Not Having Kids is MY Right Decision - Rant
By breepeace
@breepeace (3014)
Canada
April 11, 2007 11:49am CST
Simply put, I am not a maternal being when it comes to babies.
I didn't babysit to earn extra money, I pulled weeds and dogwalked.
Put a baby and puppy beside each other and the puppy and I will happily be playing in the grass while the baby bawls it's head off.
Growing up, my Barbies didn't have babies, they took Ken off to tropical locales where they walked along beaches, drove Barbie's jeep through forests and swan in waterfall fed ponds.
But every time I talk to someone about my future and the subject of kids comes up, they're always aghast that I would actually CHOOSE not to have children?!?
What? Like it's an obligation?
I hate sitting beside families with crying babies in restaurants. I hate when kids are screaming in the aisle at the supermarket while their mother holds onto their hand and whispers idle threats in their ears. The sound of crying babies is more grating to me than nails on a chalkboard. I hate all of that. So why would I want to subject myself to that?
I like kids. 4,5,6 year old kids that walk, talk, laugh and play -- granted I can give them back when they're hungry, tired or grouchy.
But just now, a former coworker comes into the office with her 13 month old baby in town -- everyone's fawning and I can tell they're confused by why I'm not joining in. I finally piped up and said, "I'm not a big baby person", to which one of them responds, "Oh, that'll change when you have kids".
"Nope," I respond, "that's not likely since I will NEVER have children".
One of the girls looked shocked at me and says, "You mean you can HAVE kids and you're choosing not to? What a waste!".
So I guess most people DO view it as an obligation! It's my body, you can't judge me for not wanting kids because that's only MY choice.
Quite frankly I don't CARE if people think I'll 'change my mind', 'grow out of it' or whatever, I know deep in my heart that the only things I'll ever classify as 'my children' are my furbabies, and that thought makes me a helluva lot happier than the thought of screaming and straining in the delivery room and saving for university.
Whew.. that feels better. :)
21 people like this
47 responses
@SirMattias (106)
• United States
12 Apr 07
I actually find it refreshingly interesting to hear that point of view for a change! Most women I've met seem to all have eventual plans to have children, and if they don't seem to they seem to think that they're going to hit a time in their lives where some sort of biological baby making alarm goes off. Whether or not that's a true thing should not hold any bearing on you.
However for myself, even though i don't have to go through the actual pain of child birthing I'm certain that by the time i die, I'll want to leave something to carry on my name and genes.
It's a free country though, and so of course no one has the right to judge you or anyone else for that sort of choice.
I'll leave it at that.
@xoShannonNCxo (146)
• United States
11 Apr 07
LOL nothing is wrong with you. Its wrong for other people to judge you! I don't think every single person was sent to this world to just reproduce. There are other purposes in life. Don't get me wrong I love children and cant wait to have my own, but I understand not everyone shares my same interest and that is perfectly fine! Other people should just respect that!
3 people like this
@Angelwhispers (8978)
• United States
11 Apr 07
I applaud your bravery at voicing your hearts intent. I do not believe every women is cut out to be a mother. If you already feel that way there is no reason to think you would change your mind. It is your choice to make. There is nothing wrong with it. Sometimes we mothers are very closed minded and do not understand women who have no desire to have children. I have a few friends off line and online who feel this way. Sometimes I have admitted to them I am a bit envious of their freedoms, but I would not have changed my life for anything in the world. But your lifestyle is just as important as mine. So hold that head high. Live your life the way you want to.
3 people like this
@FloatingGum (346)
• United States
12 Apr 07
I give you a lot of credit - it's a hard thing to do when it's so expected in society that you will have kids. People shouldn't have kids because of feelings of obligation to society or to the family. If you genuinely feel you don't want kids, having them will only end up making everyone miserable.
You are 100% right - what is right for you is not for everyone else and what's right for others isn't always for you. You shouldn't have to explain yourself or justify yourself, but unfortunately that is the way society is.
2 people like this
@MagdalenaM (681)
• United States
11 Apr 07
That is cute and YES you have the right to do exactly what you want with yourbody and life-
I don't really like children crying in resturants, planes or supermarket aisles, as you described but kinda always thought I was going to have a baby of my own... in my case the circumstances were as such that I could not have one yet and, frankly I don't think I am going to have one.
I will join you with a few cats and dogs or my own-
@breepeace (3014)
• Canada
11 Apr 07
And why not?
I'd prefer to have animals to fill the so-called void in my life and I get 100 times more maternal if I hear an animal in pain than if I hear a baby or child in pain. My first reaction is always 'Where's that kid's mother?' when that's the case.
1 person likes this
@whywiki (6066)
• Canada
11 Apr 07
I agree with you wholeheartedly. I have never had a desire to have a baby. I never will. I was brainwashed growing up so since I was frightened of pain and shoving something so large out of a hole so small that I just figured I would adopt. Then I figured I would adopt someone old enough to do the dishes, vacuum and go to the store for me. Fortunately, before I did anything that stupid I met my hubby and he didn't want kids either!
We have two fur-babies and they fulfill my motherly needs. They don't talk back and they don't need diapers either! I don't mind a hairball but I have a problem with babies puking up on me. I hate it when babies and kids are brought into the office and everyone makes such a fuss, I slink away because no, I don't think that baby is cute! No I don't want to touch, hold or burp the thing either. I don't find kids in restaurants that are loud, amusing.
I don't mind my niece and nephew and am actually quite fond of them but I don't babysit, not my thing. I visit and leave. Peace and Quiet...ahhh.
I am glad to hear there are more women out there that think before spreading there legs and getting pregnant because they think they have to. There is too many unwanted kids in this overpopulated world.
Another pet peeve of mine are pregnant women who think that they are oh so smart because they figured out how to get knocked up. I think it is harder to go through life and not get knocked up!
So here is to all the woman who have chosen not to reproduce! No offense to breeders intended!
@breepeace (3014)
• Canada
11 Apr 07
I'm totally in agreement with you!
I don't find babies cute, irresistable or cuddly. To me they are a small, foreign looking being that I know won't land on his/her feet if I drop him. I never did get the appeal. I used to go to baby showers just for the food and because I didn't want to appear rude, and then would sit awkwardly in the corner while everyone took turns holding the baby.
I've stopped that now, mailing a gift is just as good.
2 people like this
@lingli_78 (12822)
• Australia
12 Apr 07
nobody can force you to do what you don't want to do... and you are right... it is your body and you have the choice and the right to make decision to do whatever you want with it... well, but i just want to share my feeling that i think having a kid is the best thing that can ever happen to a woman and it makes our lives complete... that's what i thought and i can't wait to have one soon... hope God will grant my wish and give me one this year...
1 person likes this
@breepeace (3014)
• Canada
12 Apr 07
That's a pretty big generalization.
I can think of much better things that could happen to me rather than getting pregnant, and I refuse to believe that having kids makes your life complete since I already view my life as pretty complete. I don't believe finding your special someone should make you complete either, you should always be whole before you look to share your life with someone, whether it be a baby or the love of your life.
1 person likes this
@emskoneko (805)
• United States
12 Apr 07
You're right that it's your decision. I have lots of friends who decided not to have kids ever in their lifetime. I'm fine with it and other people should be fine with it too. You should decide on what would make you happy. Now abortion is another thing so I'm glad we're not talking about that. :)
But you did sound a little too careless when talking about crying babies and such. They are just babies.
1 person likes this
@breepeace (3014)
• Canada
12 Apr 07
Exactly.
But I'm the one subjected to paying just as much for a meal as the people with the baby are as well as listening to it scream. I'm not saying parents shouldn't have a night out, but I've been out too many times when a baby or a young child starts raising a ruckus and the parents just ignore it hoping it will stop. It won't, and the other patrons around you are getting very annoyed.
I'm not allowed to take my dog into stores with me because people with allergies would raise a fuss, and I can respect that, but since I can't stop people from bringing crabby babies or misbehaving children into high end restaurants or stores I AM allowed to be annoyed. My parents didn't take me to fancy restaurants when I was too young to understand the meaning of quiet (nor my brothers), they hired a sitter or they didn't go to such a place.
And what about abortion? Granted it's another can of worms, but again, that's the woman's right to her body. I suggest you open another topic for that. :)
1 person likes this
@highflyingxangel (9225)
• United States
11 Apr 07
I don't see why your choice is anyone else's business and you need to stress that. You choose not to have children, and that's fine because women aren't all about reproducing anymore. A woman's job isn't soley to produce children, plain and simple. It's sad that people are still in that mindset.
1 person likes this
@all4ucnc (861)
• United States
11 Apr 07
Your right that is your choice . . . And if later you change your mind, that's fine too . . . Everybody is different, and what defines one persons "Perfect Life" isn't the same definition someone else would use...For me it IS my family & my children. But for me, I always knew I wanted kids and a family. But I would NEVER judge those who choose to not have kids...In fact I praise them, I know of people who have had kids, who infact hated babies, they pawn thier child off to daycares, and faily members to raise them. The result is unhappy kids who act out to get attention. I know people who have had kids who didn't want them, and still after having them they say "I wish I never had kids"...
I would rather people have these little miracles as a choice and enjoy every minute of them, THen people to have them and regret the fact that they did. You do what is right for YOU! Forget what everyone is doing or saying, it NOT their life.
@vashstampede992000 (2560)
• Philippines
11 Apr 07
Well i think you are just going to do the right decision as we have a lot of people in this world, we are very populated.
Just be responsible for your every decision you make.
Cheers and have a nice day ahead from Francis.
2 people like this
@Damacoy (65)
• Philippines
12 Apr 07
its your choice girl!.. may i ask how young are you? maybe you are still young that's why you think that way... when i was younger i'm also afraid to have kids. i was afraid of early motherhood. i wanted to be carefree, enjoy my single life... party, friends, boys, etc. but when i've settled down in my 30's i suddenly have this feeling that i wanted to have children of my own. then i thought it would be easy... if you plan to have kids... then there they are... but no... i experienced ectopic pregnancy... wherein they have to cut my fallopian tube... so now i only have 50/50 of having kids. what i'm saying is... its ok if you think that way... take your time. Nobody is pressuring you. we wouldn't know what's instore for us. what we feel today is different to what we are about to feel tomorrow.
@vwlssknght (653)
• United States
11 Apr 07
The world is overpopulated as it is. You're doing the right thing, sister. Keep it up!
@FreakALicious (113)
• Switzerland
11 Apr 07
hey it's your desicion and thats ok. hehe i think it's better that you don't have kidz. i think you would freak out lol. you do the right thing and hey don't care what others think about you. you say it totaly right...it's your life, your body and your desicion.
@cutepenguin (6431)
• Canada
12 Apr 07
Hmmm....
I want to have kids, but I can see how other person can not want to have kids. Everyone's life is their own choice - it's funny how women are expected to want kids, though.
1 person likes this
@hockeygal4ever (10021)
• United States
12 Apr 07
There is nothing more that irritates me then people ASSUMING you have to have kids to be happy! I have 3 and yes, it was my choice to have them and my choice to be happy with them. But MY world of happiness is not always what YOUR world of happiness would be!
When I was trying to get pregnant for our first child we had an aunt that would constantly comment to my mother about "why don't they have kids?". Finally I went up to her one day and said "I don't have kids for 1 of 2 reasons... either 1. I dont want them or 2. I can't have them and NEITHER of them is YOUR business!" LOL My mom about fell over! Needless to say she never asked again. And 6 years later we had our first baby!
@OnfireforJesus (500)
• United States
23 Jul 07
I totally respect your choice. God gave us all a choice and a will. If it is your choice, it is best to follow it. Why would you want to bring a child into this world, if you will not be a patient mother. There are so many kids having kids who don't think of these things. I personally have three. And I love them instensly. Every day I praise God for them, and pray for their protection. They were my choice. I don't work to care for them, I don't depend on the government to feed them. Ever since I was a little girl, the only thing I ever saw myself doing was being a mom. I wanted to be the perfect housewife and perfect mother. Although, I'm sure if you speak to my husband and kids, the word perfect doesn't come near me. HAHAHA. Anyway, I respect your decision. If it ever changes, make it a decision of the heart.
1 person likes this
@theproperator (2429)
• United States
11 Apr 07
I'm in the same boat as you. I don't want kids, and my boyfriend doesn't want kids either. We generally don't broadcast this fact, since it does seem to rile people up for some reason. We usually will just lean over and scarcasticlly whisper to eachother, when we see some poor mom with a screaming toddler or two, "Let's have a pack..." and then shudder a little.
I don't care if people think we're "selfish" for not having children. The world's population is out of control, so I just tell them that by my *not* having children, there will be less burden on the natural resources that THEIR kids and grandkids will be needing in the future, so they should be thanking me, really.
When I was younger, I figured, as did everyone else, that I would eventually "grow into" wanting kids. But since I'm over 30 now and still no inkling of maternal instict kicking in, I think this has become a life choice. Like you, I'm perfectly happy with my dog and cat to spoil (and then can leave home alone, if I need to).
:-)
1 person likes this
@breepeace (3014)
• Canada
11 Apr 07
*LOL* I'm with you. My boyfriend isn't into kids, either, we're both in agreement that being an auntie and an uncle (we both have 2 younger brothers) is better suited to our personalities and lifestyles.
I always joke with people about my animals --
"You know they have places where your pet can be left for weeks on end while you're on vacation and someone will feed, water and play with them? Then you come home, pay $100 and get your dog back and no one thinks this is odd. In fact, it's accepted. In humans, they call those foster homes and you don't just pay a fee to get your kids back."
I LOVE being able to go away for a weekend and just have to make sure the kitty litter is scooped and there's fresh food and water before I go.
2 people like this
@dfinster (3528)
• United States
12 Apr 07
Glad you got that off your chest.LOL! You're absolutley right. Having a baby is your decision 100%. Nobody should judge you or try to make you see things their way. I think we have enough babies in the world who aren't taken care of because the parent has issues of different kinds. I think those kids are affected greatly by these parents and not in a good way. So, if you don't want kids that's ok and there's nothing wrong with it. Don't let anyone try to make you feel bad for your decision.
1 person likes this
@raven9595 (101)
• United States
12 Apr 07
The way your live your life is up to you, no one else. Do not let others demean or degrade you for any decision you make.
1 person likes this
