Childern of Divorce

Ah, Bytemi, don't take it too much on the response of your discussion. It's just work you up and it's not really necessary because probably that person don't even know you. Just take it as he/she's trying to make an earning here in MyLot by responding they way he/she's responding. Here's a virtual hug. The most important thing is, your relationship and your daughter ALWAYS stay on top of anyone of us in MyLot. cheer up, my friend. All the best for you and your daughter.

I also think you did good by leaving your abusing husband. I hink it was a good dissicion. What would become off your daughter when se saw her father abusing his wive. That wouls screw her up. And mayby worse he would start abusing her to. My father also abused my mother. I was still a kid and I still can remembe a lot of fightings they had. I'm 39 now. I stood up for my mother becaurse she didn't dare to. I faught with my father to pretect her. I was 14 years old. She dared to leave him after 15 years and I still admire her for it. Good job you did. Wise you and your girl a very nice and loving live together or mayby with a loving husband in the future.

well there is a lt about divorce that only negatively affects the children , for instance the first thing is that they get a emotinal shock , which embarasses them in school or college , they become of the thoughts that relationships arent good and maybe its difficult for them to trust anyone and also , they see the worls negatively maybe ?

no your screwing her up. as you saiid you saved her. she needs to know that isnt how a man should treat a women. and she also needs to know it is ok to leave a bad situation. you did right for you and her.

You know what I give you credit for giving your daughter a better life and for getting out of a bad situation. My parentes divorced and I turned out fine. My husbands parents divorced as well and he turned out fine. Dont let others bother you too much you did the right thing by your daughter.

a child who comes from a broken home has a much better chance of growing into a well rounded adult than a child who lives in a broken home like the one you describe.

You need to ignore ppl like that Bytemi...My ex tried to pull tht crap on me when it came to my leaving him, it was a ploy to get me to stay with him "for the sake of the kids" B.S!!! you are very right, ending a damaging relationship/marriage is ALWAYS better for everyone involved especially the children!! You didnt screw her up by any means and anyone that thinks that is a ragin IDIOT...You did what was best for you and your child and THATS whats important..who gives a flying *beep* if OTHERS dont get it..its not their lives, their child or their situation....You did the right thing and kudos ot you for doing!!

Bytemi, Unfortunately, when we air our laundry in an online forum, we leave ourselves raw and open for opposition and contradiction. When all is said and done, you alone have to be comfortable with your decision, and I think you probably know that already. Divorce is a said part of relationships, but it happens and more often with good reasons. If two people cannot live together harmoniously and reflecting all the love and respect for each other that is needed for a relationship to thrive, then staying is only prolonging misery. Children pick up more on two miserable people living together and they eternalize that. Also as you said, if you expose children to abusive relationships, it imprints to their impressionable minds and it teaches them about relationships. When children have first row seats to abusive relationships between their mom and dad--their best teachers--they rationalize it as acceptable and expected behavior. It is more of a guarantee that they will repeat those behaviors in their own adult relationships. If you can't work to fix that behavior through counseling and relationship and anger classes, then staying is damaging to your human spirit as well as to the children. Again, you did what was right for you and your family. Hopefully, your hubby (ex) and you can put the fact that you two couldn't develop a healthy relationship behind you or at least in a closet when you both have to deal with the kids. It's better to now separate that part of what you two have from your new roles as separated parents, and keep the goal of helping your kids adjust the best you two can. In other words, isolate the kids from that negative aspect--and keep things amicable in front of them. If you can't then try to find someone who can mediate things like visitation so that you two no longer have to be in each others presences and risk an argument.

You did the right thing to get out of an abusive situation . You showed your daughter that it is not okay for you or her to be abused by your husband and her father. Divorce is not an easy thing to go through . You and your daughter might need to see a counselor to cope with the effects of the abuse and the divorce .

I don't think so! They don't have the right to judge you on your decisions in life since it's your life! I believe that leaving your husband is much better for her so that she won't get traumatize of the abuse that she saw. If she continues to witness that, she might generalize all men like her father and that is not right! I believe your daughter will be brought up right if you continue to show love, care and respect which I think she receives from you too. Goodluck!

I agree with divorce if there is abuse involved...I am divorced, my daughter was only 8 months old when my husband broke my arm, while my daughter was crawling around on the floor. I endured months of mental and emotional abuse ending with physical abuse. My daughter was only 6 weeks old when he started having an affair with his 1st wife. I refused to allow my daughter to be exposed to this abuse any longer and had my husband arrested. Of course they dropped the charges, lack of evidence. I guess a broken arm isn't enough evidence. I am remarried now that my daughter is 4. My new husband is in the process of adopting my daughter since my ex hasn't been around since he was arrested, I don't think she is terribly affected by my divorce. When she is older she will have questions and will likely try to contact my ex and he has promised me that he WILL fill her head with crap. If I have raised her well enough she will likely know that I never lied to her. I have never said anything bad about him. She is a smart girl and I am sure she will see what a jerk he is.

If you left your husband and got a divorce because of the way he was treating you - emotionally abusing you as you say, then I think you did absolutely the right thing in getting a divorce. How dare anyone presume that you "screwed your daughter up" by getting a divorce. Had you stayed in that relationship, THEN you would have screwed your daughter up. Kids see this kind of abuse and then inevitably, they start to feel it too. Kudos to you for getting yourself and your daughter out of there!

People can be very judgemental. Only you and your immediate friends and family know ALL the details. Do not feel as though you screwed your child up because of the divorce. My fiance got a divorce with 3 children. The oldest was very effected by it. The baby didnt know the difference. But his middle son has told both of us that he's glad they got a divorce, he said he couldn't stand the fighting anymore. Staying in a relationship for the sake of the children can do more damage than leaving. I'm sure you did what you feel was best for your daughter.

wow, i apologize for all those people who feel the need to tell you that. i believe that basically, you can't undo what is in the past. just move on and try to provide your kid(s) with the tools necessary to grow into self-reliant and self-possessed adults. If parents are involved in a toxic relationship, that needs to be removed from the children -- they shouldn't have to be exposed to emotional, verbal, or physical abuse. i completely agree with you, and i am a child of divorce. just don't get your kids in the middle -- if she asks why you got a divorce, tell her that mommy and daddy couldn't get along, even though they both love her very much. do not give her a long speech about all the bad things daddy did to mommy. or how glad mommy is that daddy isn't around them any more. i think it's much worse to have a poor blueprint for a relationship (staying in a bad marriage) than to understand that some relationships don't work (divorce)

In our country percentage of divorce is around 5-6% in literal family and 15% in illiterate poor family in rural areas. But child below 18 years always live with their mom. After 18 years it is wish of children with whom they are willing to live if with mom they may stay or if with dad they may go but where is living they keep close touch with mom as nothing is comparable with mom's love and our country's mom rarely can live leaving their child with their dad's family.

I would have to say you are a good parent and have saved your daughter from having to witness your husbands abuse. How can anyone say you are a bad parent for doing this? It takes a strong woman to decide to leave as years of abuse can break a woman and their self-esteem can become so low they feel there is no way out. Give yourself a pat on the back and just ignore petty minded people who feel they can judge other peoples lifes.

im from a broken family, not that my parents divorced, its just that they never got together in the first place. i realized that my family was different at about 5 years old, at about the same time that i learned how to write. i used to sit by my aunts side while she was ironing clothes and ask her to spell words so i could write it down as a letter to my mom, asking her to come home. at that young age all i wanted was for my family to be whole. when i got older though i learned how my dad has hurt my mom more emotionally than physically and that was when i stopped trying to put together what wasnt meant to be in the first place. i learned to let go and enjoyed life on my own. i treasure the few memories that i have with both my mom and dad but i do not expect to have any additions. your daughter will certainly pass through the stages in her life with more stress and struggle, as i have. she might hate you or your ex-husband at certain points in her life, as i did to my own. i used to cry a lot and no one ever knew it, i cried on my own because no one ever gave me answers to my questions. everyone thought that i was too young to understand. but no one is too young to understand. we adults just do not know how to explain our emotions. so do not focus on whether you have screwed up the life of your child by having a divorce. rather put your energy into starting anew. pick yourself up as fast as you can because your daughter will need you to be strong. she will have a lot of questions and you must answer her truthfully. she will hate you at some point but you must continue to love her. she will hate her father too but you must not let her flare up. you should be her friend so she will not seek friends and comfort in other people who may do her damage or take advantage of her state. when your daughter grows older and experiences life on her own, she will understand the emotions behind the divorce. the divorce has changed three lives. whether you change yours and your daughter's for the better is in your hands. good luck.

It sounds like you picked the lesser of 2 evils for your daughter. Being a child from divorce is tough but watching your Mom being abused is worse. You did the right thing.

I think you did the right thing. I was going through something similar when my son was 8 months old. I left my husband and moved back to my parents place. If people said to me "you should stay with the father" which they rarely did my reply was "so my child can grow up thiking what he is doing to me is right" I didnt want my child hitting girls or swearing and I thought "thats what he is going to be like if he sees daddy do it to mum". I think its not always the best thing for the child to grow up in that environment. If the mother is unhappy the child is going to see this and get upset and also may think what the father is doing is normal. I just want to say well done and stay strong. You have done the best thing for your daughter and Im sure she will realise that.

uhmm.. for me.. i think thats unfair for you.. but its also unfair for your daughter, because your daughter saw you and our husband as a loving partners. That's why.. before you get into marriage, practice something like if you two are really comfortable with each other.. adultery, divorce and trial marraige are the 3 sins for love.