Sister in-law issues...

I guess my first thought here is likely to be an unpopular one. But at 22 why does she need someone to support her? Plenty of people work their own way through school, and most are better off for it. I made the choice at 17 to go to college. I had nobody else to support me, so I held a part time job and lived in the dorms. Once I got married my husband partially supported my schooling but much of it was still done off grants, loans, and my working. By the age of 22 she needs to realize she's responsible for her own life. Any adult living within a household should be pulling their weight in some form, including the housework. Her main focus is school, and understandably so, but it is not impossible to go to school and help in a house as well. Personally, I would be telling her to pull her weight or find a new roof.

Oooooo. I was in the same position years ago. My sister-in-law lived with my husband and I when she graduated from high school. She moved to where we lived to go to college. We tried our best to encourage her to live in the dorms her first year because we felt she'd meet a lot of new people. (She came from Washington, we lived in Minnesota). She didn't want to do that. She lived with us. It was really difficult because she didn't want to help around the house either. Their mother did EVERYTHING for them and she basically expected the same from us. She also had a long distance relationship and ran up the phone bill hundreds and hundreds of dollars that she never paid on time. I think the best thing you can do is talk to your husband. He should be the one to reign her in. If he can't, then it's time that all of you discuss her options. Either she can appreciate that helping around the house is the least she can do without whining to the rest of the family, or she can get a place of her own. We did the same with my sister-in-law and she moved out. It caused friction with their family for awhile, but really, it was the BEST thing for our marriage. It was really difficult having someone else live with us and I really didn't realize the strain it put on my relationship with my husband until she moved out. No one is doing your sister in law a favor buy babying her or pampering her. She is an adult and needs to learn how to behave appropriately. You are not her maid and you are not her servant. She'll actually learn how much you did do for her when if she moves out on her own. Maybe then, she can come back and she'll be more humble and helpful. Hope this helps.

She should definitely be doing more...especially since you two are helping her so much. You and your husband need to talk to her about what is expected in your household...and that she needs to help out more. If she doesn't like that then she can make other living arrangements...

I think your husband and you should have a talk with your sister in law as well has the family. You didn't mention if she goes to school full time, but if not, possibly she should work part time then. I don't think it's much to ask her to keep her room or what ever area she is using clean and to help out with household chores. She should want to help. I realize she may have a lot of homework and possibly she can work it out so on Saturdays she can help around the house and during the week with dinner dishes and smaller chores. I think in order to avoid any bad feelings between you and her, your husband should be the one to talk to her and the family. HOpefully things will get better soon for you!

That must be really hard for you. Has your husband tried talking to her about it. Perhaps you could sit down with her and tell her you understand that she has school work to do, but you could really use the help with the house. Even if you only get her to do one thing, it's a step in the right direction. Tell her how it makes you feel when she does nothing or complains about it when she does help. 22 can be a tough age, so many changes and believing you are all grown up when in reality they are not. I had a niece that lived with me frome the time she was 16 till 21, I didn't think I would live through it...lol Good luck.

Very, very touchy situation. She is too old to discipline. She is plenty old enough to pick up a couple of chores. My children do chores. They are 22, 21. They have other things to do, but if you are going to live under my roof, eat my food, take my money for schooling, parties, sports or whatever then the least you can do is the dishes every day or your own laundry or vaccuum the floor. As long as your husband agrees with you then the two of you need to sit her down and talk to her. Let her know a little help is appreciated but if she can't see herself doing it then tell your brother in law to take her in. you aren't being mean. You are being what is called real life.

I am sorry you have this situation. You are certainly caught in the middle of a struggle. Perhaps you can sit down with her family ans map out specific ways she can help, to what extent, so that nothing is misinterpreted. There is an old saying, To whom much is given, much is required...and another old one that says, The more one puts into something, the more one values it. She needs to understand the first, and you the second.

She is definitely too old to be disciplined. You aren't expecting too much of her. After all, you and your husband are supporting her. It's a shame that there are family members that take advantage of a kind heart. Maybe she needs to go out on her own and learn how difficult life can be.

Maybe you should tell your sister in law that you can't afford a maid because you are paying for her studies that's why you need her help around the house or else you would decrease her allowance in exchange for a maid. Try to talk to your husband about it before making the move to avoid conflict.

i agree if she is living in your house and not payen for nothing and you are helpen her go to school, she can at least clean the house.

in a way we have this same situation... i have my cousins living with us but they do help out with the house. my mom had talked to them. i suggest you try talking to her infront of your husband and your brother in law. so that the brother in law can see your intention. you have to talk to your husband that he must back you up on this. and of course you have to insist that you just need some appreciation by helping out around the house. or what you can also say is that why not try letting her live with her other brother (your brother in law) so that he will know what you mean and that you will still help out with the school expenses. in a way you really can't teach somebody to be grateful.. you just can teach her to compromise a little of her time to help out around the house..

These are some social problems that we face during our social commitment. Don't worry do your job naturally. Time will solve such problem automatically.

Your sister-in-law should stop and think about where she'd be if you weren't so generously helping her. At 22, she needs to grow up and start pulling her weight.

successful greeting make him

Just send her back to her parent house, then she will know the truth about life.........

I think when she get married,having a sister-in-law like her,she will be aware of what you are suffering now.

I also dont like my sister in law,thats why I did not join my family often.That is the way we can avoid the quarell.We just see them for a certain time.

comfront her about the issues on your home. and if she stil regret ur attention, then you must tell her that karma comes in a split of seconds. she may face the consequences not today, but in a determinable future time, where her life would be miserable. tell her if shes not with the house rules, then she must stop in her studies and let her support heownself living. in that, she may realized the reality of life in this material world. pray for her. let God make His move towards your sister-in-law. at least you done your part. its not your problem anymore.

Kassandra in Newfoundland, Canada said: My sister in law is delusional and thinks she is a vampire. Some days she's fine, but there's been more then one night where I've woken up while staying at their family home to see her leaning over me trying to suck my blood... I guess I should be flattered she chooses me over everyone else?

You and your husband need to have a frank discussion with her and be upfront about what you expect of her in return for the FREE room and board she is getting from you. She is an adult and should be expected to give back in some way, if not monetarily. And if she is living there she should be expected to help with the housework. Draw up a written agreement/contract that clearly states what is expected of her and when. Your brother-in-law has no right to comment on what goes on in your house. If your sister-in-law does not agree to these terms you should ask her to leave. She will soon find out just how good she's had it at your house. Stand up for yourself girl! Don't allow others to take advantage of you. And that's what is happening here. Good luck!