Is this right or wrong? I feel like a single mother...even though I'm not
By megs85
@megs85 (3142)
Australia
December 18, 2006 11:43pm CST
My partner leaves for work at 5am and gets home around 8pm or later seven days a week. I feel like i am doing everything all on my own and that the only thing he provides is money. No Love, Comanionship, Fathering or Help. Ie tried talking to him but he won't listen~! I'm thinking about pretending to leave him, so he sees it as a wake up call... Should I or not?
4 people like this
73 responses
@kiwi02 (9)
• New Zealand
19 Dec 06
Its a tough situation.
Instead of talking to him about a problem have you tried talking to him about where you both will be in five years time. I mean it could be that if he works real hard for a few years and you tough it out, you both will be in a psotion to have an easy life.
I guess what I'm try to say is that if you have a set of shared goals then you will have a different outlook on life.
Your man may be trying as hard as he can to be a great provider and be so wrapped up in doing that, that he doesn't see the struggle you are having.
Lastly you sound like you love the guy and need some time to work this through. Start doing something that makes you feel good about yourself while you wait this out.
1 person likes this
@SViswan (12051)
• India
19 Dec 06
I'm in the same boat as you. If your husband is anything like mine, leaving him (or pretending to) is not going to work. It's only going to make it worse. That's what happened to me. I'm just hoping he'll see sense some day. But I'm sure then I won't be in a position to give him the kind of companionship he needs because I will be drained of all my energy by then.
You can try pretending to leave. Maybe it will work for you.
All the best.
@mansha (6298)
• India
19 Dec 06
At last somone in the same boat. I am also a housewife coping with kids alone. My hubby is always busy with work and since I have a small daughter it becomes really tireing after a while. No use leaving such person they will know its a gimmick and it may back fire. I think problem is more than the communication Gap , you have not explained the real issue. With me actual problem is he is a decent and honest person but he was in love with me and married me then he realised he wanted to spend his life doing social service and didn't want to get in to the petty affairs of day to day living. But as he has made a commitment to me he will see it through. He has renounced this world in his heart though. I do not mind because otherwise he is a decent person probably the best and he tries to get in to all the stuff we do because he cares somewhat deep inside that love is still there.
@Lydia1901 (16351)
• United States
20 Dec 06
I'd give it a try since it looks like he needs a wake-up call.
@anonvenu (401)
• India
20 Dec 06
As a general rule I am against split-ups. If things can be worked-out it should be worked-out.
If your partner is working that hard, he probable is doing so to give you and your son a better future. Nobody burns himself like that with out a reason.
Talk to him compassionately, men feel the need to be appreciated for working hard, appreciate him, but raise concerns about his health due to his schedule.
Don't ever come across as nagging. Don't every tell him he should quit his current job and take up something else, build up the scenario such that the idea of a new job pops out of him!!!
Remember men generally are compassionate creatures, who don't know/can't express emotions easily. Let him express his feelings slowly and all by himself.
I am sure things will work out by just talking.
@shraddha_chandwadkar (135)
• United States
19 Dec 06
Dont do this....cause situations might get worse after this. Try to talk to him and communicate with him that you miss him. My husband works a lot too and i feel left out most of the time cause i am a homemaker and take care of my 18 month old. But they really are doing this for their family to survive. Instead of doubting him you must support him...maybe that might bring him even more closer to you.
@97gstchick (242)
• United States
19 Dec 06
I totally agree with your post! If you pretend to leave him for attention what will stop you from leaving him in the future. Honesty is key in any relationship!!!! be honest with him, and make a comprimise. Make Sundays your day together. Remeber he is working hard to support you and his family. REMEBER THAT!
@lovaboy888 (3)
• Philippines
19 Dec 06
I could see as far as you said that your hubby is really workaholic. Before anything else, can i ask you if you are working too? Probably the cause for him to work overtime is because he loves you and he cares for you a lot even in silence. He is working hard just for you and not with anyone else. To play a part in his Daily routine. I suggest you play a vital role for him to be happy. Like foods are ready (compliment of you), and think about the past which bring the heat up to both of you. Don't think that you're already married. Think about the naughty moments you shared with each other. And as a wife,show and give him the necessary moral support. Above all, Go to mass / church service, it will help you out.
@hinsley (12)
• Nigeria
20 Dec 06
ur partner goig to work by 5pm does not mean dat he does not love u.i believe the love and companion has be dere sionce the first day u ment.living him will not be the solution and will not put things in other.i believe u and him can reason togeda.dont say there is no love.if there is no love he will not be giving u money.or does he beat or abuse or insult u.he still loves u and still show caring pls dont go.
@innechen (1318)
• Indonesia
20 Dec 06
i dont understand why u feel that way?
is it he never communicate with you and ur kids after work? or maybe play a while after work?
if he really working then u shouldnt discourage him.and leaving him is not gonna salve the problem.why dont you start to give him extra attention,like make a romantic situation when u ready to go to bed or tell him what ur kids do today etc.my husband work everyday without day off,he work from 9am-10pm sometimes 11pm.but i didnt feel he ignore me etc bcause we still communicate,even when he work we still sending sms to each other,he never help me with my home stuff becoz i know he tired already eventhough i also working but i do the dishes and laundry myself.but what i do is i keep in ouch with him in sweet words by sms or phone call.i still feel happy eventhough i dont hv a kid yet
@mack_john123 (42)
• India
20 Dec 06
plz let me me know first r u married or just leaving with partners. If you r married, then talk to him when he is free..about it. Told him give you a few minute for some discussion.., if u r not married and he is not respond u now and not giving time to u ..Then you have option...:-) But be positive and do whatever with cool mind.
@kakuemmom (859)
• Canada
20 Dec 06
I know how you feel my hubby is gone 12 hours a day 7 days a week then he gets every third weekend off. It is hard sometimes but the way i look at it, we have gone through some real hard times before and we stayed together and now he works so much i don't see him very often but he is trying to better our family so we never have to live the way we once did. As he says he would rather do it now while he is young so that when he is old we are not eating cat food. Talk to your husband but don't threaten that just does not work.
@NewHeart (528)
• Canada
20 Dec 06
so what kind of work does he do seasonal or construction where has to work as long as there's light ?? i use to do that where was working from 600am til almost 900pm but did take weekends off only worked odd sat..
don't do it anymore got too old too fast so quit after 7 months...
@shrutisingh (186)
• India
20 Dec 06
i am in the same situation too.my husband leaves early and comes ack late and the most of the day iamalone,but the only bonus is that he really really loves me and does not mind showing it,he constantly cuddles and kiss me whenever we are together..so it's a big consolation.try getting a job,maybe that will help
@hackedmind (271)
• India
20 Dec 06
so the questions is to quit or not???
does he loves u or not .............
well give me an answer
can u live u'r live wihtout money..........
will u be able to feed ur child in healthy way .......
will u be able to fulfill u'r demands and u'r help u'r child in future to acheive his dreams...............................
............................most of the answer is no .......do u know why because u don't think practically.............
.........i will agree with u that it's a problem but this is not the way to solve it.............
well if he hadn't being loving u he hadn't workes seven days a week ,
well there can be problem that u don't give him respect ,love ,attention so try to find out first what is in his mind and that too when he is happy...............
he loves u ............
@santwana_veddika (2018)
• India
20 Dec 06
i have also facing same problem he has no time for me .
he has a problem that he can't express himself, so he can't so his feeling love etc. so evenif he get the time on sunday but we don't enjoy our married life .
that why i engaged myself in a work and just spending my life with my husband .
@soldenski (2503)
• United States
20 Dec 06
My husband work's a lot of hours also, not as many as your partner but about 75 hours a week plus his worker's call him all hours and some customer's. He works, while I stay home to raise my kids. Sometime's I get upset, and yell but then I think "If he worked less hour's, I would have to get a job so help out, so we'd still be in the same boat." I appreciate everything he does so that I can take care of my children. I think your partner needs to cut back from working seven day's a week. He need's time for his family and for himself. Don't pretend to leave him, he might let you go. Good luck
@whitefeahter1956 (70)
• United States
20 Dec 06
your husband sounds like he is just bord to, no don't pertend to leave becuase that will just make him not trust you. and then he'll also think your useing him, so don't do that pretend thing. make a dinner put the kids to bed early or have them go to someones house so you can have alone time, do it even if he don't want to, if your out of love him then leave but don't play games...if he fell out of love with you ask him and say well i guess i'll leave until we figuer it out,because no one should live in that kind of love...
@gustavomachado (107)
• Brazil
20 Dec 06
Well, Meg. I think its your name. You're young, you're pretty and you deserve all the companionship you want. I thkn you must leave him. And invest time in yoursel,in your self esteem. Make yourself more pretty than you already are, mae yourself more happy, and find yourself another person. An afetive person, this time.
Good look.
@habibmasr (4)
• Egypt
20 Dec 06
i agree with you its so bad to feel that way,but i dont think that wake up call usefull more than talking to him and keep talking to him
