I hate you!!!

HI My kids have said this to me a few times, the first couple of times it really upset me but you know they dont mean it they are just angry or upset.....my favourite response to it is to say 'ok but i love you'......it catches them off guard as they dont expect to hear that...it usually relieves the tension too as my kids now know i'll say it so they cant help but smile!!! My eldest is nearly 12 so is at the age where he thinks the world is against him anyway....the other day he told me he wanted to move out because id asked him to clean his room!!! i offered to help him pack....he soon changed his mind!! the more they get a negative reaction to it the more they will do it as they think they are hurting you.....how many times have you in the heat of an arguement said something you didnt mean just to hurt the person....thats kind of what the kids r doing....they think they are getting one over on you!!! hugs Jessica

oh yeah i used to hear it when my kids was younger. i used to tell them well good you are stuck with me until you turn 18, or i tell them i brought in this world and i can take you back out but i never took it personal they were just upset because they either got cought doing something wrong or i told them to do something

My kids did that sometimes. I just chose to not react to it. It is a part of growing up and eventually they realize they were wrong. And of course when they grow up and have kids of their own that is a real come down

Well since they are usually saying "I Hate You" because they are trying to hurt you, trying to elicit a response from you. My daughter was bad for saying "I Hate You" At first it really bothered me, and I would go into the whole it's not proper to say "Hate" in regards to anything because Hate is a strong word, etc. But I soon realized that was still giving her a desired response, because she upset me. So I soon adopted saying "That's ok, one day you will Love me more than you Hate me right now" and walked away. I found saying that shut down the behavior quite quickly, and it reminded me that this too should pass. As soon as she was no longer getting the response she wanted by telling me she "hates" me, and has stopped saying this all together. Though she was stubborn, and it did take a couple months for my saying that to her :) Good luck, remember, this too shall pass!

i think that it is better to teach children not to say those things words to adults or even to other children. cause those are not good thing to hear from children saying to their parents specially. and here in my country i don't hear that kind of words being said by their children to their parents though it does not mean though that children here are better. it just they are not that frank. cause by culture we are not frank people we don't just say things what we want to say. children should learn to say things in other ways and express their anger without expressing so much anger especially for some petty reasons. like they are just used to saying that.

to teach child be a good person is a project for parents.I think there is no need to be angry with your child,parent must be tolerance,you could change it when the child do something that you don't like ,day by day,take your patience,everything will be better.

Well yes, my son has used not the exact words, but something akin to them meaning the same. And when he is really angry, he has this strange thought in his head that he is adopted! More than the ‘hate’ thing, this adoption things pains me a lot. A child screaming ‘I hate you’ (he says ‘you DON’T LOVE ME’) is understandable as an expression of uncontrolled anger and really they don’t know what they are saying or the actual meaning of that phrase, but I am really surprised who put the ‘adoption’ thing into his head! I asked him many times and then he just clams up and keeps repeating that he ‘just’ knows it. Apart from this, well, nobody has ever told me on my fact that they hate me.

oh i hope they wont dare to say that to me.... i dont think they have the right to say that to me. i am a single mom and i have four teen children. i left my abbusive husband ang tagged them along with me. and from then on i became their mom and their dad and working so hard for them to eat and to stay at school. i dont think i deserve the "i hate you" word. i will be so much hurt i may not forgive them anymore.

I have a 15 year old and a 7 year old ....of course I've heard it! lol At the time it really, really hurts even though you tell yourself thry don't mean it that they are just venting their anger and frustrations. My other half came into my 15 year olds sons and mt life when my son was 4 and one of his happiest moments was when he first told my other half that he hated him! Seriously! He said it felt as though my son had accepted him and was comfortable enough with him to let his emotions out. xxx

Yeah and I have had two answers... I am sorry to hear that. Well, I love you. What they hate is that we did not let them get their own way and I guess they figure we would be dumb enough to feel bad and give in. HA!!

I don't have child myself.But we all used to be a child.I believe they just want to vent their anger when they saying so.That is ,they want to let you know they are very angry about the things you do.But do not take it to heart.Children are just children,they will soon forget the unhappy things.Be sure to let them know the right way to communicate with others when something upsets them.

i feel disappointed and hurt too..like you i would rather hear someone says "i am angry" than tell me "i hate you"..that really makes me sad whenever someone tells me that thing..

In the eyes of my parent,I still a chillren.I have never said that words to my parent.Becauce I think that it will make my parents sad.I love my parent.I want them happy.And they also love me very much.

OH MY GOD!This thought itself is giving me a feeling of sadness,though my kids love me a lot and i believe that they will never say me like thatbut you never know na,but iam dam confident that if ever they say these words it will just be a notification of their disagreement with my thought or decision. kids can never hurt parents.

well somebody once said the sign of good parenting is when I child say I hate you, now he didn't mean abusive parents, he was talking about normal parents who set down rules for their kids, and the kids reaction is I hate you, that means the kid is not going to disregard what you say and go out and get into mischief, they are going to listen but they are not going to like it. I hate you really means I hate these rules you impose upon me, and no they don't really hate you, not as young kids or teens.

It's been a while, but it usually stings. have no chil'ens yet, so I haven't gotten it from that affectionate angle just yet, but I'm sure I will.

Our kids are grown (29 and 26) but when they were younger they have said it. Depending on the age they were when they said it, sometimes it hurt my feelings and other times it didn't. When they were really young and didn't have the verbal skills to express themselves adequately, blurting out "I hate you" - wouldn't bother me but when they were older (in their teens) and said it, it hurt quite a bit. Now, our daughter says such hateful things, saying "I hate you" pales by comparison.

My son is still 5 year old. I have not heard him say I hate you to me or to my wife. I do think that when children say such words, its just their frustration and it does not reflect what they really say. Although, it would be sad to hear such words but the important thing is to let them understand why your doing this and that so as to let them see that what we do is for their own good.

No, they have never said this to me before. And I hope that they don't start to say these words either! It would hurt me to the core! It would hurt my feelings, especially if they would mean what they would say. These are words that would realy kill anyone inside. I know that my mil has told me that once her son told her to go somewhere and just die. He wished that she would just die.. Words like this is very sad and hard to take back.

I don't like it. My five year will say it sometimes if she's really angry because I said no about something and she's ALREADY frustrated. Now with the teenagers it's different. My older one is 19 and moved out, the other is 17. It hurt more when THEY would say that because I am their 'second' mom, and it sucks hearing a kid say they hate you when you have CHOSEN to be in their lives. I do feel it is disrespectful and I would rather they said 'I'm angry with you' or 'I'm mad at you' or 'I don't like you right now'. Those are things I say to THEM, especially the third one. There are plenty of times when I don't like someone for a moment, an hour, a day. That does not mean I don't LOVE them. It just means they have frustrated, angered, or hurt me and I have to deal with it before I can express happiness at being in their presence lol. It doesn't change the love though. It is completely okay to be angry. *I* get angry. However, I don't scream 'I hate you' or a stream of cuss words, I don't punch holes in walls, break things, run away, bite people, pull hair, scratch.... lol! It's really funny when I have to talk to my little one about how you treat your friends, because I will ask her during the conversation 'do you ever see mommy BITE her friends?' and my daughter of course will get wide eyed and say 'no, of course not'. LMAO!