what is your opinion on giving money as gifts?
By Sasselle
@Sasselle (698)
Australia
February 25, 2007 3:59am CST
I went to a lovely wedding yesterday and I guess it made me think about this. So I have two questions ...
Do you find it rude if you are asked to give money as a gift? and Have you ever felt ripped off if you have given money as a gift and it's been spent on useless junk?
I have no problem in giving money - at least it will stop the bride/groom ending up with 5 toasters and 3 kettles ... but the fact that they asked for it made me wonder if it is rude. I'm sure there are people who go to weddings [and birthdays for that matter] and don't give a gift - so does this mean that they are expected too??
Also in the past I've given money as a present. The guests were told that it was going towards their home loan and their honeymoon - fair enough. In the end it went towards Dvd's and a new xbox and a new stereo system for their car [there was nothing wrong with the old one]. At the time I felt like I had been scammed as I was told that the money was for one thing that was essential and it ended up going on basically nothing. Also had an experience with a relative spending all their "birthday money" at the casino and in one go - it was all gone.
I realise that as soon as I hand a present over that it's out of my little hands and into theirs and they should be free to do with it what they want - but it's made me think twice now about who i'm actually giving money too.
22 people like this
118 responses
@silvermoonmyst (943)
• United States
25 Feb 07
I do think it would be a bit rude to ask for money as a gift, I know i would never be comfortable asking for it. I have a baby shower coming up, and i was asked if i wanted my registry and gifts of money on the invititations. I felt terribly rude just being asked if i wanted that put on there. I declined. If people so choose to give a gift it should be one they want to give, not one they feel obligated to give.
As i dont give money to others as gifts, i cant really answer your second question.
4 people like this
@Sasselle (698)
• Australia
25 Feb 07
That's it - I don't mind giving a gift ... it was just the fact that it was stated on the wedding invite "money gifts only" that made me think about it. I am sure people do go to weddings/birthdays and don't get a gift for the hosts - I know that in itself is rude but still
1 person likes this
@teison2 (5921)
• Norway
25 Feb 07
I've been asked to give money towards covering the expenses of the wedding dinner once - that I thought was perfectly fine. The couple talked to people before hand -they wanted to celebrate with all of us but could not affort to pay for the party. i thought that was a good idea.
That is the only time I've been asked to give money at a wedding. I do not think it is rude - more strange. Here it is customary to register for nice things the couple often cannot afford or prioritize themselves. Weddings and other chuch celebrations are the occations when people usually want to be given things that will also be a rememberance of the day. money I would think a bit impersonal.
If a couple asked the guests to give them money because they need it for their home and honeymoon, and spent it on junk i'd think it very strange and dishonest of them. A stupid way of acting towards people who suposedly are their closest friends and family.
4 people like this
@pagli84 (1850)
• Netherlands
25 Feb 07
i love receiving money as a gift! i'd prefer to get money, because then i can spend it on what i want and need. gifts are nice, but sometimes people get you thinks that you dont want or need. so what do you do then? i dont think its rude at all to give money. i think i would rather give money if i really dont know what to get someone just to prevent from getting them something horrible that they hate. would you rather give someone money so they can spend it how they life or give them a gift that ends up collecting dust in their closet?
2 people like this
@anonymili (3138)
•
25 Feb 07
If you choose to give money as a gift it is up to you. Some wedding invites I've received have stated clearly on the card "no boxed gifts please" which to me meant they would prefer to get money. You would have spent the money anyway so what does it matter if you give them the moeny so they can choose their own gifts? For example, if they want a DVD player of their choice as opposed to 4 dinner sets if they can use monetary gifts given by several people to ut towards one more expensive item that they really want, then what is wrong with that? If a couple have been living together for some time before getting married, they may already have all the household items they need already like toasters, pressure cookers, saucepan sets, cutlery, alarm clocks, etc. I would never dream of going to a wedding without taking a gift, I've just not been brought up that way.
On the other hand I do understand that some people want to give a gift that will be remembered for a long time, such as a an ornate photo frame or crystal set. But really people may already have several of these and what is to say they will even think of you every time they use these things? At the end of the day, it's up to you if you're happy to give money as a gift, if not, buy them a gift and give them the receipt so they can at least exchange it for something which will be of more use to them :)
3 people like this
@khushboo1984 (1257)
• India
25 Feb 07
If the person who is asking me the money as a gift is someone who is very close to me then I dont think that it is wrong to do so. I too have asked cash so many times as my birthday present to my relatives because I Dont want to end up having 2 similar gifts. I personally also prefer to give cash rather than a gift for someone's wedding because then they are free to do whatever they want to do from that and get something which they will like nor just have to accept something which they dont like.
@LadyCroft (701)
• Australia
26 Feb 07
hmmmm now I HATE the fact that people give money as presents. but if they ASKED of it??? I dont consider that rude at all. Everyone knows that newlyweds have a multitude of things to strive for (house kids cars etc etc) I would NEVER give money if not asked to though.... thats rude
2 people like this
@silver1beans (281)
• United States
25 Feb 07
Yes I think it is alright to give money as a gift mainly becuase it kind of is a gift becuase they can then take that money and get whatever they want to with it and not have something they already have. But to some people I know I would not give them money for a gift becuase I know they are going to waste it on something bad or harmfull to themselfs. So it mainly depends on who I'm giving it too. In some cases it's nicer to give someone money, in others it would to be like giving them a crue punch in the face. That's why sometimes I give money to the people I know will spend it wisely. And sometimes I only get gifts for those who I know will get hurt with their money.
2 people like this
@brew2x (3094)
• Philippines
25 Feb 07
I hope they say that they "prefer" money but still you have a choice what you wanted to give. We did encounter that kind of thing but this is a different case. They prefer money because they both work abroad and they need to go back again, they would not be able to use the appliances and I think it is understandable. I think it is rude to ask for money, lie for the reason why they wanted it and use it unwisely.
2 people like this
@musthafa2009 (17)
• India
25 Feb 07
Like weddind,birthday parties the invited people really need and want gifts instead of money.Money is needed for personal purpose.If we present a gift they should really happy.
2 people like this
@wisedragon (2325)
• Philippines
25 Feb 07
I would also be disappointed if I were you, after knowing that your monetary gift went to something unimportant.
Let me put it this way, when I get married I want the guests free to give whatever they want. If they don't give anything, that's fine. If they give me 5 toasters I'll still appreciate it. I don't even want a registry because that's still like telling them what to give.
Personally I like to give cash as a gift because it's more convenient for me. I don't really know what they did with it. I have encountered an invitation that politely said "Should you find it difficult to choose a gift, cash will be appreciated." I think that's a good way to say it.
There is also a situation where the newlyweds might be settling in a place far away after the wedding, like in another country. In that case you must really give cash, so they won't have to worry about hauling too much stuff.
@khryzz (10)
•
26 Feb 07
It is the best give you could give as a present. It is very practical. I agree with you, it would not end up having 5 toasters, 10 wall clocks, etc. There are couples who want monetary gifts for their wedding. I have also received a birthday invitation in the past, noting that monetary gifts are preferred. That was because, the cash the celebrant will receive will also be donated to a charity. Asking monetary presents has its own purpose, thus its not a rude thing. That's my opinion only.
2 people like this
@Marie2473 (8512)
• Sweden
25 Feb 07
Here it is not very common that they ask for money Gift cerificates to a travel agency maybe - but atleast then u know that it will go towards the honeymoon.
I don´t think that I would give money, coz the chanse of it beeing blown on junk is too big!
2 people like this
@LightninStrike (5915)
• Saint Vincent And The Grenadines
25 Feb 07
I don't think it's rude, but it depends on the situation. Sometimes your grandma gives you money because she has no idea of what a niece may like or need, so money is nice...obviously you don't give money in an anniversary, or to your partner lol, but i don't think it's bad per se.
2 people like this
@cher913 (25782)
• Canada
25 Feb 07
Thats it exactly. First you need to guage if the person will spend the money you are giving them wisely and if not, then get them something else...
We tend to be creative with our gifts. One wedding we went to, we bought a beautiful, large ceramic bowl and filled it with all sorts of food and stuff...
One wedding that I went to (I am friends of the bride) and she told me they were asking just for money...did I give them money? No way...I thought that was pretty rude of her to say that...I bought her some nice candle holders instead!
I agree with you!!!
2 people like this
@lordwarwizard (35747)
• Singapore
25 Feb 07
Unless you know the recipient will be offended, money is really one of the best gifts. Unless you know what the person wants, giving him the money to buy what he really wants/needs would be for the best. Just my take. :)
2 people like this
