Should i let my child keep in touch with his real father as he grows?

Hello, I really think that it is important for a child to have a mother and a father. I don't believe that one parent can be both. I think that one parent can rais a child, nevertheless both parents will impart things to the child that will influence it development. I was a single parent and I made certain that my child had total access to her dad. I mean I never talked down about him to her or anything like that. I figured she would find out on her own what type of person he was and she did, but still loves her dad. Nevertheless, I do think it is important for children to know both parents. I think you would be doing your child an injustice by keeping the father away. Unless, your child would be in some type of danger, then I don't see any reason why you should let the father be in their life. Best of luck to you always.

Aw, this hits a nerve and is an easy response really. As far as the child you are having, my Mom did the same thing, at the same advice of her parents. Never told my Dad, went on with me by herself, did a great job i may add as I am sure you will, but there is a catch... The child is going to begin to feel that need to know about his/her father and it will probably consume the child. I was never happy until I learned the whole truth about my heritage and the situation leading to my birth. And trying to keep it from me was worse for her I think than if she had just been open to begin with. I hear what you are saying about the situation of the father but unless you fear for the child's welfare, be open. Because he'll/she'll probably make sure you will someday. And a little aside, my real Dad and mom actually reunited after I found him and married when I was 30. Life can be strange.

First of all, I would like to ask why you can't give the baby his name? I don't think it matters if he's married to someone else, does it? Also, I definitely think any child should have contact with their father unless the father is abusive to him/her. A child needs to know his/her father, even if he is a total deadbeat or has another family. You don't have to let the child see his/her father alone, you can supervise. I think the child might hold it against you when they are older if you kept his/her father away from them. He/she won't understand why you did it.

I was in this situation with my oldest daughter. The only difference is that her "sperm donor" wasn't married, he was just a loser, and very abusive. My daughter never knew her biological father and I don't think she really cares to. When she was about 9 (she's 11 now) she asked me who her "real dad" was, and I told her that he used to beat me up, and was threatening towards her so I left him and we never had contact since. I told her I would give her his name when she was older if she wanted to try to locate him she could. I truly don't think she will, my husband now is a wonderful father to her. If it's in your childs best interest walk away from this man now. If he's already married and still in a committed relationship with his wife, or as committed as you can be when fathering someone elses child, I'd tell him to shove off. If he's doing these kinds of things behind his wifes back what makes you think he's going to be good to you? I'm not trying to be harsh, your discussion leaves me with some questions about your relationship with this man, but just to be honest with you it doesn't sound like a healthy situation. I always said I'd rather have one good, loving parent than two that were always in conflict with each other.

I personaaly would not stop my child from seeing his father if we split up. Regardless of how much we hated each, we would put our differences aside for our childs sake. We would have to agree on times when our child can be with either of us and get along with each other, when our child is there. A child needs both his parents. BUt if the father doesnt want anything to do with your child, there not much you can do and it will be him losing out on his childs life. Just try and bring your child up the best you can and when your child gets old enough, they will make their own decision. Hope everything works out for you:)

do whatever your heart desire. it is but right to let your child know who his father. if you wouldn't, the child will always look a sense of belongingness....the missing chapter in his life. and it is very fearsome if he will search it in the wrong way...it would be better that as he grows, he knows that even if his father is not with him, at least he still feels complete.

i think what you have in your mind is correct. Who ever it is, he is the father of your child and your child has the right to know about the father. Dont hide this very important fact from him. When he come up in age, he will decide what to do with his father. I salute you for taking a decision to raise your kid on your own. There are a lot of mothers, who will try to abort. Your kid is so lucky to have you as the mom. I wish you all the luck in the world. Take care.

have you tried to ask the father if he's even going to acknowledge your child? he may not want things to get more complicated, especially since you said he's already married.

I'm a single mom, too..My boyfriend leaves me when i'm still 3mos pregnant and it's very painful to me. But it's before, and i can say that i'm growing, the pain is lesser than the time that he left. I think, real father has their right to let their kid talk to them once in awhile. Also, it's the right of the child to know their real father and we cant deny that as their grow and wanted to know the truth about their real father. We need to forgive and then we forget.

I dont think it would be good for your kid not to see his/her father. As I may say, right now Im struggling to fight for my father's life. Like me, your kid might look and long for his/her father's touch. He may not be a very good father to him/her but he's still the father of your child. You cant take that away from her. At least, let them see each other sometimes. I just wanna add, you're so lucky that you dont have financial problems. But please remember that raising a child is not just giving him/her what she financially need but giving him/her the love that he/she needs and that could be, not just your love as a mother, but love of his/her father, too.

Well, this is a difficult subject for me because I am going through something similar, except that I am married. I got married to my husband when I was 5 mo. pregnant with my son. My husband is not the real father of my son, but to my son that is his dad and he has his last name and as of right now, that is all he knows is that my husband is his dad. He is only three, but I think about it all the time. His real father is a navy jerk whom I had a brief relationship with and whom I think was really married, but never told me about that. He kind of went postal when I told him I was preggo and I haven't heard from him since. Now, my son is not going to know his real father and he is not going to talk to him. I feel terrible about that, but a father is some one who is there for their child. I am sure there will be a time when I tell him that the man he has thought all his life to be his father is not his real father, and that is going to be a very tough thing for me and I hope he doesn't hate me for it. I am going to wait until he is 18 to tell him. It is all a personal decision. Do what you think is right for you, your baby, and his family as well.

It takes a lot of effort to be a single mom. If that will be your personal choice, and so be it. If you still have feelings for the guy and not totally forget about him, then I think that you should give him another chance to prove himself. Who knows, if the baby comes out, he will be able to give some financial support to you and your baby. Of course for now, your parents got pissed of what he did but in mean time, they will learn to accept the mistake of that guy.

HI! Elaineobbus. your kids has the right to know who is thier dad. i'm a 7 months dad now. and i can't imagine myself having my kids not in good condition has they grow. but even if a dad is not responsible enough for thier kids he has the right to give his role to his kids even if not in financial matters. cheer up. it's you decision not your parents.

i dont know what you fell, being a single parent,but there are too many ways to solve your problem.. dont be afraid for what you doin, all i wanna say is pray to god..... i hope i can help you

Regardless of your situation with the babies father, he has a right to know his child and your child has the right to know his father. You made the choice to sleep with a married man, why should your child pay for that decision by growing up without a father. I don't mean to be harrash but you have to put the well being of your child before your own feels and or wants.

Thats a tough decision. I truly understand how you feel because i am going through on that case too. Though we are married and he dont job at all,but we are separated for almost 4 years now and he abandoned us. If only, i can, i will really stop the communication between him and our kids.

It's really difficult in your situation since the father is not financially stable. He can't even support his own child. My brother is in the same situation...he/we love his daughter dearly but the mother and his mother in law prevent him from seeing his child. My brother is unemployed so I guess that's why his mother in law is against him. My parents are the one who provide for my brothers gf to have a C-section labor and also provides for the baptismal party of the child. I'm one of the godmother of my niece and sometimes we send money for the baby too. Financially speaking we're both equal in support for the chils so I think my brother has the right to see his child too but they won't really allow her to stay in our place. He's the father so why can't she stay? It's just so unfair. In your case, if he totally abandoned your child then I think you shouldn't keep in touch with him. He should be responsible enough to face the consequences of having a child. That's just my personal opinion. If he changed and tried to be there in your child life...that's better! Goodluck!

friend.in my opinion.the father of your child will be never changed in anytime.so you need to let the child to know who is the child 's father when the child grow up,but a impotant thing is you need to teach the child how to treat the father use the correct attitude.

I never really knew my real father my mother raised 4 kids on her own she did the best she knew how but it woulda been nice if he wouldve been in the picture. wether he is married or doesnt have a job sooner or later your child is gona want to know who he is. Probly the more you try to hide things the worse it will make it in the long run. In the states there is one fact that is undisputed boys without fathers end up in prison alot more than those that do. It might not be something you are going to have to deal with right away but sooner or later you will have to deal with it. I am sure your parents are trying to protect you and probly arent real enthusiastic about this guy and him being married already and that probly plays a big part in them wanting you to distance yourself from him. So maybe not now maybe not 3 years form now but sooner or later your going to have to deal with your child wanting to know and even if you end up married and she has a wonderful step dad sooner or later the truth always comes out.

yes you should if you dont then he will never know his father that well and be longing for a real father