An Okay Sunday
By lilacskies
@lilacskies (1298)
United States
February 9, 2025 3:20pm CST
It's Sunday, February 9th here in the United States. I mentioned this because hello, timezones! Lol!
I am having an okay Sunday so far. My older brother lives next door to me and he has a special guest visiting him. And that is my abusive, monster of an ex-husband who I am doing everything in my power to avoid. It's not easy when my brother lives next door and I live with my parents. It's especially not easy because everyone is so close to my ex-husband despite the fact that we have been divorced for five years now. We married in March 2015 and divorced in January 2020. So that was basically five years of marriage and now five years of divorce. Yet... I can't be free of him because he is close to my family and is still considered family.
My parents love him despite everything. He is just one more son to them. My brother is best friends with him. They've known each other since they were teenagers and it's been like 20 years and counting of friendship now.
So I have no choice but to suck it up and just avoid my ex-husband. It's just not easy. He'll come over in a bit to see my parents, but he will use the opportunity to also say something snarky and mean to me as well. I am not looking forward to this one bit. Even though I am staying in my bedroom as I usually do when I hear he is over, he will be knocking on my bedroom door to "say hi" to me when in reality it will be something that will irritate me.
Anyway, it's an okay Sunday so far. I am dealing with some chronic pain as well as battling other mental and physical illnesses that I've acquired due to prolonged narcissistic abuse. More on this later!
I hope you are having a better Sunday than me! Happy Sunday!
17 people like this
16 responses
@RebeccasFarm (91802)
• Arvada, Colorado
9 Feb
I am so sorry..what a taunting torturous situation to have your own family betray you and side with your abuser.
2 people like this
@RebeccasFarm (91802)
• Arvada, Colorado
9 Feb
@lilacskies Youll get away far away from that one day you just wait and see.
2 people like this
@lilacskies (1298)
• United States
9 Feb
@RebeccasFarm Thank you. I am trying my best. I'm working on it. Not easy with everything I'm dealing with right now, but I'm getting there slowly and patiently.
2 people like this
@lilacskies (1298)
• United States
9 Feb
Thank you so much for your kind words. Yes, it is pure torture. They keep him in the family despite everything because they've known him for so long. My brother was the one who introduced him to me ten years ago and it just went downhill from there. I ignored all the red flags because I was young and naive and now my life is like this. I wish my family would side with me and cut him off, but they won't. It's a complete nightmare despite the fact that I'm supposed to be free due to being divorced.
2 people like this
@rakski (131523)
• Philippines
10 Feb
@lilacskies can't you get a restraining order???
1 person likes this
@lilacskies (1298)
• United States
10 Feb
Yes, that's right. I'm not asking for much. Just keep him away from me and everything will be fine, but no. They keep letting him into my personal space even though I politely asked them to keep that abusive man away from me if they must continue to interact with him. They always say the same thing, that he's family so we all need to see them. He is not my family. I don't need to ever see him.
1 person likes this
@lilacskies (1298)
• United States
10 Feb
@rakski I tried. Long story short it didn't work out since there was no physical abuse nor any verbal threats involved after the divorce was finalized.
1 person likes this
@allknowing (140378)
• India
9 Feb
This is a very odd situation you are in How is it that your folks do not think of you when they continue their freidnship with him?
that your folks do not think about you when they continue their friendship pwith him?
1 person likes this
@allknowing (140378)
• India
10 Feb
@lilacskies Least they could have done was to see that he behaved well with you and what stopped them from doing it is yet another question.
1 person likes this
@lilacskies (1298)
• United States
9 Feb
That is a very good question. My parents knew him since my brother and my ex-husband were 18 or so. That means my parents knew him for 20 or so years since my they are both 38 years old. Since they knew this guy for over 20 years, they consider him family. My brother introduced me to him ten years ago. We divorced five years ago, but he is still with my family to this day because of the long history he has with our family despite the divorce. He is purely family in my family's perspective even though we are divorced due to him abusing me for the entire duration of our marriage. My family is the type of family who don't cut off people they've known for decades. I seriously don't know why they are loyal to people like this, but they've been like this all their lives so the fact that they chose to continue interatcting with my ex-husband is nothing new to me. Just disappointing and hurtful.
1 person likes this
@lilacskies (1298)
• United States
10 Feb
@allknowing I know, right? My family never thought about me in any situation, least of all this so I'm not surprised. I'm just grateful that my parents are letting me live with them at all because I am so broke right now. I need a roof over my head while I deal with all my physical and mental illnesses. I was a waitress since I was 18 and then had to stop working a few weeks after I got a divorce back in 2020 because I was dealing with so much chronic pain due to prolonged narcissistic abuse I endured during my five year long nightmare of a marriage. It's just too much. I don't expect my family will ever cut him out. Ever. I gave up on that thinking long time ago.
1 person likes this
@lovebuglena (45320)
• Staten Island, New York
10 Feb
It’s weird that he comes over and hangs with your family even though you’re not together. If it makes you uncomfortable when he is around why do your parents let him come?
1 person likes this
@lilacskies (1298)
• United States
10 Feb
I know. He is definitely doing this on purpose. It's a narcissistic thing. People who aren't narcissts like him won't understand which is why I am stuck like this. He is family to mu family. He was my brother's best friend before he became my husband and they go way back. They are both 38 now and they've been friends since they were like 18 and I never even met him until ten years ago. We met at a dinner party my parents hosted in their backyard and basically, my brother introduced him to me and me being an 18 year old, naive, unexperienced girl at the time, I mistook my heart fluttering for attraction and everything went downhill from there. I should've paid attention to the red flags, but I didn't and that's on me.
1 person likes this
@Deepizzaguy (106337)
• Lake Charles, Louisiana
10 Feb
I am doing the best I can to enjoy my Sunday working at home sharing news stories and completing surveys.
1 person likes this
@Deepizzaguy (106337)
• Lake Charles, Louisiana
10 Feb
@lilacskies I will do my best.
1 person likes this
@somewitch (1986)
•
9 Feb
What an awful Sunday indeed, sorry to hear. 
I hope tomorrow will be better, at least that piece of poop won't be around.
My Sunday was pretty good, I went to watch a live sports event and it was sunny which I appreciated because I can't even remember how long it's been... this week it was either fog, clouds or rain.
And that's enough to make me happy, I suppose. 
Take care. 
I hope tomorrow will be better, at least that piece of poop won't be around.
My Sunday was pretty good, I went to watch a live sports event and it was sunny which I appreciated because I can't even remember how long it's been... this week it was either fog, clouds or rain.
And that's enough to make me happy, I suppose.
Take care. 1 person likes this
@somewitch (1986)
•
10 Feb
@lilacskies It would be great if you could move to live with your grandma but if you say she has her own life, I guess she can't or doesn't want to host you there.
Thank you too!
Thank you too! 1 person likes this
@lilacskies (1298)
• United States
10 Feb
@somewitch It's an awkward thing to say, but my grandma has quite the love life so it's not right for me to go and live with her. She has live in relationships and such despite being 87. Lol!
Aw, you are welcome!
1 person likes this
@lilacskies (1298)
• United States
9 Feb
Thank you so much. Yes, he is over because he's either here to just watch the Super Bowl or he wants to irritate me. I am assuming both, but I wouldn't put it past him to just be here solely to torture me. Haha I hope not. One day a week is enough thank you very much. I am so sick of this. He's so close to my family that if I don't cut off my family and just be alone with maybe my grandma who lives in a different town from me, then I will never get away from this guy. I am so stuck despite being divorced for five long years. It's like we are still married even though we don't live under the same roof because I see so much every week. It's great if it's one day a week because I can put up with that, but if it's every other day, then what is this? Aren't we divorced? Shouldn't he just move on and get a life? He doesn't date other women, doesn't get married again, nothing. Just sticks to my family like glue. It's so irritating and I have no one to rant about this issue because I have zero friends and practically everyone I know loves him and yes, I have a sweet grandma who is on my side, but location-wise, she lives a town away. I can't always reach out to her when she has her own life.
I am so glad to hear about your fun Sunday! I love how peaceful it sounds! Weather-wise, it's cold and dreary here and it's getting really dark right now even though it's not even 7pm yet. Whatever makes you happy is a good thing! Good for you!
You too! Take care! 
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (161972)
• United States
10 Feb
He should not be allowed to harass you that way. Yes, he can be friends with your brother but that in no way entitles him to bug you to "say hi".
1 person likes this
@lilacskies (1298)
• United States
11 Feb
No, he has no right, but he is allowed into my parents' house and since I live with them, I have to put up with him like this. It's energy draining.
@BelleStarr (61155)
• United States
10 Feb
I am sure this is a horrible situation. But, while you can't control him or your family, you can control your reaction. Smile, be pleasant and don't give him the pleasure of knowing it bugs you. That is the best way to be the winner in this situation. If you take away his control of the situation, it may just stop it from happening. Try to think of something else anytime you see him, as my daughter would say rainbows and unicorns.
1 person likes this
@lilacskies (1298)
• United States
10 Feb
Thank you so much! This is beautiful advice and that is exactly what I have done and will continue to do because I refuse to give him a negative reaction and let him win. He has done enough damage in my life. He has no right to win ever again. He will continue being in my life due to his connection with my family, but I will never ever show that I am deeply hurt by him ever again. You are so right. The less I react, the more he will get bored and give up. I am staying hopeful. I refuse to give up and become completely hopeless because if I give up, he wins and that is so unfair.
1 person likes this
@lilacskies (1298)
• United States
10 Feb
I know, but they will continue to do so and my only solution is to move out.
@Tampa_girl7 (51297)
• United States
22h
It would be good if you could be somewhere else when he comes around.
1 person likes this
@DaddyEvil (140830)
• United States
9 Feb
I'm sorry to hear you're having problems like that. I'm glad I never see my exes... I kept my daughter in the divorce and that royally upsets my first ex-wife.
I hope something changes for you and you can get away from him. Good luck!
1 person likes this
@lilacskies (1298)
• United States
9 Feb
Thank you so much for your kind words. It's a complete nightmare to go through. He was my first boyfriend, fiancé, and husband. He was my only relationship in my entire life and it was just five years of pure torture. We've known each other for ten years now, five years of marriage, five years of divorce. And this nightmare is still not over because my family loves him and he is still considered family. He is welcome anytime and it just hurts. I wish this nightmare would end. I can't cut off my family just because they are close to him. I will be alone then.
I am happy to hear that you kept your daughter in your divorce. I don't have any kids with him, thank goodness. He tried to convince me to have kids, but I told him that I was only in my 20s and wasn't ready for kids. It was all excuses though. I simply didn't want any kids, especially not with someone as abusive as him. That wouldn't be good for anyone involved.
Thank you! I will try my best. To do so, I can only think of one solution and that is to completely move out and cut off everyone involved with him, but right now that is not feasible so I can only be patient.
1 person likes this
@DaddyEvil (140830)
• United States
9 Feb
@lilacskies Sometimes patience is all we have... Hopefully, it will be enough.
1 person likes this
@lilacskies (1298)
• United States
10 Feb
Thank you. I wish I could understand myself.
1 person likes this
@grenery8 (12919)
• Zagreb, Croatia (Hrvatska)
10 Feb
it's sad how parents and siblings sometimes forget that daugters and sisters count too. i apologize for saying this but your ex is rude for doing this, like emotional revenge to you or something. if he cares about your brother or family, he could meet them in town and not at place where you're living. you're really patient and brave. hold on, sister
1 person likes this
@grenery8 (12919)
• Zagreb, Croatia (Hrvatska)
11 Feb
@lilacskies i feel you and i hope one day your parents and brother will see his true colours
1 person likes this
@lilacskies (1298)
• United States
10 Feb
Thank you so much. Yes, he is doing this on purpose because he is a sadistic narcissist and he knows how triggering it is for me when I encounter him. So he is using my parents and brother to get at me because that is what narcissists do. They play games until the victim completely breaks down. Then they pick up the pieces, act like heroes, and take back what they lost which in this case would be me. Thank you. I can only be patient and brave because I can't show him any kind of reaction because then he will be even more dedicated to torturing me. I will try my best to hold on, sister.
1 person likes this
@Orson_Kart (6947)
• United Kingdom
4h
This sounds like a terrible situation for you. If your parents know about him being abusive towards you, then they should disown him. Them allowing him to visit whilst you are there is also abuse in my eyes. I am sure he must take great pleasure in being able to manipulate your parents into adding to your misery. The sooner you are out of there the better. I’m sorry you are having to endure this. No wonder you are suffering still. Shame on your parents (and brother!) 
Shame on your parents (and brother!) 
