5 year old sleeping in a baby cot.
By superchook
@superchook (1786)
Australia
January 25, 2007 5:00pm CST
What do other parents think? I have a friend that has a 11 year old, 8 year old and a 5 year old. She keeps the kids home from school a lot because she wants them all to herself. Last year they missed so much school. The 11 year old even started saying she didn't want to miss school because she was getting too far behind in the school work. The 5 year old still sleeps in a baby cot in her room. He is going to be starting school this year and she really doesn't want him too. I can understand that she is going to be upset because her baby is going to school, unfortunately I think this child will miss a lot of school too. Her 8 year old last year would say to her mum that she is only going to stay at school until lunch time. So the mother would always lie to the school saying that her daughter has to leave early because she has a doctors appointment. I think its healthy for children to be apart from their parents sometimes, I believe this helps them to grow up. I think their eduacation is also very important when they are young? Am I being too harsh?
12 people like this
48 responses
@Jellen (1852)
• United States
26 Jan 07
If the mother were home-schooling, it would be different. But robbing the children of an education, is criminal, literally, and needs to be adressed as neglect. The schools will be involved is they see a pattern or if they are alerted. As much as she seems to love the children near her, she could lose those children if child welfare declares the situation is one of neglect.
@superchook (1786)
• Australia
26 Jan 07
Yes you are both right, you can love your children so much but you still need to do the right thing by them. I actually get excited seeing what my kids learn so quick. When my kids come home from school and I see some of their work they have achieved. I actually feel proud.
@stailgate (2363)
• United States
26 Jan 07
I love my kids as much as the next mothers, but I would not have them miss school to be with them more. That is harmful to them. It sounds like she needs someone home with her. Maybe she is afraid to be alone? she should think of getting a dog maybe? I know that when my first born, my daughter started school, I had not had her brother yet, and her father was over seas's doing military stuff, so it was just her and I. And when she went to school I was so bord and sad to see my little girl go off. I would sometimes sit in the parking lot the whole time she was in school just to wait for her to get out!! That didn't last too long though. Eventually to ease my time I did go into the school and started to volunteer so that I was not with her all the time and we had our space but I could check on her when I wanted to to make sure she was okay. that helped allot. Maybe you could suggest this to her, and this will help her with her seperation from her children.
2 people like this
@superchook (1786)
• Australia
26 Jan 07
She does have a dog at home and her husband is at home 90% of the time. I do volunteer work at the school sometimes too. I will suggest it to her as well. I have also told my kids if they ever need me they must let the school know and the school will contact me. My kids have never had to do that though.
1 person likes this
@superchook (1786)
• Australia
29 Jan 07
Yes, I think that is important too. I think it's healthy for them. You don't want to be around the same people all the time. Thanks!
@design (849)
• Ireland
26 Jan 07
Being to harsh, absolutely not, Here in(Ireland) if your kids miss 20 days you get reported to the education department and will be interview, This what your friend is doing is a form of abuse if you ask me, Kids need to be around children their own age, Its so important.
Sound like the Mum is in need of some help of some sort. Dose she work? socialize? I think if your around your kids 24/7 your mind dose go backwards somewhat, and you need adult conversation. Is there a public health nurse you can talk to for advise?
1 person likes this
@design (849)
• Ireland
31 Jan 07
Maybe even an outing with herself and kids with a group of other mothers and children to the park even would be good for her, It might open her eyes to how much fun her kids can have and also let them get some air,
Sorry about all those type errors on last post must have been half asleep.
1 person likes this
@superchook (1786)
• Australia
1 Feb 07
It sounds like a great idea. Dont' worry about the mistakes, it happens to me too. Thanks!
@superchook (1786)
• Australia
27 Jan 07
I am not sure how many days children can miss school in Australia, with my children, they only allowed to stay home from school if they are sick. I would agree that she needs adult conversation, I know I certainly do. Unsure about a public health nurse, but will look into it. Thanks!
1 person likes this
@sweets9900 (726)
• United States
27 Jan 07
You are not being too harsh, I agree with you. Those children need to go to school, she can get into alot of trouble by having those kids miss so much school. They will take them away from her, then what will she do?
1 person likes this
@superchook (1786)
• Australia
27 Jan 07
I would hate to see the children to be taken away from her, I am hoping she will be able to get help. They do need their education though. I feel sorry for her in a way because I can see she does seriously need some counselling. Maybe when things get looked into, that will be what happens. Thanks!
@cockadoodledoo (337)
• Australia
28 Jan 07
Oh Gosh!! This is awful. Are the children withdrawn or are they sociable children? Maybe you have a quick word with the school counciller and maybe he could have a private chat with her. This lady is lucky to have a friend such as yourself with such a caring attitude as you do.
1 person likes this
@superchook (1786)
• Australia
28 Jan 07
Thanks for that! The oldest one seems to be a lot more socialable than the youngest two. This mother really does need to get help. I will have to have a chat with the school counellor.Thanks!
@vekyengineer (1079)
• India
26 Jan 07
Education is very important in todays life so the parents have to give there must be no restriction over that. I a child want to have extra courses then the parents must allow them to take their special classes.This could encourage them and their knowledge will be increased by learning a lot
@superchook (1786)
• Australia
27 Jan 07
I agree with you, education is important with everyone. Everybody deserved the right to learn. When children are young, I think this is the best time for them to go and learn because they pick things up so quick. Thanks!
@34momma (13882)
• United States
26 Jan 07
you are not being harsh, i think this friend of yours needs help. I know USA, children can only miss 6 days of school in a row before they come to the home looking for them. the child still sleeping in a cot in the room with the mother that all just seems odd to me...
1 person likes this
@superchook (1786)
• Australia
27 Jan 07
Yes I agree that she needs help. I am not sure how many days in a row it is in Australia, but I would have to say its more than that. I am sure these children have missed at least 10 days in a row before and as far as I know, nothing has been said to her. Then again, maybe something was said, she might not tell me.
5 year old in a cot and in her room, seems odd to me too. Thanks!
@usmcprincess (299)
• United States
26 Jan 07
Wow this seems like separation anxiety on the mother's part. She has to let her children go to school before someone finds out that they are not going to the doctor. She can be arrested for keeping her kids home from school too much. I think that the five year needs a real bed and another room other than mom's. If the kids are suffering then someone should say something to the mother. If it is that hard for mom to let her kids go to school then she could always home school them. But she does need to let them grow up and yes you are right the kids do need time to be away from their parents it helps them learn valuable skills that they will need as adults.
1 person likes this
@superchook (1786)
• Australia
27 Jan 07
Yes, quite a few people have mentioned about home schooling. I am not sure is she has considered that or not. I agree that the 5 year old needs to be in a bed in his own room. Children need space from their parents and the parents need space from their children at times. My friends and I have tried saying things to the mother, but she doesn't want to listen. This is why, I now think someone will have to step in. Thanks!
@Sissygrl (10912)
• Canada
27 Jan 07
I think that this woman should do some growing up. i know that she must love her babies alot, and she wants to spend all the time she can with them, but they are going to grow up if she likes it or not, and it'd be better for them to get a good education now when they have the chance so that they can be successfull when they do grow up and leave her house. If she really wants to make sure that her kids are ok while they are at school maybe she should volunteer to do something at the school, that way she will be close to them without taking them out of their classes.
Besides all that does she not like to spend any of her time without hehr kids ? i know lots of moms and by the time they're kids are that big they are REALLY HAPPY about a day to themselves for once in 6 years when they finally go to school!!
1 person likes this
@superchook (1786)
• Australia
27 Jan 07
I wish my children would stay young too, but I know thats not possible. I also want them to have the best life they can, which means getting an eduaction. I will suggest about doing volunteer work, maybe that will help. I know when my youngest, who is nearly two goes to school, that I will be upset and lonely. There is a part of me that thinks, well look at what I will be able to do. I will actually have a bit of me time. Or I will be able to do housework without someone getting toys out straight after I have tidied a room up. Not that I really mind but it would be nice to keep a room tidy for at least half an hour. Thanks!
@Tayahgirl07 (31)
• United States
26 Jan 07
You are definately not being too harsh! Your friends needs to realize she needs to allow her children the opportunity to learn! Education is so important. My son is 6 and in 1st grade. Letting go was very difficult. Kindergarten was so hard. I cried the 1st month. Maybe suggesting to your friend to volunteer at school will make it easier. I am sure the school always needs some help. The cafeteria, library would be good places to start. This way she can feel close to her children and also help out at the same time. Smothering her children will only make them want to back off. If they realize they need to be at school it seems to be beyound a problem. Good luck to her!
@superchook (1786)
• Australia
27 Jan 07
Schools always can use volunteers and I will be suggesting that to her. I understand that it is hard to let go, I have been in that situation too, but we all seem to manage. She needs to take a good look and see what is best for the children. Smothering can be a big problem, they will back off from her or they will feel they will always need her and not grow up. What if something happened to her, I hope it doesn't, but you just never know. What would those children go through? Thanks!
@doodlebug5250603 (1993)
• United States
26 Jan 07
i live in usa... in south carolina. and in my state, if a child misses more than 10-15 days of school the DSS (department of social services) gets involved. sometimes the parents will even go to jail. And other times the kids get taken from the parents.
1 person likes this
@superchook (1786)
• Australia
27 Jan 07
I am unsure on what happens in Australia, I think I have heard of children that had been taken away from their parents but don't know if there was more to the story. I don't understand why parents would take the risk, besides, we all want the best for our children, so you want them to go to school to learn, it will help them have a better future. Thanks!
@keepinghome (270)
• United States
26 Jan 07
I home educate my children. Which means we do all their school at home. I think however that you have some valid concerns. Education is very important, and beneficial to the child and to society at large. To pull them out for the purpose of pure enjoyment, is giving a very confusing message. I think your friend should either home educate, and actually teach them herself, or she should let the be educated at a school. They should at the very least...be educated.
@superchook (1786)
• Australia
27 Jan 07
I am not sure if the mother has considered that or not. It doesn't matter if they are at home or at school, as long they are being educated.
Do your children still get to socialise much doing home schooling? Where you are, do you have to have one room for the children for doing the school work? eg. Like a classroom. I have heard in Australia, it is really hard to get to do home schooling and you have to have one room in the house which is where they have to do their school work.
@aretha (2538)
• United States
26 Jan 07
I thought i was bad! That is just wrong. I have 3 boys(6,2,4mts)and i am bad with my kids i trust no one.I don't work cuz i will not leave my kids with a sitter.However my 6 yr old is in school and he goes.She needs to think of her kids and not herself they need that schooling.She is really hurting them by being that way. What does there father say how could he allow this to go on.
1 person likes this
@superchook (1786)
• Australia
27 Jan 07
There is nothing wrong with you not having your children babysat. You have to be so careful these days on who you can trust. At least you are letting you son get the education he needs still.
She does need to think about her children's education as that is very important. I am unsure on what the father thinks, he is obviously not putting his foot down about it. I really don't understand how he could allow this either. Thanks!
@superchook (1786)
• Australia
26 Jan 07
I am unsure why the school hasn't picked up on it. If it is obvious to my friends and I, then how come it isn't to them. Maybe it will be picked up this year. Thanks!
@bonnielass (484)
• United States
26 Jan 07
the mother is in need of help right away as this is harming the kids. CPS needs to be called as there life actually dose depend on it. Missing school can lead to them just skipping school and they need it in life. Being kept in baby stuff when one is no longer a baby is also wrong. Something is wrong and this family needs somebody to intervene.
1 person likes this
@superchook (1786)
• Australia
27 Jan 07
yes, your right. Somebody does need to step in and help that family. I am going to look into it and hopefully get them the help they need before its too late. The children are already skipping school in a way because they will fake being sick or hurt just to get out of school. They know they will get away with it with the mother. I have really noticed this happening with the 8 year old. Everybody wants their babies to stay babies, but that just isn't possible. Thanks!
@limosonia1 (1559)
• United States
26 Jan 07
I think this mother needs help in parenting and letting go. She needs to raise these children in school and let them grow up. What does she think they will accomplish when they get older if they don't have a proper education. I don't know were you live but in pa a child can only be absent 20 days out of the school year or the parents will get fined and the children retained. Unless of course they have a doctors excuse. She needs to get counsling to see what the really problem is. I as a mother would love to keep my kids 24/7 but I know that it would only harm them.
@superchook (1786)
• Australia
27 Jan 07
I live in Australia and I am not sure on how many school days children are allowed to miss. I know with my children they only get to stay home when they are sick. I would love to keep my children home 24/7 but that would be very unfair on my children and it would harm them. I got to socialise with my friends at school when I was younger and I want my children to have the same oppertunity. Thanks!
@superchook (1786)
• Australia
26 Jan 07
I haven't spoken to the father very much, one thing I have noticed was he used to be friendly towards my friends and I, but now he will say hello and that is about it. I made a joke with him one day and he just had no sense of humour and got upset by it. When I see the father at school, he seems to be able to tell the children something and they will do it without arguing. I am not sure but I have a feeling when the mother is around, he doesn't have much of a say when it comes to the children. The mother definetely needs counselling. Thanks!
@jbones32103 (717)
• United States
26 Jan 07
No you aren't being too harsh. She is hurting these children mentally and they will never be able to become adults at this rate. This woman needs help.
@superchook (1786)
• Australia
26 Jan 07
Yes, I think she is hurting these children mentally too. She really does need help. I think she needs counselling. It is really sad for these children. Thanks!
@pal_eman (35)
•
26 Jan 07
Frist this wommen is crazy about her kids, but I think she need help and she must go to doctor beacouse now she start to dont send her kidz to school what she will do in future and this is the point, and the school very improtant for kids and for thier life, and if she love's he kids so much she must take care of them future
1 person likes this
@superchook (1786)
• Australia
27 Jan 07
Yes, I can see she really does love her children. As much as you love your children, you need to think about their future, its a part of parenting. I agree she does need to get help. Thanks!
