Is it rude to tell someone their weight loss is noticable?

[i]"I am always amazed when I try to be polite and give someone a compliment, then they get mad at me! Like when I open a door for a woman and she just -stands- there, glaring at me, and waiting for me to go through the door first. I thought I was being polite - I open the door for GUYS too. It's called manners. It was how I was raised. You just open doors for people - its a nice thing to do! Now I'm at work, and a lady who I dont see very often just walked in. She looked like she had lost at LEAST 20lbs since last I saw her, so I figured she had been dieting or working out. So my exact words were "Kathleen you look great! Have you lost weight?" And she looked at me like she wanted to kill me. Did I say something wrong? Is it rude to take notice when someone looses weight???"[/i] Okay I'm gonna have to play nii-san(big brother) here. Listen II2. You did nothing wrong... and if there was something wrong you did, it was trying either thing in the first place. You have just been the contestant in the infamous game for guys towards girls... YOU CAN'T WIN! I'm serious! I can attest to all of this. You open the door you are treated to some of the following - Odd glares - Weird muttering (might have been thank you... but why'd it start with an "fu..") - Sometimes yelling - Odd delays You even remotely come close to a compliment or noticing something good but different you receive... - More odd glares - Outright yelling - Whining - Harassment charge (unless you look like an 11 or higher) Don't like it, talk to whoever or whatever preprogrammed life/experience like this, eh. And back to the topic. This isn't the best part of You Cant Win. The BEST part is the following... When she opens the door, she has no obligation to hold it for you, even if you have both hands full or something When there is something different (good OR bad) about you, its okay for her to talk about it however she wants - Got a haircut or new style? It can be either good or the ugliest thing ever (but you can't say that when the genders are reversed) - Weight... This can go either way too. Either you lost weight, have no weight issues and are "hot" or you have weight and you should be put in the freak show for it. - Face/overall looks... another double-edged sword. Again you could be classified "hot" or you could be something from the freak show, and you'll be treated like it too. Course said treatment to guys is a-okay according to many. -_- To the whole thing I say, don't bring the nonsense to me. I'll be kind, I'll be courteous... but cross me even the slightest bit and thats it. I'll remember you and the next time, you can get that door yourself. The next time you talk about your new dress, weight loss, what have you... two words await you... "don't care". That's all. That's the solution in my view. Anyone got anything to dissuade from this? All eyes.

Absolutely not, i'd be happy if you say this to me. This means i'm making progress. Maybe she thought that your meaning might be laughing at her. I don't know actully know why she'd act like this. If i heard this sentence, i'd say, omg, it works. lol~~

Did she really?! wow..when someone comments positively on my wt loss or even when its something like how I'm wearing my hair or WHATEVER I totally beam over it... I gotta tell ya though, ppl over here (in the U.S) really DO NOT handle manners, politeness, compliments etc etc well i've noticed....Even my husband who IS American noticed the major difference between here and Canada..blows my mind every freakin time I gotta tell ya.... Maybe kathleen was just having an off day?

I lost 30 pounds on Nutrisystem and have kept it off. I'm still working on the final 20. when someone notices, I just glow. It's an accomplishment and worthy of praise. I think it's fantastic that you noticed. She must have some other problem. keep being a gentleman and a human being. The rest of us appreciate notice of a great accommplishment

Personally, I would not be insulted at all, I would be thrilled! Especially if I was trying to lose weight and someone noticed. Granted women are weird (I'm a woman, so I feel I can say that, lol). Some women just don't know how to take a compliment, which is silly. LOL Don't feel bad.

no.. it isnt rude to pay someone a compliment. or to hold a door for someone. or any other of the things that people with manners happen to do. i personally, LIKE it when someone notices a change in my appearance, especially if i havent seen them in a while. shows they were paying attention the first time. call it an ego thing. those who glare at you for holding the door for them, are prolly the stereotypical man-hating bra burning feminist "i am woman hear me WHIIIIIINE" bittches that make being a female so much harder for the rest of us. take heart Tee.. quite possibly this chick who gave you attitude for saying nice things to her ain had nothin tween her nethers that aint run on batteries for years. not really a wonder with her sourgrapes attitude.

That's funny..If someone will tell me that, I will be very happy and thank you for recognizing it!LOL! I also don't understand why there are people who never appreciate any kindness done by a friend or a stranger! Maybe that time, they are having some problems and they were not in the best mood, but for me, I always say thank you for those people especially at mall, for taking time to wait for me and open the door! Great attitude!

I know I sometimes wonder where manners have gone as well. As for your predicament about telling the woman she lost weight...actually I think most women (or men) would feel great if you told them they looked great and that they've lost weight...but who knows maybe she was offended since maybe it implied she was "fatter"???? Maybe that's what she resented??? Who knows? I got insulted the other day....a woman I hadn't seen in awhile said I was looking good, and said "I see you gained weight"...I just "glared" at her and smiled..but I'm thinking to myself...no I didn't gain weight, I've lost some weight..sheesh

I can't imagine someone actually getting mad and glaring at you for opening the door for them! I always make sure to thank people who open the door for me. I appreciate it so much especially when I am struggling to get a door open and get my two children through the door in a double stroller with bags of purchases hanging over the sides. I always hold the door for everyone as well. I wouldt be offended if someone told me I looked like I lost weight. I would feel like wow I must have lost weight and didnt even realize it hehe. I personally dont say it to people unless I see like a huge difference or know them very well and know it wont offend them. I agree with the first comment, women are weird! I am a women and I think women are very bi**chy and moody! Me included:)

i would say it depends on the timing and the conversation. it depends on how you bring it up.

Having lost a lot of weight over my lifetime I can honestly say there is nothing nicer than being complimented (Though I am not one whoever knows what to say when someone passes ME a compliment). I find this womans reaction very odd indeed. I have never met anyone who doesn't like their dieting success complimented. The only thought that occurred to me was that perhaps the weight loss was due to some other reason for example illness which might have made your comment inappropriate failing that she is definitely weird and the one with the problem not you. Keep up the good work manners maketh the man (or woman) as they say.

Ithink it boomeranged on you through no fault of your own. It came out to her as you were really fat but you have lost weight now and that is not what you said at all. dont fret it some women carrya chip on their shoulder when it comes to weight but If you had said that to me I would have wanted to hug you as I am trying so hard to lose weight and would appreciate a compliment

Compliments are just subjective. We should just remember that we really can't please everybody. Personally if you said that to me I'd be thrilled. However, maybe this person got offended because her loss of weight is not conventional like she was using frugs so she was very deffensive. Or she is has a terminal ailment hence she loss weight. I don't know maybe there must be a valid reason why she looked at you like that. Personaly, I don't think what you did was rude in anyway.

you may restate it to "kathleen, you've lost a lot of weight and you look great"

Wow I am sorry she reacted to you like that. If it was me, I would be dancing on the clouds! I love it when people noticed that I have lost weight. Just know your intentions were good. And to give her the benefit of the doubt, perhaps she was having a bad day. If she was having a better day maybe she would have had a more positive reaction.

I don't think it's rude... most people WANT to hear that stuff they aren't doing all that work for nothing ya know? but i think it also depends on the person. i've recently lost a lot of weight myself and when people call me skinny or tell me how great i look now.. its not that i don't like it.. its just i don't know how to react to it because it's not something im used to ya know? so maybe she didn't know how to react? maybe she was having a bad day... who knows!

I don't think it is not polite to give someone a compliment about weight loss. I think what is happening in the world is everyone is so funneled into their own world that they don't see or hear others and don't have time to lift their head and be grateful for the world they live in...keep up the compliments - sounds like it makes you feel good which is important. I probably wouldn't couch the phrase with "Kathryn you look great" and then follow with "have you lost weight" What this implies is she didn't look great before she lost her weight and that is hurtful to some people. So don't stop the compliments just phrase them differently.

I'm thinkin she just had an off day, because just about any woman would be thrilled with that compliment. Manners are good, my man opens the doors for ppl too and I think that is a real good thing, we are teaching my boys to do the same. You will always run across someone that takes things differently than what we percieve we are doing, so I would say just keep up your manner and you compliments, except maybe not to her anymore, hehe.

I dont find it rude when people tell me i look like i lost weight...i take it as a compliment (esp since im TRYING to lose weight...makes me feel like ive been successful at the attempt) I DO ho ever find it rather rude when someone asks if you have gained weight or i've even heard people ask when someones expecting..and they arent.

first i commend you for holding doors open for anyone and being polite in general. we need way more of that. i love when people are thoughtful and kind and hold the door open for me. some people have issues though and probably think it is sexist. i am only guessing here. as far as the weight loss issue goes it can be a very sensitive area and while i do not think you did or said anything wrong i think some people would rather you didn't notice because they are sensitive about it. i have a weight problem and i would just prefer people did not say anything at all but that is just me. i am sure there are plenty of people who want and need the compliments and comments. but again i do not think you did anything wrong here.