OK MYLOT I NEED ADVISE CAN YOU HELP???
By sherijmccane
@sherijmccane (905)
United States
November 30, 2006 12:30am CST
OK, my husband lost his wallet the other day well i should misplaced his wallet he found it on his night stand under his ball cap, well the next morning he calls me from work and starts ranting that someone stole $10 out of his wallet. I asked the kids if they seen dads wallet and if they took his money they all said we didnt know where his wallet was. Well I believe that becaus ewe tore the house up looking for it and then found it where we did. Well anyways he callsme all kinds of names and one name imparticular the C--- word well I am not fond of that word and he knows that. He isa abusive verbably and physically what should I do?? All advise Please
13 people like this
83 responses
@baysmummy (1637)
• Australia
30 Nov 06
Not much i can say apart from pack up yours and the kids stuff and get out of there, You and your children dont deverse to be treated like that by him! he has to understand you to are a human being and you deverse respect
5 people like this
@sherijmccane (905)
• United States
30 Nov 06
Thank you i am so confused about all this i can honestly say I do not love him anymore well i mean i love him i just aint IN love with him
6 people like this
@GardenGerty (160908)
• United States
1 Dec 06
So you might suppose he faked losing it,(his wallet) to have an excuse to throw this adult size tantrum.Is he trying to avoid celebrating the holidays? I used to know a man who did this on a yearly basis, around every holiday except Halloween. He was scared someone might expect a present.Halloween is the only holiday his kids like now. Ann Landers classic question to ask yourself is: Would I be better off without him? Be sure to look at it honestly. You do have a job, but it sounds like he may be trying to get you fired by calling inappropriately at work. Maybe it is time to quit while you still have something left.
4 people like this
@nancygibson (3736)
• France
1 Dec 06
I think you have just said the critical thing 'I am not happy anymore'. Perhaps what you need to do is find a time when you can both sit down together and discuss the reasons why he feels he needs to be angray at you, and why you no longer feel happy. Its important to do this somewhere you both feel safe, which is why for many couples a marriage guidance counsellor can help here, and that when you start listing the problems you try to do so constructively (so, rather than saying 'you always yell at me' you might say 'I'd prefer it if wo could discus things rationally before we leap to conclusions') . As you say, 17 years is a big investment, and you have the children, so could your present to each other this year be a real attempt to get this all out on teh table where you can both look at it, find out what really is hurting each other, and make a reasoned decision. It may be that the only solution is to call it a aday, but sometimes its just a need to clear out all the baggage that comes with years of being together.
Good luck!
@sherijmccane (905)
• United States
1 Dec 06
I dont understand him he is just such a angry person all the time and he thinks he is a saint ha which he is not but I dont want to keep living like this but then 17 years is a long time to throw away but again I am not happy anymore and havent been for a while
@Kackie3 (345)
• United States
21 Dec 06
I have said this before, and I will say it again..life is too short to be miserable. Remember it will only get worse, not better.
I lived with the same thing for 30 years. The only thing that wasn't wasted on it, was my 2 kids.
It isn't fun not knowing when your husband is going to go off on a tantrum, or where it will lead. It's also not fun having to walk on eggshells around him for fear he explode.
@quink82001 (2938)
• United States
1 Dec 06
I don't agree with what he did to you at all. If he is verbally and physically abusive then you need to really think about getting out of there. If that is not an option for you then maybe you should talk to him about him getting some help for his behavior. There are many options out there and you should consider them all. That is not a good situation to be in especially when there are kids involved.
@sherijmccane (905)
• United States
1 Dec 06
so true so true i know what yopu are saying but he refuses counseling
@lulu897 (176)
• Canada
1 Dec 06
I don't tolerate any one being abusive ,, verbally or physically. The only thing I can say is leave the B*%^% . You deserve someone who will treat you and your kids with respect. You need to get away befor he really hurts you or worse. No person...man or woman has any right to abuse anyone.
@sherijmccane (905)
• United States
1 Dec 06
Thats the way I feel But really scared what he might do if I file for seperation or divorce
@malsun (1528)
• United States
1 Dec 06
see its all in your hands how much of abuse you can take from him. The day you feel that you have had enough have the courage to walk out on him. The children too would be geting affected by the constant abuses he is dishing you out. Seek some counselling for him if it helps otherwise he is not worth your time.
4 people like this
@linked2mylove (599)
• United States
1 Dec 06
I agree .... you can only take so... much........ and even when you take that soo.. much and walk out he may call you and cry about the kids and to take him back and you actually come back because even though you are not in love with him you do love him.....
4 people like this
@southernbella28 (1)
• United States
1 Dec 06
honey, i have been through the same thing you have, its not easy you do things so that there isnt a fight and you cover your butt almost all the time! i love my husband so much and well he isnt like that all the time and i guess i am just pig headed enought not to deal with it! all i can tell you to do is if you want to leave and not let your kids go through this then leave! i hate it when we fight cause words are used and i just dont want my kids around that but you need to make that decision no one on this message board can tell you what to do! cause none of us know! just think would you want your kids to grow up and some woman or man talk to them they way he is talking to you! and my husband misplaces things all the time, but i am usually right down behind him and the kids to put things where they go! but i cant be every where at once! so you and you alone have alot of soul searching to do! weather or not you and your kids want to live like this or would you be happy living some where else!
4 people like this
@sherijmccane (905)
• United States
1 Dec 06
I know no one can make my decision but i sure can usae the boost to help me make my decision Its hard
1 person likes this
@sedel1027 (17846)
• Cupertino, California
1 Dec 06
I would definately get out of the ASAP. You should look into counseling for yourself and your kids. If you have no where to go, go to a womens shelter. In most staes you can get a very quick divorce with child support (less than 30 days) if you can prove your spouse is abusive. I wish you the best of luck for you and your kids.
4 people like this
@maddog108 (3435)
• Australia
1 Dec 06
you need to set some boundarys let him know its not ok to call you these names if its on the phone simply say ring me back later when you cool down and hang up .secondly i would be checking your kids a little the money might of been taken then the wallet hidden if it happens again you will know for sure just ask them its ok for them to make a mistake but not ok to lie about it .good luck i hate being called nasty names to and remember he is angry not you so dont wear it
3 people like this
@Meljep (1666)
• United States
1 Dec 06
He sounds like a very insecure person or someone with a personality disorder. If he has the need to "control" people then you have to ask yourself if you want to live like this until you are old. If not, then finding your independance might be more healthy for you and your children. A loving husband wouldn't play mind games with you. He wouldn't need to.
3 people like this
@madmax2crazy (1569)
• United States
1 Dec 06
time to walk. straight up tell him if he wants to talk to you that way he can relay it through your attorney. Get a lawyer and bail on him before he ruins your lifew and warps or corrupts the minds of the children.
@sherijmccane (905)
• United States
1 Dec 06
i have left so many times but he always seems to warm me back
@yourhalfsoul (134)
• Indonesia
30 Nov 06
well I can't tolerant any violence in the house. you deserve better one, the kids too. don't you think their dad has begun an unforgetable nightmare for the rest of their life? watched violation acts, heard bad words all the time? you better save them before it's too late. leaving him is the hard thing to do and I knew that. but, i believe in you! you can make it! make your own decision, think about your kids, their future. think about you too...
I'll put you in my pray tonight, ok?
4 people like this
@sherijmccane (905)
• United States
30 Nov 06
Thank you very much I will need lots of them to get through this drama.
4 people like this
@Noxmorexlies (739)
• United States
1 Dec 06
Darling please pack up your things and get help, my mother was in this situation she waited four years. Four years of abuse she didn't deserve and for a long time had many panic attacks and problems it was terrible to get over. You deserve better, your children do too.
@khushboo1984 (1257)
• India
1 Dec 06
You are an educated lady and are living in the 22nd centuary. Why are you telorating all his nonsense. Stand up to him and say that if he abuses you anymore you would leave the house and go with the kids, or better say that you would report the incident to the police. If he comes back on track then everything is fine or else just leave and let him do all the work on his own.
2 people like this
@sherijmccane (905)
• United States
1 Dec 06
I have told him all this but I also know when to shut my mouth you know what I mean
@pookie92 (1714)
• United States
1 Dec 06
wow, sounds like your hubby could use some counseling. If he is anything like mine, he won't do it. I finally told mine that I would leave if he didn't stop the verbal abuse. I don't like the "C" word either. He is trying to do better now, and life is better. It was affecting our whole family, and the kids too. If it doesn't get better, you have to get out of there. Otherwise your boys will grow up to abuse their wives, and your daughters will marry someone like their father, someone has to break the cycle. It might as well be you.
@sherijmccane (905)
• United States
1 Dec 06
Thank you and believe it or not My son has stood up to his dad one time when his dad hit me mind you my son is only 16 but he didnt care he went face to face with him My son is so sweet and I hope and pray everyday that he dont turn out like his dad.
@passionmom (938)
• United States
1 Dec 06
You do not deserve that no one does you are worth more that that
@sherijmccane (905)
• United States
1 Dec 06
Thank you and it makes me feel good to get the responses from people I have never met I need alot of support here it is so hard to throw away a 17 yr marriage
@jayniferlovesjames (27)
• United States
1 Dec 06
i agree with most responses you need to leave there is no reason for you to be treated in such a way by someone who claims to love you . i know it may be hard to leave but what kind of life do you have right now and what kind of life will your children have would you like them to treat thier signifigant others the way their father does. and do you want your kids to watch you be degraded. i hope you find the strenght to do what you know you have to do. we may not know one another but if you need any support or prayer or resources let me know. i want to help.
2 people like this
@lucy02 (5015)
• United States
1 Dec 06
I would leave or kick him out. You don't need to put up with an abusive husband. It's not good for the children to be in that kind of environment either. If you think he might do something to hurt you, leave with the kids while he is at work and go to a shelter.
2 people like this
