Am I wrong by doing this?
By soccermom
@soccermom (3198)
United States
February 28, 2007 7:00am CST
I work part time in an insurance office. Last night one of my coworkers called me because I had missed work (terrible cold) and told me all my morning appointments had cancelled today, I don't have to be there until noon. Then my mother in law called and wanted to know if she should still pick the kids up at 8am. I told her yes. I figure I can have a morning to myself, drink coffee, play on mylot, callmy best friend and just get some much needed down time. My hubby says I deserve it, no big deal that I didn't say anything to his mom. I do this once a week. Let her take the kids early and she thinks I'm going to work. I'm starting to feel a little bad about it, but I know if I ask her if she'll take the kids early one day a week so I get some "me time", she'll get aggravated, she's of the mindset that the world revolves around the kids and "me time" is a selfish concept. Would you say anything to her? Or just keep letting her think you're working all day?
12 people like this
29 responses
@michelledarcy (5220)
•
28 Feb 07
I don't blame you wanting some time to yourself, I know how you feel. However it probably isn't a good idea to lie about it as your mother-in-law might find out and then it could cause all sorts of problems. I have my time for myself after the kids are in bed and on the weekends when they are with their dad.
5 people like this
@soccermom (3198)
• United States
28 Feb 07
I'm gonna have to come clean at some point. I don't want her to feel like I'm taking advantage of her, but I sure look forward to these kind of mornings! :)
3 people like this
@Melizzy (1381)
• United States
1 Mar 07
Yep, you'll get caught at some point in time. I'd stop doing that every week. Maybe every other week? And to make sure I have this right, you had a cold and from that you started doing this every week?
But you do deserve the time. Is there a mother's day out program you could take them to? Another mother you could swap out with? She takes yours and hers one week and you take hers and yours one week?
@soccermom (3198)
• United States
1 Mar 07
I started doing this weeks ago, just for a couple hours paeace and quiet. I'd love to take my SIL, but she doesn't like to come to our house. In her 10 year old mind she has the idea that I "took her brother away." and has this attitude towards me. Even when her parents go out of town she won't stay with us, she goes to a friends. She's used to being by herself and says our house is too noisy and chaotic for her.
@sharon613 (2321)
• United States
28 Feb 07
If alone time is what you need, then I wouldn't let her know that you are home.
4 people like this
@mikeyr6000le (2123)
• United States
28 Feb 07
How would she feel if she found out. Would she feel hurt because you've been lying to her or just think, yeah you need the time off and I get the grand kids. If she would get mad I would think twice about doing this.
3 people like this
@ScrappinHappyMom (914)
• United States
28 Feb 07
I say keep it up. I would tell someone almost anything if I could be without the kids for a couple of hours once a week. I love my children very much but I spend 24-7 with them. As long as the kids like going to Grandma's and she enjoys having the time with them then I would for sure just let it go on.
3 people like this
@mbarryton (1872)
• United States
28 Feb 07
i dont think your being selfish but i dont think you should tell your mother-in-law whats going on. if you dont want to yell her about the past weeks. then at least tell her that starting next week your going to have a day have and if she would still like to spend time with the kids she is more then welcome to come and get them.
4 people like this
@artistmel2000 (438)
• United States
28 Feb 07
I agree, this could potentially be very touchy, but if she is willing to take the children while you work, then does it really matter if she knows you are taking some time for yourself before you go to work? I hardly find this a situation that requires complete honesty, especially if your husband agrees that you need this time for yourself. If you feel you have to be honest with her and come clean at some point, ask your husband to run interference or how you should approach your mother-in-law with the truth.
We all need time to ourselves, and even though some may find this a selfish-concept, it's necessary.
Good luck with this.
3 people like this
@emeraldisle (13139)
• United States
1 Mar 07
Yeah I know the type that think you should be there for your kids all the time and that you do not deserve any time away from them. Yeah, right. You need the break otherwise you'll snap. Some time just for yourself is needed now and then. My thought is test out the waters. Check with her that your schedule might be changing and you'll have a morning off if she'd still be willing to take the kids. Personally I'd say it was so you could do some work around the house during that time and not that it's for "me time" but to get stuff done you can't while the kids are there. That way she doesn't think you don't want the kids type thinking. See how she reacts to that and go from there.
@rosaflorence (1924)
• United States
1 Mar 07
Sometimes you just need a brake. I do this sometimes. I let my family pick the kids up just so I can get house work done, run errons, or just lay around in my pj's all day. I don't think that there is anything wrong with doing this every now and then.
1 person likes this
@ananth85 (209)
• India
1 Mar 07
In such a case, why do you have to be closed in views. Just open up your mind. It would be better to be open, and to not to hide anything from others, since it is as important as the truth itself!. If you hide something now, then you might also have to preplan about how to solve problems in the future. This keeps repeating in case you hide stuff. But, if you let people know the truth, and act accordingly, you don`t have to care much about your future!. Since it`ll be good automatically!!
2 people like this
@xfallenxlostx (2074)
• United States
1 Mar 07
Well, i think it is wrong. However, i am sneaky, and if i felt it was an issue i would probably do the same thing.
1 person likes this
@retardedrugrat (4791)
• Canada
1 Mar 07
I think you deserve some "me" time. We all do.
However, if your mother in law finds out that not only are you lying to her, but that her own son is also lying to her because he didn't tell her, it could cause all sorts of problems in the future, including her not taking the kids at all.
Maybe you and your husband could sit down with her and actually discuss it. She does need to understand that what with working and then looking after the kids that you don't really get any time to yourself. tell her you need time to be yourself sometimes as well as being a mother and a wife. Hopefully you guys can come to some agreement. She gets to spend time with her grandkids, and you get some "me" time, and it's the best of both worlds for everyone concerned.
1 person likes this
@princeworthy (1909)
• United States
1 Mar 07
If I knew that it would end my "me time" I would just let her keep thinking that you are working all day. You do deserve time off, you have 3 kids right? I would be pulling my hair out if I were you. I have babysat 3 kids before and I got to send them home. I used to think I wanted 3 but I have started to reconsider :)
@spr1967 (208)
•
1 Mar 07
Tricky one this is.
I think you should come clean and have a discussion with her and let her know what you need the time for and how it really, really really helps you out in a big way...get my drift. At least you wont feel as bad for being up front if she agrees
1 person likes this
@simplyman2006 (1706)
• India
1 Mar 07
i think when u gets free then take some time with ur kids
and play with them daily then her thinking will be get changed
i am sure.
just try it
1 person likes this
@zhisheng2005 (301)
• China
1 Mar 07
michelledarcy said is good,I also am the same suggertion
1 person likes this
@Karmalina (647)
• Australia
1 Mar 07
I try to be as honest as possible, but I think if that's the only way you can get time to yourself and it's only one day a week that it's probably worth it. You need some time to relax or you will become unstable and be a terrible parent for your children anyway. Downtime is important.
1 person likes this
@sweetsue (758)
• Philippines
1 Mar 07
I agree with your hubby that you needed time for yourself. But keeping you mother in law unaware of your spare time while she's taking the kids is not a pretty good idea. I believe, it is better for her to be informed yet she still insists to take your kids...that's good enough.
Also, it is important that no matter how busy we are we should ensure that we always have that time for ourselves, time for our own stuff to deal with. Otherwise, we won't appreciate life.
God Bless!
@sumi123 (129)
• India
1 Mar 07
Me time is something required for every human, i suggest just dont tell her anything if she has that mindset and i know its diffcult to convince her. So just go ahead untill you get cought and if you get cought just manage by saying today you had to go a little late and your just above to leave or something depending on the situation
