Advice for my friend
By Porcospino
@Porcospino (31366)
Denmark
September 5, 2012 9:51pm CST
I have a friend that I have known since the late 1990's. Ever since that time it was been one of his biggest dreams to find a girlfriend. For more than 10 years he was looking for a girlfriend and he never found her. He joined dating agencies, he looked online etc, and he had a few short meetings with girls, but he never found a long term relationship.
When he was 37 he finally found a girlfriend for the first time and I was really happy for him. A couple of days ago he called me and told me that his girlfriend had decided to break up with him, and of course he was very, very sad. Break-ups are always hard, but in my friend's case he he not just sad about losing her, he is also very worried that he is never going to find a new girlfriend. He thinks about the past and how incredibly hard it was to find a girlfriend and he thinks that he will experience the same situation again.
If he was your friend, which advice would you give him?
1 person likes this
15 responses
@Metatronik (6199)
• Pasay, Philippines
6 Sep 12
You know what while I am reading your post and I am not yet done with it my prediction was right that he ended up failing in relationship. That is the common pattern when a person is always longing and desperate of having relationship. First of all to my own point of view about that matter having a partner for love life relationship is not about something that you should search, find and waiting or desperately having it. Because chances are the more you are longing and desperately begging for it the more that it will challenge you to have patient enough that someday the right person will love him. Looking for a partner is not a solution. Having a partner is not an object that you should search for like you are looking for an object to buy. Did he already observe something to himself when he is dating and even joining in agencies? Because that kind of strategy will be more prone to relationship that is not long lasting and hence he will be prone to a relationship that is not in serious situation. You are not going to search for love but falling in love is something that is destined. Meaning you will just feel that way if you found out that you really love the person. It is better to be falling in love rather than looking for love. Again that is different. If he is in relationship just observe well how he became a lover. he might be a possessive one who is always paranoid that his girlfriend will be lost then it will ended up suffocating to that woman if that is the case.
1 person likes this
@Porcospino (31366)
• Denmark
8 Sep 12
I am not sure exactly what went wrong in his relationship, I just know that his girlfriend wasn't satisfied with the relationship and it could have been because he was too desperate and possessive like you said. You wrote that a partner isn't an object that you should search like you look for an object to buy, and I think that is a very good point. He was seaching for a girlfriend like he would search for an object and he didn't find a long term relationship in a dating agency or in an online dating site. One day he went on a trip to another country and he just wanted to spend a nice vacation there, he didn't think about meeting a girl...and then he met the girl who became his girlfriend (the girl who broke up with him now)
@Metatronik (6199)
• Pasay, Philippines
12 Sep 12
I think he must reflect first about himself and determine how the things done. I mean in my case when I am about to have relationship from the mutual friend then it didn't happened as it devastates my feelings. Of course I became sad for it. But then after years that I am willing to be single and want to move on already expecting that I won't fall in love apparently it came to the point that I fell in love with my friend who is now my boyfriend. We are 6 years now and still strong in relationship. I never expect that I would be having a boyfriend right after moving on.
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@julyteen (13252)
• Davao, Philippines
6 Sep 12
It's not the exact time for him. If he is not a choosy guy he can find lot of girls out there. Can you imagine, even person with disability find their partners. How much more if he is a nice guy. Let him discover his weakness and strength to the ladies. Maybe there are problems that he need to change.
Nobody is perfect. He should accept the reality.
@Porcospino (31366)
• Denmark
8 Sep 12
He is quite choosy. He would like to find a girl, but he has very specific wishes and he is looking for a girl with a specific appearance and specific personality and that is one of the things that makes it hard for him to find a girl. He rejects the girls who don't live up to his expectations. We have talked about that and I told him that I thought that it would be a good idea to be more open and give up some of the specific wishes, but he is reluctant to do that.
@Porcospino (31366)
• Denmark
7 Sep 12
I also think he needs to be patient. One day the right girl will show up, maybe when he least expects it. He is quite impatient, because he is not that young anymore and his friends have been in long term relationships for years, but I think that one day we will also find the right girl and get the relationship that he dreams about.
@vidhyaprakash_2 (7116)
• India
6 Sep 12
Hi friend, sad to hear about your friend's situation. If i am his friend, i will advice him to don't worry, surely he will find another good girl using online sites or in the real world, our worries never solve our problem.
1 person likes this
@Porcospino (31366)
• Denmark
19 Sep 12
Yes, worries about the situation aren't going to solve anything. I hope that my friend will find a new girlfriend online or in the real world. Before he found the girl who just broke up with him he spent a lot of time looking for a girl and I understand that it is very hard for him to be alone again, but I don't think that it is impossible to meet a new girlfriend and I hope the best for his future.
@cyfer_agape (95)
• Philippines
6 Sep 12
what kind of guy is he? im imagining that he's one of those guys out there that got just so good to be true standards that's why he find it hard to have. if he is, try suggesting him not to set too high standards for a partner. if he's not, then, maybe God is busy preparing him for the right person and as well, the right person for him. Or, maybe, (just maybe) God has another plan (if you know what i mean ^_^ )
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@Porcospino (31366)
• Denmark
6 Sep 12
He is has high standards and I think that it one of the problems. He has very specific wishes about his dreamgirl's appearance and he will reject girls who don't live up to those things for instance girls with the "wrong" haircolour. He also has a long list of other things (personality, hobbies etc) that he wants his girlfriend to live up to. I have told him that I think that it would be a good idea to avoid those high standards because they make it difficult for him to find a girlfriend and he could reject someone who would been a great match despite her things that were "wrong" about her appearance.
@41CombedaleRoad (5952)
• Greece
6 Sep 12
The problem is definitely worsened by time, we can afford to be picky when we are young and lovely ourselves but tje perfect mate is hard to find and everyone is looking for him/her. It would be difficult for a girl to live up to someone else's standards and she may well feel that she is not good enough for him. Perhaps that is what happened to this relationship.
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@safwan0012 (117)
•
6 Sep 12
i think making gf is not right.you should marry.this will bound you two and none of you will easily breakup especially after the birth of childs.however i would have advised him that not all fingures are equal.that is all girls are not alike just as all men are not alike.so he should try butthis time be careful and find a loyal girl.
1 person likes this
@Porcospino (31366)
• Denmark
7 Sep 12
In my country it is quite common for people to live together without marriage. Many people don't want to get married, they just want to live together as a couple. The girl that my friend had met didn't want to get married either. She didn't even want to live together. She was going to find an apartment in his town, but she wanted to live in her own apartment and instead of living with my friend. My friend would like to get married and I hope that the next girl that he meets in someone who is interested in same kind of relationship as him.
@lynboobsy11 (11343)
• Philippines
6 Sep 12
Love and relationship always have proper time and place. If it is his luck to have one soon it will come.
Sometimes wishes are hard to find but when your not looking it will come.
1 person likes this
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
7 Sep 12
Just tell him not to feel hopeless about it. He should need to enjoy life and not focus on finding a partner. The perfect person will come to him at the right time.
@natliegleb (5175)
• India
6 Sep 12
surely better to take life easily ,be cool and dont ever get nervous when he talks to a girl and try to be stylish and quite friendly.then automatically all girls will follow him
@Sindrum91 (254)
• United States
6 Sep 12
Give your friend my best, as he is going through a pretty rough time. In terms of helping him. I would try my best to get his mind off of it. And just help him to live his life to his best ability. Where he is getting the most out of everyday. And not being held down by such worries. He needs to realize it is out of his hands. It is completely normal though, for him to think about this and get down on himself from one time or another. But it can't consume him. I think the best way to get a girlfriend, is to not even try. Don't go out looking for one. Don't make it a point to meet someone. Let this happen naturally. Of course, this doesn't mean sit in the house all day. Or lay in bed, and expect Miss right to come knocking on the door! But my point is, you have to live your life. And do things you enjoy doing. The right girl will come along more than likely it will be unplanned. I hope he is ready lol. Good luck with your friend!
@Porcospino (31366)
• Denmark
7 Sep 12
The right girl often shows up when you don't plan it, that is true. Actually that is exactly what happened when he met she girl who just broke up with him. For years he had been looking for her. He joined one dating agency after another, he spent a long time looking for her online etc, and then one day he went on a trip and met her there! He never expected that, and he just wanted to travel and explore a new place and then he met her. It is exactly like you say, it happens when you don't plan it 
Your response inspired me to remind him of the way that it happened last time, maybe that it will help him believe that it could happen again.
Your response inspired me to remind him of the way that it happened last time, maybe that it will help him believe that it could happen again.
@Shavkat (139370)
• Philippines
6 Sep 12
In my points of view, it would be better form to reflect about having the relationships wont't last. I mean, try to evaluate the previous relationship, what went wrong? After which, if he determines the factors. He can work it out to improve the shortcomings.
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@Porcospino (31366)
• Denmark
6 Sep 12
That sounds a good and constructive idea. I think that it is good to learn something from the past relationship. It might be painful to look at the things that went wrong, but I think that it enables you to learn something from the mistakes and that way you might be able to avoid similar mistakes in the future. I think that most of us make some mistakes especially if our experience with relationship limited, but if we are willing to learn from the experience we might be able to use that experience in our next relationship.
@delfajumamil (62)
• Philippines
7 Sep 12
if im his friend... am gonna say you just wait.. its not your time now to have a partner...just wait for the right time.. and say this to him some thought said " theres only one girl for every man...mans need 1 bone and that bone will be his girl sooner...
@RSantos026 (288)
• Philippines
6 Sep 12
My teacher say that giving advice to a friend is not being good to him/her. The best way is to give him an option and let him to decide to choose or he will choose, well that's a part of life if the girl really meant to him it will come back, if not it will come in the right time to him.
Give him an option, to wait who is meant to him.. Or he will do again what he does to have an exposure. Hehe happy mylotting.
@VGDesigns (102)
• United States
8 Sep 12
If you friend spends time loving himself he will find the right girlfriend for him. It is very possible that she couldn't love him because he didn't love himself. Once I started loving myself the man of my dreams came into my life and he loves me very much.
@code_van14 (43)
• United States
6 Sep 12
Well if I was his friend, I had to tell him that he don't need to find a girlfriend. Love comes along at the right chance and right place. Maybe it's not the right time for him to have a girlfriend,maybe soon. I'm just worried of his age, so I understand why he rush things up. Well Gudluck to your friend porcospino. Happy mylotting!
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