My one and only child turns 18 tomorrow.....
By sweetdesign
@sweetdesign (5142)
United States
July 13, 2008 5:29pm CST
My daughter turns 18 tomorrow. She came into this world 2 months prematurely and weighed only 2 pounds and 14 ounces. She stayed in the hospital for not quite two months. She was perfect in every way just small.
When she was 5 years old her dad and I divorced and soon after that he had another child with his new wife another daughter and he saw our daughter less and less. Then a little over a year after that they had another child and it was a boy and he did not see our daughter for 3 years. This all hurt her very much. Then he waltzed back in to her life like nothing had happened and visited her sporadically for the next 4 years till we moved to FL then she saw him once a year. A handful of letters (like 5 in 3 years) and one birthday package that contained stuff she had left on her last visit and a used handheld video game his kids no longer wanted.
Tomorrow is her birthday and I am trying to make it as nice as I can since he quit his job and she no longer has the child support that she was going to spend on much needed clothes and a trip to the mall. She was going to save each check for her trip to the mall so she could shop the clearance racks (yes she has learned to be frugal at an age when she shouldn't have to worry about things like that). I want to cry all the time for her cause I know her heart aches from all of this.
I just hope our meager celebration makes her happy.
7 people like this
20 responses
@checapricorn (16061)
• United States
13 Jul 08
Hi sweetdesign,
I admire how you both handle your life, you are both tough and strong! I know she will be happy because she is with you..I know a lot of irresponsible parents are scattered all over the world and I hope this time, he will try to exert an effort to send even just a message to your child..It's very memorable for her having an 18th birthday tomorrow..
Anyway, what matter is, she has a very loving and supportive mother! Cheers and happy birthday for your daughter...may all her dreams come true!
2 people like this
@sweetdesign (5142)
• United States
13 Jul 08
Thank you. I don't know if he will make an effort or not cause last time she talked to him his excuse was that thier long distance service on the phone wasn't working so he couldn't call her. He lives on the same property as his parent in laws and sister inlaws and they both have long distance services.....
1 person likes this
@checapricorn (16061)
• United States
14 Jul 08
ohhhh! Maybe the new family doesn't like him to get in contact with his daughter anyway, hopefully, he will take an initative to surprise your child for her 18th birthday!
1 person likes this
@bamakelly (5191)
• United States
14 Jul 08
You know, it sounds to me that you have been a good mother. It sounds a shame about your daughter's pasts and struggles. Time goes by fast. I know it is hard to believe how fast they grow. I have a four year old. My husband and I are still together. I think she will appreciate the celebration and all you have done for her. It isn't always about the materials we give to our children. It is more about our time and attention. I think this weighs on them more to think about how much love we gave them not the materials we gave. So just try to emphasize the good things about your relationship with your daughter. I hope that this made you feel better.
@lingli_78 (12822)
• Australia
14 Jul 08
i think money is not the only thing that can make us happy in this world... love is much more important than money... in this case, i can see how your daughter had suffered because of her father and i know how she feels... but she has a loving and caring mother like you... and it is the most important thing... even though you can't give her a lavish birthday party, but i think just by being there for her and show her your love is enough present for her birthday... please wish her a very happy birthday from me and have a blessed one... enjoy your day tomorrow with your daughter... take care and have a nice day...
2 people like this
@jammyt (2818)
• Philippines
14 Jul 08
Happy birthday and what a fighter you have there! I hope she has a blast on her birthday. Don't dwell on those that has happened in the past. Just remember all the blessings that you both have received. Be proud of every achievement she has made, all her happy days. I'm sure she appreciates every little thing you have done for her. She is very lucky to have you.
@magojordan (3252)
• Philippines
14 Jul 08
I admire you for being able to raise your children 
I congratulate you on being able to raise a child well despite of all that's happened. Don't worry about the celebration, No matter how meager it is what matters is that she should be happy and thankful because she has a mother like you.
I congratulate you on being able to raise a child well despite of all that's happened. Don't worry about the celebration, No matter how meager it is what matters is that she should be happy and thankful because she has a mother like you.
@prettyrose529 (93)
• Philippines
14 Jul 08
your daughter might have grown without a father but i think it would make her appreciate you, as her mother, more. it's good that you were there for her in her growing up years, and being the mother that you should be. and for loving her and playing the role of both parents to her. i'm sure she is happy that she has you.
2 people like this
@KrauseHome (36448)
• United States
14 Jul 08
Wow!! Your daughter is a blessing in disguise, and you should be proud of her. I know sometimes we have to go thru many struggles and hard times to go thru in life, and as I never knew my Real Dad, and my Step Dad was very abusive, I can relate with a lot of what your daughter is going thru. I am sure that you can make her 18th birthday a day to remember and help her forget about everything else.
2 people like this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Jul 08
hi sweet design congratulations on your daughters 18th
birthday, a big step for you both. I am sorry her dad
has been so remiss in taking time to see her. after all
he is her dad,but some divorced dads are just plain
jerks. his visiting her like that must have been really
'painful for her, it would almost seem it would have been'kinder if he had not visited her at all. I just realized he will
no longer have to pay child support so thats sort of tough
on her too ,but you have always been there for her through'
everything and I think you and her will have a great
birthday outing together just the two of you. You are a
great mom and you have a great daughter so happy times for you both. good luck and God 'Bless.
1 person likes this
@sweetdesign (5142)
• United States
14 Jul 08
No he no longer has to pay (or have it accumulate from non paying)current child support but he will still be garnished for the back support he owes ($27,000.00+) should he get a job.He will owe that till he pays it off.
@WANDALIE44 (888)
• United States
14 Jul 08
it will beacuse it came from someone she realy loves. and all that she has gone thru will make her a stronger person, and more concious of things. and thats a good thing that will make her a better person then her dad will ever be. i hope you guys have a wonderful birhtday together filled with lots of love and happiness.
2 people like this
@DonnaLawson (4032)
• United States
13 Jul 08
This child has been through too much and her father needs to be made to pay for the things that he has done to her.. It is not fair when a child is made miserabke because of a divorce.. I hope she finds so many bargains that she has to have help carrying them home.. Tell her Happy Birthday from Donna.. I hope everything gets better for her and I hope she doesn't harbor too much anger towards him.. Have a great day and have a great birthday for her..
2 people like this
@Marley76 (109)
• United States
14 Jul 08
You sound like a wonderful mother. I am sure that if she knows that you will be there for her party that is all she needs. She seems like a good girl, she know the value of money at an age where most children get what ever they want and don't appriciate it. IT Sounds like you did a good job, not sit back and relax the best is yet to come.
@Vladilyich1 (1454)
• Canada
14 Jul 08
I think it will be a wonderful celebration because she's with someone she knows loves her. That's all that counts.
2 people like this
@cripfemme (7698)
• United States
15 Jul 08
I can totally relate to this. My biological dad was not the nicest person either. He paid support but what does a kid know of money. He was never there and when he was there he was verbally abusive and mean to me. Lucky for me, my mother found a nice person to fill the dad role in my life. It's important that she realize that she is who she is with or without his influence and his actions, although hurtful, are his actions and nothing she caused. Wish her a happy birthday for me.
1 person likes this
@nelly5 (1424)
• United States
14 Jul 08
I believe she will be happy, from what I read here, it sounds like she has a wonderful mother who cares so deeply about her well being. Just continue to be there for her, standing beside her through life. Not having a father while growing up does suck and can mess with a girls head (I am speaking by experience) but hopefully good morals have been installed into her and she will come out of this just fine. I hope that she and you have a great day together. Have fun and just focus on really enjoying each others company...even if there isn't a lot of money to do much with. Wish her a happy bday from me please. Take care, Nelly
1 person likes this
@mycharm88 (2288)
• Philippines
14 Jul 08
Hello dear friend c",) i hope all is well for you and your daughter...
I guess today is her birthday, Pls tell her Happy birthday with a kiss and hug from charm... I admire your love for your daughter, i'm sure it's never easy for you both. I know you both have been hurt by the devorce, but the way i see it you've been a responsible and loving mom to her. I'm sure she'll be happy for she have YOU. Moms are the best in the world...
take care always and hugz..
take care always and hugz.. @katerinabel (12)
•
14 Jul 08
wow she's so lucky to have a mom like you.
I didn't celebrate my 18th bday with my family too. My parents were in the province while my 2 sisters were celebrating the school's semestral break with their friends. i didn't mind much because i went out with my friends and watched a movie. looking back at my 18th bday, i realize it was just like an ordinary day out with my friends. the main difference was the fact that they greeted me a happy birthday. i guess the reason why i didn't mind the fact that i didn't have any celebration, it's because i know i'm loved by my family and we can celebrate anytime if i wish so. i just don't like extravagant celebrations.
1 person likes this
@meiyeec511 (405)
• Malaysia
14 Jul 08
Wow... 18 year old...
How are you going to celebrate with her? She is with you since she was young, I'm sure when she grew up, she will love you very much.
1 person likes this
@sweetdesign (5142)
• United States
14 Jul 08
We are celebrating quietly at home with cake and a special dinner. It is all we can afford right now. I am taking her to the mall on the 25th and she will have around $100.00 to spend on some new clothes then. I don't get paid till the 25th and as her father is still not getting a job there is no support money to give her.
@maryrajam1962 (257)
• Malaysia
14 Jul 08
You are a good mother and your daughter is very lucky to have you. It does not matter if the birthday celebration is a meager celebration and what is important is love and happiness. I have been frugal all my life and I have both my parents. My parents never celebrated my birthday. Now I am a single mother and I have an only child, a son aged 12 years old. All the best to you and your daughter and I wish your daughter a very happy birthday.
1 person likes this
