I have a question I need some advice on.
By kelnal
@kelnal (165)
United States
December 12, 2006 12:57pm CST
I babysit my nephew who is 2 1/2 yrs.old I have been babysitting since Oct of this year. The family member in the beginning who is the one that said they are going to pay did not pay me because of a separation with his family. So I waited the next week to get paid but i had to find that out that week cause I had to call him otherwise they would have never paid me. Now its been happening lately that he does not want to pay on Friday on time. when one of the parents pick up the child its always the father will be here tomorrow to pay you. But come to find out they were in the car together and the father did not want to come in I already spoke to him before and told him he needs to contact me to let me know whats going on dont leave me hanging like that. Well it happened this past week that my hubby went over to the house to spend some time with the guys and hes brother said out of no where I have no money. Then I realized that he probably wont pay me. I called on Saturday Morning at 11am only to find out that he was out so I asked when will he be dropping by to pay me. He said oh I did not know you wanted it today he said and he also said If you could of told me earlier I said okay I told him that I had to leave to go to the bank but unfortunately he wasnt near by so he came to drop it off at 1:30pm. Then I found out the reason why he did not want to pay me is because he help out his ex to buy a car for her. I want to say something but I feel i should not be the one to tell him. Also the problem is that this is family. What do you think?
1 person likes this
47 responses
@Jahnya (142)
• United States
12 Dec 06
I suggest you talk to them about this and tell them you will no longer babysit unless you get paid that night. You are going to have to put your foot down or it is going to keep happening. If they just don't have the money see if they can pay you in other ways. However, if you keep letting them put you off it will never end. I'm sure you love your nephew and you want to spend time with him, but if they agreed to pay, then they should keep up their end of the deal.
@kelnal (165)
• United States
12 Dec 06
I love my nephew so much he's so adorable just as my own girls that i also love so much. He learns with me when he is with me I bring him out to eat, play with him, teach him colors and he is so talkative much more than before I have seen a big change in him and the parents have told me this too. They did agree to pay me but I'm not that type of person to put my foot down. I should tho but I know I will feel so bad thats my problem.
@pumpkinjam (8754)
• United Kingdom
12 Dec 06
I agree with that. I'm sure you do love you nephew but it's not fair that you are expected to babysit without getting paid. Tell them you want the money in advance before they leave the child with you.
@Poison_Girl (4150)
• United States
13 Dec 06
You know, I have found out the hard way that it's a bad idea to work for family. Fortunately, nothing like this has happened to me. I babysat my nephews for years for my sister and even though she would usually pay me on time or somewhat on time and even though she'd make up for it next time she paid me if she didn't pay me previously, I felt like I was being taken advantage of. She started off paying me what I thought was a fair amount, but because she was getting a new house, she cut my pay in half. Then I moved in with her, so she kept me at that pay which I suppose is fair, but once I moved out cuz she wanted ANOTHER new house, she never raised me back up to what she started off paying me. Even after I started watching her 2nd kid, I never made as much in one week that I made when I started out. I never said anything and kinda wish I had the guts to. I think you should speak your mind, but try to be... not nice, but don't be mean about it. Know what I mean? Don't let them take advantage of you.
@Poison_Girl (4150)
• United States
13 Dec 06
Oh, I know what you mean. It's kinda like that for me, too. Good luck to you! I hope it all turns out well.
@kelnal (165)
• United States
13 Dec 06
:) I wont be mean I'm not that type of person what gets me is that they will take it the wrong way and put me down I know them thats why they kept away from family I know how they do things. Sometime i wish I had never said yes. But I get to see my nephew.
@loved1 (5328)
• United States
12 Dec 06
I do home daycare and have made it clear to my family that business is business. They need to sign a contract just like everyone else and if they do not pay, they no longer have a spot in my daycare. This is how I pay my bills! People who do daycare are very likely to be taken advantage of if they are not careful. Many people feel like this is the bill they can pay late and nothing bad will happen. What would they say if they dropped their child off and you said" Oh, your child will not be eating today because I did not have any money to buy food." They would have a fit! The reality of the situation is that your income is spent to buy supplies for the business. No income means no business. If you were renting a building and working as a barber would you be able to give free haircuts to all your friends and family? Not if you wanted to be able to stay in business. You need to stand up for yourself.
@loved1 (5328)
• United States
13 Dec 06
I know it is really hard especially with family. I was lucky enough to be warned that this happens often before I started doing daycare. That is why I lay down the rules right from the start. I hope you can resolve this without anyone having hurt feelings.
@kelnal (165)
• United States
12 Dec 06
Well, It is not easy. I appreciate all the advice everyone is posting I really needed this cause It really is affecting me in a way. I should not be the one to tell them oh by the way when will you be paying me but unfortunately I think that this not paying bit has gone too far and Thank you to all who is posting it opens up alot of things. I do agree with everyone.
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
12 Dec 06
Family or not if the agreement is that you are to be paid then it should be kept to
I think that is why this is happening he thinks because you are Family he can get away with it and as long as you let him he will keep doing it
Put your Foot down and tell him that he needs to pay or he will have to find someone else
I know it sounds harsh but you are being taken for granted
@kelnal (165)
• United States
12 Dec 06
That is true. I wish that them and others would not do that. Me thinking that they are family they would not do this to you. I always try to think better of them thinking that this will not happen again and guess what it happens. Wow I suck :) sorry just it bothers me alot. Especially when its family.
@soniacharles (76)
• India
13 Dec 06
irst of all, Kelnal, I'm sorry to hear of your predicament.
I feel that whether you are family or not, the parents of your charge should pay you, and pay you on time. If they were to leave the child at a day centre, or with a chilminder other than yourself, they would have to make sure and pay, on time. They have no right to use you in this way and then ignore you when it comes to the time to pay you.
You didn't say why they need to leave the child but I would assume it's because they're both working, in which case, they have absolutely no reason not to pay you. If it wasn't for you, their earnings would be cut drastically, or they would probably face a bigger fee for another childminder.
I think you have to demand that the both of them sit down and talk with you about this, and come to a reasonable solution for all of you. Negotiate a satisfactory payment for yourself, and stipulate the day on which it should be paid... get it in writing if necessary, like a sort of contract of employment. I know this sounds a bit harsh, as you're family, but they should not assume to use you because of this. If you don't sort it out once and for all, you will forever be waiting for your payments, and it will end up in very bad feelings. Show them some respect, and maybe they'll show you a little more in return.
I hope this helps... good luck with it all.:-)
@kelnal (165)
• United States
13 Dec 06
They pay me $20 a day they decided to change their schedule so they dont have to pay me much. Now i have my nephew for 2 to 3 days aweek depends. I watch him for more than 8 hours a day cause the mother likes to go after work and get stuff done I already warned her that I have things to do but she always calls and says I need to stop at the store for ethan which I don't mind but all the time it gets a little fishy. For example: She called my Sunday night to let me know that she will be going to work on Monday morning and entering in at 11am which was weird to me cause she always has to go to work at 9:30 am. So I said okay she drops him off and tells me she really did not have to work that she had stuff to do. Now here is the thing my brother-in-law is paying for the babysitting which he does not know but I dont want to get involved. They are the ones that agree to pay me I never even mentioned payment they did. so I was like okay. Cause I had prior watched my nephew 2 weeks before he was going to enter the childcare facility. The first week was an excuse come to find out that they had no money to put down at the facility so they had to wait til the following week. Which they told me that the facility told them they had to wait a week for my nephew to start which was a lie. They are separated the parents soon to be divorced. My brother-in-law buys new clothes, and stuff and i see it which i don't mind but dont say that you are broke and the next day you have new stuff. Like the car he had put down payment for and the thing is its an expensive car. So I will have to talk to them. Thank you for replying. I apologize that this is long its frusterating.
@Stephanie5 (2946)
• United States
13 Dec 06
Hello Kelnal! I see why you are frustrated! I've had this happen to me before too. I would still watch him as long as you are still getting paid. They are family. But, If they stop paying you all together, I would refuse to babysit. Especially if you are charging them less than what daycare would cost. They are probably just kind of testing you to see how far they can get. Just keep being persistant, but in a friendly manner like you have been, it seems to being working so far!!!
Great Post! Hope this helps! Best Wishes!
@malcido (422)
• United States
12 Dec 06
I have a couple ideas:
1. tell them that you need to be paid at the beginning of the week instead of the end
2. if you know when they are paid, change the time that they pay you to match. If they are paid on the 1st and 15th of each month, then you get paid at this time as well, for two weeks at a time instead of one.
Good luck and don't let them take advantage of you; I know that it is hard, but you have to stand up for yourself. Besides, if you don't do it nicely now, you are going to blow up in the long run---better to address it while you can still be diplomatic about it.
@nascar8fan (742)
• United States
13 Dec 06
You really need to speak up and talk to them. If they said they were going to pay you then they need to pay you. It's just not right that they say they will pay you and then not. They need to be truthful to you about why they are not paying you..
@kelnal (165)
• United States
13 Dec 06
Thats the thing they are able to buy a car, buy new clothes, and the clothes part happend cause I remember that they did not pay me before and I saw a new pair of sneakers, come to find out they went to the mall. Cause my mother-in-laws boyfreind spotted them and the next day they came over to visit and I saw him with new clothes and sneakers and hair trimmed. But he said he had no money he was broke . So i confronted them and they were like uhhhhh but of course I had to wait. I will be talking to both of them since both of them take advantage of me.
@Tweety2035 (662)
• United States
13 Dec 06
If I were you I would simply stop babysitting for them.They are using you because you are family.If they had to rely on someone else they would have to pay them so they should pay you.
@kelnal (165)
• United States
13 Dec 06
I just was thinking that they might need to find another cause I really can't handle it. I believe my brother-in-law notice that i was upset with him. He was being to nice to mee :0 I will have a talk with him and his ex this weekend It just have the courage to talk to them. I love the ideas
@medooley (1873)
• United States
12 Dec 06
Family or not, you are providing a service for them and if the it was agreed on that they would pay for you, they should. And if they don't then you need to let them know tha they need to make other arangements for someone to watch their child.
You are being taken advantage of my friend... it is time to put a stop to that.
@crystal8577 (1466)
• United States
12 Dec 06
The parents need to stick to the original agreement when it comes to paying you. Just because they are family does not mean that you have to let them take advantage of you. If you do not nip this in the bud, it was continue to snowball into an even larger problem. It is great that you enjoy your nephew but they told you, they were going to pay you.
@JustSimplyLissa (547)
• United States
13 Dec 06
Even though it's family, he's abusing the privelage of the services you as a loving relative provide. Put your foot down. Don't babysit for him until he pays in full and IN ADVANCE for it. Simply put. He's using you. You absolutely have a right to say something to him. Your taking care of HIS CHILD.
Simply do what you need to do.
@ecpunzalan (401)
• Philippines
12 Dec 06
Talk to them and be honest, we know how much a car cost, and Im sure its no where around what they should pay you, if they can pay for a car im sure they can pay you. Dont let them take advantage of you, a deal is a deal. I know you love your nephew but if someone agreed on something they must fulfill it. Im sure you can do it even for free but that is not the point. they should keep their end of the bargain you kept yours.
@JoyfulOne (6232)
• United States
12 Dec 06
It is always a more delicate situation when there is family involved. One thing that is worth noting is that even though they are family, they are taking advantage of your good graces. By putting you off, and then telling you lies on top of it (and you not doing anything about it) you are showing them that it is OK for them to continue to keep up this type of attitude. I know you love your nephew, but if it was me I'd be telling them that I could not continue to take care of him, and that I had my own things/committments that I need to do. By letting them do this to you constantly, you are letting them walk all over you, and disrespecting you. They need to grow up and follow up on their obligations. It might be different if they were honest with you about it all, but by skirting the issue, and telling lies, they are indirectly saying that they don't care about your feelings, only their own. It's too bad that they are treating you this way. It sounds like you're a good person trying to do the right thing. Sometimes trying to do the right thing is to have them learn to be responsible and not play child-like games with you, in my humble opinion. However you handle it, it needs to be brought out into the open and discussed...with honesty. I wish you luck in whatever you decide to do.
@kelnal (165)
• United States
12 Dec 06
Thank you very much for your response. Everytime i think about what I'm going to say I get sick over it to my stomach. I really need to address this issue with them and put it straight to them. Thanks again just hope i dont forget what I want to say or get nervous.
@soldenski (2503)
• United States
6 Jan 07
I would see if you could get post-dated check's. And every Friday (or whenever he get's paid) I would deposit the check's. I think that is very unfair of him not to pay on time. If it was someone else babysitting, they would have to pay on time. Explain your rule's and if he does not follow them, I am sorry you need to stop babysitting, or keep watching your nephew but do it for free.
@Darkwing (21583)
•
12 Dec 06
First of all, Kelnal, I'm sorry to hear of your predicament.
I feel that whether you are family or not, the parents of your charge should pay you, and pay you on time. If they were to leave the child at a day centre, or with a chilminder other than yourself, they would have to make sure and pay, on time. They have no right to use you in this way and then ignore you when it comes to the time to pay you.
You didn't say why they need to leave the child but I would assume it's because they're both working, in which case, they have absolutely no reason not to pay you. If it wasn't for you, their earnings would be cut drastically, or they would probably face a bigger fee for another childminder.
I think you have to demand that the both of them sit down and talk with you about this, and come to a reasonable solution for all of you. Negotiate a satisfactory payment for yourself, and stipulate the day on which it should be paid... get it in writing if necessary, like a sort of contract of employment. I know this sounds a bit harsh, as you're family, but they should not assume to use you because of this. If you don't sort it out once and for all, you will forever be waiting for your payments, and it will end up in very bad feelings. Show them some respect, and maybe they'll show you a little more in return.
I hope this helps... good luck with it all. :-)
@kelnal (165)
• United States
12 Dec 06
Yes, both of the parents are working and they are not together. I know that other childcare facility would charge them so much I watch him alot of hours and always the mother comes late calls me to tell me she has an appointments, or needs to go to the store to get stuff. I thank you for responding back :)
@auburndreams (838)
• United States
14 Dec 06
Since you obviously care about this child you need to find a compromise that makes everyone happy. I would give them some free coupons for babysitting for a few hours a week. That why you can see the child and give them a break from the stress of parenting.
Then if they need you for more hours than that, ask for $20 in advance and babysit until it's used up. If they want you again, it will be another $20.
Tell them you charge time and a half (or double) for overtime if they don't get back when they say they will. (That's a common practice in childcare).
I can almost bet you they will soon find another babysitter that they can string along like they did you. People like that usually go through one sitter after another trying to see how long they can get away without paying the dummy until they wise up and quit. Sad but true.
@surpluscars (315)
• Philippines
12 Dec 06
simple, refuse to babysit...tell them that your baby sitting for someone else who pays you on time.
