How ridiculous does this sound??
By phoenix1344
@phoenix1344 (698)
United States
September 6, 2009 10:36pm CST
Okay, so I've been with my boyfriend for 3 1/2 years and we are both 20 years old. Well as for me spending the night at his house, my parents only allow that twice a month. But tonight I asked if he can spend the night here and they said okay.. but even with my bedroom door open we can't sleep together on my bed. Even if I slept in a sleeping bag next to him, my parents arent okay with it. But I can sleep on the floor in my room just not on the same bed.
Is this ridiculous or what?? If I was under age then yah, I would totally get it. But I'm 20! And I get playing by their rules and keeping my bedroom door open but its not like we are gonna do anything with the door open. I just want to cuddle next to him and fall asleep.
What do you think, my lotters? Do you think my parents decision is fair or a little bit ridiculous?
Please let me know.
4 people like this
27 responses
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
7 Sep 09
hi yok999 yes they should understand by then hopefully
@Pervid (18)
• Israel
7 Sep 09
Your 20, with girls it's a bit different, parents protects daughters alot more, but with the door open you should tell them you that your 20, and your not stupid (hopefully) ;)
If all else fails, move out, if you still live at your parent's house, they still almost own you, or if they still say no, and you cant move out, just tell them your going to sleep on the floor and after about helf an hour, quietly sneak next to him, than wake up a bit early and move to the floor again :) Good luck :P
1 person likes this
@smacksman (6053)
•
7 Sep 09
Sorry, I agree with you parents and would be even stricter.
If you want to screw around out of sight and out of mind then there is little a parent can do about it.
But under my roof you would be in separate bedrooms and no hanky panky at all.
The whole situation changes when you are man and wife. You have then stated to your parents and to the world that you have committed your lives to each other, you are 'an item', all other people back off - this man and this woman are not open for being courted.
You may then sleep under my roof as man and wife and you will be very welcome.
@ladyhope (377)
• Canada
7 Sep 09
I think your parents rather not think about you, their daughter, their precious "baby girl" making love to someone in the next bedroom. I mean, you wouldn't want to think about your parents doing it, right? That's what I think anyways. I have a little bro and sis, so I wasn't allowed to have my bf sleepover. My parents didn't think it was appropriate in front of them.
1 person likes this
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
7 Sep 09
I do agree that it is a little bit ridiculous. My mother was never like that about my boyfriends with me, but she was like that about my brother and his girlfriend. However, my grandma was like that with me. When I decided to take my boyfriend, now my husband of five years, to meet her, she refused to let us sleep in the same room. I had to sleep in the bedroom upstairs and she made him sleep on the couch downstairs. He wasn't even allowed to go upstairs at all while she was home.
I think that the reason that our elders do this to us is that they are from a different generation than we are from.
1 person likes this
@StarBright (2798)
• United States
7 Sep 09
Silly or not - their house, their rules. Get your own place, then you make the rules. Sounds mean, but that's the way the game is played. I think your parents have made enough compromises. I am sure they pray a lot about those 2 nights you are away. They have already resigned themselves to the fact that if they are premature grandparents and things don't work out between you and lover boy, they will be there to pick up the pieces. Meanwhile, they want to maintain some level of respect in their home.
All of that said, unless you are under your own roof, fully paying your own way, being 20 years old does not mean squat. You could be 40 years old, it is still their house, their rules.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30959)
• United States
7 Sep 09
I do agree that because it is your parents home, you do have to follow their rules. I'm not even going to say they are wrong because I'm sure they have their reasons for feeling as they do and at any rate...it is their house, they are entitled to their feelings and at 20 you are a guest and have to do their rules. Can you tell I'm a parent too?
Anyway, I think if anything this should give both you and your boyfriend incentive to work and save and get a place of your own together if you really want to be together. Best of luck to both of you.
Anyway, I think if anything this should give both you and your boyfriend incentive to work and save and get a place of your own together if you really want to be together. Best of luck to both of you.
@zoey7879 (3092)
• Quincy, Illinois
7 Sep 09
I have a split opinion on this. I can understand them not wanting you sleeping together in their own house...
But trying to control you and to say that when and how often you can go stay at someone else's home? I view that as a little too controlling. You're both 20 and been together for several years... Perhaps it's time that you move away from your home into your own place or move in with your boyfriend?
1 person likes this
@happy6162 (3001)
• United States
8 Sep 09
Yes, You are 20 years old but you should already know the rules at your parent's house. If you want to cuddle with him more than why don't you just sleep at his house more instead of just twice a month you are 20 years old and should be able to decide where you want to stay.
@phoenix1344 (698)
• United States
8 Sep 09
I should be able to spend more time at his house, I agree. But they threaten to kick me out if I stay longer then two times a month. Actually, I even asked for three times to balance out the month better and they wouldn't hear it. Anyways thanks for your response:)
@doryvien (2284)
• United States
7 Sep 09
While reading your discussion I can't help but be thankful of the fact that I have 2 boys, and no girl, I've been spared of things like this that bothers parents a lot. Let's face it, a daughter runs more risk because she can get pregnant, while the boy can either stay or run away, if he finds out there is a baby coming (not that I would encourage my sons to run aways if this happens to them). Okay, you think you are old enough to be covered by house rules your parents imposed, but think again. They set the rules to protect you, not them, and while they know that it is almost impossible to stop you from doing the things you want, it gives them comfort that somehow, you know the rules and hope that you will follow. Unless you're out of the comforts of their home, you at least owe it to them to give the respect due them as parents.
@koalapenguin (2707)
• Philippines
7 Sep 09
My family is way more conservative than yours. They even don't want us to have boyfriends that they don't like. Oh by the way, i am the same age as you are.
I think what they do or decide is all for your own good. They want to protect you and their decision is what's best for you. Be happy that you are both allowed or i mean, your boyfriend was allowed to stay there but you have to accept the limitations too. 
I think what they do or decide is all for your own good. They want to protect you and their decision is what's best for you. Be happy that you are both allowed or i mean, your boyfriend was allowed to stay there but you have to accept the limitations too. 1 person likes this
@genius_zelda (130)
• Indonesia
7 Sep 09
well tell them how you feel:) Ask them what is their main and the most bugging-consideration they have that they forbid you and your boyfriend sleep in a same bed?
ensure them that nothing bad is gonna happened, show them how serious you are, and if all of this doesn't work, trust my old man, here is the only solution..
Marry him :) [nope, absolutely not kidding:D]
1 person likes this
@TravellingHawaiian (30)
• United States
7 Sep 09
Well all, I can't say I agree with any of you. If you live with your parents, you have to play by their rules, no matter what they are. Even when its a rule upon a rule upon a rule. I'm sure this is not what you wanted to hear, but so many of my friends have gotten pregnant in their own homes with thier parents sleeping next door. When you're in love, sometimes you forget the rules and take matters into your own hands. The worst thing would be that you and your man weren't doing anything but making out and they came in and totally got the wrong idea. The best thing would be is to talk to your parents and show that you respect them. No, i'm not a parent yet, but I would hope my kids would do that for me. I would hate that they despise me for enforcing the rules I have made in my own house. Good luck friend. All the best for you both.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
8 Sep 09
All I know (and the same rules I live by) is 'Unless you're still living with your parents or are in their home, their rules are above your rights'.
So if you don't want to obey or you question their authority then I'd guess it's high time you moved out, right?
We as humans have the inborn trait of questioning other people's decision, but we know we can't do anything about it unless we are independent from them.
So if you don't want to obey or you question their authority then I'd guess it's high time you moved out, right?
We as humans have the inborn trait of questioning other people's decision, but we know we can't do anything about it unless we are independent from them.
@syankee525 (6261)
• United States
8 Sep 09
here's from a dad point of veiw.
first all not it's ridiculous at all.because for one, sleeping together and he rolls over and stuff, yeah something can get started. plus its disrespectful in most parnets eyes.
remember this you live under thier roof, so it's thier rules. like i tell my kids dont like get your own place. there isnt a hotel eight sign hanging up out front and i dont leave the lights on for them.
my thing is respect your parnets wishes, or get your own place with your b/f for real. or move in with him. mom and dad house mom and dad rules.
@janebeth (2032)
• Philippines
10 Sep 09
hi phoenix,
we can't blame our parents to why they act so much, they are just being over-protective, same also to my parents. they are really like that, and even more.. they don't let me go with my boyfriend anywhere without a chaperon, nor spend time to visit his place.. but it's ok with me because i understand them, maybe they are afraid to be junk after the guy will do something to me.. or even young pregnancies, expect it to be happen because you are doing the wrong thing inside the bedroom.. maybe when i will plan to be married, that's the time i can be free..
janebeth.
janebeth. 
@l33tgirl (288)
• New Zealand
8 Sep 09
It is ridiculous.
At the end of the day you're 20, which means you should be able to do what you want.
But it is their house, so until you move out there's not a lot you can do other than accept it or try to discuss it further with them.
I do think it's interesting they are happy to let you spend the night at his place though, its a bit contradictory.
@orijanaetive (34)
• United States
8 Sep 09
I wouldn't say ridiculous...more like weird, but then again it's their house and whatever they want goes. They can't really control what you do when your not at home. My mom and dad didn't play that spending the night at our boyfriend's house and vise versa. If you wanted to be grown you moved out and did your thing. Your lucky to even have them let him spend the night.
