Here is something I can speak on with confidence...MARRIAGE
By try2bsincere
@try2bsincere (69)
United States
December 27, 2006 9:00am CST
God Day Folks!
I have been married for only 6 years and I married at the age of 18. Why so young you may ask, but I did this for a few reasons. One, I was attracted to men (lol). Two, I had already decided that if I was going to be with a man in any shape fashion or form, then we would have to be married. Three, in my religion, Islam, we marry young to stay away from sin (fornicating). So the right suiter came along, the man of my dreams. He asked my father for my hand in marriage and after my approval we were married. He moved me from New York my hometown to Maryland and that is where I have been living ever since. We went on to have 2 beautiful babies and a lovely home and I am just happy! I know it sounds like a fairy tale but of course there are the ups and downs
to marriage. My advice for married couples and soon to be married individuals is that, divorce should not be a option! It should be clear between you two that you are going to work things out because barriers will come up and other outside negative forces can destroy a marriage. Also don't speak your business. If your spouse finds out, he/she may not say anything or may forgive you but it tears slowly away at the trust factor. Respect and honor are important in a marriage unlike a mere relationship where commitment is not obligatory. I hope some of these pointers helped and I can still use some advice myself. Looking forward to hear from you all.
10 people like this
45 responses
@Rosy001 (363)
• South Africa
29 Dec 06
as salaam u alaikum! Just by reading your article you do sound very happy, that's so nice! I am married 3 years now with 1 masha-allah little girl. Could not have asked for a more respectable, caring, loving or considerate husband. What's best of all with our traditional ways and living in these modern times we seem to be working so well as a team. My best tool and solution to problems in any marriage or relationship is communication - it is so vital! One needs to be open, honest, trustworthy and respectable and always mindful of what you do or say.
@mansha (6298)
• India
28 Dec 06
I will only add that there is no happily ever agfter, you have to work on your relatrionship for it to last long. I have been married forteen years now and we fight we make up and we have days when we jsut hate eachother but then we have fun times too. SO a marriage is like life, with bitter sweet moments,, so just try and remeber sweet ones while swallowing the bitter ones. Only make it clear in your heart that this the only person you love and will work things out, but always put your foot down if the partner is physically or emotionally abusive. If there is no respect in the marriage then justy get up and leave and find soeone to love you as you are.
@chingyieng (248)
•
27 Dec 06
Good for you... I am very happy to hear that you have such a wonderful marriage. I am married for 6 years now with two beautiful daughters... and I totally agree with you in terms of divorce being not an option for our children's sake. I believe things can be worked out whatever the differences and all. If we have agreed to get married in the first place, especially in cases like mine when we have the time to get to know each other first, when out a couple of years before we decided to tie the knot... there isn't much of an excuse that we cannot tolerate each other. What I mean to say is that, before we decide to marry, we have to ask ourselves whether we can tolerate each other's nonsense... we have to be aware of it and accept it that we cannot hope to change the other person.
@yspeak2209 (55)
• Philippines
28 Dec 06
yes i agree.. that respect and trust are the 2 important factors in marriage..getting married is not an easy task..its a lifetime responsibility to both parties..One should have an open communication in everything especially when it comes to money matters..coz its the number one reason for fights in marriage..Every husbands and wives should learn how to give and take and should put god at the center of their relationship..I was also married for 8 yrs now..and i can say and still now..were trying to keep the flame burning in our relationship..coz for me..its very vital..and also trying to have an open communication with each other..no secrets..so that problems may be resolved earlier than letting it get worse.
1 person likes this
@funlola (26)
• Nigeria
27 Dec 06
hello i really agree with u.if a marriage fails or works it is the womans responsibility because she is the home maker.i admire u for reconizing ur weakness and doing the right thing.apart 4rm all these things u have mentioned that can make a marriage work,u also have to be submissive not a fool but wise in all ur dealings.communication,whenever u have an argument never raise ur vioce against ur husband but wait 4 him to cool down whoever is at fault dosent matter,apologize to him and make ur grievances non in the best way u can.i wish u a very happy married life.
@melbel2007 (15)
• United States
27 Dec 06
Wow. So I guess if a woman is being abused and mistreated she should just suck it up and if it comes to the point where she cannot tolerate the abuse any more it is completely her fault the marriage failed? Marriage is not one sided and the men have just as much responsibility if the marriage fails. I am shocked you would say that...it is not the 50's anymore!
@ASoldiersAngel02 (633)
• United States
27 Dec 06
so Funlola is it then your opinion that if in fact a marriage does fail for whatever reason,regardless of the reason, that it is the fault of the woman? That is certainly what youre saying. You are blaming women for everything. It is not strictly a woman's job to assure the success of a marriage. Thats not why people get married. Marriage is a joint effort. It does not rely on one of the people, the participation and cooperation of both are equally required.
1 person likes this
@mamabulldog60 (351)
• United States
27 Dec 06
Quite the newbie, congrats on the marriage. If ones life is in danger leaving is the ONLY option in my opinion, that said. Communication is the key, once that is gone, the marriage is over. Give your spouse props in public, only the two of you need know the minor flaws you both have, enjoy each others company be friends laugh at each other and yourselves
1 person likes this
@ASoldiersAngel02 (633)
• United States
27 Dec 06
I do wholeheartedly agree with you that divorce should not be an option unless of course one's life or the life of children involved are in danger. As important as respect and honor are in a marriage I disagree when you say commitment is not equally as important. When you get married you take a vow and commitment is part of that vow. You must always be honest and true, You must love and cherish your spouse, and you must do whatever in your power to upheld that vow by whatever means necessary.
@try2bsincere (69)
• United States
27 Dec 06
Thanks for your response! I said that when your NOT married, commitment is not obligatory. Of course when your married commitment is a must. Hope I cleared that up smile*
@try2bsincere (69)
• United States
27 Dec 06
why does it cost a lot? Do you want a fancy big time wedding? Our families basically paid for our wedding and my husband pais as well.
@lafavorito (2959)
• Philippines
29 Dec 06
Hands up to you!!! I appreciate your post very much, I got married last year I was 21 then and my husband is 29, we have a 2 year old son. My husband and I are having tough times as I type my reply. Everytime I'm upset I try not to speak to my husband for a couple of days so that I can cool off, I'm afraid I might say something wrong if I speak when I'm angry. I'm planning to have a talk with him when he gets home, and hopefully everything will be ok.
@jen20619 (1300)
• Ireland
28 Dec 06
Yes your pointers have helped.Im glad some people this believe in the importance of marraige .I am not married yet but some day I hope to be.I believe I will stand by my husband through thick and thin.
@abilbrey (114)
• United States
28 Dec 06
I have been married for 10 years and I agree with you that you should always work it out. If you divorce and meet someone else there are bound to be other obstacles you will face and you want know what you have gotten yourself into either. I do not believe a person should stay in a abusive relationship for any reason as this is not good for the children or the couple. I do believe that outside of that one should honor there vows.
@ajay_kumar (2)
• India
28 Dec 06
Ya, it may sometimes possible to get marry in so young age ,but not for the every one.Congatulation,for being a happy marriage life.But, in my view there are lots of happiness in this beautiful world .Only getting marriage is not a source of joy.A marriage life moves only in a limited area and somebody like it.So you are within it. Keep joying.
@Muslimah (811)
• United States
15 Jan 07
As salamu alaium
The same reasons you got married applies to me also. Im glad to see your not affraid to state them either. I was married a little younger than you ... i got married at 16 and have been ever sence. I have 3 kids and i love my husband.
@cathy78513 (283)
• Philippines
16 Jun 09
Wow! You are so lucky to find the man of your dreams at an early age. Many of the ladies out there find it difficult to find the right guy for them. Or sometimes they think that that was the man for them but the guys seems not yet ready for a serious relationship. So I think before getting married you should think twice or thrice before saying yes. You should also be 101% percent sure of your feelings because marriage is a lifetime commitment. And after the wedding ceremony is the reality that you'll be spending your life with the man you chose forever. And afterwards if you already have kids, you should not think of only yourself but your kids as well so before filing a divorce you should also think of what and how it will affect the lifestyle and childhood of your children.
@Sheeniepie (873)
• Philippines
28 Dec 06
hi there....
i would have to say that indeed marriage would always be a give and take kind of relationship...
plus the fact that compromise should always take place for this marriage to work...
love and respect should always be given....
im glad that your both surpassing it through come what may, let this serve as an inspiration that marriage would always be sacred and consider it as a god given gift.....
thanks a lot^_^
@diansinta (7544)
• Indonesia
28 Dec 06
i will keep that in mind when i married , im musleem too from bali indonesia. hope will hearing hows your little baby's doing?
@niranjan05 (106)
• India
28 Dec 06
Friend that is good to hear.Marriage is not a must thing in life but it is.if you have no thrill in life the life will be bored the marriage th thrilled life in which you have a partner with you both are left in a battle game where you and your partner should combine together and destroy your enemy's.you should choose a right partners otherwise the game will over soon
@asfi123 (951)
• India
28 Dec 06
hi there i really agree with you it all depends on the woman as she is yhe homemaker of any family it is all in hrt hands to either make or break relationships and if there is any problem between a couple the woman must always make the first move to save her relationship and i am really happy for you hope you have a great life all the best!!
