Do you have to deal with a drunk in the family?
By misheleen73
@misheleen73 (6037)
United States
March 18, 2007 7:53am CST
My father is an alcoholic. He divorced my mother when I was 14, and remarried. He has lost so far 2 wives, one daughter, 3 jobs (one of which was very very good & well paying) his home, his ability to drive legally, all his possessions. I went and picked him up over a year ago in another state because he lost his job and was living under a tree. I brought him to live with me and put him through a program. Although he has lost all these things, can you believe this man is drinking again? He says he only has a few. He no longer lives with me, but I feel like this is a huge slap in the face to me. What do you guys think? Anyone else here deal with this stuff?
10 people like this
18 responses
@showmethecash (122)
• United States
19 Mar 07
Everyone has these in their family and if they tell you they dont they are lying!!!!! Keep that in mind have family has its skeletons, some choose to deal with this, and some choose to seperate themselves from them!! GOOD LUCK LOVE!!! I SEPERATED MY SELF FROM THEM (including my father, dont need the pain, it hurts all to much!)
2 people like this
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
19 Mar 07
I know, I am getting ever closer to moving away myself, and that in itself is killing me.
1 person likes this
@sangita999 (210)
• United States
19 Mar 07
my heart goes out after listening from you.it's really hard to give up drinking habit.my sister in law husband is a drunkard.he has also lost everything his money,his job.after admitted in the rehabiliation centre for 2 month still he won't changed and continue drinking.
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
19 Mar 07
it is an awful thing to go through and I just don't understand how these people don't know what they are doing to themselves & family
2 people like this
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
19 Mar 07
thanks for the hug... :) I appreciate your very kind response.
@LiminaL (164)
• Italy
19 Mar 07
addiction to alchool is a serious compulsion, that- no matter the circumstances- wins in the most of times. It's really amazing how far it can go. I've seen that with my father as well : it was clear that, as he was drinking, he was affecting anybody's life, starting with his own, and ending with mine...that he was really concerned about. No matter the great love he was having for his daughter, he never managet to control the thing.
You have been doing a lot for your father I suppose; if he's still falling into the same condition, means that he really cannot find the true impulse within himself to put an end to the thing. If I were you, I would speak clear to him, no diplomacy, no indirect discourse on the topic. I would try to communicate him extra enthusiasm for life, affection..But at the same time I suppose you should be hard with him on that matter and induce him to question, shake his mind.
1 person likes this
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
19 Mar 07
I have tried all of the avenues, diplomacy, tough love, I am at the end of my rope, my husband has been very supportive throughout the whole ordeal and has let me know I should not feel guilty as I have given my father every opportunity to change his life.
@AngelNicki (412)
• United States
19 Mar 07
My older brother is just like that. He has recently got out of prison for about the fourth time, and called me up begging me to see him again and give him just one more chance. He swears he has stopped drinking. I was always very close to him but I don't think I can deal with one more time of trying to take care of them and then having him throw it all away again. You're right, it DOES feel like a huge slap in the face! I totally know what you're going through.
2 people like this
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
19 Mar 07
I am sorry you are going through it as well. My entire family has disowned him but me. I don't know how much longer I can go on.
2 people like this
@ahmedmoheb (79)
• Egypt
18 Mar 07
I hate drunk
God give us mind to use it not to make it in case not to identify
2 people like this
@sarah22 (3979)
• United States
19 Mar 07
well, my father drank some but i cannot say he was a drunk. thats sad to see you tried to help im and he just lied and was still drinking. i would of done the same if he was my father. the oly way he will help himself is if hes the one asking for the help and sticks with it.
@pilbara (1436)
• Australia
19 Mar 07
None of my family have this kind of problem so I can't understand what you and your family are going through from personal experience.
However, you said YOU picked him up and YOU put him through a program. Unfortuantely from what I understand you can only help him if HE wants to be helped and is willing to do what it takes.
If he isn't willing to do that (and unfortuantely it sounds that way), then people can be pushed into doing things like programs, but they won't change their habits and it only brings disappointment and heartache to those who try to help them.
1 person likes this
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
19 Mar 07
no, actually he called me and asked for my help. I am 1500 miles away. So when I went to get him, it was because he asked me to, and asked for my help. Which is the worst slap in the face of all.
1 person likes this
@lbbaby (489)
• China
28 Mar 07
My dad also drink , but he knows the limit to drink. People always say that when they feel unhappy , they would like to drink to escape the reality . I think that is wrong . We should face the issues bravely but not to escape. Because once you face it , you will find that things are so easy. I don't know whether your father suffered a lot of pressure, but I also hope that he will get rid of it because it's bad for his health.
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
28 Mar 07
I wish he would too, sadly I think it is too late for him.
@shwanikant (18)
• India
19 Mar 07
firstly i must appreciate ur takin care of ur fater wen he was in distress..
yaa ity may be considered a slap on r face but remember dear he is ur father. the guy who helped u take ur first step.
sum ppl cannot quit smokin or drinkin..but it doesnt means they cant..
may be his destiny is this way , may be...
sum day he will understand. u just hav to be kind with him. mkake him feel ashamed , but that too being too polite to him...
i knw my response is tpp weird
@inallduetime (741)
• United States
19 Mar 07
I have had several family members addicted to one thing or another. Fortunately, I was smart enough to realize their behavior could prove damaging to me if I got to close to them, so I kept my distance from them and wasn't to close to them during these addictions.
And now I don't deal with people that have addiction issues or problems because they drain to much out of you. So, unless they are well on their way in the recovery process, anyone suffering from an addiction will not be apart of my life, period. The reason do not associate with addicted people/personalities is because I am a: positive person, easy going, laid-back, friendly, trusting, etc and I don't want someone around me that is conning, doped up, a drag, etc. draining energy from me. I wish them well in fighting their demons but I will not be apart of it, it's called self-preservation.
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
19 Mar 07
i wish I could be the same way. But seeing I am all my father has left, I feel obligated...
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
20 Mar 07
thanks for your advice, I will definitely think about everything you've said.
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
19 Mar 07
I am very happy for you, there are alot of us in the world that would do anything to be able to say we had the world's best father !! Good for you !!
@Rickrocks8 (1751)
• United States
13 Apr 07
I'm so sorry Mish. I have to say I've never had to deal with it in my life. You did the right thing trying to help your dad. YOu did right by him but I think he is robbing you because right now he isn't doing right by you. I'm glad he is no longer in your house. You have to remember that he has to want to change you cant do that for him. I know that must be very frustrating, and stressful. You have done your part its time for him to sink or swim.
Does that sound too harsh?
Rhonda
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
13 Apr 07
No, it doesn't Rhonda. I have always taken all the advice you've given me to heart. Ever since the "boards" lol. I only keep in contact with two of you from there, you and Sandra. You both have always tried to help me with your kind words AND harsh realities. I truly appreciate your views. I have realized that I have done all I can for my father, and while it hurts so bad to think he could be so selfish and cruel, I have also realized, that is not my fault either. I always thought I was a bad child, not worthy of my parents love. But I have since realized, I am a good person, they are the ones with the issues.
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
15 Apr 07
now of course I think you're a fruit loop, but I wouldn't have you any other way !!! I understand what you are saying, and I have forgiven him a lot. That is why I am the only person that still has contact with him. I just wish he would act his age, and get a grip on reality, for his own sake.
@Rickrocks8 (1751)
• United States
15 Apr 07
You are worthy of a great deal of love. You are not a selfish person so you can't understand them You dont have it in you. None of what your dad does is your fault. You cant fix it for him he has to want that. And maybe if he could get his head out of his butt long enough he would realize how much he is hurting you and change. One thing though you need to forgive him for his faults for all the hurt. Not because he deserves that forgiveness but because you deserve to be set free. You shouldn't be carrying this around on your shoulders. It's very hard but it's more about you than it is him. I will pray for you and your dad that the Lord will help him be strong, and want to get better. And I will pray for you to find a way to forgive him. I dont mean you have to have him over all the time, or that you even have to tell him face to face. BUt I do think before he leaves this earth you have to move past it. I think its alot harder to forgive someone once they are gone. JUst a thought. You can think I am a fruit loop, but you know I care alot about YOU!
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
19 Mar 07
I am happy you had a good relationship with your father.
@motherof35108 (192)
• United States
19 Mar 07
I deal with it . I have an ex=husband that I left in 2003 because o fhis drinking problem. When I first met jim I thaught that I could change him for the good. For awhile that did work. I was bringing him to and from work everday. Unitl he started to be abusive to me and at that time my daughter. I kicked him out . When I really got smack in the face was when I had my last child. My last child came and told me that mommy I do not want Daddy liveing here anymore because he hurts you all the time. So you are not by yourself at all.
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
19 Mar 07
I am so sorry you had to go through that, I grew up with it so I feel for your children...Good for you that you got out of a bad situation, hopefully he won't be a burden on your children when they are older.
@sweta_mohapatra (11)
• India
19 Mar 07
well i do hv a drunkered in the family cousin of mine he is horrible drinks and beats up his wife i guess he needs professional help..cyco..man...but needs to calm down a lil on his anger....
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
19 Mar 07
beating his wife is not something that should ever be acceptable...ever !!
@nanafang5 (1)
• Taiwan
19 Mar 07
I think that it's tough to change the habits of those people drinking in a short time because they are not capable of quitting it by themselves.
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
19 Mar 07
it's tough to quit but after over my lifetime 33 yrs almost 34.. I somehow don't think he'll change
