Don't we have the right to decide who our children are in contact with?
By imsilver
@imsilver (1665)
Canada
February 14, 2007 11:19pm CST
A friend of mine got home from work a couple of weeks ago to find a big white envelope in her mailbox. She opened it and discovered that she was being sued by her mother for "grandparents rights". This is a lady who was abusive mentally, verbally and physically to my friend the whole time she was growing up. My friend cut off all contact with her mother years ago. She won't even refer to her as her mother but calls her by her first name. Her mother is a proven pill-addicted kleptomaniac who at one point was banned from every grocery store in town for shoplifting. In the court papers, her mother had the children's names, birthdays and ages wrong. She has never had contact with the children. My friend sees her as a threat to their well being. This woman has recieved plenty of notices from the school the children attend and the school board because she lives right across from the school and she'll go there at reccess and lunch and chainsmoke as she follows the kids around.
My friend is dealing with the police on a somewhat regular basis because of other stuff involving her mother and when she called them to tell them about the court papers they suggested she call a lawyer. She called legal aid and was told in no uncertain terms that she hasn't got the right to deny the grandmother access to the children until she goes to court and proves her case.
Is it just me or is that so totally wrong?? As parents.. as the people responsible for the safety and well-being and upbringing of our children.. isn't it our right to decide what kind of people are around our children?
16 people like this
43 responses
@wiggedout (22)
• United States
15 Feb 07
That doesn't sound right to me, but there are so many things in the legal system that is not right. Take the case where the mother was being abusive to her children (beating them with a belt) and because the father didn't call SS on her they arrested him too, simply because he knew of the mother's actions and didn't report it or do anything. It's just an example. If I was in your friends shoes, I would start gathering info and get a lawyer. From what you are saying this grandparent has no business being around any children at all.
2 people like this
@kakuemmom (859)
• Canada
15 Feb 07
That is so wrong we should have the right to keep our kids safe and if she feels the kids are not safe then she should not give access to the Grandmother. She knows from personal experience that they will not be safe i don't blame her for not letting her mom see them. As for the courts they don't see the personal they only see the legal which is a HUGE fault on the laws side. If your friend wants to make sure that she is complying with the law maybe she can have a supervised visit for her mom. This is not the best situation but it will keep her from getting in trouble until the court case. Then hopefully she can prove that kids would be in danger and they will not make her hand the kids over for visitation. I hope it all goes her way.
1 person likes this
@34momma (13882)
• United States
15 Feb 07
As a parent yes we have every right to protect our children from anyone who is going to mistreat them even if that person is family. if the gradmother has mistreated the grandchildren then she doesn't have to allow her to have any contact with them. she should go to court to finally get it over with so she can move on with her life
1 person likes this
@tad1fan (3367)
• Canada
15 Feb 07
I so agree with everything you are saying here but grandparents DO have rights!It's sad,but it's true.....yes,we should be able to say who sees and doesn't see our children but without a judge and proof of why we don't want them around,there is 'legally' nothing we can do....tell your friend to dig up everything and anything she can get her hands on from local police departments,stores,etc.....that she can use against her mother in court.....if she can prove she was unfit and a danger to her growing up,the judge will see this and hopefully deny her access but right now,her best bet is to get in touch with an agency in the area and set up a 'visitation' plan with her mother and make sure they are supervised until the hearing.....I've been through this so I know it's not easy but once you get the ball rolling,it goes pretty smoothly.....good luck to your friend and tell her my prayers and thoughts are with her and her kids
@michelledarcy (5220)
•
15 Feb 07
I think it is odd that you can say to a stranger that they can't see your child but not to family.
I don't believe in grandparents rights I think the parents should decide who sees their children.
1 person likes this
@jiffys_frog_woman (4050)
• United States
12 Mar 08
my mom took us to court before our daughter's first birthday . she filed grandparents rights. well we agree to see how things would go. well it started my mom get 2 Saturdays a month from 9am to 7 pm. well our daughter would come home different. She not let know one touch her to change her diaper she quit talking she have nightmares and not let us out of her site. well my mom has filed contempt twice now our lawyer told us to move south wait 6 months then file to have it moved. the person over the case was proscuter in a town were we lived for 15 yrs and know my mother. she has past history with child services but daughter did not act that way around other people . so we stopped visit now being told we are not allowed that we have to live with what was agreed that we cant change our minds. my mother got to see our daughter more than any other grandparents. when my mom filed the papers say custody not visitation and she is trying to put us in jail cause we are trying to protect our daughter cause my mother has not changed at all. this is taking place in the state of Ohio. my boyfriend and i have been together 5 yrs and our daughter be 4 in October just wanting opinions thanks
As of312/08 my mom has not seen my daughter in 4 years and won't see her til she drops all court and warrants and agrees to supervisied visitation
@nzinky (822)
• United States
15 Feb 07
Like you I don't think this Grandma shouldn't be around the children but your friend does have to go to court and prove this women shouldn't have any contact with the children.......She also should get and order of protection for the children which would ban the grandmother from going to the school and bothering them...Also the children should tell the teacher or teacher aid about her and that the parnets don't want her around the children....
I hope it works out for her cause it looks like she has a good case against the grandmother.....Good luck to her....
@imsilver (1665)
• Canada
15 Feb 07
she's spoken to a lawyer before about getting a protection order but until her mother actually DOES anything to the children she can't get one... this is what I found to when I broke up with my children's father.. I couldn't get a restraining order from him until he physically hurt me and I went straight to the cops to prove it...
@lullabell (436)
• United States
15 Feb 07
Isn't that awful that that is how it is? This applies to separated spouses too. how is that we ahve to wait until they hurt us BEFORE the police can help. I mean on one hand thier are quacks who lie about being afraid of some one but what if? what if a person is right? Why take the chances with peoples lives? Police are here to protect and serve well protect darn it!
@arseniajoaquin (1732)
• Philippines
15 Feb 07
We have the right to decide what kind of people our children should go with but this is a different case because the grandmother is a relative by consanguinity or by blood. The grandparents have their rights to their grandchildren as the grandchildren to their grandparents. We should remember that grandchildren are legal heirs.
However, if there are valid grounds for the grandmother to be barred from seeing the grandchildren, then the grandmother would be prohibited to be with her grandchildren. But we have to go through some legal procedures. In this case, your friend should present evidence that her mother should not be allowed to be with her children and if the court so decides, then the grandmother would be banned from being with the children. Your friend should be patient to undergo all of such legal procedures but hopefully that would solve her problems with her mother.
@peni88 (469)
• United States
15 Feb 07
i think the police are in the wrong. you are looking out for the wellbeing of you children, and she is not good for them. they were right in the fact that she should contact a lawyer. i think it should be our right to be able to make the decision who our kids see whether theyre family or friends. tell your friend good luck and keep us posted.
@southernpixie (741)
• United States
15 Feb 07
I think parents have every right to decide who their kids can/can't be around. The legal system has no right to tell a parent that they have to let the grandparents see the child. In my opinion, if the courts are going to intervene, then the grandparent/s should also have to pay child support. I bet if that was a possibility, most grandparent/s would drop it.
1 person likes this
@SpitFire179 (2536)
• Canada
15 Feb 07
I think that the parent has EVERY right to deny access to that poor excuse for a woman. The police are actually wrong in any case, i think she should definately get a lawyer just to show her mother that SHE knows what's best for her children. She can beat her hands down.
I refuse to allow my father to see my children once i do have them, and I don't even think i'm going to even let him know that i am pregnant or anything. My mother, well i probably won't allow her access, but i will probably tell her that she does have a grandchild.... And i think that's my right.
As the parent of a child/children i think that that woman should be adament in making sure that those kids are not harmed by that woman... She can get several charicter witnesses of her mother from town have them write statements and bring them to cuort with the name and phone number of the person that wrote them, that'll fall in her favor HUGE, she can do this, i know she'll win this.
1 person likes this
@ronita34 (3922)
• Canada
15 Feb 07
I agree with you and i can totally see where you are coming from with this. It is however rather unfortunate that until it is proven in a court of law that this woman is in fact unfit. Even if a mother does not have custody of their child/children and their father gets a hold of them then even the police can not get them back for you without a custody paper. I went through that with my daughters father so i know. Just tell her to be sure to present a good case in court so that her mother can not win!!
@samtaylorskykierajen (7977)
• Canada
15 Feb 07
OMG , I can't believe this . I always thought we did have the right and this poor woman must be going out of her mind thinking that she has to let her child see this so called mother of hers . She was not there for her own child and now feels she can get rights to see her grandchildren . I hope that she goes to court and they see what kind of danger this woman would be to the health of HER CHILDREN ( as they are not the grandparents children ) . Sorry , I just can't imagine what kind of worry this mother must be in seeing this in the mail . And to make it worse , even the cops know this woman is not fit to be anywhere near these children . When she wins her case she should then go after her mother in court for mental anguish that she suffered because of her mother .
Best of Luck for your friend and I will pray that she wins her case and that her children never have to see there grandparents ever again .
I still can't believe the law states that someone has to allow their children to see anyone at all that we don't approve of . Where do they come up with these law ?
1 person likes this
@KrazyKlingon (5005)
• United States
16 Feb 07
With the abuse your friend went through during her own childhood, if she can bring out the abuse she went through, well - not sure if they can procecute the old lady for child abuse, unless your friend can show evidence. Also, I'd love to have the judge hear testimony from the shopkeepers that banned her from the stores in town.
This does sound like a frivilous lawsuit to still cause anguish to your friend. Too bad she's not required to end up paying court fees, the judge, the court personnel (baliffs, the stenographer, etc & use of the courtroom, stuff like that) if she loses the case. Gee - I wonder if your friend can countersue for all of the abuse she had to endure during her childhood.
I'd love to have this old nutcase lose the case with Judge Judy preciding. BTW - before she retired & started her court show, "Judge Judy", she was a family court judge, so it would be in her area of expertise. I'll leave it to the imaginations of whoever reads this response on what would probably happen when your friend's mother loses the case.
@annie2478 (47)
• United States
16 Feb 07
Yes I do agree and I believe the grandmother should have no contact with the children at all for there safety. I think parents should have the right to decide what people comes around our children. If we don't protect our children then who. I hope for the best for your friend and I hope she wins this case.
@ladymoonstone143 (1507)
• United States
16 Feb 07
With the grandmother's long list of records and not a law abiding citizen, I doubt any judge will grant her grandparents rights. This is just one way of manipulating your friend's life by her mother. There are people that can't stand to be rejected and they think that just because you are a blood relative, you got some rights.
Tell your friend to tell her children to keep away from her. I don't know how sincere her mother is to get to know her grandkids but being cautious is better. That lady will stop if the children upon seeing her will run the opposite way. She can't go to school anymore to see them especially if the teachers sees that the children are actually afraid of that person. I know that sounds mean but that is just by judging on the grandmother's history. If she wants to have a good relation with her grandkids...then she should patch things up with your friend first.
@mbarryton (1872)
• United States
16 Feb 07
it is wrong in my eyes as well. if she is all that you say she is (im not saying your lying) but the courts will look at all of that. all the girl needs is proof to judge all of this. if hes got all the facts in his lap i dont see the judge ruling in the moms favor
@joey_matthews (8354)
•
16 Feb 07
I think it's down to my son to choose who is friends is when the time comes i'll only advise him. I'm sure he'll value my opinion and you know i don't see why parents make there children do things.
They'll learn this way. if there in danger of messing up then its okay but if two friends are different i don't see why some are snobby etc.
Basicly i'll let my son choose his friends.
~Joey
