Mothers Please Don't Be Offended!!!
By LadyMarissa
@LadyMarissa (12148)
United States
September 23, 2008 6:37am CST
Not being a parent, I'm just trying to understand!!! I have been under a lot of stress lately & not felt like cooking. So, I've been going out to eat. Sunday I went to my favorite buffet to have a nice relaxing lunch. I no more than get my plate fixed, sit down & as I'm picking up my fork, a lady comes in with a 6 month old & a 2 year old & pregnant with a third. She fixes the toddler her plate & gives it to her. Then she goes & fixes her own plate. When she gets back, she pulls out a jar of baby food for the baby. She starts to eat & the baby begins to scream. She stops eating & begins to feed the baby. After giving him several bites, she takes a bite & he screams bloody murder. She feeds him the rest of the jar & with her next bite of food he screams bloody murder. She pulls out a second jar of food & feeds him several more bites. As she goes to take a bite of her food, he begins to scream. In the meantime, the toddler has finished eating & is begging to go home. Mom tells her let me finish eating first. Now with every bite she takes, the baby is screaming & the toddler is begging. She tries alternating giving the baby a bite of food with every bite she takes. Still he screams between bites. The toddler is now crying because Mommy won't take her home. So Mom gets up & goes & gets her a huge bowl of ice cream & some cookies. The baby is screaming the whole time she is gone. She gives the toddler dessert big enough to make the little thing sick, feeds the baby as few bites & takes another bite of her food...the baby screams. This goes on for 4 jars of baby food. I know he was not that hungry yet he still screamed between bites. Finally she shoves her plate of food across the table in disgust yelling at the kids that she can't eat because her food is cold. The toddler has devoured her dessert,& the baby is still screaming. By now I can eat due to nerves. She pulls her cellphone out of her purse & hands it to the baby & he begins chewing on it. I'm freaking out internally as I bet that phone is nasty & he's chewing on it. YUCK!!!
I was at the nursing home all day yesterday, didn't feel like cooking, & decided to go my local pizza joint for my dinner. Woman comes in with the cutest little baby girl who was cooing, giggling & bringing a lot of pleasure to all around. She gets her plate & the kid starts screaming. She pulls out jars of baby food & it was a similar scenario to the day before. She couldn't eat for the baby screaming. Finally she picks the baby up & the little brat shuts up. Of course, Mom is trying to eat while holding the baby. The kid's arms are going everywhere & her drink goes flying into her plate, ruining her dinner. She pops the kids butt & the baby is back screaming. Once again I can barely eat from all the turmoil.
Now to my question, why does a Mother feel the need to take her children out to eat when she knows that she will not be having a somewhat peaceful meal & they will be ruining a peaceful meal for everyone around them??? I know it is impossible to control children all the time. However, both Mothers made the comment that heir child/children so this ALL THE TIME. Please, Moms, please help me understand why???
12 people like this
45 responses
@fadetoblack (64)
• China
23 Sep 08
it is so hard for all mothers around the wolrd.i think there must be some reasons why the mother is doing this.everyone likes to enjoy a meal without bothers.it must be some reasons.
4 people like this
@LadyMarissa (12148)
• United States
24 Sep 08
They have NO respect for others & as far as I can tell, NO respect for themselves either!!!
2 people like this
@Sillychick (3275)
• United States
23 Sep 08
Practice makes perfect. There is no certain age when children start to be capable of behaving in restaurants. The only way for them to learn is to be brought to a restaurant and shown proper behavior. Not saying this excuses the mothers allowing it to continue throughout the meal. On the other hand, these are babies we are talking about, so there's not much they could have done, besides leaving mid-meal. They could have timed it better so the baby wasn't hungry or fussy. The mother with two children should bring another adult with her to take turns taking care of the baby so they could all eat without the screaming. Once the children get a little better at behaving in the restaurant she could take them alone and it would be a lot easier.
About the cell phone- sure it probably has germs on it, but being a personal item it is not as bad as you think. It's not like she let the baby chew on a public pay telephone. Besides, exposing babies and young children to germs, a little at a time, is good for them. It helps them build up an immunity. Sterilizing everything before they touch it does not allow them to build up a tolerance and actually causes them to get sick more often as they get older.
And, I'm sorry-- did you refer to an infant as a brat? Infants are not brats. They have one means of communicating all of their many needs, and that is crying. So if crying bothers you, it is probably a good thing that you don't have children.
4 people like this
@LadyMarissa (12148)
• United States
23 Sep 08
Crying children don't bother me except it means they need something. This kid wasn't crying, he was screaming. After 4 jars of food, I don't think he was still hungry. In watching, it appeared he just didn't want her to eat so he was acting like a brat. I do believe if those 2 were mine, I would not be taking them out to eat & definitely not by myself. If I felt the need to train them in public behavior, I would start by taking them to McDonalds where the expectation of a pleasant environment is nil. If I had wanted to be around screaming kids, I would have gone to McDonalds to eat. The only thing this mother was teaching them is that it is OK to be rude & loud when in public. I would say take one child at a time but the toddler was an only child for the first year of her life & her manners weren't much better. I have seen a lot of children out eating that knew how to act. If you can't control them, keep em at home!!!
3 people like this
@ronaldinu (12422)
• Malta
23 Sep 08
Even mothers have a right to go to a restaurant and try to enjoy themselves in a restaurant. Babies and toddlers to have a tantrum which you have to try to control. We tried to find family friendly restaurants so not to be an inconvenience for other customers. At this age it is a difficult process try to teach your baby/toddler to behave in front of the others. Kids will be kids.
3 people like this
@LadyMarissa (12148)
• United States
23 Sep 08
I really do understand that kids will be kids. I just feel that mothers should try & be a little considerate of others. There are plenty of family friendly restaurants where a screaming child wouldn't be noticed. My real question is more why would a mother put herself through all that hassle to not be able to enjoy her meal. She can stay at home & be miserable.
3 people like this
@LadyMarissa (12148)
• United States
25 Sep 08
Please explain to me why her right to go out is any more important than my right to have a pleasant meal & the rights of the 50 other people there to enjoy a nice meal???? What pleasure does she get from going out with screaming kids who refuse to let her eat her meal??? If I was that stressed from being with them all day, I do believe I would prefer to stay home & feed them first. Then let them play in their room while I ate my meal in peace!!!
I went back there for lunch today . There were 4 children there eating lunch with their Moms. The mothers made them behave...even the one who had the urge to run all over the place. She told him right quick, he would sit or there would be consequences. He didn't like it, but he was the perfect little gentleman. It's the mother's job to teach the child NOT the child's job to teach the mother.
2 people like this
@LadyMarissa (12148)
• United States
25 Sep 08
Oops, I forgot your question...NO I have no children of my own. I do have 4 step daughters. You won't have to make allowances for them as they NEVER acted like that in public. Yes, I stayed home many nights I would have loved to go out. Yes, I ate at a fast food place when I preferred to eat at a nice restaurant. I will NOT disrespect other people by letting my child disrupt their meal. They are all adults now & their children don't act disrespectful either!!! Children will do anything you let them get away with....they need structure NOT compliance!!!
2 people like this
@tyc415 (5706)
• United States
23 Sep 08
I am proud to say that my children were never that way when we went out to eat. Children have bad days just like we do and if you know your child is not up to par that day then by all means stay home with them, if they have to get something to eat from outside the home then get it to go. It seems like with a baby that the baby would have been fed before going out and just take some snacks for them. I just hope the mom who's meal was "ruined" because of her children didn't take it out on them and hopefully she will not attempt to take them out to eat alone and the baby hungry like that again.
3 people like this
@tyc415 (5706)
• United States
24 Sep 08
I raised 3 children and we did take them out with us from an early age, maybe that is one reason they were well behaved and we didn't take them as infants when they were so hungry that they screamed and hollered while we tried to eat. So, if you were talking about not agreeing with my comment then I am sorry but I was very proud to take my children anywhere because of the way they acted.
3 people like this
@LadyMarissa (12148)
• United States
23 Sep 08
Sounds to me as you're a responsible mother. According to the wait staff she does this several times a week. I don't go out to eat often. However, tasking care of Mom at the nursing home has taken it's toll on my nerves & I was hungry & didn't want to wait on myself to get it ready to cook plus the cooking time when I could just walk in to a nice buffet & eat right away & hopefully relax just a little before going home to worry about Mom. It was my only hour for myself!!! I'm sorry I felt like the mother in question should teach her children how to act in public. The baby in question was showing her that he was the boss & she was letting him. Even more distressing, she was pregnant with a third child & she had no control over the 2 she has. If she can't get control over a baby & toddler, what will she do with 3 teenagers that never learned to respect her??? 
3 people like this
@Seppy1984 (2145)
• United States
24 Sep 08
I have a 2 year old who is good when we go out but when it get's to where he wants down cause he is not the type to stay in one place. But this is all children. I hate say all children do this at least once or twice inless the parents waited to go out to eat till the children turned 6 or something. My son acts up sometimes when we take him to dinner but it does not mean we are not responsible parents. So I hate to say I dont agree with this comment you wrote.
2 people like this
@Barb42 (4214)
• United States
23 Sep 08
Sounds like the baby may have been teething. Doesn't matter how much food you give them, they will still scream. When she gave him the cell phone, he stopped, which is truly an indication that it was teething as the culprit. We always took something for our children to play with at the table while we ate after they finished eating. And, there was usually two of us when we went to a big restaurant and we would take turns holding the baby that was fussy.
This is a free world and she had the right to be there with her children just as any other person did. And, I hate that you think that, just because children cried or screamed in your presence, they are brats. Children are loving gifts from God. They will cry and scream at times, just as all of us did at one time or another. I realize there are mothers out there that don't treat their children correctly, but not all mothers are mean or uncaring simply because their children cry in public. Some children cry regardless of what you do for them. It's just their nature. Those kids usually grow up to be some of the best adults you would ever want to know.
@Barb42 (4214)
• United States
24 Sep 08
Lady, I wasn't referencing your choice of words - I read the 'brat' in Barradaki's comment. It is nice that you try to assist mother's who have a problem with their children.
barrudaki
"What is it with people always sticking up for someone who refuses to actually parent their kids and teach them manners. Maybe these people are the same non-parents who let their kids cause a scene and annoy everyone around them. Here's a hint not everybody thinks a whiny, screaming, brat is cute and not everyone is sympathetic to the plight of a parent who refuses to do anything about it!"
I wasn't sticking up for the mother. I just believe a child will act up, but that should not penalize the mother who wants to take them out to eat. For your information, my children never gave us a problem when we were out eating. We took them out from babies on, just as we have our grandchildren. This mother may have been young and didn't understand or didn't have good mothering skills. And older child screaming is one thing - a baby is something else. Babies usually cry for a reason - they know no other way to express their problems than to cry or scream. If the problem was so bad, why didn't someone ask to help her while she ate? We can all be critics, but not many offer a hand to help the situation.
@LadyMarissa (12148)
• United States
24 Sep 08
I find it interesting that I used over a thousand words only ONE of which was brat & that was only word you saw. I love children. They are a gift from God. When I see a fussy, whiny baby, I have been known to ask to assist so the mother can enjoy her meal. I have given my phone number to more than one mother offering free babysitting so she can have a night every so often just to herself. I know babies will cry. But this particular baby laid there not making a sound until the mother picked up a fork of food & as it neared her mouth he'd scream bloody murder. If he was teething, he'd cry all the time. If he was hungry, he'd cry between his bites not hers. Since she does this 3 or 4 days a week, she is just a disrespectful person. I have spent the last 6 weeks taking care of my dying mother & I too had the right to go out & have a pleasant meal. She knows her children are going to act like this every time she takes them out. She could have taken them to a fast food place like McDonalds, Burger King, Hardees, etc where the noise level is NOT conducive to enjoying a nice, quiet, pleasant meal. If I had wanted to hear children being children, I would have gone to one of the fast food places!!! There is NOTHING that makes me happier than watching a child enjoy being a child even if they're crying.That is NOT what I was subjected to. If the mother had been enjoying her meal, I might have felt different. However, she was NOT enjoying her meal & over 50 people in the restaurant had their meal ruined for this woman's selfish purposes. Then to repeat the process 4 days a week is totally unacceptable. If I owned the restaurant, I would ask her NOT to return. I'm sure I cried as a child. I'm just as sure that my Mom got up & took me out when I became disruptive. I was raised to respect others rights. I just expect the same respect back.
1 person likes this
@bamakelly (5191)
• United States
23 Sep 08
I know where you are coming from here. This kind of activity does go on a lot out in public in restaurants and the like. It can be annoying when someone can't keep their child under control.
I am a mother of a five year old. My husband and I have taken him out to dinner or lunch since he was quite small and never really had too much of a problem with him having tantrums in public. But I have seen it go on and I personally wouldn't take my child somewhere in a case where I knew there was going to be pandemonium from my child interrupting everyone around us. 
3 people like this
@LadyMarissa (12148)
• United States
23 Sep 08
I know that chit happens especially when children are involved. I believe the Mom deserves a day out. However, especially with the Mom of 2, she didn't have a pleasant time out. Nobody around her had a pleasant meal. In my case, I have a hiatal hernia that acts up when I get stressed. I ended up vomiting for the next 2 hours. So this became a double whammy for me. I just cannot believe that both these Moms wouldn't have been less stressed at home. I can't imagine packing up everything these women brought with them & dragging all that stuff around just to have a ruined meal. I do love children!!! Maybe I would feel more tolerant if I had some. I just cannot imagine spending the amount of money these women spent to go out & have a miserable time!!! 
4 people like this
@LadyMarissa (12148)
• United States
25 Sep 08
The one mother maybe. The other definitely NOT as she does it 3 or 4 times a week with the exact same results. She seems to get some pleasure in having everyone around her as miserable as she is. 
1 person likes this
@rogue13xmen13 (14403)
• United States
23 Sep 08
I completely understand you. I could never understand why some mothers take their children to restaurants when their children are going to act up, and ruin the dining experience for everyone. Everytime I go to a restaurant, there are women who bring their children with them, and the same situation that you are describing happens to me. I would like to dine in peace, and a little quiet, but how can I when there are children running around and babies screaming? I understand that it is hard raising children, and it is hard being a parent, but I know that there are ways to take care of screaming babies and over-active children, you just have to know what to do.
3 people like this
@LadyMarissa (12148)
• United States
24 Sep 08
I would have gladly paid for their meal if she had just gone to McDonalds 1 block away or Burger King 2 blocks away!!! 
2 people like this
@ebsharer (5515)
• United States
23 Sep 08
I have always been the one to say if you can't keep your kids under control keep them at home!
I have a daughter now. My daughter is VERY well behaived I can really take her any where and know that she isn't going to cause any one to be stressed because of her actions.
A few weeks ago I was at a resturant with my dad and daughter. Behind us sat a full (parents grandparents) family including 3 kids. The kids were loud and temermental. They were making me nuts to say the least. My daughter was mad at me because I wouldn't give her the whole crayon box. She got really mad and threw the one crayon she did have I calmly told her to stop or she would go to time out. She then threw her book. So off to the bath room we went. We sat in "time out" for 2 mins. We went back to the table and that was it no more temper no more throwing anything.
The lady sitting at the table behind us had the nerve to say not directly to me of course ... "I can't belive she did that? To spank a child for throwing some thing" I turned around and said "excuse me mam but I didn't spank my child I dont need to she sat in time out maybe you should learn how to use it."
All I could think to myself was are you kidding me!!!! I mean really when you can CONTROL your kids then tell me about MY parenting! Until your kids act like mine shut up! I mean really my daughter may have had an off moment but I took care of it. Its called PARENTING!!!
That right there is the problem most people dont have time or dont take the time to parent. If people spent more time with there kids and people taught there kids right and wrong we wouldn't have so many issues in this world.
3 people like this
@LadyMarissa (12148)
• United States
24 Sep 08
That is ALL I'm asking from any Mom. It is possible to teach children without spanking. I have noticed that most infants start controlling the parents within the first few days of being home. It does NOT take abuse to teach that same child that you are the parent. You obviously are the parent in your home. I have NO problem with a child having a bad day. In my opinion this child was teaching Mom he was boss. Then everything I hear after that only reinforced my beliefs. If a woman is still an inexperienced Mom after having 2 children, she does NOT need a third. All the good Moms I know learn with the first one. They learn to be flexible with the second one. That is not to say their child won't act up every now & then. It does say that they will deal with the child with each situation. There is a time for a child to be allowed to be a child. And there is a time for a child to behave. A good mother knows how to allow BOTH!!!
3 people like this
@annjilena (5618)
• United States
23 Sep 08
thats just it you never know how a child will act in public there mood changes just like our does when they get sleepy they are whiney and will not be still. if they hungry they can be unrully so you see with children you never really knows sometimes they can embrasss you to the first degree and then again they can be as sweet as pie it just depends on the child and his needs at the time.
@LadyMarissa (12148)
• United States
24 Sep 08
I really do understand the mood swings of a child. The mother of 2 does this 3 or 4 times a week. Since the child goes through these mood swings on the same 3 or 4 days, I doubt that it is mood swings.
2 people like this
@mentalward (14690)
• United States
23 Sep 08
Wow! That's horrible. I feel for both you and those mothers. BUT, at least YOU didn't have a choice. The mothers of those children have obviously pampered those kids too much. They demand her attention and she gives it to them right away. The more she does it, the worse the kids will get.
Of course, a restaurant is not the place to teach your children to be patient; they should have been doing that at home since day one. It IS the mothers' fault, or the parents' fault. They've taught their kids that when the kids 'snap their fingers', the parents will jump and ask "how high?"
They obviously want peace and quiet more than they want to teach their children respect for others or how to be patient. I know it's hard to resist immediately picking up your baby when he/she is crying but, if the reason is want only, the child will learn patience if he/she is made to wait a few minutes.
I'm a mother of two. I've taken my kids out to eat when they were very young; just the three of us. (I was a single parent... no choice in leaving them home.) I'm not saying I was the perfect mother (), but I taught them patience from the start. All I would have to say to my toddler was that we would leave as soon as I was finished and make sure he had something to occupy himself with. (Always a good idea to carry a pad of paper and some crayons!) It's harder with a baby, though. It's better to feed them at home, BEFORE you go out to eat. I've seen a lot of families with young babies who just lie in their carriers, contented to play with their fingers or suck on a pacifier.
Since both of these mothers' said their kids do this all the time, they should stop taking them out to eat out of respect for the other restaurant patrons. It's as simple as that. Unfortunately, you don't have to be a rocket scientist to have a baby and they don't come with a rulebook.
I think that, if I were in a situation like you were, I'd get up and seat myself somewhere farther away, making some noise along the way and glaring at the mother to make sure she knows why I'm doing it. MAYBE she'll understand and stop bringing her unruly kids to eat with her.
), but I taught them patience from the start. All I would have to say to my toddler was that we would leave as soon as I was finished and make sure he had something to occupy himself with. (Always a good idea to carry a pad of paper and some crayons!) It's harder with a baby, though. It's better to feed them at home, BEFORE you go out to eat. I've seen a lot of families with young babies who just lie in their carriers, contented to play with their fingers or suck on a pacifier.
Since both of these mothers' said their kids do this all the time, they should stop taking them out to eat out of respect for the other restaurant patrons. It's as simple as that. Unfortunately, you don't have to be a rocket scientist to have a baby and they don't come with a rulebook.
I think that, if I were in a situation like you were, I'd get up and seat myself somewhere farther away, making some noise along the way and glaring at the mother to make sure she knows why I'm doing it. MAYBE she'll understand and stop bringing her unruly kids to eat with her.@LadyMarissa (12148)
• United States
24 Sep 08
You are correct, it is NOT rocket science. It should be a little common sense...a little respect for others...a little refusal to let them rule. Some of the children I babysit for act like that with their Mom...but NEVER with me. They know it's a waste of time. I can out stubborn them. Several tables on the other side of the room got up & left just after sitting down. I went to the ladies room & could hear him screaming in there. I would have left but I had just gotten my plate as she was sitting down. Being buffet style, you pay before sitting. The population of my little town is only 5,000 so there are not a lot of really good restaurants in the area.
2 people like this
@nanajanet (4436)
• United States
23 Sep 08
If my kids had been like that, and thank God they were not, I would not take them out. If I needed food that fast, I would drive-thru and take it home.
I don't know why. My kids and none of my friend's or family's kids were like that and neither is my granddaughter. Is it because they give in a lot and the kid is used to getting what they want by screaming?
My son tried that, once. He started a tantrum at the store because he wanted candy and I said no. I left my cart, told the person I had to leave, took him out in the car and said, "We are going home. I will not take you to the store again if you do that again." He was 2 and a half. Suddenly, he quieted down in the car.
Next time we went and he asked for candy, and I said no again, he started to whimper as if he were going to do it again and I said, "Should we go home now?" He just sniffled for the rest of the shopping trip but never did that again.
I think, if parents are strong and consistent in teaching children that this behavior is unacceptable, they will learn. As soon as either child would have started screaming, I would have picked up everything and say, "We are going home".
I would not subject anyone to that, including myself.
I think that all restaurants should have as a policy that if adults cannot keep their children fairly quiet, that they must leave. I will stop going to a restaurant that allows such behavior and I have been at restaurants where they have asked the parents to "take the child outside until he/she is calm so as not to disturb the other diners".
I don't run into it often, but if I do, I will ask management to ask them to stop so I may STAY to enjoy my meal. If they don't, I will say, "then please cancel my order, or the rest of my order, as I will not stay with that commotion."
Does that sound rude or heartless? Sorry, I think parents need to know that if their kids are not behaving well, it's THEIR problem and they need to deal with it.
I have taught children for close to 40 years. I do not allow bad behavior, or there are consequences. I have had parents ask me, "How do you do it?" I say, "I say what I mean, I mean what I say. If they misbehave, they will have a consequence and I always follow through, and they know that I will. If I was wishy-washy, they would misbehave. It's as simple as that."
@LadyMarissa (12148)
• United States
24 Sep 08
I say what I mean, I mean what I say. If they misbehave, they will have a consequence and I always follow through, and they know that I will. If I was wishy-washy, they would misbehave. It's as simple as that."
That pretty much sums iy up. I have no children of my own. I have 3 step daughters & several children I babysit for. They know I take NO BS so they don't seem to take the time to put on my plate (pun intended)
2 people like this
@mommamusic (882)
• United States
23 Sep 08
Well i have kids all grown now and they never acted like that when i took them out.I know how you feel nothing makes any madder than trying to enjoy my meal my time out and they come in with bratty a-- kids they drive me nuts and dont think for minute i will tellthem in a heart beat do some thing with kids or leave i pay good money to enjoy a nice meal,or theyget bent when you say some thing i don't care if they act up in public you know thet do it at hone.I have grankids that i want out in pu lic because thet are so bad.People that do that dont have any respect or concern for other people.
@LadyMarissa (12148)
• United States
24 Sep 08
That is exactly what I was trying to say. I wasn't as upset ith the children as I was with the mother's lack of respect for others. Then finding out that she repeats the same thing up to 4 times a week just added fuel to the fire. PLUS she is NOT teaching her children to respect others...so the cycle continues. I still don't understand why some think her right to go out to dinner was any more important than my right to go out to dinner. If I hadn't already paid for my meal, I would have simply gotten up & left. I debated whether to offer her my phone number & my offer of a time out just for her. Then I decided I wasn't ready for that task. She had 2 waitresses waiting on her the whole time & she left a 65¢ tip. That's less that 33¢ each & the mess left behind was horrid. So the disrespect continues!!!As a matter of fact, one waitress refused to take any of the tip & told the other girl to just take it ALL.
2 people like this
@mommamusic (882)
• United States
26 Sep 08
Thats just so wrong but i dont understand mothers like either it is a shame we have to be punished for others peoples stupidity and lack of respect for the public.
1 person likes this
@Annamcarra (116)
• United States
23 Sep 08
I'm a Mother of four and have faced this same sort of scenario. Moms want a break and hope their children will behave as well in public as they do at home but it doesn't happen that way. Children are not emotionally mature and often freak out when their routine is upset. Can you imagine staying home for years and never being able to go out to eat? You work with them at home and teach them manners even having training sessions on how to act in a restaurant but when you actually get there it's a different story. Now the crying baby was probably overwhelmed by the sights and sounds and I'd guessed wanted comfort and not four jars of baby food. Sounds like an inexperienced Mother. I mean you have to educate yourself on what a baby experiences as their little brains develop. I for one never let my children cry like that and when they did start crying if I couldn't console them we went home and as soon as we'd get there guess what? Yes, the crying would stop.
3 people like this
@LadyMarissa (12148)
• United States
24 Sep 08
I do understand that a woman doesn't want to sit home for over a year without going out to eat. That's why McDonalds, Burger King & Chick Filet has a kiddie area so the kids have a place to play while waiting to eat. I also think that someone who goes into a nice restaurant also has the right to assume that they will have a pleasant meal without a lot of screaming. The waitresses commented that the mother of 2 came in 3 or 4 times a week & it was the same thing EVERY time. She is not stuck in the house for over a year without going out to eat. The baby was fine until he saw the fork go for her mouth & then he would scream. Now she's got a third one on the way. She can't control or teach 2. How the hell is she going to control or teach 3??? There is a difference between an upset baby & a baby controlling the situation.
I was raised by a Mom who fully believed that a woman should not have a baby if she's not willing to give up her life as she had known it. I never had a babysitter. I was taken places where my being a child was not disruptive. I was even taken on vacations with my parents. I know my Mom needed a break from the kids but she saw it as a commitment to the child she had birthed. Even after my brother arrived, she made sure we were with them everywhere they went. When I had my stepdaughters staying with me, I would swap off babysitting with another Mom so neither of us had to pay a babysitter. That worked very well!!! Even now I babysit for free for Moms who can't afford a babysitter & need a night out. My church has Mother's Day Out every week so young Moms can drop off their children & have a day to themselves. It is free. So Moms that need to get away from the children that they chose to have can have time to themselves without forcing their kids on innocent people who did not force them to get pregnant. I bet your children don't act like wild indians when you take them out. Any child can have a bad day. I do have enough sense to tell a bad moment cry from an I'm not getting my way scream.
The other Mom did work to get her child under control & I must say I was impressed with her efforts. I just wish I could have enjoyed my meal first. Her night out was ruined by losing her dinner to an unruly child & she never did get to eat. I do believe staying at home where the child had all her own toys & was not stressed by the commotion of others would have been more relaxing for both the mother & the child.
2 people like this
@tgrider1121 (56)
• United States
23 Sep 08
Perhaps those parents have been stuck in the house for a couple of weeks and needed to get out. I don't think there is anything wrong with children screaming or crying. They do it, get over it. I have 2 children and if I take them out, I'm pretty sure it will happen with them to.
Some people don't like being stuck in the house all day. I know I don't, it gets depressing.
3 people like this
@LadyMarissa (12148)
• United States
23 Sep 08
Yes, being stuck in the house is depressing. Also being stuck in a nursing home is depressing & stressful. I shouldn't be further stressed out because a mother is too lazy to do her job. I really don't expect ALL children to be totally quiet ALL the time. There is nothing that I love more than listening to a happy child...even the ones that cry every now & then. Being whiny is acceptable. Once the mother started whining that they do this to me all the time tells me she doesn't even try & teach them. The baby would eat the bite of food she gave him & watch her until she got her bite of food up to her mouth. As her mouth opened, he'd scream at the top of his lungs. He wasn't crying loud as if something was wrong. He was having a tantrum because she was eating. He could have done that at home. Atleast at home, she could have put him to bed & sat down to a dinner she could eat & everybody at the restaurant could have eaten in peace.
3 people like this
@nishdan01 (3051)
• Singapore
24 Sep 08
Mothers feel the need to go out to eat as they get frutrated at home feeding and looking after kids day after day. At home eating will be the last thing on mother's mind with 2 small kids. Such mothers have no option other than take out the kids with no one to look after them. 6 month old is a small baby. When she wanted to eat peacefully, she should have given some milk or small biscuit. A 6 month old will take time to eat that and she could have taken meals with the 2 year old.
@LadyMarissa (12148)
• United States
30 Sep 08
You said...Mothers feel the need to go out to eat as they get frustrated at home feeding and looking after kids day after day. At home eating will be the last thing on mother's mind with 2 small kids. Such mothers have no option other than take out the kids with no one to look after them.
My original question was... why does a Mother feel the need to take her children out to eat when she knows that she will not be having a somewhat peaceful meal & they will be ruining a peaceful meal for everyone around them???
OK, now that you said it, maybe you can explain to me what I was originally asking...
If she's so tired & frustrated & eating at home is the last thing on her mind, WHY does she want to go out with 2 children that are NOT going to give her any relief??? It seems to me she would be MORE tired & frustrated taking them out. WHY would she torture herself like that??? WHY would she insist on going to a nice, quiet restaurant where any disruption will be noticed in place of a fast food place where the noise her children make might be minimal compared to others???
In this particular case, my church has "Mother's Day Out" where she can leave her children for FREE & have lunch & a whole afternoon to go shopping or whatever else she wants away from the kids. She does NOT need to be a member of our church in order to use this FREE service. ALL she has to do is bring the children & leave them. We strive to have enough helpers so each child gets some one on one time with an adult & hopefully give them the attention they deserve & sometimes doesn't get at home. We have found the children are JUST AS TIRED & FRUSTRATED with their mother & need to get away from her.
This is ALL I've been asking. I do indeed LOVE children. I think MOST get a rotten deal with the parents they are born to!!! My Mom lived to be 83 without EVER taking her kids out to eat. It was NOT because we were so bad. It WAS because she wanted us to eat a healthy meal!!! You go Mom!!!. THANK YOU FOR LOVING US!!!!!!
1 person likes this
@lingli_78 (12822)
• Australia
24 Sep 08
i don't have a child yet at the moment as well... but i can understand perfectly what you are trying to say... i also see lots of similar scenarios happening in my workplace... babies and toddlers are throwing their tantrums and the parents are at their wits ends about how to control them... may be i can understand this better in the future when i have my own child... for the time being, it is also a big question for me... take care and have a nice day...
2 people like this
@LadyMarissa (12148)
• United States
28 Sep 08
You sound as if you'll be a loving, caring mother who will do her best to teach her child(ren) how to behave so you & the child(ren) enjoy doing things TOGETHER, Good luck in your future & WITH your future child(ren)!!!
1 person likes this
@laglen (19759)
• United States
23 Sep 08
When my daughter was little, we just didn't until she could behave. I feel it is disturbing to everybody! I was lucky, she always behaved, people would comment on how quiet and sweet she was. But there were a couple of times that I didn't eat my meal because as soon as she started acting up, we would leave. I understand that mothers need a break, but do take out or drive thru! I think it is rude to all of the other patrons. I worked in restaurants for 17 years and have seen every angle of this. I have seen where parents encourage the bad behavior. One restaurant, we actually banned the family. They actually thought it was funny to teach the kids to punch the little jelly packets thus spraying jelly everywhere! Whenever they left, we would spend atleast a half an hour cleaning up their mess.
3 people like this
@LadyMarissa (12148)
• United States
23 Sep 08
EXACTLY!!! I have had friends whose children acted like little monsters with Mom. But were always polite when out with me as I just didn't put up with their acting up. Children will do exactly what you let them get away with!!! The Mom asked how do you get them to do that??? My response was I just expect them to. I think that in order to be a good parent you need to do what is best for the child & teach them what is best for them. The 2 on Sunday were training Mom that they are the boss. Next thing you know one or both will be in jail & Mom will be wondering why. You obviously are a good Mom who cares about her child as well as how your child interacts with others. You don't have to abuse them to make them behave reasonably well. If the one Mom hadn't said they do this ALL the time I might not have thought so much about it. Even not having children of my own, I do know that it is possible to teach them how to act. I have less patience with the parents than I do with the children.
3 people like this
@vijigopi (991)
• United States
23 Sep 08
I'm so sorry you had a lot of stress around you. But if you think about it, the poor mother had so much of it too. She was probably shopping before she came to take a bite at the restaurant. The baby must have been too tired shopping for a long time and quite frustrated with the mother. The mother must have already been stressed out shopping with both kids by her side. Not everybody can afford to find a babysitter while they go out shopping. I don't think mothers pack all the stuff they have to when they have a baby just to go out to eat. It is too stressful to pack all the kids stuff just to do that. It is much more easier at home without people watching what you do. And if their children do this all the time, then the mothers probably don't know what to do to stop them. I personally would go to a drive through and reach back home asap but who knows if that mother would have to drive a long way to reach home? We can't say what everybody is going through out there, but we can just try to understand that they don't want all this too. Sorry if I seem harsh, but you have to start disconnecting yourself from what you see. Your job itself is a very stressful one, so the sooner you start, the better you will be healthwise too.
3 people like this
@LadyMarissa (12148)
• United States
23 Sep 08
You are correct, we don't always know what everybody is going through. I had spent the day at a nursing home taking car of a dying mother. I was stressed to the max & only wanted to sit down to a pleasant meal. There are 4 fast food places within a block of the restaurant where I was eating. She could have taken them there to eat where the noise level would have helped drown out her children screaming & whining. The waitresses were commenting they wish she'd stop coming in with the kids & indicated it was a regular occurrence which led me to believe she wasn't out shopping but did this often. She left the table a disaster for the wait staff to clean up & only left a 60¢ tip. It took them quite a while to clean up the mess left behind. I think I am more upset with the mother than I am with the children as she has taught them NO better. When I was married, I had a step daughter. I couldn't always afford a babysitter so I either stayed at home or I'd swap off with a friend who had children for free babysitting. I'd keep hers when she needed to go out & she'd keep mine when I needed to go out. Even now I will babysit for free for parents who have limited funds so Mom can get out. She could have timed her shopping around the time the kids Daddy was at home. I know that doesn't always work. My guess is she didn't even try.
3 people like this
@sumiirajj (1983)
• India
24 Sep 08
Hi friend,Some mothers are like that ,I dont know how they are cool without getting tensed,but its we who get tensed.When my daughter was a small kid I dont go out much because its vvery difficult to manage her.We have to sacrifice something when we want to have kids and in bringing them up.thanks for sharing.happy mylotting.
@LadyMarissa (12148)
• United States
28 Sep 08
We have to sacrifice something when we want to have kids and in bringing them up
That says it ALL. If you're NOT willing to sacrifice, then just say NO. You don't have the option to be half a mom...not if you want to enjoy your children!!!
1 person likes this
@3cardmonte (5098)
•
23 Sep 08
i hear you, i have no kids either and again i too know you cant keep kids quiet all the time but when i was a kid if i had done that, i would have been given a sharp smack and taken out of the restaurant.
@LadyMarissa (12148)
• United States
23 Sep 08
I am NOT asking for perfection out of kids. I love watching the little ones interacting with others. I normally enjoy being around them. I just don't feel that I shouldn't be able to have an expectation of a pleasant dinner without fear of it being ruined while I'm trying to eat by a child who has not been taught how to act.
3 people like this
