What would you do if you were in this situation?

A gift list would make sense if it had much to do with the kid. A subsequent life spent returning unwanted gifts and exercising endless tact with friends for no reason other than choice of gifts is hardly helpful, I agree. But- Most people have some sense of appropriate gifts, and even if there are a few clangers, a gift list is really a restriction. Some people are quite generous, and could be offended on principle if asked to give trivial things. A good friend who really makes an effort to give a good present would perhaps be put off their personal choice, thinking that these were "required" presents. Another thing about gift lists is the potential to get several of the same thing. That's just not useful. I think the idea needs a bit of work, and something saying "If you're not sure what present you'd like to give, these are suggested gifts" would be a better approach, and less like a shopping list.

I think it's rude. It's like begging for a gift. Also, as many others have mentioned, your sister-in-law might have to make even more returns than usual if several people get the same thing from the list. Plus, the gifts might cost more than some people feel they can spend. If people wanted to call her for suggestions, that would be one thing, but to give a list is tacky.

for me, i find it a little bit bold as it is not a common practice in my family... i don't think we will ever write a gift list in our birthday invitation to anyone... for us, it is just rude and seems like begging for gifts... if people come to my birthday party, it is already a gift for me since they are allocating their time to attend my party... that is more than enough... if they bring gifts to me, it is even better and i won't be so choosy about it... it is a gift and we just have to accept it whatever it is and whether we like it or not... if we don't like it, we can decide to give it away or donate it... that's about it...

I have gone to numerous family parties for children's birthdays as well as those of my friends' children. Most people will write "no gifts, please". In fact more often than not they don't expect gifts. A few people have put a small dollar limit on it such as a maximum of $20, which I also think is a good idea. I like the idea of donations to a charity in lieu of gifts, although I have never seen it before. That's one that more parents should consider. I think that a gift list is impractical (there may still be duplicates of gifts that need to be returned) and it is extremely rude. Many people would resent receiving this list, I would think. I know that I would think the mother was pretty bold if she were to do this. The next thing you know they'll be asking for cash only...

If this is not normal practice in your family, I find it rather bold. On the other hand, it is really no different than if you were to call the parents and ask what their daughter might like for her birthday. I think it might be more common to ask what the child might be able to use and get suggestions from the parents. I don't know that this is the wave of the future. If the gift list had items on it that you can't afford, that is one thing. And what would happen if 3 people all decide on the same item from the list? How would you know what others might be buying from the list? I think I would call the parents and make a few of your own suggestions as to what you want to buy and see how they react. Sometimes parents try to out-do each other with kids parties and whatnot. I don't know if this falls into that category. Personally, it is not worth getting upset over or making an issue of. You cannot control what others do, only do the things you want. As in you have control over how you celebrate you own kids birthdays.

I believe gift lists are great.The only problem I see is if two or more guests bring the same gift.In my family we always give out our Christmas lists.Then family members discuss what to get. That way you know the person will love the gift.

I don't think there is anything wrong with it... for one I'd appreciate the help, in deciding what to get how ever I would see them simply as suggestions and I may stray off the list but at least the list would give me a general idea on what the child would like. Say maybe it will tell me what cartoon characters the child likes and maybe the list has on it Care Bear stuff animal but I get a CareBear blanket instead. Maybe the list is more learning items. Anyways I wouldn't see it as tacky of course if it's worded wrong then I may take it as an insult, like if it sounded like I wouldn't know what is appropriet for a 3 year old. And the list better not have all expensive items either.

Hmm..I think I would just go without a gift. I hate the whole gift list thing. It is like saying your gift won't be good enough, so don't bother just bring what I tell you too. When I'm invited to a b-day party, I call and ask if the parent if she has any suggestions. Especially if it is someone in my child's class that I don't know. I want to take a gift but I don't know what the child likes. I will ask for suggestions then but that doesn't mean I'm getting what the parent suggests.

sometimes a gift list is useful because it does give you an idea what to give without the worry that the gift may be returned or not appreciated. But in a sense it is tacky, because the essense of gift giving especially for kids is the surprise of receiving the gift, tearing the wrapping paper, a bit breathless in excitement. A gift list for me is practical in weddings. In birthdays, it seems to limit the kind of gifts that you can give, especially for a child. If this is becoming a trend, then it is kind of alarming. Because most of the time, the parents are the ones who are making the gift list. I still prefer the old fashioned, gift giving idea. Big and small packages in bright colored paper, and the look of excitement in the childs' eyes as they wonder what the box holds inside.

OK, since your sister probably isnt in your circle of friends, I'd say she did a good thing. She gave you a list of what she feels is appropriate gifts for her child, and didnt want anyone to waste their timer and money getting something she'd hate to return and maybe offend the giver. If you look at it this way, thats why we make registries/wishlists for engagements, weddings, aniversaries at stores. Adding birthdays to the wishlist idea is just as convienent. I like the idea.

Perhaps I am a bit old fashioned. I find the inclusion of a gift list rather bold. I would be taken aback for sure! To me it stops creativity and variety. Also, in my eyes, it is a 'gift' when friends join the birthday child to celebrate their friendship and the birthday child's special day. Who says that one even has to bring a gift? To include a 'list' would imply that you were expected to bring a gift. (not that most wouldn't bring one to a 3-year old anyway...but still, you don't beg!) I don't know, it just seems ill-mannered to me!

That seems extremely presumptious. There is a difference between getting an idea of what you should give, or get, than outright stating it in the invitation. My family are pretty against this kind of over-doing it, because it puts pressure on the guests, and it is plain rude. Some people, just do not buy gifts, maybe they make things, etc. Also, when I got married, I did not register, because I just did not want to be rude, and, neither did my sisters, because it is just sometimes, inappropriate. And, for a child's birthday party, that just seems too much. Too over the top, really. I do not agree with the sister-in-law, it is too overly presumptious and not very appropriate.

To me it's no different than a gift registry for a wedding. I agree with one of the previous posters that it should be used for reference only and not a hard and fast rule that those are the only items you are allowed to purchase. In all, I think it's a pretty good idea as my kids get invited to a bunch of birthday parties for their classmates who we don't know very well so this really helps when deciding ehat to buy.

I would make my own mental list for when people ask me what they like. Then, if I know the person can't afford anything big, I may say "don't worry about it, just come and enjoy the party". Or I would rather give them theme items to look for like Spiderman or Star Wars stuff. I would never list items on an invitation.

Personally I think that there can be a happy medium in this situation. For example: "Gifts are not expected, but if you do wish to give a gift our daughter would love to receive one of the following!" It can help some people that are uncertain what to get and can also help to make sure that multiple gifts of a similar nature are not given. Practical and helpful in my opinion if handled diplomatically!

hahaha! Personally, I would appreciate it if the people who are asking me to donate something to a charitable institution but for a birthday party, well, that is another story. I mean, it's good to be practical but you do not really have to be so aggressive about getting something as a gift. LOL

I personally think the gift list is both rude and a good idea. It is rude to send a gift list. When doing something like this you are basically you are stated "I am inviting you to come because of what I can extort from you" On the other hand if a person has abitually requested gift lists from a parent example, we are always asking his sister "what do the girls want" at Christmas, and rarely being told, or being told to give them something she forgot she told someone else. But supposedly the birthday party is about the child celebrating her life, and being glad that she is part of this world. I realize it is traditional to purchase a gift for a child on his/her birthday but the child's mother should wait until asked for a gift list before offering. I also feel this way about baby showers, bridal showers, etc. While it is annoying if someone gets double or triple gifts, and I think it shows a lack of gratitude when the person receiving the gift opens something and shouts "another toaster" Hey when giving a gift the option of returning it is always there, but try to realize that sometimes you friends and family can't afford the expensive things you want. If they could maybe they would be buying those things for themselves as well. The mother sending the invititation was showing that she was greedy, that she was only inviting people because of what she could get or expect from them, and this is rude, this may not have been her intention, but this was the result.

Gift lists are very practical. It's actually very common in our family. We do it in almost all kinds of occassions. I mean at least the guests will have an idea of what we want and what could be useful to us.

I don't really like the idea of "Gift lists" for kids birthdays. Thats a little tacky. My cousin had a gift list for her Wedding where you chose what you were going to buy them and tore the page out so that nobody else would buy the same thing. It's a practical thing, but a lot of people find them offensive.

I am shocked! We should not dictate or even insinuate to people what we want. We should always think of it as its the "Thought" that counts most when receiving gifts. It is very distasteful. And besides we by this conduct we'll be teaching our children to be materialistic or become selfish.