Do you have a habit of saying "It's okay" even though you know it's not?
By rhan04
@rhan04 (307)
Philippines
October 26, 2009 4:06am CST
Well, I have that habit. Sometimes, it's automatic. If my partner said or did something that displeased me, he would apologize and I would just say that it's okay even though that deep inside, I feel bad about it.
I'm not really good at expressing myself. Sometimes to avoid any arguments, I just tell him that whatever he did, he was forgiven and that it's alright. I guess I just wanted to forget about what happened and avoid talking about it because we might just end up fighting or me telling him things that would hurt him..
Do you have this habit too?
5 people like this
45 responses
@thess11 (81)
• Philippines
27 Oct 09
It just shows that you are mature in accepting apologies. However, be cautious because sometimes the unsettled feeling may just burst up at the right situation and all the record of wrongs will be released. There are people whose responses to situations are delayed. They realize that they are hurt intensely only after they have forgiven the other person. Problem is, the burden is still in the heart. I am saying that because I know I have the tendency to be like that.
@IMEzekieL (498)
•
27 Oct 09
The advantage of saying "It's okay" may lead people of understanding you as a very forgiving person.
The disadvantage is that it may not be the most honest answer you'll ever make, which makes you a liar. HAHA!
@ckyera (17331)
• Philippines
26 Oct 09
hello rhan!
i think we are the same...but i don't think it as a habit coz there are also times that i as able to really express what i feel...
but most of the time,because i don't like arguments, i don't like much talks or don't like to make things big, i just said its okay...even if its really not...huh!
sometimes i will say, i don't mind but deep inside im hurting...hehe
sometimes i feel like its not good, but sometimes it is...
but i guess sometimes we need to find the courage to say what we really feel but in a nice way...coz how will they know what we really feel if we don't say it? right?
have a nice day!
@ckyera (17331)
• Philippines
27 Oct 09
yes true, but on my part, as long as i can keep it, i try keeping it...hehe
but not to the point that i will be bursting for anger...
i can control my emotions and sometimes i just write my feelings down...that way, it helps me release the burden im carrying in my heart...
its good if they notice what we really feel...anyway, action speaks louder than words most of the time, & i think for people who knew us, it will be easy for them to see what we really feel...
@rhan04 (307)
• Philippines
26 Oct 09
Hello ckyera!
And yes, sometimes I express myself too. If I don't, I'll burst. But it only happens when I feel really really bad. Sometimes I cry without me noticing it. I can be such a baby sometimes. But yeah...it helps to say what you really feel. Although there are times that they could be sensitive enough to see that we're not really okay.
Thanks for your response!
@quickinstinct (432)
• United States
26 Oct 09
I always try to speak my mind no matter what. However I do think that sometimes, no matter how much we want to speak out, we slip into the automatic response saying that it is ok. Sometimes we don't want to start trouble or have to go into details about what ails us, other times we just say it without thinking.
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
26 Oct 09
hi rhan04 oh indeed yes. Someone will ask me with some concern, are you alright? And my leg might be killing me with every step'
but I will still say, It's okay, when really I am feeling more like yelling ouch , ouch. I guess I just do not like sympathy pouring over me and just making it all worse.T also have wimped out when I used to have a fight with my hubby with that same old It's okay, just forget it. What I really wanted to say was, please please do write down what you draw out of our account, you are always forgetting to do it, and now again we are overdrawn,damn and darn. I am a widow now, but again I find myself doing that. for example, one of the residents accidentally bumped into me and caused me to drop my package. Again he asked are you okay? Of course I was not as my stuff was dumped out all over the floor, and the jerk just stood there, me" It's okay when what I should have said was, well do not just stand there, help me pick all this stuff up. Why won't those of us who do this ever learn to say the truth?
@rhan04 (307)
• Philippines
26 Oct 09
Hi Hatley!
I feel you there. It's really a pain not having the guts to say what you really wanted to. It's annoying how some people take advantage of that and not be sensitive enough. Sometimes I don't even know why they have to ask the obvious question. I mean sure they can see you're not alright so why still ask?
Why we never learn? I don't know either. I guess old habits die hard. =P
@offlimits (596)
• Philippines
26 Oct 09
I admit I also have this habit. I think it's better for me to be this way. I have been used to this and I mainly think that by not saying anything, I could get along with things and with other people. It's like a defense mechanism for us, don't you think so? But at some point I know I have my limitations, like when it is already too much and when there is a need to stand up for what I know is right. I would not say "it's okay" if it is already unacceptable.
@rhan04 (307)
• Philippines
26 Oct 09
Yeah I think it's some sort of defense mechanism. Maybe we just fear that people may think we're making it a big deal..or we're making things complicated when it's really not. I also try to stand up for what I know is not right anymore. If I feel that things are already out of place, I wouldn't say that it still okay especially if it's affecting me too much.
@daliaj (5674)
• India
26 Oct 09
I don't have the habit of saying 'it's ok' just for the ske of saking. I am an emotional person. If somebody hurts me badly and apologize for it, I won't say 'it is ok' just for the sake of saying it. I will say that to people who does small mistakes to me by mistake. I say 'it is ok' to my partner sometimes when he apologizes, but by that time I would have made my mind to forget about it.
@silvercoin (2101)
• Lithuania
26 Oct 09
No,I don't have this habit.I got rid of it a few years ago when I saw that bad feelings kept inside come out sooner or later.I remember him talking about his ex-girlfriend,what he liked about her,wondering if I would look better with brown hair,searching her in me.I was hurt.He kept talking and talking.Then I said loud it was enough of that and I told him I didn't want to be compared with other women in his life,and I just shut the door and left.Then he understood what was wrong.People don't get it.If you say it's OK, it means it's OK.Learn these words like:"I don't like it,don't do that,you hurt me,I'm sad,you did wrong."
@rhan04 (307)
• Philippines
26 Oct 09
I must say I love your answer. You're right with everything there. But for some people, it's not easy to get rid of that habit. However, if I was in your situation and my boyfriend would talk to me like that, I'm going to have to do the same thing you did. One thing I hate the most is being compared to anyone, let alone he's ex. Your boyfriend has crossed the line and that's really insensitive of him to say those things.
Thanks for your response!
@ChrysanTflower (1607)
• Indonesia
30 Oct 09
Hi rhan04
Same with me. I can't think what other responses should I say? Actually, I still thinking and feel hurt when he apologized, so the safest and best thing to say is "It's okay".. But after that, I will continue and say, "Actually it's not okay. I don't like....." For me, better to argue but with no emotion. I don't mind to argue. With this way, I express myself and give him clue what's wrong. If he can't respect it, better to end that relationshiop. As long as we are not emotional and express ourselves politely, I'm sure it is okay to argue
Good luck in your relationship!
@LdeL0318 (6400)
• Philippines
26 Oct 09
Sometimes it is better to agree on something than to have an argument. I also feel the same most of the time. I hate arguments. And to avoid that I just say okay on whatever my partner is saying. I felt as if that would settle everything.
@Fireheart (683)
• India
26 Oct 09
well not me though, i say then and there and yea i dont keep things like revenge in my head,i can easily forgive people after a couple of hours,i can get angry faster than anyone and finish my anger on something,even though till now i have not avenged for anything that long to remember, after all we are humans and we tend to make mistake and also it a duty to forgiveness.
@rhan04 (307)
• Philippines
26 Oct 09
Well, it's not really healthy to plot revenge on anyone. It won't do any good anyway. And it won't help make you feel better. Forgiveness can though. It's not easy to forgive sometimes..depending on the depth of the mistake. I forgive easily if it's just a small mistake and not much harm is done to me or to anyone close to me.
Thanks for your response!
@rhan04 (307)
• Philippines
26 Oct 09
But what if you couldn't handle it anymore? Of course there are circumstances that you can't stand it anymore. There's nothing wrong with expressing yourself...I guess there are just some people who doesn't have the courage to say it.
Thanks for your response!
@MJAL08 (275)
•
26 Oct 09
I have that habit its like telling yourself that it really is okay but deep inside it really isn't. I guess with that lie, i can go on. It may be a lie but it also its a little push to still keep going. "Never give up" as the saying goes and for me i always say...
there will come a time that i will laugh at all the pains that i endure now and until that day comes, i will stay strong
@kkanaka (886)
• Singapore
28 Oct 09
Hi rhan,
I also have this habit, but I want to change it.... its not too honest and the other peron will be offended later if we keep a grudge even though we said its okay at that time.... so I think its really bad habit and I am trying to come out of it, trying to tell how I feel instead of saying its okay, usually I will do this at my work place.....
@gr8life (6251)
• Malaysia
28 Oct 09
Hello rhan04,
Whenever I am not okay, I just keep quiet. I won't say a word and I prefer to be alone, by myself. My husband knows me very well and whenever we argue and I don't say a word, he knows that I am not alright *laughs* I think that is the best way to stop an argument and to cool down myself.
@aerous (13434)
• Philippines
27 Oct 09
I have that habit too, my friend. That words will give us less arguments if we say it. Because our partners or friend will understand that you agree when asking an apology or any alibi in what particular mistakes they do...Have a nice day!
@taraelocin (1138)
•
29 Oct 09
No, not really. I used to do this, but my face or voice always gave me away and it couldn't have been clearer from my expression that it was not okay. So I gave up on it and just say what I really feel or mean. I just want to get it off my chest and then things can get better!
@ElsaElsa (323)
• United States
27 Oct 09
I'm going to say unfortunately i have this habit too. For the same reasons you said. I even have this habit when strangers or family or friends do things that are not okay. I just don't like confrontation and probably won't be able to handle it if I did confront. I wonder how you fix this habit and still have the desirable outcome?