My 15 year old son stole from me...
By maxine553
@maxine553 (107)
Canada
January 19, 2007 8:25am CST
I am not sure how to deal with this, it was only $15.00 that was left on the dishwasher for my husband to grab milk and bread. My son and I were the only ones home, my hubby came in I asked him to grab it as he was going straight back out, later went to the dishwasher money was gone, assumed my hubby took it i thought nothing more about it, when hubby returned home with the items, for waht every reason I asked if he took the money he said no. now its not the first time i have noticed money missing, I have noticed change missing, and one morning my youngest son placed his hot lunch money at the table by the door and came home at lunch and said i forgot my lunch money but they said it was ok to bring in this afternoon went for the money and it wasn't there. At that time I warned my 15 year old not to be so deceitful as if he wanted money to ask before his hand got bite in the jar. He knows i am very mad at him, he knows why he of course has many oportunites to rectify this matter with me or redeem himself and has choose not too....any advice as to what i should say or do now?
8 people like this
76 responses
@kareng (61740)
• United States
19 Jan 07
I think you have noticed a pattern here that needs some attention. Schedule him for counseling. Make sure he goes. Tell him it is not an option at this point. He will go.
If he is doing this at home, he is probably stealing from others as well and it is only a matter of time before he gets caught and gets into big trouble...i.e. jail!
Good luck!
@ElusiveButterfly (45940)
• United States
19 Jan 07
Make him work it off. Stealing is stealing. He should also receive a punishment for taking the money.
@redyellowblackdog (10629)
• United States
19 Jan 07
I will tell you that you have a very serious problem. In my experience, the people who end up in prison are often the ones who could bamboozle their parents and get away with stuff.
This starts them off in adult life thinking authority figures are stupid and easy to fool. This actually is not the case. Experienced police officers, judges, and prosecuters are the exact opposite of stupid and easy to fool.
By the time a young miscreant figures this out he often times already has some time in the clink to serve.
So, it is time for you to get really strict with your teenager. Let him experience the surprise that life is not as easy as he thinks from you and your husband, instead of some convicts in a state prison somewhere.
@maxine553 (107)
• Canada
19 Jan 07
well i know 1st hand about prisoners and he has had that talk as my husband is a correctional officer. I don't think as too serious, but your comment about taking me as a fool. Yes, i do think he has thought he has fooled me.
@western_valleygirl (1363)
• United States
19 Jan 07
red...I agree with you, and I would like to add, that if this behavior is not dealt with immediately, it will increase. I believe that it is harder to steal from people you know, than from strangers, so perhaps, others have been stolen from by him also. I hope not, but you never know. This is a difficult thing to deal with, I hope that you find a peaceful and smooth way of solving this problem. Because the last thing that you want to do is alienate your son. You can probably find ways online, or books, that really give you correct ways of dealing with something of this nature. Good luck
@dangerdvd (320)
• Italy
20 Jan 07
mmmmmh which orrible thing.... i sad for you...but you must catch you soon, and you say that is not a thing to do!
@Marie2473 (8512)
• Sweden
19 Jan 07
I think you should be careful about accusing him INCASE he didn´t took it. However you can ask him and beeing his mother you will see if he is lying and if so you need to have a serious talk about it withhim and maybe even with the dad. Kids do not steal without a reason - and it is important to find whatever that reason is!
@maxine553 (107)
• Canada
19 Jan 07
I have asked him, and i can tell by his actions and words he is lying and he knows he has been caught.
He has had plenty of opportunities to redeem himself and he knows that too and is very much hanging his head around me. But is that punishment enough?
@unfathomedpsyche (858)
• Thailand
20 Jan 07
I agree with marie, you shoud make sure that he took it and nobody has the access to your house ex. handyman, gardener, cable man and the such but you might as well as him and point out the consequencies of such actions. Show him some examples so that he could realize what would happen if he will continue what his doing. I suggest you do this as early as possible and as polite as possible. Be sure that you won't offend him with the questions, you don't want a stray child don't you nor you don't want a diliquent one either.
@brokentia (10389)
• United States
20 Jan 07
I don't think forgiveness is the real issue.
It is more of the matter of addressing it so he faces the music.
And ensuring that he is not getting into something that could be more of a risk...no matter how much we as parents think our child would do something like that.
But we have to keep our eyes wide open for signs of trouble.
So, I don't think it is a matter of forgiveness, it is a matter of facing the problem and knowing why.
@smints8985 (1594)
• United States
19 Jan 07
I agree that this is a serious matter.
In the first place a child should recognize the fact that stealing is wrong. Doing so with a family member may not result to any serious charge but if this goes on it can happen on a much serious offense.
It is very hard to try to explain these matters to teenagers most especially when they are surrounded by these forms of stuff in their environment, it's hard for a parent to seclude their child of these misbehaviors.
Maybe you can try sitting him down and discussing the consequences of his actions. Be a bit more lenient with him when it comes to money, and let him know that as much as you can provide for his needs and sometimes his wants, you will do so because you love him. But he has got to understand that you cannot always give him what he wants because of financial reasons but then you assure that when you are capable of doing so you won't hesitate.
I hope this helps...
@anja31 (707)
• Canada
19 Jan 07
tell him that he is not allowed to steal from you. Ask him what he did with the money that I stole from you. You have to punish him for what he did to you because that is not normal.
@maxine553 (107)
• Canada
21 Jan 07
I have now told him, he needs to get a job as money for "fun" will be no longer available to him from me. Until he can convince me that he deserves that priviledge back.
@inplano (298)
• United States
19 Jan 07
Yes the problem is serious and it needs to be handled carefully. One thing that I would like to highlight is that when you speak to your child do it along with your spouse so that the message is clear and from both of you together. Also try and understand your childs need for money, where is he spending it and for what purposes. Let him know whatever he wants or desires to have is legitimate an dcan always ask for it as an adult. So please communicate and understand his wants.
@maxine553 (107)
• Canada
21 Jan 07
I understand his wants and needs as this is why I always try to make sure he has money in his pocket when he is out with friends and such, if I know I will be out most of the weekend i leave money for them for food and stuff, this was completely unapproipate behaviour, and makes me wonder if i have been to leaneant(p) with the money
@arwenrey (315)
• Philippines
19 Jan 07
You can try to talk to him nicely and ask him if he is in need of money, tell him that you think that he stole the money for obivious reasons. Ask him if he wanted a raise in his allowance and what if it's reasonable you can just do that. Works for me when my father caught me stealing from his money when i was nine years old, since then i felt ashamed because my father pitied me instead of scolding me.
@maxine553 (107)
• Canada
19 Jan 07
I stole from my parents too, and when i was confronted about it, i had an opprtunity to reedeem myself (as my son had also) and i took it, i didn't return all of the money but most was returned. My mom thanked the "house" for some of the money being returned. But i was guilted by it. I think my son is too, but didn't do it as he felt he didn't want to be proved further
@raxrox (46)
• India
19 Jan 07
THis a situation which mite lead to blemishes in ur son's character later on in life. Its better to bend the plant when its young, because it'll be much more difficult once it grows into a tree..
Best thing is to tell ur son that he is doing a wrong thing. Give him the freedom & confidence for him to come out with the reasons why he is stealing things? Arise in him a condition where he can tell u if he wants anything & he'll be bought that thing, if u find it necessary for him.
Let him handle a small amount of money & ask him to manage it. Give him a bit of responsibility
If he still doesnt agree, its ok to b a bit stern with him; cos stealing is a very bad habit.
@maxine553 (107)
• Canada
21 Jan 07
We all have "blemishes" we are not perfect in any way. you grew in to a perfect human being no "blemishes"
@tapeshnlu (349)
• India
19 Jan 07
well its not so uncommon my own friend used to do this.
basically this a psychological concept which promotes anxiety.
if you never allow him to buy what he wants then he is compelled to steal.
@maxine553 (107)
• Canada
19 Jan 07
Is this a sign then that all teenagers that steal are going to act like deliquents and spoiled little brats?
I think this is completely untrue as when i have he buys, this child is not going without by any means. He stole to buy himself a lunch at school, and we live 5 minutes (walk) from his high school, and I usually give him money on the days he asks as the cafe isn't that expensive. It was purely selffish
@AmberNormandin (883)
• United States
19 Jan 07
i would get a hold of this situation NOW and let him know that it will NOT be tolerated. you might have to get pretty tough on him to get it through his head that stealing of any kind is NOT allowed. You could even have a police officer come and talk with him and tell him that he's not too young to go to juvi and that if he gets caught again, thats where he will end up. really put the fear of the law into him. good luck!!!
@maxine553 (107)
• Canada
19 Jan 07
The law lives in this house lol My husband is a correctional officer. He has been through a walk through at the jails he knows. Its the worest my son has ever done and i mean it was $15.00, its not life changing money. I know it sounds like an excuse, but i feel he has only tryed to pass one by me as he thinks he fooled me. My answer to him when he asked recently to buy him crazy glue was, "what is it for?", "because i need it for my my remote". I said, "its not a need its a want, and your wants for money will go unwarrented for a while as i am not pleased with your actions, you seriously need to get a job, to realize the value of the money you took from me and would you appriciate it if someone took that from you regardless if it was $15.00."If it was a legit needed I would consider it, want is a no, there is tape in the desk." thank you for posting
@lingli_78 (12822)
• Australia
20 Jan 07
well, i think you should have a serious talk with him and ask him nicely why he stole the money... may be he has problems that he doesn't want to talk about and you don't even aware of... try to make him as open as possible with you and make him comfortable to share his problems with you... this problem has to be dealt quickly before it gets more and more serious... good luck...
@jayarajgr (816)
• India
20 Jan 07
Thats something I used to do when I was a kid.
There is nothing wrong in it as long as it is small money and the kid is doing nothing bad with the money.
Keep an eye on him and talk to him if you think its getting worse.
They have lot of demands these days, so try to give him a bit more pocket money.
@sixpennydjoe (27)
• Greece
20 Jan 07
well firsly your kid may be upto something. its best to check it out with his teachers or school. just an advice and no offense! secondly maybe he wants something very badly. so other than this i cant think of anyting. chao
@sahyd2don (2942)
• India
20 Jan 07
Are you shore that he stole the money.May be they flew and fell dow some where check the floor.I know how it feels if some body thinks that you have stolen it.I think my dad and mom too think that i steel money because inspite of me telling them not to touch my things several times they do it again and again.I dont like anybody putting hands in my books rak and my drawyer.I dont like people moving my things from one place to other in my room.I told them several times but they do it again and again that made me think that they dont trust me and its making me really really verry verry bad son.Most of the time i am angry.When i am angry i dont speak to them so that i dont howl on them afterall they are my parent but what can i do i am also a human i cant control my anger.k what ever you do think many times before doing it.
@katie_ee22 (146)
• China
20 Jan 07
i'm not questioning your way of discipline your son. but maybe their is something wrong with him. talk to him and tell him that if he needs something or if he wants to have money but can't get it from you. tell him that if he needs money just ask for it... not to stole money from you or from his brother.every siuation receives a good conversation...
@Corezz (1013)
• Netherlands Antilles
20 Jan 07
You should teach him a lesson by talking to him and his father showld talk too, he is in danger to do the easyest think and not do what it`s better. But he has to have a serious talk whit is father because then he will realy realise what he had done.
