I Hated to Say No
By Amber
@AmbiePam (95874)
United States
February 20, 2024 12:02pm CST
So my sister came back from her trip from Jamaica, already wanting to go back. I don’t know if it was that it was a Sandals resort, but she had no complaints. Once she told me how massive it was, I could kind of understand.
So when we had breakfast with her and her family, she and my dad started talking about me going to the same place. My dad starts saying he thinks if he can start to save up now, he could send me with a friend in about a year or two.
I interrupted, and said that was beyond sweet, but I do not want to go. I had said it before, and I was not being coy. You guys know my health problems. I do not have it in me to travel like that. I’m going one state away in March, and that is all I can do. My sister looked a little insulted that I would turn down a trip she loved, and my dad looked shocked, but I had said it many times over the years. I’m just not able to do it. By the time I arrived, I’d need three days to recover, and then half the trip would be over.
Did I do anything wrong? I tried to get across just how grateful I was for such a generous gesture. And my dad didn’t act insulted, just shocked and a bit disappointed.
17 people like this
19 responses
@FourWalls (71340)
• United States
20 Feb
Personally, I don’t think you did anything wrong. I have medical issues but I have no problem traveling in the US because I have insurance and there are VA hospitals nearly everywhere. Going to another country, however, would be a completely different story. You need to take that into consideration above everything else.
Personally, I think maybe they did “something wrong.” How about, instead of insisting that you go someplace that you don’t want to go, they pay for a vacation to a place where you DO want to go???
4 people like this
@MarieCoyle (40698)
•
20 Feb
You said what I was going to say. Tell them you might really enjoy seeing some places close to home. Maybe a few days at the Gulf, or someplace nearby you would like to see, with the allowance built in to the trip that you need a few extra days to move at the pace you need to move.
I bet they would understand. In their defense, they wanted to do something nice for you. In your defense, I don't think they took your limitations in mind.
2 people like this
@AmbiePam (95874)
• United States
20 Feb
@MarieCoyle Thank you both for the wise words. @FourWalls
2 people like this
@MarieCoyle (40698)
•
20 Feb
@AmbiePam
I love to go on trips. Over the years I have been fortunate to go many places. Now that I am somewhat handicapped and things are not as physically easy for me, I am very lucky that my children actually realize that. I still go on trips with them when I am invited. (I hope to again when my son is better!) They plan things for my enjoyment and comfort, I always have a nice room to stay in, and they treat me like I am a princess on these trips. I know how lucky I am that they include me on some of their adventures. I treasure every single memory of the trips.
2 people like this
@dgobucks226 (36068)
•
23 Feb
So, whose taking this vacation, you or your sister and dad. Just kidding, but really, part of being generous is doing something a person appreciates. Obviously, it was something you were not comfortable doing. Were they previously aware of your feelings about travel?
1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (95874)
• United States
23 Feb
I have said it so many times. My dad kept telling me I should get a passport just in case. I told him I have no intention of going anywhere unless America goes off the rails and we change countries. I’ve told her I would never want to travel again, and I was glad we went to Australia when I was young, before things got bad. They must have thought I was just saying that because I can’t afford to go anywhere. But, I wasn’t just being a sore loser in life; I do not want to go anywhere that is not one or two states away. I cannot do it.
1 person likes this
@dgobucks226 (36068)
•
25 Feb
@AmbiePam I see. I hope they will respect your wishes in the future.
1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (95874)
• United States
21 Feb
They can’t seem to fathom that I am incapable of traveling far at all. I really appreciate the thought, but it would be a total waste of money, and I feel like they’re pressuring me to change my mind. Yet I feel bad for being upset that someone is trying to be nice, but I’m annoyed. It sounds like you know exactly what I mean.
1 person likes this
@RasmaSandra (82414)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
21 Feb
I think you did just right if you knew it would be wrong for you then they should accept that fact. My best childhood summers were spent in the Catskill Mountains of New York State. After I had vacations from my workplaces I did not look further than going to the Catskills and always enjoyed it very much, It was just my place to be. Someday I would love to go again but I have a feeling that the years will catch up with me before I can settle anywhere else but I won't mind as long as I can see all I want to see from up above,
1 person likes this
@MarieCoyle (40698)
•
21 Feb
@AmbiePam
I go through the same thing at times. I have had MS for years now. I am very, very lucky it hasn't worsened and is stable. Body-wise, it basically affects my legs, one in particular, there's where the crutch or crutches come in to play. Other than that, I function just fine--I take care of myself, my son now, I drive, cook, etc. It just takes me longer than it does some other people. But because I can do all those things, people forget, like when I say, no, I can't go there, as I would have to walk over a mile, and I couldn't manage it. But then, we hate to remind anyone, even ourselves, that we have a big health issue. I totally get this!
2 people like this
@kobesbuddy (78871)
• East Tawas, Michigan
20 Feb
First of all, I'd never want anyone else to plan a trip for me! Because of health issues, I can no longer travel a long distance. I won't go into any details, but being sick on a trip is not fun. I've experience it many times, now I just tell whoever it is, "Have fun, but don't include Kharla!" You did nothing wrong, you don't owe anyone an apology. Apparently, they don't understand fully what you're telling them. Or they wouldn't try to push you into going!
1 person likes this
@kobesbuddy (78871)
• East Tawas, Michigan
20 Feb
@AmbiePam Thank you, Amber!
And it's wonderful to be back:)
And it's wonderful to be back:)1 person likes this
@snowy22315 (185072)
• United States
21 Feb
That was sweet of them to volunteer..but you have your limitations and you might as well be upfront about them.
1 person likes this
@aninditasen (16658)
• Raurkela, India
21 Feb
I too can't travel for long so don't take long distance journey.
1 person likes this
@LindaOHio (183886)
• United States
21 Feb
You didn't do anything wrong. They are just disappointed. Have a great day.
1 person likes this
@Happy2BeMe (99380)
• Canada
20 Feb
You did nothing wrong by saying know. You know your body and what you can handle. They can't possibly understand but they should be understanding enough to know why you turned the offer down even though it was very sweet of your Dad to make such an offer to you.
1 person likes this
@kaylachan (74880)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
20 Feb
Chronic illness tends to affect everyone differently. The families of those afflicted suffer, too. Sometimes they like to forget you're not well. And, they want you to enjoy what they did. It can be hard to remember. And, you have to put yourself first. You need to do what's best for you. At the same time, I may or may not have said 'no' because a lot can happen in a couple of years. You never know. But if it's not for you its not for you.
1 person likes this
@wolfgirl569 (111415)
• Marion, Ohio
20 Feb
You have to think of yourself for something like that. You didn't do anything wrong.
1 person likes this
@Marilynda1225 (83704)
• United States
20 Feb
I can certainly understand how you feel about going on a trip as beautiful as it sounds. I'm sure your dad understands too and he was probably more disappointed for you than him offering you a trip.
1 person likes this
