How does your family react to your special-needs child?

Hi! I'm sorry you are having a hard time with your family. I hate that "bad parent" stigma we feel when our kids have a meltdown in public or something similar and everyone looks at you like you are the worst parent ever. My parents were great. My mother knew from the start that something wasn't "quite right" where my daughter was concerned. My sister took some convincing. My in-laws never believed it and even with a diagnosis of PPD-NOS (autistic spectrum), they still think they are right. She does have problems they don't really "register." My daughter doesn't always show her symptoms, but when she does, they are unmistakable. I wish I could give you some words of wisdom, I guess just be your child's advocate. Do what your child needs regardless of what they think about it. I wish you all the best - I know how tough it is! We're here if you need people to talk to! :-)

was just wondering, what special need does your son have? my son is four and he was diagnosed with autism when he was just a year old. He is very smart and can do many things beyond his years, but lacks the ability to do some of the most simple things. He gets frustrated very easily, and with throw some of the worst temper tantroms you can imagine. My family at first was a little lost with it. They didn't want to admit that there was anything wrong I think. They kept saying that oh he'll catch up or saying the whole thing that every kids is different ect. But I think they are okay with it now. They know and understand that he does need a little extra help and understanding with things when he comes over. I get sick and tired though of people in the store looking at me like I just have a little brat for a child though when he is acting out, not understanding what his problem is. They look at me like I am this horrible parent that does not correct their child more harsher ect.

My son has CP. My side of the family was really good and supportive. My in-laws just distanced themselves. They were not interested in learning how to deal with him. He is 12 now and they have no idea what to do with him. When he was about a year old, I overheard my MIL telling someone else that she had 4 grandchildren and then there was this one. She had a total of 5. I was soooooo mad and hurt. She has told us over and over again to not ask her to keep him as he is too much work. When he was small, he wasn't any more work than a 5yr. old. He crawled everywhere instead of walking. He didn't even have a wheelchair and was only 20 lbs.. Now he is too big and they have no idea what he needs. It is really sad. I feel the worst for my husband. He needed that support from his family and they abandoned him. He was really hurt.

FOr the most part my family members are laid back. Everyone in my family has issues of their own in one way or another. I do have this one Aunt that feels everyone in my family that has kids is doing a bad job at raising them. That my son acts the way he does because of parenting. It causes her to not have much to do with my son. My inlaws accept my son for who he is and appreciate how it is never a boring moment when my son is around.

I hear ya! And, I have come to see that people who love you still make the same stupid comments as people who aren't your family. I have taken to understand comments and frustrations and how I "have to be harder on my child" and "I do it because this is what my son needs and I love him" all stem from ignorance. It is these same people who don't bother to read the information you give them who make the stupid, careless comments! Don't take it personally. People balk at what they don't understand. Take their balking as a chance for you to explain and reference literature you have passed along. And, for those who are unwilling to learn and be compassionate - don't leave your child with them and don't feel bad about it. They aren't suitable caretakers because they don't know because they don't want to learn. I wont leave my son with certain family members either! And, I don't feel bad about it. I consider my time on Earth with my son, with all three of my children, a treasure. No one who can't appreciate that gets the privilage of moments with my special children!

well you just told here that your son has special needs but didn't mention specifically what is the case or situation all about. am a parent of a blind child, he too is a child. I suggest you must be strong and love you child much, they are living angels and soon you will find the special GIFT in him. be positive,do not worry what will others say as long as you knew in your heart that you did your best for him.

You are right on this one! My Dad:- he's really clever, ever so sharp, he's fine, no problem Shreks Mum and Dad :- poor little chap it's such a shame, constant worry and fuss about how he is getting on His Dad (Shrek) :- he's in la-la land why can't you make them give him more help His Biological father :- not sure can't see the dust trail any more Friends - mostly say he's ok, but can see some of the problems Aunty and Cousins :- He's just used to having his own way, they both are - give him a smack and make he do it. Me :- Well I'm his mum, he's just him. strategies work for a while then I have to find new ones, he can be awful and the best word I can find for him is stiggaly which probably isn't a word but it suits him. You can get used to people being around even when thye cause so much uproar and I'll always love him even tho' he doesn't make it easy. I try to listen and evaluate everyone elses opinion of him but he's just a little boy, time will tell, you know yourself with your family at the end of the day us mums just do what we can and hope it all turns out ok.

If you do not mind me asking but what is it that your child has that is considered special needs is it ADD or ADHD? is he Autistic? I guess I am just curious, I work with a company that sells products that help to alleviate the symptoms of ADHD as they are finding that many children are reacting to most of the chemicals that are in our environment and especially in our homes (house cleaners, laundry detergent and the like) And by the way NO I am not Amway or Quixtar... Anyway, I guess I am curious about the ailment that your son has because My friend has a special needs child, he was born with no idea that his brain grew into itself so he has basically no way of taking care of himself, he can not walk, talk or feed himself and he will stop breathing a lot of the time and my friend just sleeps in the same bed with him and has been for the past 10 years now...they thought he would not make it past about 4 years of age, but he is now 10...not sure how much longer he will continue to live but he just keeps on living and they keep on taking care of him. His parents take care of him on their own, no nurse, no doctors no institutions... he has an older sister who is normal and healthy and so she is quite exposed to the special needs of her little brother. she is now 13.

Yes I know what you mean. Our stepson is abit slow and is a handful but my girlfriends parents think hes a spoiled brat but he really is'nt. Hes really hyper and does'nt always understand totally right from wrong so people think hes just a bad kid. Its sad how some people can treat kids so unfairly.

My family is terrific! My son has a severe speech disorder and was in an IEP preschool for 2 years and now is in kindergarten. At first some family were like he can't talk, I don't understand him. My 9 year old brother in law told him that he knew a 1 year old that talked better then him and I lost my cool because my inlaws did nothing to correct the situation. At first there was a lot of pity that other children would make fun of him but so far so good. You can understand him so much better know. If he gets talking real fast, you can't understand him. But you just have to remind him to slow down. But he is so smart. He is reading and the teacher is using him to help the other students with their work. So that is a big help. That is terrible that they think you are a bad parent. Special needs children are just that....children!

just not hear the words.. its the parents who comes first for the child .. u got to care ur son in a proper way..as a child he must get love frm their parents

I can't understand why your family would judge you as a bad parent because of your special needs son :( That is really sad. I'm sorry that they treat you this way. No wonder you don't want to spend so much time with them. Kudos to your ex-husbands parents for being so kind and understanding! ^_^ I'm glad that you have a safe place where you can leave him if you need to, where they know how to take care of him! ^_^

just because your son has special needs dosent necessarly mean that your a bad parent, even one who is born on this earth have a special need in one way or the other, dont pay attention to what others say, mom know what best for her son and noboday can change it.

My father used to make all sorts of comments about how my son had us wrapped around his finger, we were letting my son have control of the house...my favourite was his opnion on me accomodating my son's sensory needs regarding foor: my dad said, 'If I don't feed the dog from my plate, he will eventually eat the food from his dish.' Well, my son is NOT a dog, and if I don't feed him what he needs, he will scream himself to sleep in exhaustion and wake up all night screaming in hunger and refusing to eat unless he gets something he can handle. My dad then moved halfway across the world - so I don't have to deal with it anymore. My in-laws kept insisting that my son woudl 'catch up' or 'be fine when he got older' until they saw a few of the really big meltdowns...now they are much more understanding.

I am not entirely sure what kind of special needs we are dealing with here, but I do have an idea of what you are talking about. People are scared and quick to judge because if they were in your position they probably woudln't know how to handle it. Being legally blind and having a couple of physical challenges, I know how it is to have special needs. My family is OK with it, but they're not perfect. I've been this way all of my life, and things will never change. I have learned to cope. I'm almost 25, but some of them still act like 3 year olds around me. LOL

my son has autism with severe speech problems, my duaghter who is younger than him understands him very well she even likes to teach him, makes him play games with her, my husband thinks that he is too special and he does not follow anything even if he does something well he says see how has done it otherwise it appears that he doe snot know to do anything, relatives just say he cannot speak, though he is very affectinate by nature, they just know from the definations of autism that this children dont show affection etc so they say that taunt him on that, grandparents are okay with him first they used to not differentiate, now adays they keep calling him special, it is sad when you have a special child as everyone wants to watch them and give different opinions

different members of any family requires, different needs and attention. In my childhood, i require more attention then brother n sister, for the specific reason behind it. As of now, my parents not able to get rid of this feeling. my brother and sister is now wellsettled and im still now searching for meaning of life. My advice is to give as much attention as he need but as same time, do whtever he want to do, just try to start his thinking process of it own. It really helps in the development of the child. I must tell you that it is life and different members have their different view, so dnt go for it, instead you concentrate what you should do. bestofluck!

Well its all about what social and human values one has, here in the east, the children is loved by every one in the family rarely we see any such case

Yes that is true that If the child However the child is tought and Grown in surroundings the child gets that behavior and i think so ur family is a bit sentimental so even ur child has got it is not a miracle.

I'm sorry some members of your family have treated you and your son that way. Contrary to what they say, I think it shows real strength of character that you are able to take care of a special needs child. It must be difficult because we live in a world that expects everyone to live up to a certain standard, but those standards are so synthesized and specific that it becomes difficult for many people to adhere to it. A person shouldn't feel any different just because they are a parent of a special needs child. I apologize on behalf of a world that's not as nice as it should be.