Am I a Bad Mom?

It's a shame our mothers can do that to us! I swore when I was a young mom that I would never be like my mother and always told me kids if the day came that I did to shoot me! lol....My grandkids are now in their teens and my daughters often thank me for being the kind of mom I was/am. I never intereferred and let them learn from their mistakes. Sorry, I rambled here...lol....If you know you're doing a good job with your child then I wouldn't worry about it. When you and your husband feel ready for another one then I would go for it and forget about what any one else has to say about it. I'm sure you are a good mom....(maybe your mom's mom wasn't such a good mom to her and she has "issues"?)

In no way are you a bad mother... i am positive that you are not the only mom in the world who wishes sometimes that things were easier or wonder how it would feel to not be a mother. I like you dont get out much. I spend all of my time with my kids and feel that i often am just a caretaker and maid. Sometimes you just gotta take some "you" time and relax... enjoy a relaxing bath or love yourself in your room and just take some time for yourself. it will help. I sometimes use a journal to write down what is going through my head and to get all my built up fustrations... Just take deep breaths and if you want to have another baby.... GO FOR IT!!!! Its your life not your moms. Good luck!!!

I don't think so. You are at a disadvantage with all that you have to deal with. Don't be too harsh on your mother. She may have worries of her own. No mother really wants to have to live with their child, it is demoralizing. I would, however, think long and hard about having another child. Of course finances and time can be a problem. When my daughter was three I had twins. It took more out of me then I had expected. I know you are frustrated and not being able to get out of the house every now and then is depressing sometimes. You have to be sure that you really want the added expense and time for another one. Your mother is apparently not able to help and obviously you and she have problems so it will take a great deal of diplomacy in your family to make things work. It can be done but if it were me I would seriously think about things. Good luck.

Maybe you should consider being a less good daughter. If you start talking nursing home, maybe your mother would get the hint... nahhh Just flat point out to "mom" that if you were such a bad person, then she'd be in a nursing home & you wouldn't have to put up with her stressing you.

You should just let go of what she says. I have three children and if I let my bad days decide whether I would have anymore or not I would have stopped at my first. I also didn't have a car and stayed at the house ALL the time. It is normal to feel overwhelmed with things at times but that doesn't mean we are bad parents for it. If you want to have a second child then do it. Don't listen to what anyone else says. Your the one doing the work not them.

Different people have different ideas of what a good mom is. What she feels is a good mom might not be what you feel it is. And it's up to you to determine if you are doing the absolute best that you can. I personally would not have someone living with me who put off that much negative energy and said those things to me. People treat us the way we allow them to treat us. And having another child is really no one's business but you and your husband. All moms can feel overwhelmed @ times, I have been a work @ home mom for 12 yrs and yes there were days I felt overwhelmed but that doesnt' mean that I hate being a mom, I feel it's my greatest accomplishment.

If you want peace of mind I would let it go. Having a 17 month old is difficult enough and having a disabled Mom living with you makes double the work. I don't think you should feel guilty about anything. I would have been upset with my mother if she had something like that to me. My feelings would have been hurt but I would expect some sort of explanation. I've never corrected our daughter who has 2 children. She can make the decisions to do whatever she thinks is right with her kids and I will support her. I don't blame you if your feelings are hurt. That's a hurtful thing to say to you. I suggest you respect her and just drop it. Makes your life easier in the longrun.

You need to sit your mom down and tell her as long as she's living in YOUR home, she needs to knock this crap off about degrading you like she's been doing. Explain to her that you love her, but what she's doing is hurting you. Also, she's a bag of hot air. Every mom sits sometimes and wishes they wasn't a mom at one point or another. It's normal, it doesn't mean your a bad mom. You think about it, then you see your child smile at you and that thought never comes back. Plus being stuck in a home with a small child and a disabled person would drive anyone up the wall. Tell her to watch The Shining and then say watch your back mom, lol, just kidding. All honesty though, if you really want to have another child, I would wait until at least you can find your mom somewhere else to live, or until she learns to respect you in YOUR home. Also try to think of when you were growing up, was there anything that your mom did that wasn't perfect and use that as ammo against her to basically shut her up. Nobody is perfect. Now even after all of this and she still keeps the crap going. Look up nursing homes in or around your area, print them out, and leave them laying around so she can find them. That should be a huge wake up call for her. Good Luck, and knick this in the butt before it gets worse. A person can only take so much before they snap.

Oh wow. I would sit your mom down and tell her flat out that she has to stop the hurtful comments. She is living with you and you don't have to put up with such nonsense. Don't let her put more of a load on you than you already have. You said it yourself that things were fine before she came to live with you. If you let it all go, she will continue and this will just eventually drive you insane and also to having bad feelings toward her. As for adding another child, you should tell her that the decision is not hers--that is for you and your husband to decide and none of her business. I'm betting that your mother is bored. Try to find something to interest her (a hobby maybe) so she will have something else to think about.. Happy holidays~

as a mother of three kids i know just how you feel. there are days it can be a bit much. there is nothing wrong with feeling like that at all. you mother is not much of a mother to say such harmful things to her child. i think you should let it go. but first i think you should tell your mom that you are a good mother doing the best she can and to please leave all negative comments to herself thank you.

Put that woman in a home. You're not a bad mom, you're just a bit overwhelmed and nagged and put down every day. How you mother and "wife" is none of your mom's concern as long as you do the best you can. It seems to me you do a better job than most because I can guarantee you I would personally not have the compassion or patience to keep a crank in my house. I'd suggest waiting to have the baby until you feel comfortable and happy again. And if you have siblings, get them to take your mom off your hands every now and then, or trade mom sitting for baby sitting or something. You definitely need some alone time as well as time with just your family.

Dear aidenofthetower, I am not judge,jury, nor executioner. I can only offer what I know from the information given. Your son is 17months old and you are now thinking of adding, that gives you another nine months if you go the whole pregnancy before the baby is born by that time your son will be a little over 2yrs old. Ask yourself this do you feel you can handle it. I have always been great at multitasking so to me having a child back to back is ok, I also know that there is no perfect time to have a child, despite the fact that some people think that with time your obtain stability and readiness in actuality you are never really stable or ready .. You may be it to some degree but you never know what tomorrow may bring. I have five beautiful angels they are 8,7,6,5,&4. my two oldest will turn in january and start the tumbling of the ages raising agian. No one is perfect we do the best we can and that is all we can do.. As long as you love and care for them and are there to your best ability then your doing good. Life is frustrating what many parents don't understand when their kids become parents is times have changed the world has changed, and maybe they weren't as perfect as they thought. Your mother realizes that she is no longer in the parenting position because you are now taking care of her with her disability and that probably frustrates her and she feels angry with it, as a parent you never want to have your child take care of you. So she may be lashing out .. I don't know your mother so I can't say that's definitely what she's doing. I'm by no means siding with her. But as you say you have issues with her so that being said your might want to look at is this the best living situation with my mom or if you have anyother siblings seeing if they can care for her.. Or maybe an assisted living facility would be best for her so she can maintain some independence but if she needs help its there. Look at everything around you while you make this decision. Now are you a bad mother because sometime you regret the situation in moment of extreme stress or exhuastion or even just pure frustration, no your most definitely are not you are taking care of and adult and your child who is most likely a happy healthy child. Parents who toot their own horn most of the time have some sort of underlying issue. Like the realization of maybe they screwed up but don't want to face up to it. My mom acts like she was a saint to me when in reality she left me with my gram almost as much as she had me but hey who am i to make a decision that she was a bad mom when she chose men that she dated over her daughter got married and moved to texas and then told me later when she was supposed to be in pittsburgh going to college for her masters while my gram had me. so i know what is like to have issue. But your mom has no right to say what she said, she doesn't realize that you are not in the same situation that she was in while she was raising you. Did your mom have to take care of her mom and you? probably not.. and I would politely point it out to my mother that my household that she is a guest in it and though you love her she does not have to so mean or degrading on her judgement. and if she really gets your goat and your ticked it's your house tell her that you won't be talked like that to in your home. Sometimes the parent has a hard time when the situation is turned around. Another things is if this started only since your mother has been there then maybe it's time for her to leave ... This might be a toxic relationship between you and her when you live together. So sit back and ask yourself do you want to go through this the whole entire time she is with you? You are not a bad mom infact a bad mom wouldn't worry about weither she was right or wrong she would just do what she wanted. Take a deep breath come up with a support group of friends that you can talk to and speak with your other half about having a night to yourself no matter what. Then while your relaxed asked yourself the question "am i ready to handle another child?" only you can answer that question. good luck in whatever you decide i support your decision and if you ever have the need to talk I'm always here.

You know it has been my experience that when your mother gets on you about your mothering it is usually because she feels guilty about her own, if she was better at it then her daughter would not feel like a bad mother and horrible wife. A good mother takes you aside and teaches you with love and encouragement the things she thinks you are lacking in. I work hard to be sure my daughter does not make the mistakes I did while trying to be a friend and mentor for her and her baby. That is what you should tell your mother, say, Mom I know you were a good mom, but I dont need you to be one now, I need a friend and someone who will help me along the path I need to take as an adult. If you are not willing to do that keep your opinions in my house to yourself.

You are not a bad mom, In no way shape or form. It seems to me that your mother is saying these things to make herself feel better and to make you feel like cr--. Don't let her do that to you. You and your husband need to do what you feel is right. Don't let her stand in the way of what the 2 of you decide. You are an adult and can make your own decisions You don't need her to tell you what you can and can't do. My ex-mother-in-law was the same way and I hated it. I felt like a piece of crud every time she did that to me. I understand were you are coming from. As for those thoughts about not being a mom I think we all go through it every so often. If we didn't we wouldn't be human. At least that's how I think about. Just because of those thoughts it doesn't mean your bad or aweful. Remember that point and you'll be o.k. All the best to you.

I love children and have two of my own. But there are days when I wish I had my life! Please don't listen to what your mother says. I'm sure she felt the same way too when she was bringing you up (she probably has just forgotten about them). Any full-time mom with a toddler and at home 24x7 is bound to have days when they feel like they just didn't need to be one. But that's normal and I'm sure lots of moms will tell you that(including me). I totally understand how you feel...because my mom sometimes makes such comments too. But my husband reassures me that I am a good mother and the best he has ever met. And fortunately for me, my mother doesn't live with us. So, I understand it's difficult with her living with you. But I suggest you don't speak to your mother about personal issues that you decide with your husband. Maybe your husband can help you feel better if you are able to vent it out on him and he can reassure you.

Dear aidenofthetower, I am not judge,jury, nor executioner. I can only offer what I know from the information given. Your son is 17months old and you are now thinking of adding, that gives you another nine months if you go the whole pregnancy before the baby is born by that time your son will be a little over 2yrs old. Ask yourself this do you feel you can handle it. I have always been great at multitasking so to me having a child back to back is ok, I also know that there is no perfect time to have a child, despite the fact that some people think that with time your obtain stability and readiness in actuality you are never really stable or ready .. You may be it to some degree but you never know what tomorrow may bring. I have five beautiful angels they are 8,7,6,5,&4. my two oldest will turn in january and start the tumbling of the ages raising agian. No one is perfect we do the best we can and that is all we can do.. As long as you love and care for them and are there to your best ability then your doing good. Life is frustrating what many parents don't understand when their kids become parents is times have changed the world has changed, and maybe they weren't as perfect as they thought. Your mother realizes that she is no longer in the parenting position because you are now taking care of her with her disability and that probably frustrates her and she feels angry with it, as a parent you never want to have your child take care of you. So she may be lashing out .. I don't know your mother so I can't say that's definitely what she's doing. I'm by no means siding with her. But as you say you have issues with her so that being said your might want to look at is this the best living situation with my mom or if you have anyother siblings seeing if they can care for her.. Or maybe an assisted living facility would be best for her so she can maintain some independence but if she needs help its there. Look at everything around you while you make this decision. Now are you a bad mother because sometime you regret the situation in moment of extreme stress or exhuastion or even just pure frustration, no your most definitely are not you are taking care of and adult and your child who is most likely a happy healthy child. Parents who toot their own horn most of the time have some sort of underlying issue. Like the realization of maybe they screwed up but don't want to face up to it. My mom acts like she was a saint to me when in reality she left me with my gram almost as much as she had me but hey who am i to make a decision that she was a bad mom when she chose men that she dated over her daughter got married and moved to texas and then told me later when she was supposed to be in pittsburgh going to college for her masters while my gram had me. so i know what is like to have issue. But your mom has no right to say what she said, she doesn't realize that you are not in the same situation that she was in while she was raising you. Did your mom have to take care of her mom and you? probably not.. and I would politely point it out to my mother that my household that she is a guest in it and though you love her she does not have to so mean or degrading on her judgement. and if she really gets your goat and your ticked it's your house tell her that you won't be talked like that to in your home. Sometimes the parent has a hard time when the situation is turned around. Another things is if this started only since your mother has been there then maybe it's time for her to leave ... This might be a toxic relationship between you and her when you live together. So sit back and ask yourself do you want to go through this the whole entire time she is with you? You are not a bad mom infact a bad mom wouldn't worry about weither she was right or wrong she would just do what she wanted. Take a deep breath come up with a support group of friends that you can talk to and speak with your other half about having a night to yourself no matter what. Then while your relaxed asked yourself the question "am i ready to handle another child?" only you can answer that question. good luck in whatever you decide i support your decision and if you ever have the need to talk I'm always here.

Hi,there! Don't be frustrated.I think it's very common that you came across those difficulties after you had a baby.It's the first time to be a mum and there're many difficulties and problems.One will get upset or be not in a good mood if the things are too troublesome.I can understand your feeling.Since you've got some problems with your mum,I suggest you talk with her very openly about that.I hope the communication could help you with the issues.Don't think about what she said too much.Just let it go if you can't change her.You're not a bad mum and you shouldn't think that way.Best regards for you and your baby! Have a nice day^_^

I am a mother too. we all have bad days, well I do anyway. Things get a bit much some times and I wish I wasnt a mother because i would then be able to do what I pleased when I pleased. It must be hard for you having your mother living with you and having to look after her aswell. Your mother needs to give you a break.Not being able to go anywhere would be a drain on you. some time you just need to get out of the house. You should try and go for a walk sometime. It work for me.. If you think you would like another baby then it is up to you not your mother and if your husband agrees then you should go for it. Dont worry about anyone else, if your mum has such a problem she can alway live somewhere else. You are doing her a favour at the moment by having her live with you and she is not being fair to you. Also she is not being a good mother to you at the moment, whether or not she was a good mother to you when you were growing up. Cheers.....

nononono,,,,i think u r a great mom.everyone was love the her childs.hope he group quikly and healthy.ur mom is thoughts isn't the same to u,she have own thoughts,and she think she is right.in other hand ,she think u r wrong,say u r a bad mom,u just have talking with she,try to tell she what u want to do,and why u think it is right.if u also couldn't think together, like the upstaire one sayed,u just do sth. what u want to . don't worry about that,this is a common thing.good luck for u.

You shouldnt feel like that, you are a great mom.