The marine recruiters didn’t make us aware of this before
@shaggin (72095)
United States
November 26, 2023 6:22pm CST
If you recall my husband, my stepson and I met in our home with two military recruiters from the marines.
I didn’t want my son signed up until he was passing all his classes. I think him having to pass to join would give him an incentive to do better. He was failing three at the time that I knew of. Thankfully since then he is only failing one.
Tuesday a different recruiter picked him up and took him to have a two days sports physical done and he took an oath. Once my husband signs the contract he will be fully enlisted in the marines and leave July 7 for his first 4 year term.
Thanksgiving morning I reminded my stepson to take his ADHD medication and he said he’s done with it that he legally cannot take it anymore for a year before joining the marines. They have to see he can function off of it. Well they will see he can’t when he fails his senior year of high school.
He sat there that night and told the recruiters how it’s so hard for him to concentrate to read which effects English and other classes. He fails two or more classes every year and this is his senior year it’s so important he pass.
I am so furious these recruiters didn’t discuss this with us and told him this when they had him away from us. They influenced him to stop taking medication that he needs.
My husband seems to be in agreement that he won’t be signing the contract but usually he gives in anyway. I’m the one who takes him to all of his appointments and deals with all the school issues. There is no reason he can’t continue the medication, graduate high school and THEN sign up for the marines.
I left a message on the recruiters voice mail Friday and haven’t heard anything over the long holiday. If I don’t hear from them tomorrow I will be calling again.
Photo is unrelated. It is an odd mushroom I saw back in July.
13 people like this
15 responses
@shaggin (72095)
• United States
27 Nov
@wolfgirl569 yes and those recruiters who came knew he was taking the medicine and never said anything about him not being able to take it to join. I am so very upset.
3 people like this
@celticeagle (166660)
• Boise, Idaho
27 Nov
I hope the recruiters have some information that will ease your mind. I would think that they have dealt with others with this same issue. ADHD is rather common.
Interesting mushroom.
2 people like this
@shaggin (72095)
• United States
27 Nov
@celticeagle I’m hopeful that they will say with a doctors order he can continue to take the medication until graduation.
2 people like this
@shaggin (72095)
• United States
27 Nov
@celticeagle they have his starting date as July 7 and knew he was taking it so that doesn’t make sense he should have to wait already until November. So many things just don’t make sense.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (166660)
• Boise, Idaho
27 Nov
@shaggin ........Hopefully. But he'll have to wait a year.
2 people like this
@Tina30219 (81899)
• Onaway, Michigan
27 Nov
Wow if your stepson can not function without his medication how is he going to be able to function in the military I do not see how he can join if he has adhd. Did I read it right your son joined the marines also?
2 people like this
@shaggin (72095)
• United States
27 Nov
@Tina30219 I think he would be okay unless he has to do book work then he may struggle a lot concentrating on what he is reading. Maybe if it’s something he is really interested in it would be different though I really don’t know. No it was my stepson who joined not my son. My son’s only 16. My stepson will be 18 in 6 months..
@RebeccasFarm (89832)
• Arvada, Colorado
27 Nov
I am on the side of you Shanny..I don't want him going in there.
2 people like this
@shaggin (72095)
• United States
27 Nov
@RebeccasFarm I just read this article and see he can’t take medication while in the military. I think then he needs to be on it until he graduates then he can go off it and serve in the military. Personally him being unable to concentrate to read and pass his grades without medicine to me sounds like he won’t be able to pass schooling when they are paying for him to go after his service is up. He would be 22 by then though and maybe he will do better. My adhd at 40 is still really bad I cannot concentrate on anything which makes my memory very poor.
https://usmilitary.com/military-adhd-policy-2023/
2 people like this
@shaggin (72095)
• United States
27 Nov
@RebeccasFarm I was never diagnosed my mother wouldn’t admit I had it. I failed all through school because of it. When I took my stepson to a new doctor and they had to do an evaluation for him I laughed because every single question she asked him applied to me. I had more check marks for symptoms then he did but he 100% has it and was diagnosed at a young age.
1 person likes this
@RebeccasFarm (89832)
• Arvada, Colorado
27 Nov
@shaggin Hmm I only read a bit of it..but still..I wish he'd do something else, but up to him I guess..just wouldn't like anything happening to him..oh yeah the meds I read about that.
Oh you have it also? Didn't know that.
2 people like this
@BarBaraPrz (47254)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
27 Nov
Schneaky recruiters... they should know better.
1 person likes this
@BarBaraPrz (47254)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
27 Nov
@shaggin Is there anywhere you can lodge a complaint (beside here)?
1 person likes this
@shaggin (72095)
• United States
27 Nov
@BarBaraPrz I’m wondering if we could talk to whoever is above her. I am going to call her and lecture her but I’ll leave going above her to my husband. I’m not sure she will even speak with me since im only his stepmom. They needed my husbands signature and the birth moms to sign him up. My husband has full custody but couldn’t find the court documents quickly the night the recruiters were here so they just had him sign an abandonment paper for his bio mother. I sign everything else for the school and for the doctors etc so it’s definitely new to me not being able to sign for him but I guess I can see why it would be important. Both parents should be aware if they share custody.
1 person likes this
@shaggin (72095)
• United States
27 Nov
@Barbaraprz I wonder if they get a monetary bonus for getting kids to sign up. If so and the money is all they care about they should be ashamed of themselves. They should have told him from the beginning having adhd can be a reason to deny him of joining. They should have for sure told us that he can’t be on meds to do this delayed entry program and we definitely would have waited to allow him to go do the physical and starting process until after high school graduation.
1 person likes this
@snowy22315 (180358)
• United States
27 Nov
Can he get a tutor or something? I am afraid your stepson being around with no structure until November will be bad for everyone. Have you and your hubby met with any of his teachers to see what they suggest with his academics? He is so close to graduating...it would be a shame if he didn't..but there are GED's which I think he would be easily be able to obtain. Why isn't his bio mom involved in any of this..as the step parent..it seems like maybe you should back off a bit, just my 2 cents.
1 person likes this
@shaggin (72095)
• United States
27 Nov
@snowy22315 I babysat him when he was young and we’ve been together for 10 years and he’s lived here for almost 4. His father put me in charge of dealing with all the school issues and doctors appointments etc. I didn’t want to be but he said he has to work and can’t take care of things and so it’s expected of me. I especially didn’t want to have to deal with school issues when he raised him different and I have no control over his punishments etc why should I have to talk to his teachers when he acts up. It’s embarrassing to me when my own children don’t behave like that at school.
Then when he was letting his son waste away on a medication that caused him to not eat I decided to go to all his medical appointments with him and not ask my husband to take him to any ever again even if I was busy because he doesn’t care enough. He never asks how the appointments go or anything. When my stepson was in 6th grade his mother said she couldn’t take care of him anymore and gave up custody of him. She sees him maybe once a year. She could see him every other weekend if she wanted but she chooses not to.
This will ultimately be my husbands say if he signs the contract but it isn’t necessary I don’t think when it can wait until my stepson graduates. I’m just disgusted the recruiters never talked to us about this and told a kid this who now won’t take his meds and will likely fail. He was getting 40s when he was in 7th grade and 8th and 9th etc when his father let him go the first quarter to see if he could pass without meds. Once back on the meds be got 80s and 90s. No kid as smart as my stepson is should fail high school and have to get a ged to join the military.
1 person likes this
@shaggin (72095)
• United States
27 Nov
@snowy22315 I will tell the school he is off his meds so they will be aware and can encourage him to try harder. The reason he was failing three classes this year and most of last year was him getting high cosntantly. A little hard to concentrate on school when your high before school and after school. He agreed to stop smoking when his doctor said she wouldn’t give him meds anymore because they aren’t effective when he’s getting high. I was very happy he actually did what she said and quit smoking. He can’t smoke and be in the military either.
My daughter is hardly ever around. He can get tutoring at school if he wants to he doesn’t.. He refuses to do any work outside of school and that makes his grades drop quite badly. I used to check every night that it was done but a few years back I quit because I don’t have the time and his father was having me do it but refusing to take the time himself. He needs to be accountable for his own work I wouldn’t always be around to ensure he does it.
1 person likes this
@snowy22315 (180358)
• United States
27 Nov
@shaggin OK, you are very invested in this. but obviously he isn't getting 80's and 90's now and hasn't been for quite awhile on the medicine.. I still think you need to make more of an effort to communicate with his teachers and all get on the same page. I am sure they would like him to graduate as much as you do. Also, no shame in getting a GED if it should come to that and I don't think it will.. I think this can all be worked out though. It isn't a perfect world and yes, they should have told you, but they have a quota to fill. Can your daughter help him wit some of his classes? He has to care ultimately, and if he doesn't not much you can do.
1 person likes this
@shaggin (72095)
• United States
27 Nov
@LadyDuck his doctor didn’t like when he went off it over the summer. It’s not good to start and stop it all the time. It takes a month to be effective so if he stops it now fails miserably at school and decides to go back on it it will still take a month where he will continue to fail before it works again. It becomes less effective I think she said if you go on and off it. It should have been talked to with us not an impressionable 17 year old.
1 person likes this
@RasmaSandra (79649)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
27 Nov
That is certainly an issue that must be addressed, I hope you can get it all sorted out and he can continue with his medication,
1 person likes this
@shaggin (72095)
• United States
29 Nov
@RasmaSandra yep I looked up on a website as well and it said very similar. I just want to lecture the woman about her telling my stepson that without consulting with us firsr. He could have finished school then went to the military afterwards. This early entry program isn’t necessary when it is going to affect his grades. I’m just crossing my fingers he can get passing grades without his medicine. He said he was going to try like h*** so we will see. I know other years he tried and still couldn’t pass.
1 person likes this
@shaggin (72095)
• United States
27 Nov
@RasmaSandra This is his dream to be in the marines them telling him he can’t be in it if he takes adhd medication means he will listen to them no matter if he fails or not. I’m very upset.
1 person likes this
@RasmaSandra (79649)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
29 Nov
@shaggin I understand how you feel and so I double checked and there is no way around this, Here is the information straight from the Internet
According to the DOD’s medical standards for enlistment, ADHD is considered a disqualifying condition if an applicant was prescribed medication to treat ADHD in the last two years, was recommended or prescribed an IEP or 504 Plan, or work accommodations after age 14, has a history of comorbid mental disorders, or has documentation of adverse academic, occupational, or work performance1. In the Army, Navy, and Marines in particular, recruiters largely advise applicants with ADHD to be off any and all stimulant or nonstimulant medications for at least one year2. Generally, people who are enlisted are not permitted to take ADHD medication, particularly stimulant medication
1 person likes this
@Marilynda1225 (82690)
• United States
27 Nov
I hope you are able to contact them. I'd be concerned too about his medication
1 person likes this
@shaggin (72095)
• United States
27 Nov
@Marilynda1225 the army recruiter called me back today and gave me the number for the military recruiter. She isn’t answering nor does a voicemail pick up 
.
.1 person likes this
@shaggin (72095)
• United States
1 Dec
@Marilynda1225 I’ve given up. I told my husband I can’t get ahold of her and that when she calls wondering why the contract isn’t signed he can talk to her about it then. It’s been stressing me out so much and he doesn’t put any effort in to it himself about his own son.
1 person likes this
@Marilynda1225 (82690)
• United States
30 Nov
@shaggin that's strange that the voicemail isn't even picking up. Hope you can reach her soon
1 person likes this
probably the same reason most kids do it’s boring. He just is the type to put as little effort into everything he possibly can. He’s very lazy that way.
@noni1959 (10078)
• United States
29 Nov
I know they have to be off for several months to prove they can be OK off it and then get a medical waiver. His sports physical isn't a pass in this area. Maybe let him go off and if his classes fail and his brain can't rest, they will see other wise and he'll have to make it up during the summer. It would be a hard lessen.
1 person likes this
@shaggin (72095)
• United States
29 Nov
@noni1959 The physical the marines took him to do they referred to as a sports physical. It took two days and afterwards he took an oath and signed a contract.
It’s his senior year I don’t want him failing and having to do summer school. He wouldn’t be able to walk across the stage with his friends and get a diploma.
1 person likes this
@shaggin (72095)
• United States
29 Nov
@noni1959 it just boils me the recruiters he talked to at the school and came here and talked to us never mentioned this until they took him for two days and then told him. Did they tell him before after he signed the contract I wonder. I didn’t think to ask but it’s all so shady.
1 person likes this
@andriaperry (116936)
• Anniston, Alabama
27 Nov
You're right, wait till he's not in school.
1 person likes this
@shaggin (72095)
• United States
27 Nov
@andriaperry I’m afraid it will be to late now no matter what we do or say he isn’t going to take the medication he needs. I have to hope that he will try his hardest to pass and if he can’t hopefully he will go back on medication but I highly doubt he will.
My parents wouldn’t admit I had anything wrong. I couldn’t sit still or be quiet or concentrate or remember anything. I always say I wish I had been given meds my life may have been very different. I wouldn’t have had to struggle so hard in school to pass and yet fail anyway.
1 person likes this
@shaggin (72095)
• United States
27 Nov
@jstory07 right! It doesn’t make any sense to me either. Once my husband signs the contract my stepson is all good to go in July. If they want him to stop taking his medication to prove he can function without it then why wouldn’t they watch his grades over the next few months and then give him the contract when they think he’s capable. He’s tried many times going off the meds for months and doing school and he fails in the 40s where as with medication he gets 80s and 90s.
