Sneaky
By much2say
@much2say (56728)
Los Angeles, California
December 20, 2024 2:53pm CST
A fellow mom friend and I did a sneaky thing 
.
We became closer friends in recent years because of our similar family situations. Both of our mothers are widowed and our heartless, selfish siblings do nothing to help take care of them.
Her mother is 92, has dementia and health issues, and is mostly inactive. She is Taiwanese, but her generation knows the Japanese language well. My Japanese mother is 81, in fairly good health, and although she is active in her own way, she has social anxiety. We thought maybe it would do good for our moms to meet . . . we just wouldn't tell them ahead of time 
.
As planned, my friend and her mother came to the park to observe the seniors' tai chi class that my mother and I were in. After class, I acted surprised to see them 
- and we introduced our moms. My friend and I stepped aside to chat, hoping they would start their own conversation - and they did 
. We made sure to keep it brief for now 
.
Later my friend said it had been a very long time since her mother spoke to anyone near her age, so that was good. I was expecting to see her in a wheelchair, but the mother was feeling well enough to walk with a cane that day 
. My mother was actually excited to have met her and even said she'd like to see her again. That is a huge step up, folks!
And it did a lot of good for us 
.
Did you ever make sneaky plans that worked out for the best?
.
We became closer friends in recent years because of our similar family situations. Both of our mothers are widowed and our heartless, selfish siblings do nothing to help take care of them.
Her mother is 92, has dementia and health issues, and is mostly inactive. She is Taiwanese, but her generation knows the Japanese language well. My Japanese mother is 81, in fairly good health, and although she is active in her own way, she has social anxiety. We thought maybe it would do good for our moms to meet . . . we just wouldn't tell them ahead of time .
As planned, my friend and her mother came to the park to observe the seniors' tai chi class that my mother and I were in. After class, I acted surprised to see them - and we introduced our moms. My friend and I stepped aside to chat, hoping they would start their own conversation - and they did . We made sure to keep it brief for now .
Later my friend said it had been a very long time since her mother spoke to anyone near her age, so that was good. I was expecting to see her in a wheelchair, but the mother was feeling well enough to walk with a cane that day . My mother was actually excited to have met her and even said she'd like to see her again. That is a huge step up, folks!
And it did a lot of good for us .
Did you ever make sneaky plans that worked out for the best?20 people like this
19 responses
@much2say (56728)
• Los Angeles, California
31 Dec
It worked out well . . . we'll see how it goes. My mom said she seemed so "normal", but we couldn't really tell all that much in this short meeting. My friend tells me a lot of things that happen to her mom at home - apparently she sometimes hallucinates too - and a bunch of other stuff. But she did react well to my mom . . . that's a start anyway. Friend says she and her mom don't have much to talk about - so she was really grateful someone could actually converse with her.
The kicker is this friend has those sibling issues just as we do . . . she has 2 older brothers that don't do much for their mom.
1 person likes this
@much2say (56728)
• Los Angeles, California
31 Dec
@rebelann That would be great if it could be reversed. Yah, she seemed just fine in talking to my mom. But my friend says she forgets to take her medications, doesn't know what day or time it is, hates lights and has the whole house dark, forgets to eat, doesn't want to do anything at all, etc.
I thank you for being of great support to me through all my sib issues. Big hugs to you! 
1 person likes this
@rebelann (113145)
• El Paso, Texas
31 Dec
It sounds like your friends mom may not have severe dementia which would be great because sometimes that can be reversed if the person with that issue finds a reason to communicate.
Yeah, I've got a couple friends that also have sibling issues. I wish there were support groups for people like us.
1 person likes this
@changjiangzhibin89 (16821)
• China
22 Dec
Bang-up ! The two old ladies believed they met unexpectedly and felt as if they were friends for years at that moment ! Your friend and you are filial daughters !
1 person likes this
@much2say (56728)
• Los Angeles, California
23 Dec
When our mothers spoke, oh we were so thrilled. They were speaking in Japanese, so I could understand what they were talking about. Then my mother spoke excitedly to my friend in Japanese too but I had to remind her she did understand one bit of Japanese 
. It was a good short meeting and we hope we can do more again soon. Thank you!
. It was a good short meeting and we hope we can do more again soon. Thank you!1 person likes this
@much2say (56728)
• Los Angeles, California
26 Dec
@changjiangzhibin89 It did help they could communicate that way. My friend said her mother was actually more comfortable speaking Japanese, so that works out well. I am not sure of the exact location of my friend's mother's home, but I believe it is about a 15 minute drive (that is not considered to be terribly far here). My mother still drives, but my friend's mother does not. But if my mom were to visit, I would probably be driving her.
1 person likes this
@changjiangzhibin89 (16821)
• China
23 Dec
@much2say You mother could talk with your friend's mother in Japanese,which really made her day ! Does your mother live close to the home of your friend' mother ?
1 person likes this
@DaddyEvil (139099)
• United States
20 Dec
Congratulations! I'm glad things seem to be working out for both ladies.
1 person likes this
@much2say (56728)
• Los Angeles, California
21 Dec
@DaddyEvil We hope so too. It's hard because they are both not in a place where they "frequent" . . . they are both mainly at home all the time. At least this year I got my mom to take a class and she says hi to some folks - but of course friendships/relationships need more time and such. Thank you!
1 person likes this
@DaddyEvil (139099)
• United States
21 Dec
@much2say True... I hope they enjoyed the experience enough that they'll want to continue meeting/talking with new people.
1 person likes this
@LindaOHio (183932)
• United States
21 Dec
That's wonderful. Seniors need companionship and stimulation. I, for one, can tell you that it's very important.
Have a good weekend.
1 person likes this
@LindaOHio (183932)
• United States
22 Dec
@much2say I will get to see my hubby today; so it will be a good day.
1 person likes this
@much2say (56728)
• Los Angeles, California
23 Dec
We just knew that if we told the moms beforehand, they might not be agreeable to getting together. We thought it would be better to ease into this . Hopefully we will do something again in the near future - I think they need that and maybe we do too.
. Hopefully we will do something again in the near future - I think they need that and maybe we do too.1 person likes this
@RebeccasFarm (90738)
• Arvada, Colorado
20 Dec
Haha this is so freaking awesome love you!!
1 person likes this
@Tampa_girl7 (50942)
• United States
29 Dec
I’m glad that your sneakiness was a nice success.
1 person likes this
@Marilynda1225 (83423)
• United States
30 Dec
That's really great that they seemed to get along and hope that the friendship develops for them. Sometimes us "oldies" need a push
1 person likes this
@snowy22315 (183779)
• United States
20 Dec
Sly like a fox you are much! Not sure about sneaky plans that worked out
1 person likes this
@crossbones27 (49911)
• Mojave, California
21 Dec
I am glad it worked,sneaky has two tones. When you doing it for good reasons and when doing for bad. I learned the hard way the sneaky good way usually works out and the bad way usually doesn't. 
1 person likes this
. . . you're take a huge risk and yah, it can go either way 
.
@RasmaSandra (81710)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
20 Dec
I am glad that the two moms enjoyed meeting, For my mom's 60 and 70 birthdays I made her surprise parties,
1 person likes this
