my boyfriend goes out and doesnt come home

I wish I knew what to tell you as my husband started doing the exact same thing last summer . No matter how much I talk to him and explain what he is doing to his family , he never listens . It helps for a few days but the next time he goes out , it starts all over again . The last time he did it , I packed up all his clothes for him and put them in one of our cars outside and when I spoke to him , I told him he could pick up his stuff whenever he felt like it but that I didn't think it would work between us anymore . As usual when he came home , we went for a talk and he told me how much he loved me and our children and that he would really try harder and that it wouldn't happen again . It is a crazy cycle where I want to believe him because I love him very much and we do have five children and I don't want to be apart from him but I do believe that we all have our breaking points and as time goes by I can tell that I am really starting to reach mine . Like you I have friends and family telling me I should leave , but they just don't understand how much I love him . In our case we have been together for seventeen years and we have been through so much together over the years . All I can say is , try talking to him and hope for the best . Eventually maybe something you say will eventually sink in but so far in my case it hasn't helped all that much . I know it is the alchol that is doing this and that it is an addiction but at some point they have to realize what they are putting us through before it is to late and we do leave and don't come back . All the best of luck !!

I think you have to ask your self,how much more are you willing to let him do. I can not think that this is good for his kids as well, perhaps his ex wife or the kids mother should have custody of them. I know you love them, but He is using that fact to get away with the behavior he has been doing. and this is a cycle you are going to have to break, for your own sanity if nothing else.He is not going to change on his own , Why should he. you are there to pick up the pieces and look after his kids while he is out doing God knows what, It is time for him to be responsible for his actions, So next time he starts to fall, step back and let him. he needs to learn the hard way as the easy way is not working for you

That's a hard one since kids are involved. If they were not involveed I would say to leave him by himself. Does it affect his children? Maybe you can tell him what their point of view is. I have watched a show called intervention, they get family and friends together at the same time to address the person who needs help. They all tell the person how what they are doing affects them and how they feel, they hurt, they love, etc.. Maybe you can get other family members that love him to help you. I don't think you should expect yourself to handle this or help him by yourself. If it were me I would seek outside resources for help. Other family members, maybe a family counselor, if you go to church maybe they can help. Just find some support from other people because you can get through it without as much turmoil for yourself and the children if you have some kind of support system. If my other half was doing this, I would try to help him. I would have the support of his family, though, so it is easier for me to sit back and say that. I don't know your options, but I hope you can find some supportive help. I wish you well, and hope for the best outcome.

Is this the same guy that mentally and physically abuses you? If your boyfriend goes out and does not come home it is not a good thing, especially if home is where both of you reside. Oh god, you have kids. I would not want my kids in a house like that personally, it can do all kinds of weird things to kids. Kids need a stable father figure, not someone who goes out and gets wasted and does not come back for two days. It sounds like you need to find you a new man or try being a more independent woman.

I do not know what to tell you. I'm sorry you're going through this. Best of Luck to you all.

Personally I would say to just move on. How old are his kids? Who has custody of them? Just like any relationship, it is wrong to stay with someone because of kids. The only ones that are getting hurt worse are the kids. I hope he is not the one that has custody of them, if he is and you leave then he will not have a choice but to stay home and grow up. YOU can not make him change he has to want to change. And honestly if he is staying gone for 1-2 days then I would be suspicious and think that he was staying with someone else. Cut your loses and move on. YOU deserve better.

Wow, thats a really sad situation for you. But I have to agree with your friends and family. By NOT leaving him, its like you're telling him its okay to just walk all over you like that. You need to get your respect back and pack up and leave! I would not be trusting my partner if he was out for days at a time and not calling. I would not believe he was with just friends, I would think he's having an affair. You shouldn't have to deal with that. And you shouldn't be having to stay home, taking care of his kids, while he's out doing god knows what!

let him go!! he doesnt deserve to be with u buddy!!! u r wasting lots of your precious time with this loser... just throw him out and u go living your life!

I know it is going to hurt, but you have to move on. He doesn't have the respect for you like all women deserve. I am sorry you are dealing with this, but life hurts sometimes. He must have some issues to deal with or something. He needs to open up to you instead of a bottle.

It's a very tough situation you are in and I'm really not sure what I can offer you as advice. It's hard when we try to talk to someone and make them realize how destructive their behaviour is and they just can't see it or choose not to see it. I can understand why you would not want to leave his children. He really needs to see what he is doing to his family though. Perhaps you could try getting his family to speak to him as well and hopefully this will help. Other than that, I really don't know. I don't believe we can make people change, I think it's something they have to do on their own, but hopefully if you keep pointing out what is wrong he will eventually clue in and want to do something about it. Good luck.

Who has custody of his children? Him or the mother? If he does not have custody of the children, take you and your children out of this enviornment immediately. Don't slow down to talk about, just do it. If he has custody then contact the mother or other family members and inform them of his activities. Then you and your children should leave. He is not going to stop or get help until he hits bottom. You have not said but if the place you are living is actually your home that you are buying, then put his personal stuff outside your teepee and change the locks. Tell him if he can not be bothered to come home sober and in a timely fashion, he should live somewhere else. Send him packing, honey!!!! You and your children deserve to be treated far better than this.

If I was you I would leave him. He will see you are serious about not putting up with his bad behaviour then. It is a shame that you are close to his kids, but you need to think about yourself and your own children rather than his. I'm sure their mother will take care of them.

I am so sorry!! That is terrible, my first husband would do the same things and I eventually left, I couldn't take being treated like that, and he is treating you bad. If he doesn't listenand change you need to leave and move on with your life. I know it will be hard but it will be better for you in the long run. It isn't a good example for your own kids to see this mam treating mommy that way, you don't want them growing up thikning it is acceptable to treat a woman that way, or to be treated that way! Tell him to grow up and act responsible or you are leaving!

Let him go to hell.Leave him and Go and get someone else

well, i really think you should have a serious discussion with him and tell him how you feel... be firm with him and show him how hurt you are by his actions... give him one last warning and tell him that you are leaving him for good if he does it again... and please do it... sometimes we women has to be strong... otherwise, men always step on our head, look down on us and bully us... so, yeah... leave him if you should for a couple of months just to show him that you are serious... but please have one more discussion with him first before you do that... good luck...

i think you need to talk to him when he is in his sense....

you need to take care, because i think he is not a responsible person...look out

i know how it feels, its really unfair for you too. i think your friends & family are right. you have to leave him because it seems like he really doesnt care for you at all. i know its painful for you because you still love him & you learned to love his kids too. but, you also have to think of your self. you still have a life to live w/ your own kids too. it may be difficult to leave his kids but you can always visit them often. but if you can afford to raise them & its not too complicated, maybe you can just bring them w/ you. if i were in your shoe, i'd be okay living in peace & harmony w/ my kids only than have a husband or partner who only gives you problems & heartaches. husbands & boyfriends can be replaced anytime if they fool you, children can never be replaced but you are assured of their love & loyalty forever.

MY!!! MY!!! MY!!! That's alarming!!! And why doesn't he call you and why doesn't he go home after a night out? Sorry to say this but he is soooooo irresponsible!!! You don't deserve him. I know it's easy for me to say to you that you should and you must leave him cause I'm not in the situation but please, please think about your future. I know you love him and his kids but how about you and your future?!?!?!? Your family and friends are right that you should leave him. Why would you let yourself suffer for the things he's doing?!?!!? You deserve to be happy with someone better. I have given my advice to you so it's up to you to decide whether to continue your life with this guy or to start a new life. Take care...

i'm sorry about hearing that.i wish you can be strong,please believe that everything will be fine.