have to be. In life, I have learned to be that way, although I am still a very compassionate person. There is only so much you can do, I understand. Please do not feel badly and I am glad you shared this here I may have had this, but if I did, it was not for long
2 people like this
@xander6464 (42615)
• Wapello, Iowa
7 Dec 21
I wish I could remember the 80's. But a lot of people say I'm better off this way. That's a tricky situation. I would probably handle it the same way you are. It's hard to be mean and just waiting for a more subtle way of calming things down is easier. Though aggravating.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40243)
• United States
15 Dec 21
The 80s was great. Well, what little I remember of it anyway. lol. True. After I sent the long email she has been slightly better. But I am catching on to her more. It's just who she is. It's how she treats her family and other friends too
1 person likes this
@xander6464 (42615)
• Wapello, Iowa
15 Dec 21
@FayeHazel I do remember one thing about the 80's. All the video rental places had their educational films in a little room in back that was curtained off. You don't see that anymore and I miss it. And I don't know where to get educational movies now. You might be her savior. If you teach her how to behave, it could save every one of her relationships.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40243)
• United States
17 Dec 21
@xander6464 Oh the video rental places were the best as a kid. Reading the backs of all the boxes back when there was actually more than 2 sentences on each one. Ah yes, I didn't get to go in the educational sections. They were all curtained off because I assume the nerds didn't want to be stared at as they were studying algebra or whatnot
1 person likes this
@DianneN (247186)
• United States
11 Dec 21
No, and I don’t need clingy people in my life. No time for that.
1 person likes this
@DianneN (247186)
• United States
15 Dec 21
@FayeHazel Kimberly Wilkins, better known as Sweet Brown takes credit for that on YouTube. It went viral.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40243)
• United States
17 Dec 21
@DianneN That's brilliant! Thanks, now I want to go look it up to see the original :-)
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40243)
• United States
15 Dec 21
Hear hear, in the words of someone I don't know the original reference... "Aint nobody got time for all that"
2 people like this
@JudyEv (335272)
• Rockingham, Australia
8 Dec 21
You might have to end up distancing yourself from her. It's hard to know what else you can do.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40243)
• United States
15 Dec 21
So true. But she leaves a person little choice. As I have gotten to know her moreso, she feels very left out and isolated but it is somewhat her own actions and behaviors
2 people like this
@Ronrybs (18503)
• London, England
8 Dec 21
I guess this is a thing with online friendships, you don't get the 'feel' you would when meeting in person.
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@FayeHazel (40243)
• United States
15 Dec 21
True, though with this woman I think she is stranger in person
2 people like this