Totally Embarrassing
@ScrappinHappyMom (914)
United States
February 18, 2007 8:11pm CST
We were at the store today, there was a mixed family there also. The mom was white and the father black they had children. Now all this time I have responded to other discussions and said no one cares what kind of family you have as long as you are a family. Apparently I was wrong, before I knew what was happening, my four year old went up to the mother and said "Are those really your children, because they don't look like you?"
I immediately said to my daughter of course those are her children, you and mommy look different you have blond hair and I have red, you have hazel eyes and I have green. Now I think okay I have diffused the situation then she says "But mommy the kids are brown and she isn't"
Then this most wonderful woman got down on my daughters level and said "You know when you have paints and sometimes the colors mix up and you get a new color? That is what God did with my family." My daughter smiled at her and said your baby is pretty and then just walked on liked nothing happened.
All I could say was "I am sorry, thank you for being so nice" She smiled and said kids ask her all the time.
I just wanted to curl up in a ball and cry, I have always thought that I raised my children to see beyond color and just see people and I guess the reality is they do notice things, even when I try to not to.
22 people like this
56 responses
@limosonia1 (1559)
• United States
19 Feb 07
I think their is a difference from seeing colors as to seeing something different. What she did was innocent and she needed to understand. You have done well and that women was very kind to explain it the way she did. It really isn't no different than my child asking me mommy why is that lady so big...Now that lady was not so nice when she heard my son. But again he did not do it to hurt anybody and I talked to him about it afterwards. Kids will be kids and need to learn why things are different.
4 people like this
@ScrappinHappyMom (914)
• United States
19 Feb 07
I think that is what I was most gratful for was the lady did not get offended and angry to my daughter but instead showed great understanding.
1 person likes this
@chaygylmommy (2470)
• United States
19 Feb 07
That was a sweet situation. How nice of that woman. But, you shouldn't be embarrassed. Your child was just doing what children do. They are curious and don't know how to word things in a "nice" way. LOL It's ok to notice differences in people...it's just not ok if people are judged as to who they are and what they are like by their differences. Good for you for being a great mom, though and good for that lady for understanding and saying what she did. That is a wonderful explanation she gave. BEAUTIFUL!
3 people like this
@ScrappinHappyMom (914)
• United States
19 Feb 07
I too thought that the explanation she gave my daughter was almost poetic in nature, it just summed the whole thing up so easily for my daughter to understand.
1 person likes this
@tad1fan (3367)
• Canada
19 Feb 07
You and the other woman did a wonderful job with your child regarding this situation.....I brought my kids up in a low income community and for the longest time my husband was the only father any of those kids had as he loved to play outside with his ownn and never turned any of the others away.....we were the only 'white' family in the area and my best friend,who was black use to call us a 'dying breed'....LOL....but if any of my kids asked this question in public,the other mother would probably have yelled at her or said something rude that would cause us to hook.....LOL.....I'm glad your daughter found someone who understands
1 person likes this
@ScrappinHappyMom (914)
• United States
19 Feb 07
How wonderful of your husband to share his time with other children.
I will be honest there was split second when I thought this is not good should I run? Thankfully sanity got ahold of me quicker than panic.
@cowgirlcat (152)
• United States
19 Feb 07
Out of the mouth of Babes! Children are always so brutally honest, you know her curiousity has been fed for now and she probably won't give a second thought the next time she sees it! At least the lady was really cool about it and was nice enough to give her an explantion instead of being rude to you and her! It sounds like you handled the situation just fine!
2 people like this
@ScrappinHappyMom (914)
• United States
19 Feb 07
You are so right her brutal honestly had no filter today, she really wanted to know why they looked different, and once she got a satifactory answer she just moved on to the next thing in life, finding the perfect cereal.
@Michele21 (3093)
• United States
19 Feb 07
I would have been so embarassed!! You and the other mom handled in beautifully though!! My daughter has mostly hispanic friends, I don't know why that is just how she gravitates to I guess. It doesn't bother me and I figure she is only 6 but she might end up dating/married to a person of another race. I was talking to my husband about it the other night and I honestly don't think it would bother me, as long as he is a nice guy that takes good care of her, I would be totally happy for them!!!
2 people like this
@ScrappinHappyMom (914)
• United States
19 Feb 07
I too would never care what race the man my daughter choose to marry was as long as he truly loved her and treated her like the princess she is. I think in this day and age it is more important to find love than anything else.
@AnnaB87 (761)
• United States
19 Feb 07
when my youngest was just learning his colors well and learning to talk good. he embarrassed me very badly. We were going into a door way as a black man and his son of about the same age was coming out, so my son looked up at this man who was holding the door open for him and said "thank you Mr Brown man" LOl it was funny not funny, the man did have a son the same age and he just laughed, but it was still embarrasing in a way,
My son was only about a year old at the time.
1 person likes this
@egay679 (152)
• Philippines
7 Mar 07
children will be children no matter how hard you try to tell them what is wrong or right, what is nice or not. you just did the right thing and lucky for you that the lady was so nice. you know, my daughter tends to be tactless at times and that would really brought me much embarassment especially when we are with a lot of people. those innocent ones, they just voice out what they see without thinking that they might hurt somebody's feelings...
@Monkeymia (206)
• Australia
19 Feb 07
I think you and the lady handled it well.
Children ask questions and this is how they learn, as much as it might embarass us, its the way of life for kids.
1 person likes this
@mom2chriskel (1060)
• United States
19 Feb 07
Aww....she didn't do anything wrong. I'm sure the lady could tell she was just naturally curious and your little girl didn't throw insults out. Some children do, only because they hear nasty stuff from their parents. Your little girl didn't do that but just asked a question.
You both did an awesome job explaining to her and it sounds like she was easily satisfied.
1 person likes this
@jbones32103 (717)
• United States
19 Feb 07
It's not your fault she had questions. That's the only way they can figure things out on their own. It's ok for children to be curious. Maybe she'll notice things in life others her age won't. Look at it this way, you are raising your daughter to spot details. This could change her life one day.
1 person likes this
@ScrappinHappyMom (914)
• United States
19 Feb 07
She is a very curious and observant child. She constantly notices things that no one else sees, generally though they don't involve other people.
@mommyaiai (295)
• United States
19 Feb 07
You should not be embarrassed coz children are really like that,their curious.As long as you appologized that's ok.She can understand that.
@lisa101 (1362)
• United States
19 Feb 07
It sounds like a case of curiosity to me plain and simple. I don't think nothing is wrong by asking. It sounds to me like you are doing a good job. I wouldn't worry or be embarrassed kids will ask these awkward things sometimes, its just a part of learning.
1 person likes this
@tsgirl01 (900)
• United States
19 Feb 07
It's okay what your daughter said. Children are very observant and very honest. She simply needed an answer to the why of different shades of Mommy and the children. I don't see why you should be embarrased. Children ask questions like why is this one blue and why is another color also blue. Like navy blue and a lighter blue. They are not the same to a child. We distinguish the difference, they need to know a reason why. As you said, your child just walked on like nothing happened. She was satisfied with the answer she got, she needed to find this out. Instead of wanting to curl up in a ball, you can stand tall! I remember the first time a little boy told me I was black, I was all of about 7 years old and boy was I insulted. I told him that I was not black, I was brown...See how children view things?
1 person likes this
@emarie (5442)
• United States
19 Feb 07
i would probably be so embarased as well if my children didn't see it quite often. i'm a pacific islander/asian, so is my sister and she married an irish man, so basiclly white. my nephew looks NOTHING like me or my sister..he's all his daddy. they aslo have a cousin 1/2 filipino 1/2 black as well. where i grew up it was totally narutal to see mixed families.
but i do feel for you, i would be so embarased as well. i guess i have something to look forward to, my kids haven't said anything embarasing to other people just yet...but only time will tell. at least the woman was kind and helped your daughter understand.
1 person likes this
@smints8985 (1594)
• United States
19 Feb 07
AWWWWWWW....
That's a really nice lady you have encountered.. it was really so understanding of her to even care to explain to your daughter the situation... I hope there's a lot more nice people in this world that would still take time to be more understanding and not at all defensive...
1 person likes this
@cayets1984 (118)
• Philippines
19 Feb 07
well, i think it wasnt so bad at all. and please, dont blame yourself about on how your kids react. they are raised as how they are meant to be.
by the way, its natural that your daughte (at that age) is curious about what, where, when, why, how... and that is very natural and innocent.
and she reacted like a little angel when the woman explained how did it happen.. so that's another reason to be thankful about-- your kid is not stubborn and she is open-minded to explanation.
so, go ahead and enjoy answering her questions and satusfy her curiosity... let her learn thigs by being part of this world. she'll better than what you are expecting...
1 person likes this
@krebstar5 (1266)
• United States
19 Feb 07
I wouldn't take this so hard. Your child wasn't making a judgment call, she just wanted to understnad how something like that works. I have an adopted sister who is Indian and I know that once she is old enough to understand race, she is going to ask all sorts of questions that I am not going to know how to answer right away. I think the woman handled things perfectly, and now you know what to say in the case that something like this comes up again.
There is nothing wrong with noticing color, the problem is treating people differently because of it. A lot of people don't want you to be completely blind to what their race is because they are proud of it. It is a part of who they are. The great thing is that your daughter accepted what the lady said to her as being something natural and even noticed how beautiful the child was. I would say all in all, this story sounds like a pretty positive experience to me.
1 person likes this
@Transformed (1259)
• United States
19 Feb 07
Kids are getting more aware of colors at earlier ages. It's gotten to the point that even at pre-school levels, kids are. I remember when I was young, I wasn't aware of different races until around late elementary school. I liked the "paint" analogy the lady used to describe her multi-ethnic children.
1 person likes this
@boyer_megan (23)
• United States
19 Feb 07
I think that it was not about your child seeing it as a color thing, she saw something that she did not understand and she questioned it. Awww...to be that innocent. One time my little brother asked my mom, why the man (in front of them in lines) well, why the man had such an ugly mustache. Needless to say, it was not a man. My mom was embarassed, and the lady was actually quiete rude, and asked why my brother had such a big mouth.
At least yours happened with a understanding woman.
1 person likes this
